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The feminist movement is worried
about the fatherhood movement. The California National Organization for Women
recently issued a 95-page report called Disorder in the Courts: Mothers and
Their Allies Take on the Family Law System, in which they warn "the fathers'
rights movement has been gaining strength and legitimacy. Fatherhood groups are
well-funded, well-organized and publicly supported through conservative
mouthpieces in the media." In the report, many prominent figures in the Feminist
Family Law Movement (FFLM) call for a "mothers' rights movement" to block the
rising fatherhood movement.
The National Organization for
Women attacked divorced dads in a resolution at its national conference in July.
This spring several branches of NOW, including New York and Michigan, issued
Action Alerts against moderate legislative attempts to help dads remain a part
of their children's lives after divorce or separation.
One of the fatherhood movement's
primary goals is to get family courts and family law to properly address the
issue of parental alienation. Parental alienation occurs when one parent,
usually the custodial parent, has turned his or her children against the other
parent, destroying the loving bonds the children and the target parent once
enjoyed.
The fatherhood movement has had
some modest success in creating awareness of parental alienation, both in the
courtroom and in the media. Now the FFLM is hitting back hard. NOW's July
resolution denounced Parental Alienation Syndrome as a "defense strategy for
batterers and sexual predators that purports to explain a child's estrangement
from one parent, or explains away allegations against the estranged parent of
abuse/sex abuse of child, by blaming the protective parent." According to NOW,
the employment of this "unethical, unconstitutional, and dangerous" tactic is so
common as to constitute "epidemic levels of abuse and dysfunction in our court
system."
California NOW's report attacks
the fatherhood movement and relentlessly assails PAS. CANOW Executive Director
Helen Grieco calls PAS a "scam," and says, "As activists we must continue to
expose the true agenda of the Fathers' Rights movement. We must eradicate the
gender bias...that is rampant in our family courts." The annual Battered Mothers
Custody Conference, which will be held January 12-14 in Albany, New York,
espouses similar views.
Newsweek magazine, in a
recent article called "Fighting Over the Kids: Why Parents Who Batter Win
Custody," claims that "many parents nationwide…have lost custody due to a
controversial concept known as parental alienation…Parental alienation is now
the leading defense for parents accused of abuse in custody cases, according to
domestic-violence advocates. And it's working."
Parental alienation was the
leading topic at a recent Dallas, Texas domestic violence conference sponsored
by the Dallas County District Attorney and numerous domestic violence groups.
The Dallas Morning News reports that parental alienation is "an
increasingly common defense in child-custody battles [which] is raising concerns
among those who work with victims of domestic violence…Advocates of domestic
violence victims say a growing number of batterers are using the tactic in court
to gain custody of their children." Recent lopsided articles in the
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, the Richmond Times-Dispatch, the
Contra Costa Times, the Providence Journal and many others have
expressed similar sentiments.
Last October PBS aired
Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories on affiliates across the country.
The film pointed to an alleged epidemic of loving, protective mothers losing
custody of their children to abusive, molesting fathers after the fathers
claimed parental alienation.
These claims are at best huge
exaggerations. Judges still take charges of domestic violence and child sexual
abuse very seriously, often far more seriously than the claims themselves merit.
The judiciary's standard operating procedure is to "err on the side of caution,"
even though this "caution" separates many children from the fathers they love
and need. Claims of parental alienation are acted upon slowly. Most fathers who
are targets of false accusations and parental alienation can only protect their
relationships with their children by financing large legal battles. These
battles often cost several hundred thousand dollars and take several years to
prosecute.
The case of Rogerson v.
Tessaro, in which a Hamilton, Ontario, Canada father fought for five years
to have a relationship with his twin five-year-old boys in the face of their
mother's alienation attempts, provides a good example. In that case the mother
apparently became enraged after the father, whom she'd separated from while
pregnant, asked for a paternity test. The father was denied access to the boys
for most of their lives, and had to fight the case all the way up to the Ontario
Court of Appeal. The Court's decision to actually act upon the mother's parental
alienation was such an event that it gained widespread media attention.
According to the Ottawa Citizen, the Court asserted that the mother had
sabotaged her children's relationship with their father, writing:
"[The mother's] persistent
'troublesome conduct' against the children's best interests included
unilaterally restricting the father to daytime visits and failing to inform
him about the children's medications, or to give him their prescription drugs,
so that they would return home from visits with him sicker than when they left…"
(emphasis added).
"The appeal court was also
critical of the mother's unilateral decision -- without warning, just before the
custody case went to trial -- to uproot the boys from their school and community
to move to another town further away from their father. 'Moreover, the mother
said that if the father moved to her new town, she would move again,' the Court
of Appeal noted."
The mother placed her two five-year-old boys in medical danger, psychologically abused them, psychologically
abused their father, and repeatedly defied court orders. Did she go to jail for
her child abuse? Was she forced to pay her ex-husband several hundred thousand
dollars for his legal fees and the emotional distress she intentionally
inflicted on him? Was she sanctioned for her contempt of court?
Not at all.
Though the mother and her allies
complained bitterly, according to the Ottawa Citizen, her sole
"punishment" was "by court order, the boys now reside with their father, but
live with their mother most weekends and see her for mid-week evening visits."
The court's only sanction against the mother for abusing her children was to
grant her the same limited custody rights which fit, loving divorced dads get as
a matter of course.
In fact, the courts treat mothers
with such kid gloves, and mothers are so unafraid of real court sanctions, that
even after the court decision the mother continued her alienation attempts.
According to the Hamilton Spectator:
"The mother maintains the boys
remain deeply insecure and upset 10 months after the court ordered them to leave
her home and live with their father.
"'The other day, on Tuesday, [one
of the boys] was crying and saying, 'Don't give up mommy. Don't, don't give up
mommy,' [the mother] said, imitating the young child's plaintive cry.
"Justice Cheryl Lafreniere
observed that the mother seemed unable to comprehend that she, by her behavior,
might well be causing her children's reaction.
"The mother rejected that notion
in a recent interview.
"'These children have their own
minds and they know where they want to be. It has nothing to do with me."
The mother's actions and rhetoric
are standard for parental alienators. The alienating mother (or in some cases,
an alienating father) insists that her children are in dire straits with their
father, though she provides no real evidence for her claims. She assures the
children and the public that she's doing everything she can to liberate them,
struggling against desperate odds in a system she says is stacked against her--a
shtick which plays very well in the media.
When the little children repeat
the words and sentiments mom put into their mouths, mom stands back and pretends
that she had nothing to do with it--the children are "independent thinkers."
This pretense is particularly ludicrous in this case, as the twin boys are only
five years old. How would they "independently" get a fully-formed image of their
dad--who they were rarely allowed to see anyway--as a monster?
The hell that alienating parents
visit on their children was eloquently described by Michelle Martin, an adult
child of divorce, on the CBS Early Show in September. Martin, who as a
child was alienated from her father by her mother, told CBS that during her
childhood she "couldn't love [her] mom and dad at the same time." She explained:
"I felt bad...It shocked me how
quickly and dramatically I changed my opinion of [my father]. I would have
nothing to do with him...He hadn't done anything to hurt me. And so, when I was
asked for details [why she was so angry], I didn't have them...I still, to this
day, have to live with the mean things I said to him. The letters that I wrote
to him. There are things I did purposely to hurt him."
The FFLM insists that false
accusers and parental alienators are inventions of the fatherhood movement, and
asserts that judges need more "training" so they can better recognize the
veracity of women's abuse claims when no conventional evidence is presented.
FFLM luminary Lundy Bancroft, author of When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your
Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse, has written extensively on how
courts should identify batterers in this manner. Bancroft, a leading voice in
PBS's Breaking the Silence, penned an article called "Making a Mothers'
Movement" for the California NOW report. He explains:
"Batterers are known for often
being unusually appealing superficially, and sexual abusers are similarly often
people who are identified as especially 'good with children'…They may be
professionally successful or socially popular, and may be involved in charitable
or civic activities that make them appear outstandingly kind and responsible.
Victims of both kinds of abuse face disbelief because 'he's just not the type.'"
In fact, Bancroft explains, dad
often treats the child he sexually abuses very well, and as his favorite child.
Newsweek explains:
"Family-court judges often look
favorably on the alleged abuser because he seems more willing to share custody
than the accuser--who is hell-bent on keeping the father away from the child."
No doubt there are abusive or
molesting fathers who are skilled manipulators, just as there are abusive,
deceitful or alienating mothers who are skilled manipulators. But the FFLM's
underlying strategy is to put any man accused of abuse in a hopeless double
bind. If he's angry, foulmouthed, or lacking in self-control, judges are
supposed to say, "Yes, look at him, obviously an abusive man who's unable to
control himself." Yet if a man is calm, reasonable and accommodating, according
to the FFLM, judges are also supposed to see him as abusive. Heads mom wins,
tails dad loses.
Similarly, a dad might attempt to
defend himself against a false accusation of sexual abuse by demonstrating how
well he treats his daughter and how close they are. According to the FFLM, these
facts mean he's a molester employing what Bancroft and the FFLM might call the
"daddy's girl" defense.
(We normally avoid making
analogies to fascism or communism, but this "demonize the best and it's easy to
nail the rest" FFLM strategy is reminiscent of that of the tactics of Joseph
Stalin, who is well-remembered as a mass murderer but is rather underappreciated
as one of history's great manipulators. During the 1930s Stalin was
consolidating political control of the Soviet Union in large part by creating a
false emergency of alleged "wreckers," "saboteurs," and spies who were
destroying the USSR's fragile, newly collectivized economy. Stalin explained
that these wreckers usually were the most dedicated and conscientious workers
and Communist Party members. When such workers were caught and exposed [i.e.,
framed and jailed], Stalin often went to great lengths to show the public how
betrayed and hurt he felt. They had seemed to be such good comrades, but you
can't trust anybody these days. So if a worker is indolent or insubordinate,
he's easily labeled an enemy. If a worker is hard working and self-sacrificing,
he's easily labeled an enemy, too.)
The FFLM's central tenet is that
when allegations of domestic violence or child sexual abuse are made by a mother
in family court, the judge must take drastic, immediate action based on the
woman's word and the woman's word alone. Judges who question women's claims and
demand evidence, and who value protecting fathers' relationships with their
children, are recklessly endangering women and children.
For example, the FFLM often cites
a 2004 Massachusetts survey conducted by Harvard's Jay Silverman as evidence
that family courts are betraying women. Newsweek recently explained that
in Silverman's study "54 percent of custody cases involving documented spousal
abuse were decided in favor of the alleged batterers. Parental alienation was
used as an argument in nearly every case." What the FFLM and Newsweek
don't or won't see is that Silverman's "batterers" who won joint or sole custody
were never found to be batterers by any court. The fathers are "batterers"
because and only because the mothers who sought to exclude them from their
children's lives say they are.
No doubt that some of those in
the FFLM mean well and believe they're protecting victimized women and children.
The problem is that many of them have never met an alienating mother for whose
line they did not fall hook, line and sinker. The FFLM has successfully taken
its case to the public via the media by emphasizing what they call
"Custody-Visitation Scandal Cases." Attorney Barry Goldstein of Justice for
Children explains:
"Custody-Visitation Scandal Cases
are endangering women and children across the country. Custody-Visitation
Scandal Cases include most of the following criteria: Allegations of domestic
violence; Gender bias; Extreme outcomes giving custody to batterer and
restricted visitation to protective mother; Failure to take domestic violence
seriously; Use of discredited Parental Alienation Syndrome; Use of common abuser
legal tactics..."
The FFLM's current
Custody-Visitation Scandal cause celebre is Genia Shockome, a New York mother
who in 2003 lost custody of her two children, now ages 11 and 9, to her
ex-husband, Tim Shockome. Genia claims that Tim had abused her during their
marriage, which ended in 2000. She has drawn support from officials from many
branches of the National Organization for Women, as well as from Justice for
Children, the Battered Mothers' Custody Conference, Stop Family Violence, and
much of the feminist blogosphere.
Shockome's case gained national
attention when she was jailed for 30 days for contempt of court by Poughkeepsie
Family Court judge Damian Amodeo in May, 2005. The New York Post reported that Genia, a seven months pregnant "Mother of the Year," was sent "to prison over
Mother's Day," and portrayed Shockome as a heroic mother resisting a tyrannical
judge. The FFLM, including many feminist bloggers, organized a petition drive to
free Genia and to get Amodeo removed from the New York State Matrimonial
Commission.
Shockome was recently featured in
Newsweek magazine, which claimed:
"It took six years for Genia
Shockome to gather the courage to leave her husband, Tim. He pushed her, kicked
her and insulted her almost from the moment they married in 1994, she says. She
tried to start over with their children when the family moved from Texas to
Poughkeepsie, N.Y. It didn't last long. Tim called her constantly at work and,
after they split up, pounded on her door and screamed obscenities…The judge
sided with Tim. This summer he was granted full custody of the kids, now 11 and
9. Genia was barred from contacting them."
On a superficial level, Genia
appears to be an excellent poster child for the types of injustices the FFLM
highlights. A closer look at the Shockome case, however, reveals as many
problems with the FFLM's characterization of it as one could take the time to
name.
The entire premise of the Genia
Shockome story hinges on the notion that Tim battered Genia prior to 2000 and,
in repeatedly violating court orders to allow her children access to their
father, she was acting to protect them. However, Genia's allegations of domestic
violence and child sexual abuse have never been substantiated in any court
proceeding, nor supported by any witnesses. Writing with admirable restraint,
Judge Amodeo, whose decisions in the case have been repeatedly upheld by higher
courts, noted:
"In [Genia's] August 2000
complaint in the divorce action, no mention is made of the domestic violence
which Genia later asserted. She claimed that she was unaware that she was the
victim of domestic violence; however, such a lack of awareness would not have
made her unable to recount historical facts, especially if the severity and
frequency of the abuse she alleged were true. Why didn't she mention the abuse
earlier in the case?"
There were three independent
custody evaluations in the case, none of which found anything negative of
substance against Tim Shockome. The first one called him a good parent, and the
other two went as far as to recommend he get custody because of his parenting
and because of Genia's relentless attempts to drive him out of his children's
lives.
The most recent of these
evaluators, Dr. Meg Sussman, has a feminist background and worked for Pace
University's Battered Women's Justice Center. Sussman, who specializes in
domestic violence and child abuse cases, recommended that Genia have only
supervised visitation until she could accept the children's father's role in
their lives.
In two in camera (in chambers)
interviews conducted with the Shockome children on May 27, 2003 and January 22,
2004, neither child recalled any physical altercations between their parents,
despite Genia's claims that her children had witnessed Tim's alleged violence
against her. Moreover, neither child expressed any fear of Tim.
Genia's only support for her
contention that she had previously been battered came from the FFLM domestic
violence advocates who testified in her trial. Yet none of these "experts" had
ever spoken with Tim Shockome, and had no evidence of Tim's abuse except for
Genia's assertions.
In trying to deny the children
their father, Genia also made the obligatory child sexual abuse allegation. Tim
consistently and adamantly denied this accusation, and Child Protective Services
investigated these claims and concluded they were unfounded.
Two of Genia's own witnesses
testified that, in hundreds of visits made to Tim's home, they never observed
any inappropriate or sexually provocative conduct on the part of the children.
Dr. Sussman concluded that Tim had not sexually abused the children, and noted
that the children did not display any symptoms consistent with children who have
been sexually abused. Ina Berg, the children's therapist, did not observe any
sexualized behavior in the children. The children themselves did not speak of
any inappropriate behavior exhibited by the father. Genia alone professed to see
the children's behavior as indicative of sexual abuse, and none of the neutral
experts in the case supported her interpretation.
Genia's "evidence" of her
husband's sexual abuse of her children was that Tim ran the back of his fingers
on the backs, arms, and legs of the children. However, during the trial, Linda
Meeker, the nurse-teacher at the children's school, testified that Genia herself
had admitted that she also had engaged in the same innocuous method of massaging
the children.
The mother's side also alleges that Timothy
harassed and threatened Genia through excessive phone calls and letters, and
that Timothy was observed banging on Genia’s door while shouting expletives at
her. An alleged witness to the door incident, Rebecca Watson, was supposed to
testify on the mother’s behalf and confirm Timothy’s alleged violent outburst;
however, Watson inexplicably failed to appear in court on two separate occasions
to corroborate this incident. The Court noted in its findings:
“While it is acknowledged that the
number of telephone calls made by father to the mother may have
been outwardly excessive, these calls were not unjustified in
light of the mother’s persistent refusal to abide by the terms
of the Court order with respect to the father’s right of
telephone contact with the children...[the calls] were not made
with the intent to harass, annoy, threaten or alarm the mother,
but were a direct and logical consequence of the mother's lack
of compliance with specific Court directives...Even if the
father engaged in some rude conduct, that does not rise to the
level of a family offense, particularly when viewed in the
context of his frustration with the mother’s longstanding
interference with his contact and involvement with the
children.”
Newsweek pictured Genia
holding up a large drawing apparently drawn by her children, and explained:
"Parents like Genia keep
fighting. ‘It's so hard, having my children lost,' she says, her voice breaking.
‘This was my life--my children.'"
What Newsweek ignores, though
it's right there in the court records, is that it is Genia who refuses to visit
her own children, despite ample opportunities to do so. When asked during the
trial why she had not visited her children, Genia claimed that she could not
afford to pay the supervised visitation program's fees. These programs were
originally available to her free of charge, and later cost all of $25. At the
same time, Genia had just purchased a new television set for her home.
In the type of exchange typical
of Genia's behavior throughout the case, Genia then claimed that she hadn't paid
for the television set--it was her boyfriend who bought it. However, the
boyfriend, Aja Butler, later testified that he had no knowledge of how the TV
set was purchased.
Genia refused to visit her
children for two long periods prior to the May, 2004 decision, including the
period which included her daughter's birthday in November of 2003 and also
Christmas of 2003. At one point, Genia refused to visit her own children for a
stretch of nine weeks. The law guardian--another neutral party--said that Genia
had explained that she didn't visit her kids as part of her "strategy" in the
case. Genia Shockome claims her children are "her life," but apparently they
weren't even as important as a new TV set or a custody "strategy."
Nor did Genia's professed concern for her children
lead to a desire to provide for them financially--she failed to make
court-ordered child support payments until it was involuntarily deducted from
her pay.
Genia and her FFLM allies attempt
to portray her as a weak, naïve Russian immigrant. However, Genia earned a
college degree in Mathematics at an American university, had a very high grade
point average, and works a well-paid technical job at IBM.
Genia's supporters have touted
her as "Mother of the Year," but this deceptive "award" has nothing to do with
Genia's parenting skills. As the New York Post explained, Genia was
"named mother of the year by two victim-advocacy groups in 2003 after battling
in court with her husband."
The FFLM portrayed Judge Amodeo
as a bully for jailing Genia for contempt in May of 2005; however, the
transcript of the hearing shows that Genia interrupted Amodeo on over 50
separate occasions. Amodeo bent over backwards to accommodate Genia, and only
held her in contempt after countless warnings. Genia appealed Amodeo's holding
of contempt but a four judge panel of the New York Supreme Court unanimously
upheld Amodeo's decision.
Genia and her supporters,
including Goldstein, contend that Genia has been the victim of "gender bias" and
a judge with a grudge. This explanation fails to account for the fact that
Amodeo's decision was based on the opinions of many neutral experts, both male
and female, some of them with feminist backgrounds. The ample legal help Genia
has been provided by domestic violence organizations allowed her to appeal the
case, and apparently all of the justices on the New York Supreme Court's
Appellate Division are also biased against Genia, because they unanimously
rejected her appeal in June. The court wrote:
"We discern no basis, on this
record, to interfere with the Family Court's findings, inter alia, that
the mother lacked credibility…or that the opinions of her [domestic violence]
experts were of little value, since none of them had ever spoken with the
father…The Family Court concluded, among other things, that the mother's
animosity toward the father and her attempts to undermine the children's
relationships with him were harmful to the children and rendered her the less
fit parent…Exercising our independent review, we find that the Family Court's
determination is supported by a sound and substantial basis in the record."
In fact, though Genia's
bankruptcy case had nothing whatsoever to do with her family law matter, she
even managed to annoy the bankruptcy judge, Cecelia G. Morris. Morris--no
surprise--noted numerous contradictions in Shockome's statements, and decried
Genia's "refusal to accept any order or ruling that is in conflict with her
demands."
Genia Shockome's supporters
expected Judge Amodeo--who was presented with no evidence of any violence
against Genia beyond her own statements--to simply take her word for it, and
allow her to destroy the bonds between the Shockome children and their father.
Genia claims that a video filmed at the visitation center which shows her kids
jumping up and down on a couch actually shows them masturbating--an
interpretation which no other participant in the court proceedings shared. To
this day Genia accuses Tim of all of the following: being a pedophile who got
sexually aroused by changing his daughter's dirty diapers; sexually abusing his
children; masturbating in front of his children; taking his children to a sexual
store; having a ferocious sexual appetite for women; having a ferocious
homosexual appetite for men; being an abusive father who "beat the kids very
often, 2-3 times a day" when Genia and Tim lived together; being a wife-beater;
secretly beating his former wife who had a secret miscarriage; beating Genia so
she almost had a miscarriage; intimidating five of Genia's witnesses; insurance
fraud, identity theft; immigration fraud; defrauding the federal government of
$60,000; stealing; embezzlement; extortion; bankruptcy fraud; almost driving
over Genia's neighbor's little son; and of violating a protection order over one
million times. To say that Genia Shockome lacks credibility is like saying
Attila the Hun had bad table manners--what judge in his right mind would take
this woman's word for anything?
While Genia Shockome is today's
cause celebre, there have been several other "Custody-Visitation Scandal Cases"
over the past couple years in which the FFLM has claimed that protective, loving
mothers have had their children taken away and given to abusive and/or molesting
fathers. The most known of these are the Bridget Marks and Sadia Loeliger cases.
Bridget Marks lost custody of her
twin four-year-old daughters to her ex-boyfriend in 2004 after she claimed that
he had molested the girls. Marks successfully took her side of the story to the
public via appearances on Larry King Live, PrimeTime Live, The
O'Reilly Factor, Dr. Phil and others, as well as through sympathetic
"news" articles in the New York Post and the New York Daily News.
The record, however, demonstrates that Family Court Judge Arlene Goldberg made
the correct decision in the Marks case.
Marks alleged that John
Aylsworth, her ex-boyfriend, had sexually abused both daughters during a
supervised visitation. In upholding Goldberg's findings, two state Appellate
Division, First Department judges, David Friedman and Peter Tom, explained:
"[The trial court's] finding--for
which there is ample support in the record--[is] that the mother coached the
girls to make false accusations that their father sexually abused them. The Law
Guardian and the neutral expert witnesses who testified in this case--the
psychiatrist appointed by the court as the independent forensic evaluator, two
certified social workers retained by the Law Guardian, and two social workers
who supervised the father's visitations during the tendency of the
proceedings--all take the view that the accusations are false, and that the
children were coached to make them. Even the expert witnesses called by the
mother seem to have recognized that the accusations were made in a manner
consistent with coaching."
John Aylsworth, the ex-boyfriend,
never sought custody until Marks made the explosive allegations, and it is
inconceivable that without the accusations Marks would have lost custody of her
children. She would have had her girls, the court-ordered $4,200 a month
tax-free in child support, and all parental authority over the twins. The only
obligation required of her was a reasonable and appropriate one--to allow her
girls to visit their father and have a relationship with him. Yet the court
found that Marks had so much "unbridled anger" towards Aylsworth that she did
not and could not allow this relationship, and was thus incapable of acting in
the best interests of her children.
While Aylsworth has been vilified
by Marks in the media, his four adult children all gave the court glowing
reports of him as a father, and, according to Goldberg, "All persons who have
seen him interact with the twins testified that he is a very good parent and
that the twins love him and are happy with him."
Marks appealed the case, and the
state Appellate Division, First Department, in what it described as a "close"
call, did transfer custody back to Marks because it felt she could give the
children more personal care and attention than Aylsworth, a casino mogul, would
be able to. Pro-mother gender bias also drove the Appellate Court's decision.
Nevertheless, all four Appellate justices concluded that Marks had in fact
coached her then four-year-old twin girls to believe that they had been sexually
molested by their father.
Sadia Loeliger was one of the
heroes of PBS's Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories. The film's
producers portrayed her as a heroic mom who had lost custody of her daughter due
to her ex-husband's family court machinations. In reality, Sadia Loeliger's loss
of custody had nothing to do with her ex-husband--a California Juvenile Court
had concluded that she had committed multiple acts of child abuse. The court
moved to protect Sadia's then eight-year-old daughter Fatima by declaring her a
dependent of the Juvenile Court and placing her with her father, physician Scott Loeliger, against whom there has never been any finding of wrongdoing.
Documented evidence of Sadia's
violence and abuse abounds. Doris Nava Arellano, Sadia's babysitter for 18
months, testified against her, noting in a court affidavit that "every child in
the house is afraid" of Sadia. Arellano asserts that Sara, Sadia's then 15-year-old niece who was living with Sadia, "actually has scars on the back of her
legs and on the left side of her head from Ms. Loeliger's attacks on her."
Sara penned a desperate letter to
her father in Africa, detailing the abuse she suffered at Sadia's hands,
writing, "She hits in front of anyone anywhere with anything. I fear for my life
sometimes. Just recently she hit me in the head."
A child abuse investigator for
Tehama County, California wrote that Fatima, then age eight, "says she is afraid
to go home because she fears being hit again. She also expressed concern for the
two other female minors in her mother's residence." A therapist who conducted
investigations for Shasta County Child Protective Services wrote that Fatima
"told me she did not want to go home because she was afraid her mother was going
to hit her." Another therapist wrote "On two separate occasions this child
reported to me that she was burned 'with a match' by her mother, Sadia Ali
Loeliger....I am extremely concerned regarding this child's welfare."
Terri Lynn Sais, Scott Loeliger's
roommate after Scott and Sadia divorced, filed a crime report with the City of
Salinas in which she asserted that Sadia physically attacked her and threatened
her one-month-old baby boy. At the time Sais was babysitting Fatima after Scott,
then a medical resident, was called in to work. According to Sais:
"Respondent [Sadia] hit me in the
back of my head while I was holding the baby. She grabbed Fatima [then a 16-month-old baby] who began crying...I tried to call the police...Respondent [Sadia]
grabbed the phone from me...[she] pulled my hair, hit me again on the back of my
head...Fatima began crying and Respondent [Sadia] put a blanket over her
head....I am very afraid of this woman and want her to leave me alone. I was
also shocked by the way she grabbed her own child and how she proceeded to
threaten and abuse me without any regard for the fact that she was holding her
own child."
The Loeliger, Marks, and Shockome
cases are examples of "Shockome Syndrome"--the FFLM's predilection for making
cause célèbres out of alienating, deceitful mothers who lost custody because
they abused or mistreated their children. The media's tendency to believe the
FFLM's claims and make heroines out of these mothers is part of Shockome
Syndrome, as is the enormous pressure brought to bear on the family law judges
who held these mothers accountable for their actions.
The effect of Shockome Syndrome
is exactly what the FFLM intends. Shockome Syndrome makes it harder for decent,
loving fathers to preserve their relationships with their children in the face
of false accusations and parental alienation. Yet as noxious as Shockome
Syndrome is, it's a disease with an easy cure--a dose of skepticism.
Mike
McCormick is the Executive Director of the American Coalition for Fathers and
Children, the world’s largest shared parenting organization.
Their
website
is
www.acfc.org.
Glenn Sacks’ columns on men's and fathers' issues have appeared
in dozens of the largest newspapers in the United States. His website is
www.GlennSacks.com.
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