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the federal OCSE's own data, such parents are in no way
representative of the average "deadbeat."
OCSE data shows that two-thirds of those behind on child
support nationwide earned poverty-level wages; less than
four percent of the national child support debt is owed
by those earning $40,000 or more a year...
Another reason the passport rules are a bad idea is that
the information being employed by the OCSE is often faulty.
Child support enforcement agencies--including Abbott's office--are
notorious for their incessant "computer" errors which lead
to the harassment and persecution of innocent citizens.
Abbott's office's role in the Joe Martin case, as documented
by the Des Moines Register, provides a good example.
Martin is disabled and childless, but was nonetheless
targeted by the Texas Attorney General's office for a phantom
$3,500 child-support debt. According to the Register,
the 47-year-old Iowan received numerous threatening letters
which warned him that he could lose his driver's license,
have his bank account seized, and be publicly humiliated
by being pictured on a "Most Wanted" poster. It was a case
of mistaken identity--Abbott had the wrong Joe Martin--but
it was only straightened out after media attention and a
lot of heartache.
The passport rules also constitute a significant civil
liberties violation. Given the errors in the child support
system, as well as its often unreasonable demands and its
inflexibility, the OCSE is effectively stripping many innocent
citizens of their right to travel. In cases where an American's
passport has been lost while abroad, it means that he or
she will be marooned in a foreign country, probably broke
and possibly in danger.
While the OCSE and the media have focused on wealthy
travelers, in many passport cases the money collected is
not paid by the financially strapped "deadbeat" parent.
Instead, it is paid by worried grandparents who don't want
their children trapped in a difficult situation...
To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Thanks to child support expert
Jane Spies of the National Family Justice Association
for some important last-minute help with an aspect of the
article. Jane discusses problems with the child support
system in her recent article
The Myth of the Successful Child Support System.
An Announcement
Regarding Fathers & Families
 As
some of you have noted over the past few weeks, I have begun
blogging at the
Fathers
& Families website. (Fathers & Families' August 24 announcement
discussing this can be seen
here). In addition, I am posting some blog posts by
Ned Holstein, president of
Fathers
& Families and one of our movement's most capable leaders,
on my blog.
To see the new Fathers & Families blog, click
here. Like my blog, it allows readers to comment on
blog posts without the inconvenience of having to register.
Those interested in signing up for Fathers & Families E-Newsletter
can do so by clicking
here.
I have worked with Holstein and Fathers and Families
at various times over the past few years, most notably during
the campaign against PBS's anti-father documentary Breaking
the Silence. Fathers and Families, the
American Coalition for Fathers and Children, and I
led an
extensive protest campaign which resulted in 10,000
calls and/or letters to PBS, and considerable media attention.
In the end, PBS, to their credit, agreed to make a new film
which took a balanced and fair look at custody issues--a
commitment they kept. To learn more, click
here.
Fathers
& Families' mission is to "protect the child's right
to the love and care of both parents. We seek shared parenting
for the children of divorced and never-married parents with
equal rights and responsibilities for fathers and mothers."
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
September
11: This Triumph of the Spirit Belongs to Men
"...almost everywhere you looked, [people were] reverting
to ancient, pure and decidedly gender-stereotyping form...Women...ministered
to the sick, consoled the grief-struck and looked on, with
worshipful sidelong glances, in wonder at the men."
And ohhhh, what men they were, and are.
"They were unyielding, and yet not stupidly stoic; I
cannot count the number of times I saw firemen or police
officers wrap their arms around one another or clamp big
hands to one another's shoulders, and often saw tears behind
goggles and once or twice streaming down grime-covered cheeks.
"They were affectionate and tender with each other, but
strong and fierce in their resolve....The men were quiet
and shy but willing to speak and never inarticulate and
occasionally near-poetic (Why do firemen rush into buildings?
I asked one captain outside the little midtown station that
is home to Engine Co. No. 8 and Ladder No. 2 of the 8th
Battery and where 10 of the 50 men were lost. "Who knows?"
he replied with a weary little smile. 'It's a secret.')
"The raw physical courage of all those who had raced
to the scene and headed into the very towers that they,
of all people, with their knowledge of structures and the
sort of damage that a fireball could inflict upon skyscrapers,
would best know were at risk of collapse, was enormous;
their collective selflessness, putting women, children and
civilians before themselves, utterly astonishing."
The best article I've seen about September 11 and
the events surrounding it is Canadian writer
Christie Blatchford's
stunning National Post column "This Triumph of
the Spirit Belongs to Men" (9/21/01).
This Triumph of the Spirit Belongs to Men
By Christie
Blatchford
National Post, 9/21/01
Ten days ago (September 11), on a Tuesday morning that
dawned in New York City bright and lovely everywhere but
within a small area of the southernmost tip of Manhattan,
my Toronto Star friend Rosie DiManno and I were walking
out of ground zero, as America's largest crime scene is
called.
We had been inside it for six or seven hours, and were
heading up Church Street in the Con Edison hard hats a detective
from a suburban New York police department had handed us
and with the tatty used paper masks we had picked out of
the rubble and donned earlier now around our necks. Rosie's
running shoes were sodden and her soles blistering; my feet
mud-streaked in the open-toed, high-heeled sandals I had
cunningly chosen to take with me.
Above us, the sky was as clearly delineated as good and
evil: Black and poisonous over the fallen World Trade Center
and environs, cloudless and blue just a little to the north.
As we approached the first barricade, beyond which to
our huge delight we saw some of our press colleagues (including
at least one of our competitors from Toronto) stranded and
waiting to greet us, we passed a line of firemen, all of
them sooty and exhausted, who were trudging straight back
into what seemed to us the very heart of darkness.
Rosie came to a dead stop as they passed; I swear my
mouth actually fell open. One of them had a face like an
angel.
"Did you see that?" she asked.
I had, of course, and cite the young fellow as my lust-filled
illustration of the secret untold story that is the tale
of the Twin Towers and the Sept. 11 horror -- that this
one, this wonderful triumph of the human spirit, belongs
squarely to men.
To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
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|
Erectile
Dysfunction? Hair Loss? The Men's Renaissance
Health Centers Can Help
The Men's Renaissance Health Centers are
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Transplantation, and Cosmetic Dermatology.
MRHC features the latest "Star Lux" Laser
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Hair Loss? Follicular Unit Transplantation
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Follicular Unit Transplantation is the
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to receive special rates.
|
The Column I Wrote on September 12, 2001
"The past is a strange place."--Morrissey
I think it was P. J. O'Rourke who wrote that
one problem with being a writer is that whatever
idiotic thing you wrote is always there for people
to look back upon and mock. I occasionally am compelled
to look back at a newspaper column I wrote many
years ago, and I always prepare to cringe when I
do it.
I wrote the newspaper column below on September
12, 2001. It will inevitably be viewed through the
lens of post-September 11 politics, the Iraq war,
etc., though these things have little to do with
the column itself.
All Americans Need to Stand Up for U.S.
Arabs, Muslims
By Glenn Sacks
With the possibility of more terrorist attacks,
U.S. military action, and even war, Arab and Muslim
Americans are in danger of becoming pariahs in our
society. It is the duty of all Americans to make
sure this doesn't happen.
Since Tuesday's terrorist attacks, Arab and Muslim
Americans have been the victims of dozens of despicable
hate-crimes. Arab gas station attendants have been
punched, shot at, and attacked with machetes. Mosques,
temples, and Islamic centers have been shot at,
vandalized, firebombed, and attacked with Molotov
cocktails. Arab businesses have been burned down
and fire-bombed. Muslim girls have been beaten,
a Pakistani woman was almost run over by a car,
and a Sudanese man was attacked with a knife. Arab
businesses have closed and Arab parents have held
their children out of school because they fear harassment
and violence.
At the same time, talk radio air waves have been
filled with racist bile and lust for blood and revenge.
One Southern California caller suggested earlier
this week that the U.S. bomb and annihilate all
the Arab nations. Whereas a week ago the man would
have been seen as a nut and cut off immediately,
in our new, darker climate the host merely quizzically
asked "and kill women and children?" The caller
replied "Yes, get the children, because in 20 years
they'll be the new terrorists attacking us." Subsequent
callers, instead of denouncing him, continued in
the same vein.
Some U.S. leaders haven't been helping. Senator
Zell Miller, a Democrat from Georgia, spoke of the
terrorists and told the Senate:
"I say bomb the hell out of them....If there's
collateral damage, so be it....They didn't care
about our citizens, so we don't care about theirs....They
certainly found our civilians to be expendable."
Arab-American leaders have denounced Tuesday's
terrorist attacks in the strongest possible terms.
In a statement issued Wednesday, the American-Arab
Anti-Discrimination Committee said that the "entire
Arab-American community" felt "deep shock, outrage
and anger" over the "heinous and reprehensible attack
against our society," adding that "Arab-Americans
will be no less moved, no less angry and no less
outraged than our fellow Americans."
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
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|
Feminist Susan Estrich Has a Point About Katie Couric/Middle
East Controversy
 I've
noted on various occasions that conservatives and
anti-feminists--particularly anti-feminists in the
men's movement--often place women in double-binds.
Over the past three decades, women and feminists
have locked men into endless double-binds, where
whatever men do, they're wrong. Now our side sometimes
does the same thing to women.
For example, when groups such as the National
Organization for Women oppose the war in Iraq, Men's
Rights Activists accuse them of betraying the men
who are abroad putting their lives on the line for
our country. Yet when women support military action
(like the war hawk columnist/talk show host Tammy
Bruce), MRAs say, "Yes, you want to send the men
off to die, and women don't even have to register
for the draft!"
When women want a larger role in the military,
MRAs point to biological gender differences and
say women will harm the military's effectiveness.
When they don't, MRAs talk about how unfair
it is that only men get drafted.
When a mother pursues her career, some MRAs blame
her for putting her self-fulfillment above her kids.
Yet if she doesn't work, she's condemned for burdening
her husband and not pulling her weight.
Many, such as radio talk show host Tom Leykis,
condemn women for having children they and their
husbands struggle to afford. Yet they are the first
ones to call a woman who looks for a high-earning
man a "gold-digger." And the guy who blames feminists
for the loose sexual morality and mores of modern
society is the first guy to condemn the "bitch"
who won't put out.
The recent controversy over Katie Couric's Middle
East trip is another example, and I (more or less)
agree with feminist Susan Estrich's position on
the issue in her new column "Katie's Choice." Couric
(pictured), a single mother, is being criticized
for going to the Middle East and placing herself
in harm's way, because her children would be orphans
if she is killed. (Couric's husband, Jay Monahan,
died of cancer in 1998).
I can certainly understand these critics' concerns,
but look at the flip side. What would our movement
say if Couric's superiors asked her to go to the
Middle East and she replied, "No, I can't
put myself in danger--my kids need me." Bang--the
first thing everybody would be saying is, "Couric
draws a big salary while it's male reporters
and anchors who have to risk their lives on tough
assignments in Iraq or other hot spots. Women want
the benefits of equality--the high salary, the nice
position--but they don't want to make the sacrifices
that men have to make to get those things."
Estrich's column is below.
Katie's Choice
By Susan Estrich
Creators Syndicate
THE knives are out for Katie Couric. Again. This
time, the focus is her just-commenced trip to Iraq
and Syria, where she will anchor the evening news
and file special reports.
How dare she?
A network news anchor heading to the scene of the
biggest story in the world? Imagine: someone in
her business trying to get big interviews and score
high ratings!
Since when is that journalism?
And besides, doesn't she realize that single mothers
have no place in a war zone?
I kid you not. I wish I were.
The Concerned Women for America were out of the
box before Katie was on the plane. One Janice Crouse,
Ph.D., senior fellow of the Concerned Women's Beverly
LaHaye Institute, was on Fox News this week excoriating
the anchor for leaving her children behind and actually
risking her life to do her job. They could be orphans!
All in the name of her ambition.
To read more and to discuss this issue on my
blog, click
here.
Fathers & Families: Advocacy for the Child-Father
Bond
Fathers & Families is a non-profit organization
advocating for the right of every child
to have two parents. Called by some a "fathers'
rights organization," Fathers & Families
is made up of men and women who believe
that fathers are an essential part of a
child's life and that divorce or separation
should not change this.
www.FathersandFamilies.org
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September
11 and the 2nd Amendment
 "What
opponents of the second amendment have never understood
is that the prime benefit of the right to bear arms
is now and always has been reaped without a shot
being fired. The main benefit does not lie in the
occasional person who shoots an attacker in self-defense.
It doesn't lie in the many attacks that are stopped
by warning shots or the brandishing of a weapon.
The main value of the second amendment is that anybody
who considers attacking a home, a business, or a
community, has to fear one thing above all--the
people there may be armed.
"And in the post-September 11 era it is again
true: every sham 'patriot' who seeks to vent his
frustration on the Muslim owner of the local market,
the Muslim community a few miles away, or the Muslim
mosque across town, has to keep one thing in mind
above all--his intended victims may be armed."
I've always believed that one of the great values
of the 2nd Amendment is that it provides embattled
minorities the chance for armed self-defense. After
the September 11 terrorist actions, there were many
violent attacks/hate crimes against Arab-Americans,
and I think it was an excellent example of why the
2nd Amendment is needed, despite the problems associated
with it. (I support the 2nd Amendment, though, unlike
many of its supporters, I do acknowledge that it
has a significant downside).
A newspaper column I wrote on the issue shortly
after September 11 is below. On a related note,
see my blog post
I Don't
Think It's a Hate Crime, but It's Great Seeing an
Arab Storeowner Defend Himself
Attacks on American Muslims Reaffirm
Wisdom of 2nd Amendment
By Glenn Sacks
The wisdom of the Founding Fathers' decision
to include the right to bear arms in our constitution
has been demonstrated again in the wake of last
week's terrorist attack. This nation's founders
saw the second amendment as a way for the common
people to resist a tyrannical government and also
as a way for besieged ethnic or religious minorities
to defend themselves.
At the moment, the principal beneficiaries of
the right to bear arms are American Muslims, who
have come under attack by those who somehow hold
them responsible for last week's horrific events.
Over the past week Muslims have been the victims
of dozens of despicable hate-crimes. Gas station
attendants have been shot at, punched, and attacked
with machetes. Mosques, temples, and Islamic centers
have been fired upon, vandalized, firebombed, and
attacked with Molotov cocktails. Businesses have
been burned down and fire-bombed. Muslim girls have
been beaten, a Pakistani woman was almost run over
by a car, and a Sudanese man was attacked with a
knife. At least two victims of these hate-crimes
are dead. Muslim-owned businesses have closed and
many parents have held their children out of school
because they fear harassment and violence. Small
groups of Muslims in isolated, rural areas have
been threatened and fear assaults upon their communities.
There are many instances in American history
of besieged ethnic or religious groups successfully
using the second amendment right of armed self-defense.
During the 1992 Los Angeles riots, for example,
armed Korean merchants and residents brandished
weapons to defend their homes and businesses from
the angry mobs who had specifically targeted them.
In the late 1950s, Civil Rights leader Robert
F. Williams led the black community of Monroe, North
Carolina in its struggle to defend itself against
the Ku Klux Klan and other racist groups. Inspired
by armed Native Americans who had recently repelled
a white supremacist attack on their reservation,
Williams organized armed self-defense patrols which
successfully defended the black community against
marauding racist vigilantes.
To read more and to discuss this issue on my
blog, click
here.
Jeff Leving's New Book--Divorce
Wars
Jeffery M. Leving, one of America's
most prominent divorce lawyers,
has written a new book on how to
win any divorce fairly, even when
your spouse brings out the heavy
artillery.
Divorce Wars: A Field Guide to the
Winning Tactics, Preemptive Strikes,
and Top Maneuvers When Divorce Gets
Ugly provides essential advice
on everything from picking the right
lawyer and devising a winning settlement
strategy to getting the most from
your day in court and dealing with
an ex-spouse.
Divorce Wars is available
here.
Help, Resources for Dads
The
National Fathers' Resource Center
is a division of
Fathers For Equal Rights, Inc.
(FER), located in Dallas, Texas,
with offices in both Dallas and
Houston. In existence for over three
decades, it has services and resources
for dads nationwide and is one of
the largest and most active fathers'
rights organizations in the U.S.
www.fathers4kids.org
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|
New Yankee Rookie Phenom Joba Chamberlain Was Raised
By Disabled Single Father
 "If
I can be half the man and half the father he was,
I'll be very, very happy and have a great life...He
was out there after work, and doing the things he
did with one arm. We made do with what we had...to
be given what he was given and never to bat an eye,
never look back."--Joba Chamberlain
New York Yankee rookie phenom Joba Chamberlain
was raised by a single father, Harlan Chamberlain,
who was partially crippled with polio as a child
and grew up in foster homes. Harlan also raised
Joba's sister. Joba Chamberlain has made 11 appearances
for the New York Yankees, and has yet to give up
a single run.
According to Wikipedia:
"Joba Chamberlain grew up in Lincoln, Nebraska.
At age 3, his parents divorced, and his father Harlan,
a counselor at the Nebraska State Penitentiary,
took custody of Joba and his older sister Tasha.
The family lived in poverty, with Harlan often pawning
his possessions to buy things for the children...Chamberlain's
father was born on a reservation for the Winnebago
American Indian Tribe, but had to leave to be treated
for polio. Harlan spent his childhood in hospitals
and foster homes and now uses a motor scooter to
get around."
As the Associated Press article below explains,
Harlan was recently given a warm welcome by Yankee
stars Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez during batting
practice before a recent game.
Yankee Pitcher's Dad Sees Him in Person
By Doug Tucker
Associated Press, September 8, 2007
KANSAS CITY, Mo. (Associated Press) - Sitting
in his motorized scooter and beaming a smile which
by his son's estimate could be seen "at least 35
feet away," Joba Chamberlain's dad met the New York
Yankees one by one as they took the field for batting
practice.
"It's great to see you, Mr. Chamberlain," Derek
Jeter said.
"Nice to meet you, sir," said Alex Rodriguez.
"Will you be here all weekend? You will? That's
terrific."
Stricken with polio at the age of 9 months, confined
to his scooter, deaf in one ear and without full
use of his left arm, Harlan Chamberlain still raised
his son as a single dad.
To read more and to discuss this issue on my
blog, click
here.
NOW Sues to Stop Fatherhood Programs
Ned
Holstein has an interesting post on the
Fathers & Families blog about the National Organization
for Women's lawsuit against programs for fathers.
In
NOW takes fatherhood programs to court. What do
they oppose?, Holstein writes:
"The National Organization for Women (NOW) has
filed a lawsuit in federal court against fatherhood
programs in Alaska, Idaho and Oregon. The objective
of these programs is to provide career counseling
to fathers in three tough categories: incarcerated,
military and fathers with disabled children. NOW
has objected because women are excluded from these
programs 'solely because they are women.'
"There is an old saying that you should be careful
what you wish for, since you might get it. I think
NOW should think twice about trying to win this
lawsuit. If they win, wouldn't that endanger the
innumerable government-funded programs that benefit
only women?
"More to the point, how many proofs do we need
that NOW and similar organizations oppose fathers'
involvement with their children and will use any
excuse to attack programs that encourage such involvement?
And here I thought they believed in gender equality--silly
me."
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
To discuss this issue on the Fathers & Families
blog, click
here.
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Families Against Confiscatory Child
Support (FACCS)
FACCS is the national voice for
fair and reasonable child support.
FACCS believes all parents have
an obligation to support their children
financially. However, in high
income cases, state and federal
laws often result in excessive awards
that are effectively alimony in
disguise and have little to do with
supporting children. Huge child
support awards lead to protracted
custody disputes, undermines co-parenting,
and leaves children worse off financially.
www.faccsonline.org /
contact@faccsonline.org
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I've
Never Seen My Son Move So Fast...My son
is not exactly the hardest or most diligent worker
in the world--"lethargic" would be a more appropriate
description. Even though he's almost 15, it's still
something of a hassle to get him to get ready for
school in the mornings or to get his stuff together
and get out of the car. But there is one situation
in which he moves very, very fast.
I sometimes take him to the YMCA with me to go
swimming, and there is often a small group of pretty
teenage girls sitting near the front. When I park
the car, my son is out of it and across the parking
lot before I even close the door. He doesn't want
me within 100 yards of him when those girls are
around.
I've offered to pretend that I'm just some homeless
guy walking in to the YMCA and pestering him for
change, but even that doesn't work for him. I can
remember feeling that way at his age, and I tell
him I don't blame him--if I were him, I wouldn't
want to be seen with me, either...
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
 |
Online Dating Rights
Online Dating Rights
opposes the new federal
International Marriage Broker
Regulation Act, which requires
Americans who seek to meet
foreigners via the internet
to have a criminal background
check and an intrusive report
about intimate details of
one's life BEFORE any communication--the
first time in US history
that such checks have been
required.
www.onlinedatingrights.com
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Global
Warming Is All Men's Fault, Part V
In almost all editorial cartoons, men and only
men are blamed for global warming. This cartoon
by Don Wright of the Palm Beach Post is
another example.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Ambrose Bierce on Love, Marriage and Gender (Part
II)
 The
writer Ambrose Bierce (1842 -- 1914?) had some interesting
thoughts on love, marriage and gender in his famous
Devil's Dictionary.
FEMALE, n.
One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.
MALE, n.
A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex.
The male of the human race is commonly known (to
the female) as Mere Man. The genus has two varieties:
good providers and bad providers.
FIDELITY, n.
A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
HELPMATE, n.
A wife, or bitter half.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
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Alicia M. Crowe's Real Dads Stand
Up!
Alicia M. Crowe's new book Real
Dads Stand Up! explains what
every single father should know
about child support, rights and
custody. Learn how to exercise your
legal rights, avoid 'baby mama drama',
navigate the child support system,
gain and maintain access to your
children, and settle issues without
going to trial.
www.realdadsstandup.com |
Fathers'
Rights Legal Help
If you need help with divorce, child custody,
child support, alimony and visitation issues,
The Law
Offices of Jeffery M. Leving, Ltd. is
one of the only law firms in the country
focused almost exclusively on fathers' rights
in divorce. Leving did heroic work on the
Elian Gonzalez case, helping reunite Elian
with his father. He also co-authored Illinois'
Joint Custody Law, and was named one of
"America's Best Lawyers" by Forbes Radio.
Leving is the author of
Fathers' Rights: Hard Hitting and Fair Advice
for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute.
Call today for an initial consultation (312)
807-3990 or visit us on the web at
www.dadsrights.com.
|
Woman Tossed off of Airline Flight for Wearing
Revealing Clothing (Video)
 This
CNN report details the controversy over
Southwest Airlines temporarily tossing 23-year-old
Kyla Ebbert off of a flight because of her
(allegedly) excessively revealing miniskirt.
(I include the picture here merely so
readers can judge for themselves whether
the clothing was inappropriate or not--I
know that none of my readers could ever
have any interest in looking at the picture
except to evaluate the propriety of Southwest's
actions).
The young woman, who is also a Hooters
waitress, wanted the airline to apologize
(which I think is appropriate), but the
airline didn't, so now she's thinking of
suing. Paging Gloria Allred, Paging Gloria
Allred...
Ann Friedman of
www.Feministing.com
also makes an appearance on the CNN clip,
saying that people only get worked up when
a woman is semi-unclothed, not a man. We're
told that the airline was responding to
a complaint from a passenger, but we're
not told whether the complainant was a man
or a woman. I suspect it was a woman.
To watch video, click
here.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
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Help for
Los Angeles/Ventura
County Dads
Certified
Family Law
Specialist
Peter M.
Walzer was
one of the
key figures
in our successful
legislative
struggle
to preserve
the LaMusga
move-away
decision.
As Chair
of the State
Bar of California
Family Law
Section
Executive
Committee,
Walzer lobbied
the state
legislature
to improve
California
laws on
child support
and child
custody.
He's an
American
Academy
of Matrimonial
Lawyers
Fellow who
has authored
numerous
articles
on custody
issues,
business
valuation
in marital
dissolutions
and spousal
and child
support.
www.California-Divorce.com
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The LaMusga Company
The LaMusga Company provides
customized solutions to
assist individuals and business
owners in reaching their
financial goals. The LaMusga
Company is committed to
helping you accomplish your
long-term financial objectives.
LaMusgaCo.com |
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Funny, Sad New Yorker Cartoon on
Parental Alienation
Thanks to
Amy J.L. Baker, author of
Adult Children of Parental Alienation
Syndrome: Breaking the Ties that Bind,
for the cartoon.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
 Dr.
Warren Farrell's
Shared Parenting
Evidence
Kit--What
You Need
to Win Shared
Physical
Custody
Dr. Warren
Farrell,
a top expert
on children
of divorce
now offers
a complete
evidence
kit to help
you win
shared custody.
The DVDs,
audio CD
and electronic
files summarize
the best
scientific
research
available
collected
over decades.
Scientific
research
has proven
that children
do far better
with near
equal time
with both
parents
with minimal
conditions.
This video
set was
developed
to educate
parents,
judges,
lawyers,
psychologists
and other
divorce
professionals.
Most judges
are doing
exactly
what is
worst for
children
with sole-custody.
Submitted
as evidence
this will
maximize
your chances.
Divorce
Reform groups
call(508)
381-1450
to use as
fundraiser.
www.BestInterestofChildren.org
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Help for Michigan Dads
Michigan family law
attorney Mindy L. Hitchcock
has experience fighting
for noncustodial parents
against Michigan's abusive
FOC. Her
holistic approach to
divorce gets results for
her clients while avoiding
the scorched earth approach
to law that leaves families
emotionally and financially
devastated.
Lady4Justice.com
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New Research on What Children of
Divorce Desire in Custody Arrangements
Ned
Holstein has an interesting
post on the
Fathers & Families blog about
new research on what children of
divorce desire in custody arrangements.
The researchers concluded:
"The vast majority of participants
from divorced families desired more
father involvement than they had
received. As a result, it appears
that divorce leaves many children
with unmet desires for paternal
involvement--desires that remain
salient for many years after the
divorce is finalized. This pattern
of results is consistent with what
Warshak (2003) has called 'the collective
voice of children' and has argued
that this should be used more extensively
when making custody and access decisions
within the family court system."
According to Holstein, "This
is now the seventh or eight study
showing that children of divorce
want more time with their fathers
(or non-custodial parents). There
are no studies showing the opposite,
to the best of my knowledge."
Read Ned's full write-up
here.
To discuss this issue on my blog,
click
here.
To discuss this issue on the
Fathers & Families blog, click
here.
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Are You the Target of Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation cases are among
the most difficult and complicated
in family law.
J. Michael Bone, Ph.D., is an
expert on parental alienation. If
you're a target parent, he can help
you get back into your children's
lives. Bone has worked as a custody
evaluator and as a therapist and
knows how to help the court find
the truth. His services are available
throughout the U.S. Dr. Bone can
be reached by phone at (407) 645-0662
or by email by clicking
here.
www.jmbconsulting.org
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Help for Colorado Dads
As someone who has personally
experienced the heartbreak
of divorce and family breakup,
Brett W. Martin, Esq.
works to advance the interests
and concerns of fathers
in domestic and family law
litigation. Personal attention
is given to clients to help
them through a very difficult
time in their lives.
www.brettwmartin.com
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'I want to quit my job but my husband feels I should
still contribute to the household income'
 In
a recent letter to Annie's Mailbox, a wife wants
to quit her job but her husband doesn't want her
to. Believe it or not, while I can certainly understand
her husband's position, I also sympathize with hers,
at least how it's laid out here.
Men today and in the past have often been vilified
by feminists for "keeping their women at home,"
but this letter is a good example of how often men
who are sole breadwinners are liberating
their wives from having to work. To say these men
get little appreciation for it would be the understatement
of the century--no good deed goes unpunished.
The woman in the letter portrays herself as the
victim of a double shift, since she works 40 hours
a week and also does most of the house work. However,
I strongly suspect that this is not the case--the
man probably works far more than 40 hours a week,
making it perfectly appropriate that the wife does
most of the housework.
Dear Annie, September 6
By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I'm burnt out in a go-nowhere job
and desperately want to quit. I've got a great husband
who earns more than enough to support the two of
us, but he feels I should still contribute to the
household income, of which I currently earn less
than 18 percent.
I've been searching for a job where I could work
part time, but after two years, nothing has come
along. I'm exhausted all the time. I never feel
like doing anything after work or on weekends, and
I've lost my enthusiasm for things I used to enjoy.
I'm in my 30s and was hoping we would have a
child and that would solve the problem, but my husband
keeps putting off parenthood. If I stay at my job,
I'll grow more and more resentful of my husband,
but if I quit, I know he'd hate it.
To read more and to discuss this issue on my
blog, click
here.
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My Family Has Two Houses...and
I'm Okay
A workshop for children
of separation or divorce
in a workbook! In the privacy
of your own home, you can
provide your child with
a safe way of looking at
their thoughts and feelings
and help to open
discussion of relevant issues
for them with you. This
workbook can make the difference
between your child surviving
your divorce and thriving
despite it! To learn more
about My family has
two houses ...and I'm Okay!
and to order, click
here. |
How to Win Shared Custody
If you are an active, engaged, committed,
dedicated, loving parent facing
a divorce, family law attorney
Nicholas Palermo's The Ten
Essential Elements to Winning Joint
Shared Physical and Legal Custody
can help you protect your relationship
with your children.
www.TenEssentialElements.com
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Pavarotti and Miss Sarajevo
 Sadly,
opera legend Luciano Pavarotti died last week at
71 at his home in Italy following a bout with pancreatic
cancer.
One of my favorite Pavarotti performances was
his solo in the song "Miss Sarajevo," performed
with the rock band U2. The song from the mid-90s
protests the war in Bosnia and other countries'
inability or unwillingness to stop it. It was inspired
in part by the television broadcast of a Sarajevo
beauty pageant where the contestants held up a banner
which read, "DON'T LET THEM KILL US."
The video can be seen
here. It is footage of a live performance from
Modena, Italy, interspersed with clips of the Bosnian
conflict. Pavarotti really gets going about 4 or
4 and a half minutes in. In the picture, Pavarotti
and Bono embrace after the song.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Help
for Los Angeles/Orange County Dads--Because
They're Your Kids, Too
If you're a dad facing a divorce or separation
and you need quality legal representation
in Los Angeles or Orange County, the Law
Office of David Stone can help. Remember,
they're your kids, too.
www.help4dad.com
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Outrage--Woman Leaves Her Toddler in Car for 8 Hours
on Hot Day While at Work, Child Dies, She's Not
Charged
 Could
one find a clearer example of gender bias and the
female sentencing discount than this? Brenda Nesselroad-Slaby
is not being charged with any crime. Let's review:
1) Brenda Nesselroad-Slaby left her toddler daughter
in her car (in heat which reached 100 degrees) for
eight hours while she worked.
2) According to police, the dead girl, Cecelia
Nesselroad-Slaby, had been left in a hot car on
at least three other occasions.
3) Security video shows that Brenda Nesselroad-Slaby
was able to remember--twice--to unload the
doughnuts she brought for meetings at her job, but
nevertheless left her daughter in her car seat.
The event is pictured.
4) According to press reports, she previously
"had been told by a former administrator at her
5-year-old daughter's preschool that the younger
sister shouldn't be left in the car by herself."
5) Clermont County prosecutor Don White, who
will not be prosecuting Brenda Nesselroad-Slaby,
was asked whether the woman's other daughter--the
5-year-old who she hasn't killed yet--should be
allowed to remain in the family's home. He actually
replied--with a straight face on national television--"I
have no reason to believe that she won't take care
of this child."
To learn more, click
here and
here, and see below. Thanks to reader Neil Steyskal
for sending me the story.
No Charges After Toddler Died In Car
Associated Press, 9/4/07
BATAVIA, Ohio - No charges will be filed against
a middle school administrator whose toddler daughter
died last month when she was left in the back seat
of her mother's SUV during a heat wave, a prosecutor
said Tuesday.
Leaving the child in the car for the work day
was "a substantial lapse of due care" but did not
meet the definition of reckless conduct necessary
for prosecution, said Clermont County Prosecutor
Don White.
Brenda Nesselroad-Slaby, 40, is assistant principal
at Glen Este Middle School, about 20 miles east
of Cincinnati. Authorities said she left her 2-year-old
daughter, Cecilia, strapped into a car seat for
about eight hours on Aug. 23 while she was at work
at the school.
Temperatures outside reached about 100 degrees.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
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Steven Carlson, the Custody Coach, has
helped thousands of parents with child custody.
|
Steven Carlson's How to Win Child Custody
Are you contemplating divorce or separation
but are unsure about how child custody will
be determined or what you can expect from
attorneys and the family court system? Knowing
these things can help you win custody. Steven
Carlson is the author of "How
to Win Child Custody" and the founder
of Child Custody Coach in Orange County,
California. Don't get caught unprepared,
download your copy of "How
to Win Child Custody" today. If you
need Steven's Custody Coach services, click
here. |
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New Study
Says 'Fast Food Dads' Stereotype a Myth
 "Single
dads apparently don't get enough respect when it comes to
providing for their kids' nutrition according to a study
led by an Iowa State University sociologist that dispels
the myth of 'fast food dads.' It's the first to show that
kids who spend time with their non-resident fathers actually
eat slightly healthier than those who don't."
A new study shows that non-resident fathers are doing
a good job of feeding their kids healthy food. The full
story is below.
In a related note, last month there was a highly-publicized
study which alleged that custodial fathers did a poorer
job of addressing their children's healthcare needs than
mothers. I have reasons to doubt that study, and I outlined
them in my blog post
Seven Reasons
Why the New Study on Single Dads' Alleged Neglect of Their
Kids' Health May Be Misleading.
'Fast
Food Dads' stereotype a myth according to new research
When many people think of single, non-resident fathers
providing meals for their kids, they conjure up the image
of dad piling the kids into the car for a quick trip through
the McDonald's drive through.
But single dads apparently don't get enough respect when
it comes to providing for their kids' nutrition according
to a study led by an Iowa State University sociologist that
dispels the myth of "fast food dads." It's the first to
show that kids who spend time with their non-resident fathers
actually eat slightly healthier than those who don't.
To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Help for Boston Dads
Boston family law attorney Nick Palermo
is a shared custody advocate who believes
that divorced dads are parents, not visitors.
The Law Offices of Nicholas Palermo is a
dedicated and committed trial law firm which
has worked to make shared custody for all
fit parents the law of the land.
LAW OFFICES OF NICHOLAS PALERMO
Los Angeles Dads--Free Legal Consultation
on Your Case
If you are involved in a divorce, domestic
violence, paternity, child custody or support
case in the greater Los Angeles area, call
Stephen A. Gershman to schedule
your FREE initial one hour consultation
at (888) 295-1756 or (818) 990-6505. Gershman
is certified as a Specialist in Family Law
by the Board of Legal Specialization of
the State Bar of California. He is an experienced
attorney, over 25 years, who will competently
and aggressively defend you against
unjust domestic violence restraining orders
or unfair financial obligations. When Parental
Alienation or custody is an issue, he will
help you protect your relationship with
your kids.
www.losangelesfamilylawyer.com
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Murray Davis'
Letter to NBC over Claim That Divorce Helps Men, Hurts Women
 Background:
In my recent blog post
MSNBC Pushes
Myth That in Divorce, Men Gain and Women Lose, I criticized
the recent MSNBC report
From money
to emotions: Get over your divorce How to deal with the
financial and emotional pitfalls of a split
MSNBC, Aug 21, 2007. The report pushes the myth that men
gain financially from divorce and women suffer from it.
MSNBC said:
"After a divorce, a woman's cost of living can increase
dramatically, hence the reason why court-ordered alimony
and child support payments most often go to women. Even
so, experts report the average woman experiences a 45 percent
decrease in her standard of living after going through a
divorce. Meanwhile, the average man experiences a 15 percent
improvement in his standard of living."
Sanford Braver, Ph.D., one of the nation's
leading experts on the economics of divorce, helped uncover
and expose the Weitzman hoax--to learn more about Braver's
research, click
here.
Child support expert Jane
Spies of the National
Family Justice Association also discusses the Weitzman
hoax in her recent article
The Myth of the Successful Child Support System.
Murray Davis of the
National Family Justice Association
recently wrote a letter to Steve Capus, the President of
NBC News, regarding the report on post-divorce finances.
Murray's letter appears below.
August 21, 2007
Steve Capus
President
NBC News
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112
RE: BROADCASTING ERROR, INACCURACY & MISINFORMATION
Ref: NBC Today Show aired 8/21/07 - "Getting Over Divorce"
segment
Dear Mr. Capus:
The purpose of this correspondence is to apprise you,
as division president, of the error and inaccuracy broadcasted
on the Today Show this morning by both your national correspondent,
Natalie Morales, and her guest, Stacy Francis and request
appropriate corrections.
Specifically, the statements..."[after divorce] women's
standard of living decreases by 45% on average..." is both
erroneous and inaccurate. Since the 1985 publication "The
Divorce Revolution," by sociologist/researcher Lenore Weitzman,
made such an assertion, this statement has been both refuted
by subsequent research and recanted by Ms. Weitzman herself
as the result of a 'mathematical error' (please see enclosed).
While other mainstream media (see enclosed ABC 20/20
transcript) are aware of these developments, it appears
your network continues to propagate a myth and misinformation
to your viewers and the public. Sadly, as a result, lawmakers
and government officials will likely continue to use these
broadcasted inaccuracies and misinformation to initiate
legislation and policies that further exacerbate these issues
affecting families, especially as they pertain to financial
child support.
We call upon you and your network's extensive investigative
resources to publicly denounce this myth and expose the
truth and abuses regarding the nation's child support bureaucracy.
Please let us know if we may be of any assistance in such
an effort.
Thank you in advance for your prompt attention to the
aforementioned issue and request.
Sincerely,
Murray Davis
Board President Enclosures
Cc: Natalie Morales, NBC Noah Oppenheim, NBC Jane Spies,
NFJA
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
I Can Relate--The
Onion's 'Child Walks Out On Toy Non-Proliferation Talks'
 I've
often marveled at my nine-year-old daughter's remarkable
ability to spread her toys, clothes and other junk all over
both the house and our yard. (The yard is no mean feat,
given that we live on a one acre lot that used to be a horse
ranch).
When I go into her room to tell her a bedtime story,
I usually have to kick things aside to clear a path. It's
not all her fault--my wife is an extremely intelligent woman
who nevertheless seems incapable of drawing the simple connection
between the unnecessary things she buys our daughter during
Saturday shopping and the hoards of junk she curses at as
she steps over them on Monday.
I see from The Onion satire piece
Child
Walks Out On Toy Non-Proliferation Talks that I'm not
the only dad in the world with this problem. The battle
here concerns Corinne (pictured), who "refuses to reduce
her stuffed-animal stockpile." Sounds like the old disarmament
talks of the Cold War era. From The Onion:
"Toy non-proliferation talks between Donna and Adam Feit
and their 8-year-old daughter Corinne broke down Monday
when Corinne stormed away from the kitchen and slammed her
bedroom door.
"'The Feits had hoped to walk away from the dinner-table
summit with a cap on the acquisition of new toys and a workable
plan for the reduction of those already in their daughter's
possession,' said Nancy Flemming, the Feits' neighbor and
friend. 'But after less than half an hour of talks, Corinne
said she wished she was never born and stomped to her room.
It was nothing short of a meltdown.'
"The long-standing toy-related conflict between the Feits
and their only child came to a head last week when the Feits
announced that the rate at which Corinne was amassing toys
was unacceptable, and that her new habit of storing toys
in the garage and living room was in direct violation of
household rules. The Feits suggested the two parties 'have
a serious talk.'"
To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Lisa Scott's RealFamilyLaw.com
Shared Parenting Advocate/Family Law Attorney
Lisa Scott's
RealFamilyLaw.com exposes the truth
about what is happening in our family law
system. Lisa, the all-time leader in appearances
on His Side with Glenn Sacks, says
that she was "tired of having her stuff
rejected by elitist bar publications and
politically-correct newspapers" and decided
to start her own website.
RealFamilyLaw.com
The Secrets of Happily Married Men
How can a man achieve a long and happy marriage?
If you've been checking out advice columns
or seeing a therapist, you may have been
looking in the wrong place. Despite all
the advances in brain technology, and all
of that we have learned about developmental
psychology--men and women are given the
same advice about solving problems. But
when we ask men what works for them, we
hear a different story.
www.SecretsofMarriedMen.com
Legal Help for Fathers
If you live in Los Angeles, Riverside or
Orange counties and you're facing a divorce,
separation, or a child custody issue, the
law firm of Oddenino & Gaule can help.
www.OddLaw.net
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Catholic
Newspaper--What Inner-City Kids Need Are Fathers
The California Catholic Daily gets it right
on kids, violence and gangs in its new article
What they need are fathers (9/4/07). The paper quotes
extensively from my co-authored column
CA Anti-Gang Bills Miss Central Truth About Kids & Gangs
(Pasadena Star-News & Affiliated Papers, 3/25/07),
and cites this incredible finding:
"Deborah Estell, a San Francisco school health worker,
polled 60 or so kindergartners at John Muir Elementary School,
finding that 90% knew someone in jail, and more than 75%
knew someone who had been shot or killed."
It's a small sample size, so this study may not be terribly
reliable, but what incredible numbers--75% of kindergarteners
know somebody who had been shot or killed--wow. I used
to teach in South Central LA, and while the 75% figure seems
a little high, I can believe a roughly comparable figure.
The California Catholic Daily article is below.
Grisha, one of the commenters to the article, criticizes
me, saying that gang members' fathers are bad fathers anyway,
so it would be counterproductive for them to be in their
kids' lives. There's some truth to this, but it's a limited
truth. In my co-authored column referenced above I explained:
"A study just released by Boston College finds that when
nonresident fathers are involved in their adolescent children's
lives, the incidence of violence, crime, substance abuse
and truancy decrease markedly. Most of the families in the
study, which was published in the journal Child Development,
are low-income African-American and Hispanic families. The
study's lead author, professor Rebekah Levine Coley, explains:
"'Nonresident fathers in low-income, minority families
appear to be an important protective factor for adolescents...Greater
involvement from fathers may help adolescents develop self-control
and self-competence, and may decrease the opportunities
adolescents have to engage in problem behaviors.'
"The study also found that when teens begin to slide
towards delinquency, nonresident fathers increase their
involvement in response. The researchers found such involvement
to be effective--the impact of father involvement was the
greatest on the kids who had previously been the most troubled."
Grisha also pushes the feminist/Peggy Drexler line that
lesbian parenting is better than heterosexual parenting,
asking, "Please note that there are not a lot of gangs consisting
of boys raised by lesbian couples. What does that tell us?"
What they need are fathers
But California thinks mental health programs are
the answer for kids in the state's "war zones"
California Catholic Daily, 9/4/07
Do children in high-crime areas in California, like children
in Baghdad, suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?
If so, why? And what should be done?
An Aug. 26 San Francisco Chronicle story notes that "as
many as one-third of children living in our country's violent
urban neighborhoods have PTSD, according to recent research
and the country's top child trauma experts -- nearly twice
the rate reported for troops returning from war zones in
Iraq."
Deborah Estell, a San Francisco school health worker,
polled 60 or so kindergartners at John Muir Elementary School,
finding that 90% knew someone in jail, and more than 75%
knew someone who had been shot or killed.
The need to deal with PTSD symptoms "is great," she said.
These symptoms, which include angry outbursts, sleep disturbances,
anxiety, and preoccupation with shootings and death, make
it impossible for many students to concentrate on learning.
According to the Chronicle's follow-up reports, state
and local school officials have converged on one approach
to the problem: traumatic stress counseling in the schools,
using $250 million raised through Proposition 63 for mental
health programs.
However, few are addressing a prime factor in gang violence
and the subsequent trauma: defective family structures,
lacking a mother and father who are married to each other,
and --- especially for boys -- households deprived of the
guidance and authority of fathers.
To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Tim McGraw:
'You're living in my house / And I'm living in a tent /
And don't laugh, this second job of mine / Is paying both
our rents' (Music Video)
 "You're
living in my house / And I'm living in a tent / And don't
laugh, this second job of mine / Is paying both our rents...Your
ketchup's in the bag / And her check is in the mail / I
hope your chicken's raw inside / And I hope your bun is
stale..."
Country & Western singer Tim McGraw performs many songs
about fatherhood and family, and his words and observations
are often dead-on. One example is his song Grown Men
Don't Cry (see my blog post
Tim McGraw:
'...my little girl says 'I love you dad'), another is
his 2006 song My Little Girl (see my blog post
Tim McGraw:
'You've had me wrapped around your finger since the day
you were born').
In his 2004 song Do You Want Fries With That?,
McGraw sympathetically examines the raw deal given many
divorced fathers. There wasn't a music video for the song
(as far as I can tell), but you can listen to the song and
view a photo montage by clicking
here. The full lyrics to the song are below.
To hear and read about another good divorced dad song,
see my blog post
'The park is
full of Sunday fathers and melted ice cream...' about
Sting's song I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying.
Do You Want Fries With That?
Tim McGraw
I thought that was your voice
I thought that was my car
Now we ain't ever met before
But I know who you are
You're living in my house
And I'm living in a tent
And don't laugh, this second job of mine
Is paying both our rents
You're out here buying Happy Meals
And I'm eating rice and pintos
You so much as crack a smile at me, man
I'll come through this here window
Well you took my wife
And you took my kids
And you took that life
That I used to live
My pride, the pool, the boat, my tools, my dreams, the dog,
the cat
Yeah I think that's just about everything
Oh I almost forgot
Do you want fries with that?
Your ketchup's in the bag
And her check is in the mail
I hope your chicken's raw inside
And I hope your bun is stale
I'm supposed to tell you
"Please come back"
But how bout this instead?
I hope you both choke on a pickle
Man, that would tickle me to death
I don't know what you're waiting on
You're holding up the line
Oh man, you ain't got no change coming back
Are you out of your mind?
Well you took my wife
And you took my kids
And you took that life
That I used to live
My pride, the pool, the boat, my tools, my drea |
My
new co-authored column,
