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Grunting, dimwit, male stereotypes alarm fathers
In a smart bar lissom, single women sip cocktails and
contemplate potential mates. The prospects do not look good,
however, for the men in the bar aren't men at all -- they're
pigs. This was the premise of a recent US advertisement
for that nation's market-leader condom brand, Trojan. The
punchline came when one pig trotted off to the gents, bought
himself one of its products and was transformed back into
Homo sapiens. Ads such as these have led to an increasingly
strident protest at the way that men are portrayed in the
media.
According to Paul Nathanson and Katharine Young, two
authors at the heart of the movement, the advert exemplifies
the growing phenomenon of misandry: hatred of men. They
insist that misandry is now pervasive and that we should
be every bit as alert to it as we are to misogyny.
They argue that men are now routinely defined by a limited
set of negative stereotypes: the man as fool, slob or irrelevance.
And they contend that nowhere are these archetypes more
apparent than in advertising.
But is it really of concern? "Ask women why they thought
it was a problem when they were ridiculed," says Nathanson.
"I don't think men and women are different in that respect.
Do two wrongs make a right?"
Left unchallenged, he says, these images take on the
patina of truth that will seep into the minds of those who
implement laws and develop policy.
One man making a stand is Glenn Sacks, an American journalist
whose newsletter reaches 50,000 subscribers. In 2004 he
was alerted to an ad for Verizon. It showed a father trying
to help his daughter with her math homework only to be humiliated
by her and her mother.
Sacks, who has a son and daughter, says: "The worst thing
about it was not that it shows the man being an idiot, because
we see that all the time, but seeing the man portrayed as
an idiot in front of his daughter and ridiculed by her mother
in front of his daughter."
He says his campaign prompted 3,000 people to contact
Verizon and the ad was pulled.
But what most concerns Sacks, Nathanson and Young is
the potential impact on boys growing up surrounded by images
that tell them there is no acceptable or dignified way to
be a man.
"If you just have a bunch of negative images, how are
boys ever going to develop a positive image of themselves?"
says Young.
Sacks is appalled by the Trojan advert, and concerned
about the message it sends to boys such as his 14-year-old
son. "A boy looking at that would think that men are just
inferior, disgusting animals and have to change and jump
through hoops in order to be as good as women."
Like Nathanson, he doesn't believe that these stereotypes
stay locked harmlessly inside the TV. After a sex education
class at school, his son complained, "It's always the boys
who are wrong; boys who are trying to put one over on the
girls," -- "and they get this drum beat," says Sacks. "They
are just fed a steady diet of this."
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
New Column: Maine's Adoption of Primary Aggressor Doctrine
in DV Arrests Will Ensnare Innocent MenMy new
co-authored column, Maine's Adoption of Primary Aggressor
Doctrine in DV Arrests Will Ensnare Innocent Men (Lewiston
Sun Journal, 8/5/07), criticizes LD 1039, a domestic
violence bill. Combining with other misguided laws and policies,
the bill essentially makes a street cop responding to a
911 call the arbiter of child custody, and of whether the
children involved will have their fathers in their futures
or not.
In the column, we explained:
"LD 1039, which was recently signed by Governor Baldacci,
requires law enforcement agencies to adopt a 'process to
evaluate and determine who is the predominant physical aggressor
in a domestic violence situation.' While this sounds reasonable,
in reality the predominant aggressor doctrine functions
as a method of directing police officers to arrest men,
not women, when responding to domestic disturbance calls.
"The stakes here are high. Because Maine also has a mandatory
arrest law in domestic violence cases, instituting the predominant
aggressor doctrine will lead to the arrests of many innocent
men. Since Maine family courts must consider evidence of
domestic violence in determining child custody, an officer's
decision on who to arrest can often determine who will get
custody of the couple's children after the couple divorces
or separates.
"Under the predominant aggressor doctrine, when police
officers respond to a domestic disturbance call, they are
instructed not to focus on who attacked whom and who inflicted
the injuries, but instead consider different factors which
will almost always weigh against men. These factors include:
comparable size; comparable strength; the person allegedly
least likely to be afraid; who has access to or control
of family resources (i.e., who makes more money); and others.
Given these factors, it is very difficult for officers to
arrest female offenders.
"That women are frequently the aggressors in domestic
combat cannot be reasonably denied..."
To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
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Erectile
Dysfunction? Hair Loss? The Men's Renaissance
Health Centers Can Help
The Men's Renaissance Health Centers are
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solution to the problem. Offering FDA approved
medications and devices, the MRHC makes
the process of recovering youthful performance
levels comfortable and rapid. Call (866)
398-6086 for more info., and mention
Glenn Sacks to receive special rates.
Hair Loss? Follicular Unit Transplantation
is the New Gold Standard
Follicular Unit Transplantation is the
newest technique of permanent surgical hair
restoration. With FUT, hair is transplanted
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When Children Are Born Motherless
 Elise
Passamani's article "Oedipus
Child: When Children Are Born Motherless, Problems
Await" (The American, 7/25/07), deals
with the case of a man, Roberto d.B., who had biological
twin daughters through a surrogate mother. She explains,
"When the hospital put the surrogate's name on the
children's birth certificates as the legal mother,
Mr. d.B. sued to have the certificates reissued
without a mother, on the grounds that the surrogate
is not genetically related to the children." Passamani
is critical of Roberto, and warns against "motherless"
babies.
I'm against Roberto, but not completely against
him. Just as it is bad for children to be fatherless,
it is also bad for them to be motherless. A wave
of motherless children would be just as destructive
as the current trend towards fatherlessness has
been.
I've condemned "single mothers by choice" who
intentionally have children without a father, and
I condemn Roberto for doing the same thing with
the genders reversed. However, there are a couple
of other points here which merit mention.
Given America's divorce epidemic, given the fact
that women initiate the vast majority of divorces,
and given that fathers' rights to shared custody
of their children after divorce or separation have
been abrogated on a large scale, the only way that
a man can have a child today and be sure he can
remain a meaningful part of the child's life is
to have a "motherless" child through a surrogate.
Mothers usually don't have to worry about losing
their children in a divorce, but fathers do. Roberto's
desire to have a "motherless" child and to not have
the surrogate mother on the birth certificate may
have been motivated by a desire to make sure he
could always retain custody of his child. I don't
like it, but I understand.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
The
American Coalition for Fathers and Children
The American Coalition for Fathers and Children
is dedicated to creating a family law system
which promotes equal rights for all parties
affected by divorce. Contact the ACFC at
1-800-978-3237 or visit them on the web
at www.acfc.org.
Parenting Plan Calendar Software
Shared
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Representative Mark Olson and 'Battered Husband
Syndrome'
 Jan
Brown of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and
Women has some interesting thoughts below about
Representative Mark Olson (pictured) and
his recent domestic violence trial.
Representative Mark Olson and 'Battered
Husband Syndrome'
Representative Mark Olson (R-MN) was arrested
in November of last year on domestic assault charges.
According to the
news reports, the charges stemmed from an argument
with his wife of three or four years, Heidi. Heidi
has five children from a previous marriage, and
the argument was over one of her children, who is
described as autistic.
What's most interesting about this case is that
Mr. Olson's attorney decided (from what the newspapers
report) to use a defense of "battered husband's
syndrome" at his trial. You rarely hear about this
defense being used by a man, though often it is
used as a defense for women who are charged with
a felony or murder of their intimate partners.
Rep. Olson was charged with two misdemeanor domestic
assault charges, one of intending to cause her to
fear bodily harm and a more serious charge of harming
or intending to harm her. He testified that Heidi
was the one that instigated the abuse that led to
his arrest. He also testified tearfully that she
had been verbally threatening and at times physically
abusive throughout their marriage.
The jury found Rep. Olson guilty of the lesser
charge and acquitted him of the more serious charge.
After the verdict, Rep. Olson is quoted as saying
he still loves his wife, which is not unusual for
victims to say.
To learn more about how this will affect Rep.
Olson's term, click
here. A few questions:
If he was a "she" would the jury have acquitted
"her" of both charges? If Rep. Olson's attorney
didn't use the "battered husband" defense, would
he have been found guilty on both counts? Judges
and juries need to be educated on male victimization
in order to make an informed decision in these cases.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Fathers & Families: Advocacy for the Child-Father
Bond
Fathers & Families is a non-profit organization
advocating for the right of every child
to have two parents. Called by some a "fathers'
rights organization," Fathers & Families
is made up of men and women who believe
that fathers are an essential part of a
child's life and that divorce or separation
should not change this.
www.FathersandFamilies.org
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Adoptive Mother Accused of Abusing, Starving 11
Foster Kids
 When
a woman does something terrible, the media often
tries to explain or excuse it, usually by trying
to blame the man in her life. A few examples:
When Gilberta Estrada hung her four small daughters,
three of whom died, media focused attention on her
allegedly abusive ex-boyfriend. To learn more, click
here.
When Andrea Yates drowned her five children,
media focused blame on her husband, Russell Yates.
I appeared on many Texas radio shows at the time
to defend Russell, and was so vilified that I often
felt as if I were defending the person who had committed
the murders. To learn more, see my co-authored column
In Defense of a Flawed but Decent Russell Yates
(Houston Chronicle, 3/11/02)
Clara Harris repeatedly ran over her husband
and killed him, as the dying man's daughter sat
in the front seat next to Clara and begged Clara
not to kill her father. Many, including Oprah and
CBS in its movie Suburban Madness, sympathetically
portrayed Harris as a loving, loyal wife who "snapped"
when her husband cheated on her. To learn more,
see my co-authored column
Suppose roles had been reversed in Harris case--Murdered
dad deserves sympathy being shown Clara (Houston
Chronicle, 1/27/07).
Terry Barton, a Colorado Forest Service worker,
intentionally set a forest fire which destroyed
over 100,000 acres and led to the deaths of five
firemen in June of 2002. Barton tried to pin her
crime on a male camper, and later said she did it
because her estranged husband sent her a mean letter.
Some in the media bought it. To learn more, see
Lisa
Nowak, Clara Harris, Terry Barton, and an Incredible
Omission.
In the amazing case below, Judith Leekin (pictured)
allegedly abused and starved her nine foster children
for decades. According to authorities, "Leekin was
unemployed and lived off the monthly stipends provided
by child welfare authorities in New York. She owned
at least two homes and several cars. The adopted
children said they had never seen a doctor or a
dentist and had not been allowed to attend school
or even leave the house."
I'm looking forward to seeing how this is really
a man's fault, too. Anybody have any predictions?
Adoptive Mom Accused of Abusing, Starving Foster
Kids for Decades
Associated Press, 7/30/07
PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. -- They were often handcuffed,
tethered together with plastic ties and allowed
to soil themselves, investigators say. They had
scars on their wrists. Some had burns.
None appeared to have more than a fourth-grade education,
not even the adults in their 20s. All were starving.
In all, nine teenagers and young adults were held
like prisoners in Judith Leekin's home in what appeared
to be a decades-long scheme to line her pockets
with the government payments she received for adopting
and raising them, police say.
From the outside, Leekin's home appeared to be as
ordinary as the others in this well-kept working-class
neighborhood on the outskirts of this Atlantic coast
town, 120 miles north of Miami. But its pink and
white stucco exterior hid the horrors inside, authorities
say.
"Horrible, I think, would be the best word used
to describe what was going on in that house," said
police Capt. Scott Bartal.
To read more and to discuss this issue on my
blog, click
here.
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Jeff Leving's New Book--Divorce
Wars
Jeffery M. Leving, one of America's
most prominent divorce lawyers,
has written a new book on how to
win any divorce fairly, even when
your spouse brings out the heavy
artillery.
Divorce Wars: A Field Guide to the
Winning Tactics, Preemptive Strikes,
and Top Maneuvers When Divorce Gets
Ugly provides essential advice
on everything from picking the right
lawyer and devising a winning settlement
strategy to getting the most from
your day in court and dealing with
an ex-spouse.
Divorce Wars is available
here.
Help, Resources for Dads
The
National Fathers' Resource Center
is a division of
Fathers For Equal Rights, Inc.
(FER), located in Dallas, Texas,
with offices in both Dallas and
Houston. In existence for over three
decades, it has services and resources
for dads nationwide and is one of
the largest and most active fathers'
rights organizations in the U.S.
www.fathers4kids.org
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Anna Nicole Smith's Mother Had Private Investigators
Spying on Larry Birkhead so She Can Find Fodder
to Gain Custody
 Background:
I've previously discussed the Larry Birkhead vs.
Anna Nicole Smith/Howard K. Stern/Anna's mother/many
others custody battle--to learn more, see my co-authored
column
Anna Nicole dispute shows system's flaws (Chicago
Sun-Times and others, 3/10/07) or click
here.
The Birkhead case was an excellent example
of the way mothers and their allies are able to
prevent fathers from having access to their babies
and playing a role in their lives. Were this not
a high-profile case, Birkhead may well have ended
up like the legions of fathers in my email In Box--allowed
no role in the lives of the children who love them
and need them. Birkhead is pictured with his little
daughter Dannielynn.
I stumbled upon this the other day, and I know
I'm way behind on it, but it's nevertheless outrageous.
According to the San Francisco Chronicle,
Anna Nicole Smith's mother Virgie Arthur, who tried
to steal custody of Larry Birkhead's baby daughter
Dannielynn from him after he got custody from Howard
K. Smith, has private investigators spying on
Larry Birkhead so she can find fodder to gain custody.
The full article, originally published in mid-June,
is below.
Birkhead Laughs Off Parenting Investigation
Anna Nicole Smith's ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead
is laughing off reports he's under investigation
as a deadbeat dad -- because he knows he's doing
his best as a single father.
The photographer took charge of the late model's
baby girl Dannielynn in April after a lengthy paternity
battle. He has since won custody of the child, pending
a new legal challenge from the baby's maternal grandmother
Virgie Arthur.
In a bid to strengthen her case, Arthur -- Smith's
estranged mother -- has called in a team of private
investigators to keep an eye on Birkhead and report
back if he slips up as a dad.
But Dannielynn's biological father isn't worried:
"They can follow me to Chuck E. Cheese's and the
toy store and the diaper store or wherever."
Birkhead helped his cause as a single father
by appearing on Fox News and CNN earlier this week
with his baby girl in his arms.
Both news anchors Larry King and Greta Van Susteren
commented how natural he looked as a father and
how much he seemed to love his child.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Democratic Presidential Candidate Bill Richardson
Wants to Crack Down on 'Deadbeat Dads'
 In
this article, Democratic Presidential Candidate
Bill Richardson says he wants to crack down on so-called
"deadbeat dads." When asked what his plan is on
"strengthening families," Richardson replied:
"I believe the key is strong child support, finding
those deadbeat dads. And, I would have stronger
laws between states, because what happens is they
move from state to state. We don't have those reciprocal
agreements. I would have a national law that would
tighten child enforcement."
How exactly this "strengthens families," I'm
not sure. Richardson's full interview by Jason Spencer
can be found
here.
To learn more about "deadbeat dads" and problems
with the child support system, click
here,
or see my co-authored column
Most Illinois 'Deadbeats' Aren't 'Reprehensible'
-- They're Broke (Chicago Daily Southtown,
6/20/07).
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
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Online Dating Rights
Online Dating Rights
opposes the new federal
International Marriage Broker
Regulation Act, which requires
Americans who seek to meet
foreigners via the internet
to have a criminal background
check and an intrusive report
about intimate details of
one's life BEFORE any communication--the
first time in US history
that such checks have been
required.
www.onlinedatingrights.com
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Warren Farrell on the Pay Gap: 'If It's About Discrimination,
Why Are Young Urban Women Earning More?'
 Background:
The best recent work on the alleged wage gap was
done by Warren Farrell in his book
Why Men Earn More: The Startling Truth Behind the
Pay Gap And What Women Can Do About It.
Below Warren discusses a recent New York
Times article on the subject. To learn more
about Warren's analysis of the wage gap, see
Warren
Farrell on the 'Wage Gap'.
The Pay Gap: 'If It's About Discrimination,
Why Are Young Urban Women Earning More?'
The New York Times front page headline
recently tells us that "For Young Earners in Big
City, Gap Shifts in Women's Favor." The big surprise?
New York City women between 21 and 30 working full-time
made 117% of men's wages. Everyone is wondering
why. Here's why, for starters...
When I did the research for Why Men Earn
More in 2005, I discovered that nationwide
never-married women who had never had children earned
117% of the wages of never married men who had never
had children. Manhattan women in their twenties
are less likely to have married or had children
than women in their twenties who live in suburban
and rural areas. The overall pay gap with men earning
more is not about discrimination; it is mostly about
the division of labor once children arrive.
The usual men-earn-more pay gap is also about
trade-offs. The road to high pay is a toll road.
On average, men are more willing to pay the tolls
of the more hazardous jobs (accounting for 94% of
workplace deaths), to work on commissions, relocate
overseas, travel overnight and travel weekends (approximately
90% of the most frequent flyers are men), work late
nights and night shifts, work weekends, intensify
their work commitment during child-raising years,
work in engineering, computer sciences, technology
and the hard sciences where the supply doesn't match
the demand, and do all of the twenty-five most important
trade-offs that on average lead to men earning more.
The good news is that any woman can learn to
out earn men should she be willing to make more
of the twenty-five trade-offs than the average man
makes.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Alicia M. Crowe's Real Dads Stand Up!
Alicia M. Crowe's new book Real Dads
Stand Up! explains what every single
father should know about child support,
rights and custody. Learn how to exercise
your legal rights, avoid 'baby mama drama',
navigate the child support system, gain
and maintain access to your children, and
settle issues without going to trial.
www.realdadsstandup.com
Fathers'
Rights Legal Help
If you need help with divorce, child custody,
child support, alimony and visitation issues,
The Law
Offices of Jeffery M. Leving, Ltd. is
one of the only law firms in the country
focused almost exclusively on fathers' rights
in divorce. Leving did heroic work on the
Elian Gonzalez case, helping reunite Elian
with his father. He also co-authored Illinois'
Joint Custody Law, and was named one of
"America's Best Lawyers" by Forbes Radio.
Leving is the author of
Fathers' Rights: Hard Hitting and Fair Advice
for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute.
Call today for an initial consultation (312)
807-3990 or visit us on the web at
www.dadsrights.com.
Are you
or someone you love being abused?
The
Domestic
Abuse Helpline for Men and Women
provides crisis intervention and support
services to victims of domestic violence
and their families in order to help survivors
recover from the trauma of domestic violence.
Contact them by clicking
here.
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Czech Woman Abducts Kids, Czech Press Makes
Excuses for HerThe Czech story
Custody bill aims to protect kids: Kidnapping
cases show a vague interpretation of international
law (The Prague Post, 7/25/07)
is pro-feminist mainstream journalism at
its finest. The mother is wrong in practically
every aspect of this case, yet the article
portrays her as a heroic victim. Worse--but
typical--the case has helped prompt the
Czech government to come up with legislation
to help mothers in this position, even though
she's wrong.
In the case, a Czech woman married an
Argentine man and they lived in Argentina
together. Apparently they became estranged
(though they're still married) and the woman
asked the man's permission to take the children
back to the Czech Republic for a visit.
We all know what happens next--she left
but didn't return the kids, instead staying
in the Czech Republic.
The father demanded that the children--a
six year-old girl and a nine-year-old boy--be
returned to him. Normally mothers get away
with this--they normally get away with practically
anything, actually--but this case was different.
Remarkably, the Czech government actually
did the right thing, taking the kids away
and returning them to their father in Argentina.
The mother was convicted of kidnapping the
children.
The mother offered the usual song and
dance about the kids suffering from being
away from her--conveniently ignoring that
she is the one who created the problem to
begin with. She also ignores how she hurt
the kids by taking them away from their
father, though she won't admit it.
Such international parental kidnappings
are anything but rare, and men are usually
the targets. Some examples include:
1) The Gary S. case, in which an American
soldier deployed in Afghanistan in the wake
of 9/11 had his children internationally-abducted
with the complicity of a California family
court. To learn more, see my column
The Betrayal of the Military Father
(Los Angeles Daily News, 5/4/03)
2) The Brad Carlson case, in which an
Army reservist's three children were
de facto parentally kidnapped to Luxembourg
while he was deployed in Kuwait in 2003.
To learn more, see Pauline Arrillaga's
Deployed Troops Battle for Child Custody
(Associated Press, 5/5/07).
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
 Dr.
Warren Farrell's
Shared Parenting
Evidence
Kit--What
You Need
to Win Shared
Physical
Custody
Dr. Warren
Farrell,
a top expert
on children
of divorce
now offers
a complete
evidence
kit to help
you win
shared custody.
The DVDs,
audio CD
and electronic
files summarize
the best
scientific
research
available
collected
over decades.
Scientific
research
has proven
that children
do far better
with near
equal time
with both
parents
with minimal
conditions.
This video
set was
developed
to educate
parents,
judges,
lawyers,
psychologists
and other
divorce
professionals.
Most judges
are doing
exactly
what is
worst for
children
with sole-custody.
Submitted
as evidence
this will
maximize
your chances.
Divorce
Reform groups
call(508)
381-1450
to use as
fundraiser.
www.BestInterestofChildren.org |
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Help for Los Angeles/Ventura County
Dads
Certified Family Law Specialist
Peter M. Walzer was one of the key
figures in our successful legislative
struggle to preserve the LaMusga
move-away decision. As Chair of
the State Bar of California Family
Law Section Executive Committee,
Walzer lobbied the state legislature
to improve California laws on child
support and child custody. He's
an American Academy of Matrimonial
Lawyers Fellow who has authored
numerous articles on custody issues,
business valuation in marital dissolutions
and spousal and child support.
www.California-Divorce.com
Help for Michigan Dads
Michigan family law attorney
Mindy L. Hitchcock has experience
fighting for noncustodial parents
against Michigan's abusive FOC.
Her
holistic approach to divorce
gets results for her clients while
avoiding the scorched earth approach
to law that leaves families emotionally
and financially devastated.
Lady4Justice.com
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Former Dad-Persecuting LA DA Gil
Garcetti Has Goddamned Gall to Lecture
Us on 'Ethical Challenges'
 In
this recent article, former
Los Angeles County District Attorney
Gil Garcetti--an enemy of fathers
who should be sitting in a prison
cell alongside Duke prosecutor Mike
Nifong--has the goddamned gall to
lecture Los Angeles on the "ethical
challenges" it faces. In my co-authored
column
Some Progress for California Fathers,
but Still a Long Way to Go (Pasadena
Star-News & others, 6/18/06),
I explained:
"In 1998 then-Los Angeles County
District Attorney Gil Garcetti declared
a 'get tough' campaign against so-called
'deadbeat dads,' sending out thousands
of summonses for paternity cases.
The men were given only 30 days
to respond.
"Many of the summonses targeted
the wrong men, and many never reached
the intended parties. Eighty percent
of Garcetti's paternity judgments
were made by default, locking the
men into 18 years of child support.
Many took DNA tests proving that
they were not the fathers of the
children they now had to take second
jobs to support. Others were assigned
huge support arrearages by mistake.
Many became unable to support their
own children. Some of their marriages
broke up, and some of the men landed
in jail.
"Garcetti created so much chaos
and heartache that even diehard
feminist attorney Gloria Allred
protested. Allred, who has perhaps
done more than anybody to promote
the phrase and concept of 'deadbeat
dads,' called Garcetti's office
'an organization without a heart,
without any compassion, and without
a sense of priorities...[it's] a
system run amok'...
"Jackie Myers, a former Deputy
District Attorney under Garcetti,
said that she quit her job because
'we were being told to do unethical,
very unethical things.'
"Garcetti later acknowledged
that many of the men had been mistakenly
targeted but refused to relent,
instead blaming the men for not
responding within 30 days. 'The
law is the law,' he told CBS's Bernard
Goldberg. Incredibly, in 2002 Garcetti
was appointed to the Los Angeles
City Ethics Commission."
The recent article is Rick Orlov's
Former D.A. Garcetti ends ethics
panel term (Daily News,
7/22/07).
To read more and to discuss this
issue on my blog, click
here.
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Are You the Target of Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation cases are among
the most difficult and complicated
in family law.
J. Michael Bone, Ph.D., is an
expert on parental alienation. If
you're a target parent, he can help
you get back into your children's
lives. Bone has worked as a custody
evaluator and as a therapist and
knows how to help the court find
the truth. His services are available
throughout the U.S. Dr. Bone can
be reached by phone at (407) 645-0662
or by email by clicking
here.
www.jmbconsulting.org
Help for Colorado Dads
As someone who has personally experienced
the heartbreak of divorce and family
breakup,
Brett W. Martin, Esq. works
to advance the interests and concerns
of fathers in domestic and family
law litigation. Personal attention
is given to clients to help them
through a very difficult time in
their lives.
www.brettwmartin.com
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There Is Something Satisfying in Building Something
for Your Wife or Your Kids with Your Own Hands
There is something very satisfying in building
something for your wife or your children with your
own hands. I used to always have a building project
going, but I rarely have time to build things anymore,
given my professional obligations. This bunk bed
I built for my son 10 years ago was one of my best
projects.
When we moved here we had a series of pine trees
in the front yard which were dying of a disease.
I cut them down and used some of the logs to make
the bunk bed. I remember one of the trees was perched
precariously near our phone line, so I very carefully
cut it so it wouldn't hit the phone line. I succeeded--it
fell directly away from the phone line and into
the power line instead. It would've made a good
scene for Tim Allen's Home Improvement.
Good thing my wife wasn't home at the time, or my
ears would probably still be hurting.
The bunk bed has allowed my son to enjoy a tremendous
amount of sleepovers over the years, including his
best friend, the neighbor girl who used to spend
100 nights a year at our house when she and my son
were younger.
I suppose the bed would look better if my son's
room weren't such a pig sty. But in a few years
his room will be clean, and the bed perfectly made,
and I know I'll miss him.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
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My Family Has Two Houses...and I'm
Okay
A workshop for children of separation
or divorce in a workbook! In the
privacy of your own home, you can
provide your child with a safe way
of looking at their thoughts and
feelings and help to open
discussion of relevant issues for
them with you. This workbook can
make the difference between your
child surviving your divorce and
thriving despite it! To learn more
about My family has two houses
...and I'm Okay! and to order,
click
here.
How to Win Shared Custody
If you are an active, engaged, committed,
dedicated, loving parent facing
a divorce, family law attorney
Nicholas Palermo's The Ten
Essential Elements to Winning Joint
Shared Physical and Legal Custody
can help you protect your relationship
with your children.
www.TenEssentialElements.com
Is being a Disneyland Dad taking
its toll? Does your 'career'
get in the way of seeing your kids?
Having dealt with the family law
system for over two decades, I understand
the frustration of working long
hours at a job while dealing with
the unfair rules that our system
imposes on dads and their kids.
I finally found a life-changing
income opportunity that allows me
the time and money freedom to be
there for my kids on my terms. If
you would like to learn more about
how to take back control and live
your life without limits, visit
liberatedintexas.com.
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'Affluent, professional women may experience less
physical abuse and more emotional or verbal abuse'
 This
Naples News article describes a domestic
violence program designed for well-heeled women:
"They live behind gates in glorious homes with
swimming pools and manicured lawns. Many drive fancy
cars, wear expensive clothing and eat at upscale
restaurants. Some have successful careers or have
husbands with high standing in the community. They
are among the elite -- women who by all appearances
seem to live blessed lives. But appearances can
be deceiving, said Claire Oglander, a counselor
with the Naples Shelter for Abused Women and Children."
I've no doubt that there are wealthy women who
are abused by their husbands, just as there are
wealthy men who are abused by their wives. However,
I'm very suspicious about statements like "Affluent,
professional women may experience less physical
abuse and more emotional or verbal abuse." Sometimes
these claims are legitimate, but when it comes to
divorce and custody battles (as well as restraining
orders, which are often used as tactical maneuvers
in these cases), "emotional or verbal abuse" can
be almost anything. As the California State Bar's
Family Law Section
recently pointed out, these types of accusations
are often employed against innocent fathers.
Also, it is ludicrous to pretend that only men
may engage in emotional or verbal abuse. When a
wife argues with her husband and then takes the
baby to her mother's house, and won't let the father
see or talk to his baby until he apologizes, that's
emotional abuse. And women can certainly yell as
loudly and as angrily as any man.
While on the subject of domestic violence in
wealthy families, I would call the reader's attention
to the highly-publicized Xavier Caro case. It was
a textbook domestic violence case, but no published
journalist (with the exception of myself) used the
words "domestic violence" in reporting on the case.
In my column
Domestic Violence Series Substitutes Emotion for
Facts (San Francisco Chronicle, 4/8/05)
I explained:
"Socorro Caro (pictured) abused her husband Xavier,
a prominent Northridge, California rheumatologist,
for years, once assaulting him so badly he had to
have surgery to regain his sight in one eye. Later
Socorro shot and killed three of their four children,
the murder spree ending only because she ran out
of bullets. The judge in the case said that the
children had been used by Socorro against her husband
as 'sacrificial symbolic pawns of a failed marital
relationship.' Socorro Caro is now on death row
in California."
The article on domestic violence and wealthy
women is below.
Collier abuse shelter offers unique program
for 'women of means'
By Ryan Mills Naples News,
7/22/07
They live behind gates in glorious homes with
swimming pools and manicured lawns.
Many drive fancy cars, wear expensive clothing
and eat at upscale restaurants. Some have successful
careers or have husbands with high standing in the
community.
They are among the elite -- women who by all appearances
seem to live blessed lives.
But appearances can be deceiving, said Claire
Oglander, a counselor with the Naples Shelter for
Abused Women and Children.
To read more and to discuss this issue on my
blog, click
here.
Help
for Los Angeles/Orange County Dads--Because
They're Your Kids, Too
If you're a dad facing a divorce or separation
and you need quality legal representation
in Los Angeles or Orange County, the Law
Office of David Stone can help. Remember,
they're your kids, too.
www.help4dad.com |
Help
for Georgia Dads
Georgia attorney
Edwin M. Saginar has 36 years of experience
in family law and criminal defense, including
domestic violence. He has seen many spouses
falsely accuse their significant others
of family violence, and knows how to defend
your rights.
www.edwinsaginar.com
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The Stepmother's Bill of RightsStephanie
M., a stepmom and frequent commenter on my blog,
has some interesting thoughts on a "Stepmother's
Bill of Rights." Apparently the idea first came
from "The Wicked Stepmom" blog. Stephanie's post
and the Bill of Rights appear below. Many of my
readers either are stepmothers or are divorced fathers
who have remarried--what do you think of this list?
Is it workable? Does it demand too much? Should
there be more "rights" included? I'm interested
in your thoughts.
Stepmother's Bill of Rights
I found the following on The Wicked Stepmom's
blog and thought it was a good creed for all stepmothers
out there. Some pieces of it are obviously
more delicate than others, but all in all, it's
a pretty good foundation. If adhered to with
love and respect on both sides, perhaps it could
solve many of the problems we stepfamilies face.
Stepmother's Bill of Rights
Our marriage is our first priority, and we will
address all issues together.
I will be part of the decision-making process
in my marriage and family at all times.
People outside the immediate family - including
ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make
plans that affect my life without my consent.
I will not be responsible for the welfare of
children for whom I can set no limits.
I must be consulted about which children will
live with us, when they can visit and how long they
will stay.
I will not be solely responsible for housework;
chores will be distributed fairly.
I will be consulted regarding all family financial
matters.
Others may not violate my private space at home,
nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my
own home.
My husband and stepchildren must treat me with
respect.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
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Good News: Bill to Make It Harder to Protect Children from
Parental Alienation Dies
 Background:
In April, I called your attention to a new, damaging Parental
Alienation bill in the California legislature. In my co-authored
column
AB 612 Will Make It Harder to Protect Children from Parental
Alienation (Riverside Press-Enterprise, 4/2/07),
I explained:
"A new bill authored by Assemblymember Ira Ruskin
(D-Redwood City) will harm children of divorce by making
it much harder for courts to protect children from alienation.
Under AB 612, mental health professionals will be discouraged
from issuing findings of Parental Alienation in child custody
cases...
"When a parent's children are being alienated, he
or she must wage an often long and expensive fight to get
family courts to recognize the alienation and take decisive
action. AB 612 would discourage independent mental health
professionals from issuing findings of Parental Alienation
in divorce/custody cases. It would also make it more difficult
for target parents to get courts to order psychological
evaluations as part of child custody investigations. Under
AB 612, such evaluations will be allowed only under 'exceptional
circumstances when there is strong evidence that a parent's
current mental or psychological status might seriously impair
his or her parenting ability.'
"This standard is unreasonably high, and will prevent
many target parents from saving their relationships with
their children. The legislature should be exhorting family
courts to protect children from Parental Alienation, not
putting up barriers to prevent them from doing so."
A couple weeks ago I reported
that policy consultant Michael Robinson of the
California Alliance
for Families and Children helped lead successful opposition
to
AB 612, and that the bill had been amended and defanged.
Robinson worked with the Family Law Executive Committee
of the California State Bar (Flexcom), the California Psychologists
Association (CPA), the Association of Family Conciliation
Courts (AFCC), the California Judges Association, and others.
Michael now reports that
the bill has died. As has often happened in California
in recent years, the Family Law Section of the State Bar
(Flexcom) came out in defense of noncustodial parents' rights,
just as they did with
AB 164 and
with the events surrounding the
LaMusga
decision. I thank them and the other groups listed above
for their work.
Robinson is one of the most effective advocates in our
movement, and I urge all to support him. To donate to the
California Alliance
for Families and Children, click
here.
To learn more about Parental Alienation, click
here. The
bill may well be back next year, so we need to remain on
top of this issue.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Help for Boston Dads
Boston family law attorney Nick Palermo
is a shared custody advocate who believes
that divorced dads are parents, not visitors.
The Law Offices of Nicholas Palermo is a
dedicated and committed trial law firm which
has worked to make shared custody for all
fit parents the law of the land.
LAW OFFICES OF NICHOLAS PALERMO
Los Angeles Dads--Free Legal Consultation
on Your Case
If you are involved in a divorce, domestic
violence, paternity, child custody or support
case in the greater Los Angeles area, call
Stephen A. Gershman to schedule
your FREE initial one hour consultation
at (888) 295-1756 or (818) 990-6505. Gershman
is certified as a Specialist in Family Law
by the Board of Legal Specialization of
the State Bar of California. He is an experienced
attorney, over 25 years, who will competently
and aggressively defend you against
unjust domestic violence restraining orders
or unfair financial obligations. When Parental
Alienation or custody is an issue, he will
help you protect your relationship with
your kids.
www.losangelesfamilylawyer.com
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Child Support Enforcement Harasses Teenager for Support
for 4 Kids Who Aren't HisWe've spoken many times
of the abuses perpetrated by Los Angeles County Child Support
Services Department. For some examples, see the Taron James
case here,
the Bert Riddick case
here, and
the abuses by former LA District Attorney Gil Garcetti
here. Also,
see the Melinda
Smith foster care case, in which LA CSSD billed and
collected child support from Thomas Smith for 10 years while
refusing to tell him his daughter's whereabouts.
In the story below, LA CSSD tried to beat child support
for four children out of a childless 19-year-old kid. The
only thing about the story which surprises me is that CSSD
resolved it and apologized for the error. To read more about
child support enforcement harassing teenage boys, see
Child Support
Enforcement Accuses Teenage Boy of Fathering Child When
He Was Three and
Boy Mistakenly Threatened With Jail For Being Deadbeat Dad.
Apology
given for child-support error
By Gideon Rubin
Los Angeles Daily News, 7/27/07
PALMDALE - A 19-year-old Palmdale man has received an
apology from county officials, who admit they made a mistake
when they said he owed child support for four youngsters
- including one born seven years ago.
Jason Ellis had received a letter from the Department
of Child Support Services, ordering him to pay $650 a month
for four children who live in Torrance.
Ellis, an Antelope Valley High graduate who aspires to
be a firefighter, has never been married and has no children.
An investigation by county officials revealed that they
were seeking a different Jason Ellis.
Lisa Garrett, the agency's chief deputy director, said
the Ellis case - one of 475,000 cases handled each year
- was an anomaly.
"It's really nice to put this behind me," Ellis said.
"It's one thing gone, and hopefully it stays gone."
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
You Go Grandma--80-Year-Old Woman Fights for Shared Parenting
Grandmothers are an important ally in the struggle for shared
parenting. I often receive heartbreaking letters from grandmothers
and grandfathers who have lost their grandchildren in their
sons' divorces. When the custodial parent cuts the ex-spouse
out of the children's lives, grandparents are usually cut
out, too. Sometimes grandparents in these situations are
also targets of Parental Alienation. I discussed the important
role women should and do play in the shared parenting movement
in my co-authored column
Why
Are There so Many Women in the Fathers' Movement? (Minneapolis
Star-Tribune, 6/21/02)
The
article below details the shared parenting activism
of Violet Downs, of Highland, Michigan.
Highland grandmother rallies for family rights
By Alison Bergsieker
Milford Times, 8/2/07
Just like many mothers, Violet Downs, 80, of Highland,
is happy to brag and boast about her son, Brian.
Brian graduated from the University of Michigan in 1979
and later received a juris doctor from the University of
Arizona in 1991 and served as a patent attorney for many
years.
And he's got three children younger than 16, all of whom
he's fighting to support and gain joint-custody rights from
his ex-wife.
"As it turns out, he lost everything," Violet said.
"When he got his divorce, it was just awful."
Brian and his ex-wife divorced, and she was given sole
custody of the children. She moved them to Grand Rapids,
requiring Brian to leave his home in Arizona in order to
be close to his children, Violet said.
While Violet can't get involved in her son's custody
issues, she's getting involved elsewhere.
To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Lisa
Scott's RealFamilyLaw.com
Shared Parenting Advocate/Family Law Attorney
Lisa Scott's
RealFamilyLaw.com
exposes the truth about what is happening
in our family law system. Lisa, the all-time
leader in appearances on His Side with
Glenn Sacks, says that she was "tired
of having her stuff rejected by elitist
bar publications and politically-correct
newspapers" and decided to start her own
website.
RealFamilyLaw.com
The Secrets of Happily Married Men
How can a man achieve a long and happy marriage?
If you've been checking out advice columns
or seeing a therapist, you may have been
looking in the wrong place. Despite all
the advances in brain technology, and all
of that we have learned about developmental
psychology--men and women are given the
same advice about solving problems. But
when we ask men what works for them, we
hear a different story.
www.SecretsofMarriedMen.com
Legal Help for Fathers
If you live in Los Angeles, Riverside or
Orange counties and you're facing a divorce,
separation, or a child custody issue, the
law firm of Oddenino & Gaule can help.
www.OddLaw.net
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Global Warming Is All Men's Fault, Part III
Nothing particularly wrong with the cartoon above by
Chan Lowe of the South Florida Sun-Sentinel,
except, as I've noted on numerous occasions, it seems strange
that we rarely see a cartoon which implicates a woman in
global warming, only men.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
I Was at Dodger Stadium and I DIDN'T Boo Barry Bonds
 Last
Tuesday I took my family to Dodger Stadium, and we all hoped
we would see Barry Bonds break the all-time homerun record
(the record is 755, Bonds had 754). There have been many
news reports of the hostile, rude, boorish welcomes Bonds
has been getting in visiting ballparks, and let me tell
you, they ain't lying.
Bonds was booed every time he moved. The fans would start
booing and my wife would ask, "What did he do? What happened?",
and it would turn out that he was just catching a routine
fly ball or stepping into the on-deck circle. Fans chanted,
"Barry Sucks, Barry Sucks" throughout the game--certainly
an odd description of one of the greatest players in baseball
history.
One charmer sitting near us kept yelling "Barry, go back
to the Gay Bay," and people had T-Shirts that said "Barry
Swallows" and other niceties. Every time he came up he was
given a standing boo, and as I stood up and applauded, I
wondered if it was a wise and safe thing to do. Security
was very tight.
I'm neither a defender nor a critic of Bonds, and I'll
decline to go into the Barry Bonds/steroids controversy
because it's been beaten to death by people who have followed
it much more closely than I. However, I will make one point
which I haven't heard, though I'm sure people are making
it. Whatever steroids Bonds may have taken in the past,
we know he hasn't done it for several years because of baseball's
drug testing program. Barry Bonds is 43 years-old--very,
very old for a baseball player. (My son asked me how old
Bonds was and when I told him Bonds is the same age as me,
the dear boy said, "I didn't know ancient people could play
baseball"). Nevertheless, Bonds has an on base percentage
of .493 and a slugging percentage of .558, making him perhaps
the best hitter in baseball, even now.
Unfortunately Bonds didn't break the record, and didn't
get much of a chance to. He struck out on three pitches
in the first inning, then drew an intentional walk, and
then another walk. When he reached base on an error in the
7th inning they pinch ran for him, and that was it. I had
wanted my daughter and my son to see a bit of baseball history,
but it wasn't to be.
But the night was not without its advantages--the game
was long and boring and my daughter was very tired, so she
spent most of the game curled up in my arms. Definitely
worth the price of admission.
[Late note: Bonds tied the record over the weekend. To
watch a video of it, click
here. After reaching home plate, Bonds picked up his
17-year-old son Nikolai, a Giants bat boy, who jumped into
his father's arms and was carried toward the dugout.]
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Best Wishes,
Glenn Sacks
GlennSacks.com
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I'm
quoted on the problem of anti-male advertising in
the recent London Times piece
