The American Coalition for Fathers and
Children
The American Coalition for Fathers and
Children is dedicated to creating a
family law system which promotes equal
rights for all parties affected by divorce.
Contact the ACFC at 1-800-978-3237 or
visit them on the web at
www.acfc.org.
Parenting Plan Calendar Software
Shared Ground (R) is an easy-to-use
custody calendar software program designed
for divorced families to track visitation
schedules. Includes a built-in percentage
calculator, schedule templates, free
training and excellent customer assistance.
Parents, attorneys, arbitrators and
mediators can generate equitable parenting
plans, which is especially useful for
parents seeking fair division of their
children's time. FREE TRIAL SOFTWARE
AVAILABLE by clicking
here.
The Second Wives Club
The Second Wives Club is what women
in blended families are looking for:
Remarriage, divorce, child custody,
and step-parenting discussed in a solution-oriented,
mature, and intelligent way; articles
and news written by thought-provoking
experts and journalists; personal accounts
and advice from some of life's most
interesting women.
www.SecondWivesClub.com
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ACFC's North Dakota Shared Parenting Battle
Heats UpThe battle over the
American Coalition for Fathers and Children's
North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative
is heating up. The Initiative qualified for
the November election, and has led to a backlash
among that state's opponents of shared parenting.
Some of you may recall my co-authored column
in support of the bill,
North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative Will
Help Children of Divorce (Grand Forks
Herald, 7/18/06), which I penned with ACFC
Executive Director Mike McCormick.
Enemies of Shared Parenting Blast NDSPI
Now that the ACFC has gotten the
North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative
on the November ballot, its enemies are firing
back hard. Carol Olson, the executive director
of the North Dakota Department of Human Services,
wrote
Family-law measures would lead to cutoff of
federal funds (Grand Forks Herald,
8/9/06) and columnist Lloyd Omdahl, former
Lieutenant Governor, wrote
Parenting initiative is the worst since 1938
(Grand Forks Herald and others, 8/14/06).
ACFC Fires Back
The ACFC and its allies have fired back in the
Grand Forks Herald:
Stand up to federal bullying, North Dakota
by Stephen Baskerville (ACFC President)
How courts discourage shared parenting in N.D.
by John Maguire (ACFC Director of Communications).
State wants to protect revenue stream by
Don Mathis, editor of The Fourteen Percenter,
a newsletter for noncustodial parents.
Measure complies with federal law by Rob
Port of
www.sayanythingblog.com,
North Dakota's popular political Web log.
Baskerville's column criticizes Olson for attempting
to play the "federal funds" card to turn North
Dakotans against shared parenting. He wrote:
"Carol Olson, executive director of the North
Dakota Department of Human Services, evidently
feels that the intervention of Health and Human
Services regional administrator Thomas Sullivan
into North Dakota's internal politics constitutes
an argument against the shared parenting ballot
initiative.
"What it truly reveals is an alarming abuse
of power and bullying of North Dakotans by the
federal government.
"Under 18 USC 1913, it is a crime for federal
civil servants to lobby legislatures. Lobbying
politicizes the civil service and turns it from
the people's servant into a taxpayer-funded
advocacy group that can suppress citizens' opinions
or activities it considers threatening. I would
be very surprised if North Dakota does not impose
similar restrictions on state officials such
as Olson.
"So North Dakotans should be very disturbed
that federal and state bureaucrats are or seem
to be taking sides in a citizens' ballot initiative
that threatens their power. Sullivan's undisguised
campaign to defeat the initiative with a letter
to a state senator probably is illegal and certainly
is improper. But further, using federal taxpayers'
money as leverage to pressure citizens from
exercising their democratic prerogatives vindicates
warnings that federal financial muscle is being
used to centralize power in dangerously authoritarian
ways.
"This becomes especially troubling when misinformation
and fear tactics are used to intimidate citizens
from exercising their democratic rights and
protect bureaucratic power. Olson's own opinion
piece opposing the referendum provides a very
misleading and one-sided evaluation.
"The likely impact of prospective legislation
normally is evaluated by an agency's legal counsel
- without taking sides - and is subject to final
interpretation through implementation and court
review. Instead, Sullivan issues what amounts
to an ultimatum to North Dakota: Passing the
initiative "will result in immediate suspension
of all federal payments for the state's child
support enforcement program. Temporary Aid for
Needy Families funding also would be jeopardized."
"This is not an advisory opinion. It is a
threat. Under 45 CFR 305.61, no penalty can
be imposed for noncompliance without a notice.
At a minimum, the state would have a year for
corrective action before losing any federal
funds. Thereafter, the penalties are 1 to 2
percent for the first finding, 2 to 3 percent
for the second and 3 to 5 percent for subsequent
findings.
"States actually have been out of compliance
with child support regulations for years. Like
other states, North Dakota does not base its
guidelines on the cost of raising children within
that state, as required by federal law. Yet
no state consequently has lost any funding,
let alone "all" of it and "immediately."
"At no point has anyone demonstrated that
Sullivan has the statutory authority to immediately
cut off all funds. Threatening to do so with
authority he does not have is intimidation.
Actually doing so is breaking the law.
"Rather than allowing themselves to be intimidated,
North Dakotans should be outraged at these pressure
tactics by bureaucrats and politicians who are
supposed to be the peoples' servants. State
referenda exist precisely to use participatory
democracy to overcome inaction by politicians,
inertia by bureaucrats and power centralized
in Washington.
"The eyes of the nation will be on North
Dakota this fall. Standing up to federal bullying
will leave all Americans in North Dakota's debt."
Warren Farrell to Address
ACFC Conference
The ACFC
has just announced that Dr. Warren Farrell
will be speaking at the National Family
Law Reform Conference, September 15 -16, 2006
at the Crystal Gateway Marriott in Arlington,
Virginia.
Dr. Farrell has authored half-a-dozen books
including: Father and Child Reunion and
his most recent release Why Men Earn More.
Warren is completing work on a compilation of
research studies which support Shared Parenting
and will be sharing with conference attendees
information on making the case for shared parenting.
This is the time for Shared Parenting and
Fatherhood advocates to come together and demonstrate
the existence of a viable Family Law Reform
movement. Our efforts are being endorsed by
significant organizations outside our movement.
A partial list of confirmed speakers includes:
Dr. Warren
Farrell; Phyllis Schlafly; Michael McManus;
Dr. Stephen Baskerville; and Glenn Sacks.
Click here
to register for this event.
Finally What Child Support Payers
Need
Child Support obligors face
a stacked deck when squaring
off against CS Enforcement's
army of lawyers and agents,
all pitted against some beleaguered
father who's working 50 hours
a week to pay his child support
and support his family. The
burden of proving compliance
with court-ordered support falls
on the obligor, not the custodial
parent or the enforcement agencies.
Very often fathers are forced
to pay money they don't really
owe, or are saddled with fake
arrearages and the concomitant
interest and penalties.
Since the state provides
a ton of free assistance to
custodial parents, fathers need
quality, affordable representation
for these battles.
Child Support Liberation's Child
Support Audits and Record Management
Program helps obligors challenge
arrears by producing professional,
top-quality self-audits which
include all the necessary records
in the proper form.
CSARMP then conducts quarterly
audits that will alert obligors
to overcharges. In addition,
they will maintain ongoing records
of obligations, payments and
interest.
CSARMP costs only $13 a
month ($38 for the first month
only) and can be cancelled with
only 30 days notice. To learn
more or to sign up, click
here and
here. If you have any questions,
write to Michael Kennedy of
Child Support Liberation
by clicking
here.
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PBS Documentary on Family Law to Be Aired
The documentary on family law which PBS promised
after our
Campaign Against PBS's Father-Bashing Breaking
the Silence is called Kids & Divorce:
For Better or Worse, and it will be airing
on PBS affiliates in mid-September.
PBS broadcast the anti-father documentary
Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories
on many of its affiliates last October. The
film accused family courts of anti-mother bias,
attacked
Parental Alienation Syndrome, and portrayed
divorced dads seeking shared custody as batterers
and child molesters aiming to steal children
from their mothers. The film was extremely one-sided,
and presented a harmful and inaccurate view
of divorce and child custody cases.
Working with
Fathers and Families, the
American Coalition for Fathers & Children
and others, we organized a campaign against
the film, and over 10,000 of you called or wrote
PBS to protest. Our demand was that "PBS provide
fatherhood and shared parenting advocates a
meaningful opportunity to present our side."
The campaign generated considerable media
attention and controversy, and both PBS's ombudsman
and the Corporation for Public Broadcasting's
ombudsman expressed sympathy with many of our
aims.
In November we made the bombshell announcement
that one of the women profiled as a heroic mom
in the film had been found
culpable of multiple acts of child abuse
by a California Juvenile court. While the film
claims that the mother lost custody of the daughter
because of the father's legal machinations,
in reality the Juvenile court transferred custody
to the father to protect the girl.
In December PBS issued a statement saying
they would commission an hour-long documentary
to examine the issues raised in the film and
by our campaign. PBS said that "plans call for
the documentary to be produced and broadcast
in Spring 2006" and that the "hour-long treatment
of the subject will allow ample opportunity"
for those of differing views to "have their
perspectives shared, challenged and debated."
We commended PBS for understanding our concerns
and taking action to address the situation.
In April PBS filmed and interviewed Fathers
& Families members. PBS describes Kids &
Divorce: For Better or Worse as follows:
"Millions of American families are affected
by divorce. Divorce and its aftermath generate
strong emotions, sometimes influencing children
into rebellion and bad behavior. By profiling
several children and parents going through a
divorce, the program explores how divorce affects
children, how parents can lessen the negative
effects and the efforts to reform how the way
custody decisions are made."
Where the New PBS Film Is Airing
Below is a list of some of the stations and
dates where Kids & Divorce: For Better or
Worse is scheduled to air. Most are airing
multiple times--we listed the most convenient
dates below. Just as Breaking the Silence
did not air on some PBS stations, Kids &
Divorce won't either. However, if you know
of an airing of Kids & Divorce which
is not listed, please email us at
glenn@glennsacks.com.
WGBH in Boston (9/12/06), KQED in the Bay Area/San
Francisco (9/15/06, 9/16/06),
New Hampshire
Public Television (9/21/2006), Alabama
Public Television, (9/1/9/06, 9/21/06), KRLU
in Austin, Texas (9/17/06),
Louisiana Public Broadcasting (9/14/06, 9/15/06),
Wisconsin
Public Television (9/14/06), KUED in
Salt Lake City (9/14/06), WPSU in Central Pennsylvania
(9/16/06), KTWU in Topeka, Kansas (9/17/06),
MPTV in Milwaukee, Wisconsin (9/16/06), KTSC
in Denver/Rocky Mountains (9/28/06), Iowa Public
Television (9/14/06), KTNW in Washington state
(9/15/06) and Kentucky Educational Television
(9/14/06).
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Accurate Paternity Testing
There are many important reasons
why people choose to have a
paternity test done. A child
is entitled to the sense of
belonging and identity that
comes from knowing his/her parents.
An alleged father also has the
right to know if a child is
biologically his. Paternity
fraud in the United States is
unfortunately a fairly common
occurrence, affecting perhaps
millions of men. Now you can
get the accurate, fast and affordable
answers to your paternity questions.
Visit
www.accuratepaternity.com
or call 877-434-0292 to talk
to a DNA testing expert or to
order a confidential test today.
Do You and Your Kids Go Camping?
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www.woodgas-stove.com.
Attention California Child Support
Obligors
Under the
Compromise of Back Child Support
Program, when money is owed
to the government (not the mother),
the government may compromise
on back child support for up
to 90% off. This law was passed
in recognition of the fact that
there have been many inequitable
child support judgments that
can no longer be appealed. We
operate anywhere in California--to
learn more about this program,
contact family law attorney
Robert Ackermann at (310) 442-8240
or at
ChildsupportLA@aol.com.
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Conservative Censorship?One of my readers
wrote me and told me that when he tried to post
my recent column
Respect a Man's Choice, Too (AlterNet,
8/1/06) on
www.freerepublic.com,
a popular conservative website where he frequently
participates in forums, freerepublic blocked
him and sent him the following message:
"Source is Blocked, article not posted alternet.org
material not wanted on FR."
Perhaps there's more to this than I'm aware
of--if anybody knows anything, feel free to
educate me. But at first glance it appears to
be the same type of suppression of voices that
conservatives often claim liberals are guilty
of.
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Father Sues Adoption Agency for Giving Away
His Baby Boy
Mark Huddleston is the biological father of a two year-old
boy he says he wants to raise. But a judge has ruled
the child should remain with its adoptive parents, who
have had custody since the infant was three days old.
Huddleston claims he didn't know the baby existed until
two months after its birth, and the state said the private
adoption agency hadn't properly notified Huddleston.
Despite doing everything possible to be a father
to his son, Huddleston's baby boy was given away by
a vindictive mother working hand in glove with a predatory
adoption agency. Last summer we covered the Mark Huddleston
case on
His Side with Glenn Sacks--to listen, go
to Father
Fights Adoption Agency for Right to Raise His Son
(7/17/05).
Jane Spies
of the National Family
Justice Association, who has done wonderful work
on the Huddleston case, informs me that Huddleston is
now suing the adoption agency. According to
Biological parent of toddler files lawsuit against Albuquerque
Agency (Albuquerque Tribune, 8/22/06):
"The biological father of a 2-year-old boy has filed
a lawsuit against the Albuquerque agency he says put
his son up for adoption without his permission.
"The lawsuit, filed late Monday in state District
Court in Albuquerque, charges that Adoptions Plus knew
or should have known that Mark Huddleston, 40, was the
father of the child but purposely failed to notify him
of the existence of his child and failed to obtain his
consent to the adoption...
"Huddleston's lawsuit comes nearly a month after
the state Court of Appeals reversed a decision by state
District Judge John Pope in Valencia County to terminate
Huddleston's parental rights.
"According to that opinion, it was not sufficiently
proven that Huddleston had abandoned the child after
the birth and that his consent was required before the
mother proceeded with the adoption.
"The appellate court also ruled that Huddleston's
actions, or lack of them, before the baby's birth didn't
prove that he caused the parent-child relationship to
disintegrate.
"According to the appellate opinion, the child was
the result of a six-month relationship that ended June
2003 between Helen G., an Albuquerque hotel employee,
and Huddleston, an account executive for a company that
delivered chemicals to the hotel.
"Huddleston's lawsuit said that the mother kept her
pregnancy a secret and that she 'insisted' that he have
no further contact with her once the couple split up.
"In January 2004, the lawsuit said that Helen contacted
the agency to put her unborn son up for adoption and
that she identified Huddleston and another man as the
possible fathers.
"The baby was born Feb. 14, 2004. According to previous
court documents, the infant was placed three days later
into the adoptive home of Bobby and Rosario Romero...
"But Huddleston said he did not know he had fathered
a child until he received a notice from the adoption
agency three days after the notice date of April 16,
2004, the lawsuits said.
"Huddleston, the lawsuit states, immediately called
the agency but was told to call back in the morning.
That day, he and his wife spoke with Catherine Troy,
Adoptions Plus executive director and placement supervisor,
in person and were told by her that he had no right
to the child, the lawsuit said.
"'She said he would never get custody of the child
and that the child had been placed in a good home,'
the lawsuit said. 'Ms. Troy also admitted that she never
notified Mr. Huddleston about the adoption and termination
proceedings.'"
"That same day, Huddleston hired an attorney. Later
that month, he filed a paternity suit to contest the
adoption.
"A DNA test court-ordered in May 2004 was delayed
by the Romeros and finally conducted in June 2004; the
test indicated that Huddleston was the father, the lawsuit
said.
"Despite that, the lawsuit said Huddleston was denied
visits with and photos of his son until December 2004
when he was allowed limited, supervised visits after
the state Children, Youth and Families Department intervened.
"Those visits were stopped with Pope's decision to
terminate his parental rights on April 14, 2005.
"The lawsuit says that as a result of the actions
of Adoptions Plus Huddleston has suffered severe emotional
pain, distress and anxiety, loss of earnings and substantial
financial expenses.
"The lawsuit seeks financial compensation of more
than $40,000 in legal fees as well as punitive damages."
Read the rest of the article
here. Let's hope Huddleston wacks the agency good--perhaps
that will provide these adoption agencies with the incentive
to stop giving fathers' children away...
Has Your Career Been Impacted by Custody Issues?
After empowering people's careers for over 20
years, I was duly initiated into family law
just like you--through a 30 month, $520,000
custody suit. I learned that a solid home-based
business could be the best option, allowing
one to shake the financial shackles while still
experiencing a "no limits" career. More than
ever, our kids now need a free and available
parent. Be there for them...and for yourself.
Darrell W. Gurney,
www.CEOinShorts.com
Concerned about Financial Issues in Your Divorce?
If you're concerned about financial issues in
your divorce, contact
Jim DiGabriele of DiGabriele, McNulty &
Co by email
here or at 973-243-2600.
Letters From a Deadbeat Dad
Have you ever been framed as a "deadbeat dad"
while you were just trying to be a father? Have
you ever been forced to pay child support while
being denied your basic rights? Have you ever
had to explain Parental Alienation Syndrome
to your own child? Have you ever heard about
fighting family law battles outside the law
by following principles of non-violence--and
winning? Read
Letters From a Deadbeat Dad by
Cosmo Monkhouse.
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John Murtari UpdateLast enewsletter I wrote about
John Murtari, a loving father to his 13 year-old son
Domenic, who refused food and water after his incarceration
on July 31 for a questionable child support arrearage.
Murtari received a feeding tube last week. I've read
John's e-newsletter for the past several years, and
while at times I've disagreed with his tactics, I do
respect his courage, courteous manner and fighting spirit.
To learn more about John's situation, and for the latest
updates, go to Teri Stoddard's blog
here.
The Syracuse Post-Standard, Murtari's home
newspaper, just printed several letters defending John--see
Custody Battle: Readers defend John Murtari's fight
for parental rights.
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Expose False Allegations with Technology
Don't let the anti-male bias in criminal
law victimize you. If you could be falsely
accused by an angry woman, be prepared!
Use technology to expose the real aggressor.
DontMakeHerMad.com
Save Money and Get Better Gas Mileage
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New Jersey Divorce and Family Law
New Jersey family law attorney David
Perry Davis, Esq. can help you through
your divorce. In Pasqua v. Council
(2006) Davis successfully challenged
New Jersey's unconstitutional practice
of failing to appoint attorneys for
indigent child support obligors at enforcement
hearings where they face incarceration.
As a result of this suit, trial courts
must apply the same standard used when
a defendant requests a public defender
in a criminal matter.
www.dpdlaw.com
|
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Men 'Deserve What They Get'?
A few weeks ago Metro Silicon Valley published
a large article on the problem of fallacious default
paternity judgments--Who's
Your Daddy? (Metro Silicon Valley, 7/19/06).
As I noted in my co-authored column
New American Bar Association Article Points to Crisis
in False Paternity Judgments (Baltimore Sun,
8/20/06), these men "are forced to pay 18 years of child
support for children who are not theirs, and who in
many cases they've never even met...the victims of false
paternity judgments aren't men trying to evade their
legitimate responsibilities, nor are they Nicholas Barthas
determined to ensure that their exes will never get
a penny. They are instead victims of one of the most
indefensible civil rights violations in America today--an
injustice which cries out for redress."
Metro Silicon
Valley has a circulation of 200,000 and is one of
the largest weekly publications in California. The article
has quotes from numerous people involved in the struggle
against paternity fraud, including: longtime paternity
fraud crusader Carnell Smith;
Taron James, the founder of
Veterans
Fighting Paternity Fraud; Santa Ana family law attorney
Linda Ferrer, winner of the
Navarro
case; myself; and others. To learn more see
CA Weekly Does Cover Story on Problem of Default Paternity
Judgments
Since then there have been some interesting
reactions to the piece. One is feminist Theresa Vander
Horn's
Men Deserve What They Get. Vander Horn writes:
"Leave it to Metro to trumpet
a men's cause that isn't ("Who's
Your Daddy?," MetroNews, July 19). By any measure,
the overwhelming problem in child support is lack of
it. Yet Metro finds a few hapless men who couldn't
be bothered even to show up in court on their own behalf.
This is not a child support problem, not even a paternity
problem. This is a delinquency problem. Their problems
would be the same if they had failed to show up in traffic
court or small claims court. What the public does need
to know is that "men's rights" groups are often tied
to religious groups. The "right" that men's groups are
protecting is the "right" to have sex whenever they
please with whomever, the right to parent if and when
they feel like doing so and the right to "move on" if
and when it suits them. This is the assertion of biblical
domination of women. Any attempt to hold them accountable
is assailed as flawed and unfair. (Heaven forbid life
be unfair to a man.) If a man is so indiscriminate that
he doesn't even know if he has fathered a child, that
man is not so innocent after all. These men are reckless,
just as reckless as the men who show up months or years
later to claim babies they didn't even know they had
(i.e., Baby Jessica, Baby Richard ...). The "right"
being protected for these men is the right to be reckless
and carefree--a rare luxury for women on this globe.
Women have been dealing for centuries with the fall-out
of men's reckless sexual behavior and all women ever
got was advice to be more chaste. Yet when a few not-so
"innocent" men are caught in the undertow, they squeal
like drowning pigs and their meager cries drown out
the wails of women going down shit's creek by the millions.
Given the magnitude of paternal delinquency, the gerrymandering
of support guidelines and the disparate impact of women,
why does Metro trumpet the cause of these few
hapless delinquents?"
Another interesting letter is
Men R Not Always Pigs from shared parenting advocate
Adryenn Ashley. Ashley writes:
"The default rate [in Los Angeles] was
so high because the County of Los Angeles hired a process
serving company that is known in the industry for less
than professional service. So while a default may have
been taken against a man, that in no way means that
he actually got served. That really depends on who said
he got served. Process servers are like roofers, you
have some excellent ones and some shabby ones who will
do anything to earn the fee, even signing that they
served a man in an apartment complex that burned down
the month before. Or in Taron James' case, served him
at the corner two-story blue house, when he lives in
the middle of the block in a one-story white house.
And in court, I have seen that evidence not make a bit
of difference to the judge."
(A quick note to Metro Silicon Valley's
headline writer--we men aren't always pigs? Gee,
thanks!)
Another interesting letter is
Amazing Expose from one of my readers, John Lehman.
Lehman writes:"The most astounding thing in the whole
article is near the end, where Ms. Ruttenberg shows
that the government makes no attempt to hold mothers
accountable even when (as illustrated earlier in the
article) they wreak such havoc by naming the wrong father.
Many readers will also have noticed that women generally
are not held accountable for lying about anything: rape,
domestic violence, and so on ad nauseum. A lot
of us have been their victims. (Women are sometimes
victims in other ways, but that's beyond the scope of
this letter)."
Help for Maryland Fathers
Family law attorney
Dawn Elaine Bowie works to protect
parents' relationships with their children
and reduce post-divorce conflict. She
practices in Montgomery, Anne Arundel
and Prince George's Counties. Contact
her at
attorneydawn@marylandfamilylawfirm.com
or go to
www.marylandfamilylawfirm.com.
Tree House Solutions
Tree House Solutions, LLC is
a growing and evolving resource designed
to meet the emotional and informational
needs of parents who are going through
divorce and those already divorced.
Tree House activities are composed of
live, real time teleconferences on a
weekly basis. These sessions are conducted
by two highly experienced mental health
practitioners, versed in high conflict
divorce. Drs. Bone and Evans offer a
wide spectrum of suggestions and education
regarding the divorce process and co-parenting
with difficult former spouses.
www.treehousesolutions.org
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Column: Philadelphia Daily News Unfairly Stereotypes
Dads
My recent co-authored column,
Philadelphia Daily News Unfairly Stereotypes
Dads (Philadelphia Daily News, 8/2/06), fires
back at the newspaper for two recent father-bashing
"news" stories--Jail
Threat Springs $$ (7/20/06) and
Woman starts Web site to shame vanished dads (7/20/06).
In the column family law attorney Jeff Leving and
I criticized anti-father webmistress
Fadia Ward, who the paper praised. We wrote:
"In [reporter Dana] DiFillippo's
other article, 'Woman starts Web site to shame vanished
dads,' she salutes activist Fadia Ward and her website
www.sorryassbabydaddies.com. Ward excoriates dads
and calls on her fellow sisters to publicly humiliate
them, saying 'our men have got to get it together...the
only way to do that is to take their manhood away.'
Certainly there are fathers who do not come through
for their children. Yet Ward, who at age 27 has had
four children by four different fathers, eschews any
personal fault for her own situation, claiming that
none of her four births were intended."
"The home page of Ward's website depicts an African-American
father shouting 'get outta here with all that' as his
two little children cry at his feet, begging for his
affection, and the children's mother cries and holds
out a baby to him. This is a terrible distortion of
the lives of divorced or separated dads, many of whom
struggle to remain a part of their children's lives.
"According to the Children's
Rights Council, a Washington, DC-based children's advocacy
group, more than five million American children each
year have their access to their noncustodial parents
interfered with or blocked by custodial parents. These
fathers must wage expensive court battles in order to
see their children. Some can't afford it and give up,
and are understandably unenthused about sacrificing
to pay support to the exes who separated them from their
kids."
I do commend the Philadelphia
Daily News for allowing our criticism onto its opinion
pages. To write a Letter to the Editor about
Unfairly stereotyping dads (8/2/06), click
here.
Anti-Father Blogger Wrong but Not Completely Wrong
One of the things I sometimes regret about writing is
that, given the tight word limits and fierce competition
in newspaper columns, I'm often not able to give my
columns the subtlety I'd like to. And while Ward's accusations
are unfair, they're not completely unfair--there is
some truth to what she says. I told the story below
on the radio a couple years ago:
"And it's true that there are people who just don't
care about their kids. Let me tell you one of the saddest
stories I ever heard. The secretary at another radio
station where I used to do the show told me a story
about her son. The father and the mother broke up when
the boy was about four or five, and the father soon
disappeared from the boy's life. When the boy started
school he always worked very hard and did all his homework
and got good grades, even though his mother never pushed
him to do well in school or to do his homework. She
didn't have to push him--he always did it on his own.
"One day when the boy was about nine the mother got
curious about this. After all, most boys don't take
to school so well, and aren't as conscientious about
their studies. I know--I've lived it with my son for
many, many years. So at one point the mom asked the
boy 'why do you work so hard at school and do so well?'
The boy looked at her and replied 'well, I think if
I do really well in school, maybe my daddy will come
back.'"
Column: Glenn Debates Feminist over 'Roe v. Wade for
Men' Lawsuit
Family law attorney Jeff Leving and I squared off
against feminist columnist Kai Ma over the controversial
'Roe v. Wade for Men' lawsuit on the prominent left-wing
website AlterNet. Our column is
Respect a Man's Choice, Too, Ma's is
The Difference Between a Womb and a Wallet. In our
column we wrote:
"Ma condemns men who 'lie, deceive,
break their promises, or pull a 180...who agree to marry
but don't,' and laments that 'millions of women' have
been 'trapped into single motherhood for life with,
often, next to no recourse.' Yet according to a randomized
study of 46,000 divorce cases published in the American
Law and Economics Review, two‑thirds of all divorces
involving couples with children are initiated by mothers,
not fathers, and in only 6% of cases did the women claim
to be divorcing cruel or abusive husbands.
"The out-of-wedlock birth rate in the
United States hovers around 33%--given the wide variety
of contraceptive and reproductive choices women enjoy,
this can hardly be blamed primarily on men. Yes, in
some of these cases the mother and father shared a relationship
which the mother (and the father) may have expected
would become a marriage. Yet these relationships fail
for many reasons besides male perfidy. These include:
youth; economic pressure and the lack of living wage
jobs (how many couples fight over money?); and the mothers'
post-partum depression and mood-swings. It's doubtful
that many men really wake up in the morning and say
to themselves 'my child loves me and needs me, my girlfriend
loves me and needs me--I'm outta here.'"
The column also provided me the opportunity
to present my view on "Roe v. Wade for Men" in a more
subtle, nuanced way than when I've written on the issue
for newspapers:
"Whenever a child is born outside of
the context of a loving, two-parent family, there are
no good solutions. Ma overstates her case, but she is
correct that 'Choice for Men' is a flawed solution.
However, the current regime, which provides women with
a variety of choices and men with none, is also flawed.
"Dubay's conduct is not particularly
admirable, and he's certainly not a candidate for father
of the year; however, he does have a point. Over the
past four decades women's advocates have successfully
made the case that it is wrong to force a pregnancy
on an unwilling mother. Despite the backlash against
Dubay, hopefully his lawsuit will result in a greater
societal awareness that it is also wrong to force a
pregnancy on an unwilling father."
Respect a Man's Choice, Too is drawing a lot of
comments--to join the debate, click
here.
A Foray into a Feminist Stronghold
Respect a Man's Choice, Too was ranked as the 3rd
most read article at AlterNet for the week in
which it ran, and drew almost 400 reader comments.
In part because AlterNet is a left-wing/pro-feminist
news website, many of the comments are negative.
AlterNet's regular columnists include liberal luminaries
Arianna Huffington,
Earl Ofari Hutchinson,
Molly Ivins and
Robert Scheer. According to Wikipedia, the San Francisco-based
AlterNet is "a project of the
Independent Media Institute, and politically
left-of-center. AlterNet's content is mostly
progressive and ostensibly independent of any particular
political party...they get over 1.5 million visitors
per month."
I believe this is a positive thing. As I've noted
on many occasions, while I welcome our conservative
allies, we're not going to win shared parenting without
a wide base--one which very much includes the left.
This is one of the reasons I've felt it's important
to be published in mainstream newspapers, which tend
to be liberal and pro-feminist. There are constituencies
on the left which would be very sympathetic to our message.
The best example are black Democrats. Pardon the generalization,
but American whites are largely in denial about the
damage caused by fatherlessness. They're also addled
by anti-male feminism. Blacks, because of their experiences,
see the cost of fatherlessness more clearly than whites
do.
This is Feminist Territory--No Sacks Allowed...
Many of the comments (and the comments about the
piece on feminist blogs) are of the "This is our
turf--why is Sacks allowed on it?" variety. I've seen
this attitude many times in mainstream newspapers--they
don't expect men's and fathers' advocates to be there,
and they sure as hell don't expect a male men
and fathers' advocate to be there.
Among those who have publicly displayed this attitude
towards me are Esta Soler, president of the Family Violence
Prevention Fund (in the San Francisco Chronicle)
and Marcia Pappas, president of the New York state chapter
of the National Organization for Women (in the Albany
Times-Union). I was once banned from a newspaper
(sorry--can't publicly reveal which one) after a feminist
leader who I had criticized made a phone call. I guess
they don't want their views challenged or debated.
Help for Seattle Fathers
The Law Offices of O. Yale Lewis III
is a one-person law firm that focuses
on customer care. Mr. Lewis can help
you identify and focus on the outcome
that you want and implement the steps
necessary to get there.
www.yalelewislaw.com.
Help for California Divorced Dads
The Divorced Fathers Network helps dads
in Los Angeles, the Bay Area and Santa
Cruz. Local chapters sponsor free weekly
co-parenting classes, individual mentoring
for fathers and much more.
www.divorcedfathers.com.
|
|
Column: Brett Myers Case Obscures an Important Truth
About Domestic Violence Arrests
My recent co-authored column,
Brett Myers Case Obscures an Important Truth About Domestic
Violence Arrests (Delaware County Daily Times
[Philadelphia], 8/2/06, Fredericksburg Free Lance-Star,
8/5/06), has a different take on the highly-publicized
Brett Myers incident. In the column Mike McCormick,
Executive Director of the
American Coalition for Fathers and Children, and
I wrote:
"An important truth has been lost in the controversy
over the way the Philadelphia Phillies handled pitcher
Brett Myers after his recent arrest for spousal abuse.
Mrs. Myers' injuries and the accounts of several witnesses
leave little reason to doubt her husband's culpability.
Nevertheless, the Phillies at first reserved judgment
about the case, and allowed Myers to pitch.
"This was wrong, as the team admitted after widespread
criticism, and Myers was given a leave of absence. However,
in many domestic violence cases the men arrested do
deserve the open mind and support which the Phillies'
mistakenly extended Myers. Spousal abuse arrests are
often dubious, in part because of misguided domestic
violence laws and law enforcement policies...
"Contrary to the charges leveled by the Phillies'
numerous critics, the club wasn't wrong in its desire
to afford its player the benefit of the doubt. The problem
is that in Myers' case there is no doubt. However,
the next time an athlete is arrested for domestic violence,
there probably will be. Will the team involved turn
its back on its player because of the precedent set
in the Myers case?"
Read the full column
here.
To write a Letter to the Editor about the column,
write to the Delaware County Daily Times
regarding "Myers Case Obscures an Important Truth About
Domestic Violence Arrests" (8/2/06) at
ldemeglio@delcotimes.com. Write to the Fredericksburg
Free Lance-Star regarding
Spousal abuse: One strike and you're out, even if you
didn't swing (8/5/06) at
letters@freelancestar.com. If your letter is published,
let me know and I will link to it from a future e-newsletter.
I've previously discussed the Brett Myers incident
in this e-newsletter--see
The Brett Myers Saga: Baseball Player Beats Wife on
Boston Street. Also, see my discussion of a 1901
baseball player's arrest for domestic violence and the
public's reaction to it at
Violence Against Women Culturally Acceptable?
The Secrets of Happily Married Men
How can a man achieve a long and happy marriage?
If you've been checking out advice columns or
seeing a therapist, you may have been looking
in the wrong place. Despite all the advances
in brain technology, and all of that we have
learned about developmental psychology--men
and women are given the same advice about solving
problems. But when we ask men what works for
them, we hear a different story.
www.SecretsofMarriedMen.com
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|
Baseball Pitcher Scott Erickson Got the Shaft
In the column we wrote "An excellent example of what
can happen to an athlete, or any man, is the saga of
another major league pitcher arrested for spousal abuse--Scott
Erickson." I've complained about the Erickson
case numerous times in print and on the air over the
past several years. The Free Lance-Star published
an Associated Press picture of Erickson, with a nice
caption:
"Though former Orioles pitcher Scott Erickson tried
to avoid a fight with an out-of-control girlfriend,
the authors say, he still found himself in handcuffs
under Maryland's mandatory-arrest policy in domestic-abuse
complaints."
Of Erickson we wrote:
"Erickson was arrested after he called the police
during an altercation with his girlfriend in July of
2002. According to the Associated Press, the Baltimore
police concluded that Erickson's girlfriend Lisa Ortiz:
initiated the fight by hurling objects; decided to come
back twice after Erickson carried her out of the apartment;
repeatedly kicked the apartment door; caused Erickson
two minor injuries, one of them to his pitching arm;
and herself suffered no injuries.
"Nonetheless, the police arrested Erickson under Maryland's
mandatory arrest law. Afterwards Ortiz publicly stated
that Erickson, who did not pursue her either time after
carrying her out, 'has never been physically abusive
toward me.'
"After Erickson's arrest he was excoriated by sportswriters
and domestic violence activists. Later, even as a police
spokesperson announced that the charges against Erickson
were being dropped, the spokesperson continued to refer
to Ortiz as 'the victim.' To this day the influential
Family Violence Prevention Fund lists Erickson in its
'Hall of Shame.'"
Philly News Reporter Has History of Man-Bashing
One of my Philadelphia readers saw
Philadelphia Daily News Unfairly Stereotypes
Dads (Philadelphia Daily News, 8/2/06), in
which I criticized reporter Dana DiFilippo, and wrote
to me about DiFilippo's previous manbashing. According
to the reader:
"In May, a Philadelphia woman sexually mutilated her
husband by ripping off part of his scrotum with her
fingernails. She was arrested, and I'm happy to say
most media outlets in this area treated the story with
gravity, not attempts at humor. DiFilippo was the exception."
DiFilippo's article was
A GENITAL REMINDER (5/18/06). DiFilippo wrote:
"With their wedding anniversary less than two weeks
away, Howard Randolph was thinking romance. He hoped
to take his wife, Monica, out for an intimate dinner
and maybe an oldies-but-goodies show to celebrate 11
years of matrimony.
"But yesterday, his mind was more on divorce and
jail for his wife after she almost became Philadelphia's
own Lorena Bobbitt.
"Monica Randolph didn't need a kitchen knife. She
took matters into her own hands.
"The Nicetown man said he had been sleeping peacefully
in the couple's bed Tuesday night when his wife pounced
on him without warning, grabbed his groin, dug her manicured
fingernails in and flayed him, leaving his gore-slicked
gonads dangling much lower than normal.
"'She didn't use no weapon - this was just sheer
brute strength and fingernails. She grabbed me by my
[scrotum] and ripped it apart with her bare hands,'
Randolph said yesterday from his hospital bed at Albert
Einstein Medical Center, where he was in stable condition
with stitched and bandaged genitals...
"A neighbor who heard the commotion also called police,
who took Monica Randolph into custody and charged her
with aggravated assault and related offenses.
"Talk about a strict violation of the penal code...
"Monica Randolph told arresting officers that she
had attacked her husband because he was cheating on
her. But her husband denied having any affairs. He remains
mystified as to his wife's motive and demanded that
she receive a stiff punishment...
"News of the genital mangling aroused a mixture of
horrified gasps and guilty giggles in the Randolphs'
neighborhood, where few knew the couple who had moved
into the brick rowhouse on Pulaski Avenue near Bouvier
Street in April.
"Meanwhile, neighbors were left to speculate on explanations
for the attack.
"'She got to be crazy,' said Dionne Martin, 18, who
basked in the spring sunshine on friend Rochelle Odd's
porch steps.
"Odd, 21, agreed: 'That woman was crazy, but I'm
on her side. I don't think no guy deserves to have his
balls ripped off. But she's got to be deep in love -
that's what would make a woman do this. If they was
together all those years and he cheated on her, she
wanted him to feel what she was feeling. There's a lesson
to be learned here: Don't cheat on your woman.'"
Read the full article
here. I'm particularly annoyed by Rochelle Odd's
comment. Talk about a vindictive woman. Does this mean
a man has the right to beat his girlfriend up if she
cheats on him? I guess so. And while our opponents fall
all over themselves to deny that there is such a thing
as Parental Alienation Syndrome, is there any doubt
that vindictive women like this would attempt to alienate
their children from their children's fathers?
DiFilippo can be reached at
difilid@phillynews.com.
Glenn Discusses Shared Parenting Movement on Morning
Beat with Curtis Wright
I discussed the shared parenting movement and my co-authored
column
NOW at 40: Group's Opposition to Shared Parenting Contradicts
Its Goal of Gender Equality (New York Daily News,
7/27/06) on Morning Beat with Curtis Wright
on 106.3 FM "The Big Talker" in Wilmington, North Carolina
on Thursday, August 3.
Are You Really the Father?
Find out the underlying flaws in the DNA paternity
testing system and learn how a man with results
in the 90%, 95% or even 99% positive range may
not be the father. Learn what most lawyers and
judges don't know about paternity testing.
www.paternitytestflaw.com.
Congressional Candidate Takes Strong Stand for
Noncustodial Parents' Rights
In 2004 Libertarian presidential candidate Michael
Badnarik had a strong noncustodial parents'
rights
platform. Badnarik is clearly aware of and
sensitive to the basic problems fathers today
face, particularly the sole custody norm and
the denigration of noncustodial parents to "second
class parent" status. Badnarik is running for
Congress in 2006--to learn more, go to
www.badnarik.org.
|
Dear Abby: Mom Wants Help to End Her Violent Nature
An interesting new
Dear Abby column:
"Dear Abby:
"Last week I hit my husband. My daughter saw me do it.
My parents were violent when they were drunk, and I
swore I would never do that, but it happened.
"Abby, can my children forget my mistakes, or are they
doomed to keep repeating this violence from generation
to generation? Can it stop here if I get proper help?
How do I prevent my children from following in my --
and my parents' -- footsteps?
"SORRY MOM in Canada
"Dear Sorry Mom:
"Your children are not 'doomed.' They can learn better
ways to manage their anger, and so can you. Tell your
daughter you were wrong to hit her father, and you regret
it. Explain that you are going to see a counselor and
learn more appropriate ways to deal with your anger
and frustration, and that you'll share what you learn
with her and your other children.
"Make an appointment with a therapist soon, and locate
the nearest chapter of Adult Children of Alcoholics.
ACA is a 12-step group of people who grew up much as
you did. They'll help you understand the dynamics of
your behavior and assist you in overcoming your learned
reaction to problems.
"You can write to Adult Children of Alcoholics World
Services Organization, P.O. Box 3216, Torrance, CA 90510
for the location of the nearest chapter. You may also
access www.adultchildren.org.
"My compliments to you for acknowledging your problem
and seeking help. You're two-thirds of the way toward
resolving it."
As I've written before, one of the many problems
with the current domestic violence system is that, for
political reasons, all of the forces involved--the police,
the judges, the domestic violence treatment providers,
etc.--are forced to pretend that only men commit domestic
violence. As a result, when a woman is abusive there
usually is little help available for her male victim,
as well as for abusive women who want to change. The
Woods case in California, which is currently at the
center of a controversial lawsuit, is a classic example.
I and Marc Angelucci, the attorney in the case, co-authored
Domestic Violence Lawsuit Will Help Secure Services
for All Abuse Victims (Los Angeles Daily Journal,
San Francisco Daily Journal, 12/28/05). In the column
we wrote:
"At the age of 11, Maegan Woods tried
to stop a domestic dispute between her parents. She
soon found herself staring down the barrel of her father's
shotgun. She watched helplessly as the trigger was pulled.
She is only alive today because the gun didn't fire--the
safety was on.
"Maegan was abused and witnessed domestic
violence in her home for most of her childhood. By age
seven there had been knife attacks, punches, kicks,
and more. It was hard to leave--the abuser was the one
who earned the money, and the victim was unable to work
because of a disability. On numerous occasions they
looked for help to escape the abuse but were refused.
Why?
"Because in Maegan's family, the abused
spouse was her father, and the battering and child abuse
were perpetrated by her mother.
"The California Battered Women Protection Act of 1994,
codified in Health & Safety Codes Section 124250, et.
seq., created funding for domestic violence shelter-based
services. However, by defining domestic violence as
something only experienced by women, the statutes exclude
male victims from receiving state-funded domestic violence
services, including shelter, hotel arrangements, counseling
and legal services.
"Maegan, now 21, and her father, David
Woods, are the lead plaintiffs in a new lawsuit against
the State of California and numerous state agencies
and state-funded domestic violence service providers.
Beginning in the mid-1980s, David was violently attacked
on numerous occasions by his wife Ruth, who suffers
from a bi-polar disorder which, in her case, creates
a propensity toward violence.
"On several occasions David decided that he and Maegan
should get out of the house to escape Ruth's violence.
However, with his disabling condition and inability
to work, David had no money to provide for himself and
his daughter. Numerous times he contacted a Sacramento
domestic violence agency he had heard of in the media,
WEAVE, but they always told him "we don't help men,"
and never offered him a referral to another facility.
David tried churches and various programs, but all they
could offer for men were homeless shelters with waiting
lists. He found nothing for abused men and their children.
David gave up and sank into a heavy depression.
"By February 2003, Maegan began telling her father to
find a place of safety from Ruth's violence. He again
called WEAVE and again was told "we don't help men."
Maegan, then 18, became so frustrated watching David
being abused that she called WEAVE herself and insisted
they help her father. According to Maegan, WEAVE said
they do not help men, and that men are the perpetrators
of domestic violence, not the victims."
In a letter written earlier this year
Maegan wrote:
"As a child I grew up watching my mother
commit multiple acts of violence against my dad. The
earliest incident I remember occurred when I was four,
and my mother continued to be violent up until April
of 2003.
"No one would help. Teachers, parents of friends, anyone
I tried to talk to about what was going on at home basically
told me I didn't understand, and that my mother couldn't
possibly be the violent party. The few times the police
came to our home, they would always be ready to arrest
my father, sometimes getting so far as to put the handcuffs
on him, and it was up to me to scream as loud as possible
that it was my mommy and not my daddy so they wouldn't
take him away and leave me with her.
"Sometimes when my mom would attack, Pops would try
to defend himself, just to get her off him, stop hitting
him, whatever. Every time he defended himself, whether
he left bruises or not, Mom would go get a restraining
order. She didn't have to show bruises or prove she
was in danger or anything, just saying she was 'afraid'
was enough.
"I grew up in this sort of environment and I learned
the only way to survive was to watch every argument
they had and be ready to interject myself as a distraction
if I could before violence happened. I grew up paranoid
and feeling like the safety in my house was something
only I was responsible for. If Mom became violent, it
meant I FAILED. That feeling would hit me like a bucket
of cold water, but there wouldn't be any time for feeling
sorry for myself. My next task was to try to break it
up, screaming, threatening, pleading, whatever. I had
to make sure no details escaped me because if the cops
got called they'd just believe my mom without question,
and it was MY job to make sure the truth at least got
heard."
To read the full letter, see
Abused Man's Daughter Speaks Out--Maegan Woods Talks
About Her Childhood. Also, see my column
Domestic Violence Treatment Policies Put Abused Women
in Harm's Way (Daily Breeze [Los Angeles],
11/7/05).
|
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Legal Help for Fathers
If you live in Los Angeles, Riverside or Orange
counties and you're facing a divorce, separation,
or a child custody issue, the law firm of Oddenino
& Gaule can help.
|
Tiger Woods and Fathers
One of my readers, Chris Anderson, sent the
letter below to the Kansas City Star:
"When Tiger Woods won his third British Open last
Sunday, he dedicated it to his father, Earl, who passed
away this year. It was clear that Tiger cried tears
of joy and tears of sorrow that "Pop" was missing. Tiger
credits 'Pop' as being his best friend and for helping
him become the golfer and man he is today.
"Something occurred before Tiger finished his round
that created a timely juxtaposition. A protester ran
onto the 18th green, dropped purple chalk in several
places, and shouted something like 'Fathers for Justice.'
Apparently, this man is part of a British organization
that works on behalf of fathers who seek joint custody
of their children.
"It begs the question: What kind of world have we
created where parents have to stage protests to stay
a part of their children's lives? Imagine if Tiger had
been prevented from seeing his father simply because
his parents divorced. Would the world ever have known
this champion, who is admirable both on the course and
off? And most importantly, isn't it time we asked our
children what they want?
"Just ask Tiger Woods. He will tell you how important
fathers are to their children."
Best Wishes,
Glenn Sacks
GlennSacks.com
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