ACFC Brings Back North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative; His Side with Glenn Sacks on KLAA

August 14, 2007

 
ACFC Brings Back North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative

"It is the policy of this state that the courts shall award joint legal and physical custody in divorces and separations, when requested by either parent, if neither parent is found unfit or a danger to the children by clear and convincing evidence. The definition of joint physical custody (equal physical custody) shall be a rebuttable presumption of equal time with the children; or any written time-sharing agreement agreed upon by the parents."--The North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative, 2007 version

The American Coalition for Fathers and Children's North Dakota affiliate has brought back the North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative. The highly controversial Initiative qualified for the November 2006 ballot but was defeated 57-43. The NDSPI has been refined and a major flaw has been removed, and it is getting good press coverage in North Dakota. The NDSPI's goal is to have the Initiative on the November 2008 ballot.

There was a substantial backlash against the Initiative last year. In my co-authored column North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative Will Help Children of Divorce (Grand Forks Herald, 7/18/06), ACFC Executive Director Mike McCormick and I explained:

"A misguided collection of federal and state officials, divorce attorneys and women's advocates have all united to oppose a simple proposition: children need both parents.

"The North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative is based on the belief that all parents have a fundamental liberty interest in the care and custody of their children, and that no fit parent can lawfully be denied custody of his or her children. Under the Initiative, when family law courts adjudicate a divorce, unless there is clear and convincing evidence that a mother or father

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is unfit, all parents will have joint legal and physical custody of their children...

"Under current North Dakota law, joint custody is rare unless both parents agree to it, and mothers seeking sole custody usually get it.  The North Dakota Concerned Citizens for Children's Rights Committee, which was formed specifically to fight the NDSPI, claims the status quo is what's best for kids. Yet according to a meta-analysis of 33 studies of children of divorce published in the American Psychological Association's Journal of Family Psychology, children in shared custody settings have fewer behavior and emotional problems, higher self-esteem, better family relations, and better school performance than children in sole custody arrangements.

"The CCCRC claims that the Initiative places the interests of parents over the interests of children. Yet when psychologist Joan Kelly examined children of divorce, she found that they "express higher levels of satisfaction with joint physical custody than with sole custody arrangements," and cite the "benefit of remaining close to both parents" as an important factor. An Arizona State University study queried adult children of divorce, and found that more than two-thirds believed "living equal amounts of time with each parent is the best arrangement for children."

"Government officials have publicly asserted that the NDSPI will cause the state to lose federal reimbursement funds for child support enforcement. However, former Federal Reserve Bank economist R. Mark Rogers, an influential policy analyst on child support, asserts that these claims are groundless.

"Former lieutenant governor Lloyd Omdahl opposes the NDSPI and Shared Parenting because, he claims, 'children fare better under the care of a mother than a father.' Yet according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' new report Child Maltreatment 2004, when one parent is acting without the involvement of the other parent, mothers are almost three times as likely to kill their children as fathers are, and are more than twice as likely to maltreat them.
 
"Omdahl also claims that 'in the majority of divorces, it's the men who want to get out of the marriage.' Yet a study by economists Margaret Brinig and Douglas Allen found that most divorce petitions are filed by women, and that they do so in part because they know they can expect to obtain sole custody of their children. In only 6% of cases women claimed to be divorcing cruel or abusive husbands.

"Under the NDSPI, courts will instruct divorcing parents to develop a joint parenting plan. If the parents cannot agree on a plan, the court will facilitate one which will protect and nurture the loving bonds children share with both parents. Does a child deserve anything less?"

The recent Associated Press article about the Initiative is Another go at joint custody initiative (8/7/07). To donate to support the Initiative, click here. To contact the NDSPI, write to info@ndspi.org or call 701-331-0410.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.


Women & the North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative

Background: "The American Coalition for Fathers and Children's North Dakota affiliate has brought back the North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative. The highly controversial Initiative qualified for the November 2006 ballot but was defeated 57-43. The NDSPI has been refined and a major flaw has been removed, and it is getting good press coverage in North Dakota. The NDSPI's goal is to have the Initiative on the November 2008 ballot.

The Initiative reads "It is the policy of this state that the courts shall award joint legal and physical custody in divorces and separations, when requested by either parent, if neither parent is found unfit or a danger to the children by clear and convincing evidence. The definition of joint physical custody (equal physical custody) shall be a rebuttable presumption of equal time with the children; or any written time-sharing agreement agreed upon by the parents."

To learn more, click here or see the recent Associated Press article about the Initiative is Another go at joint custody initiative (8/7/07)

One difference between the North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative, 2007 and the 2006 effort is that the Committee of 25 signatories who presented the measure to the North Dakota to Secretary of State Al Jaeger last week is entirely composed of women. Opponents of the 2006 Initiative claimed that it would harm women. The ACFC/NDSPI are now demonstrating that shared parenting draws support from many women, too.

Last year, ACFC Executive Director Mike McCormick and I made the case for shared parenting for women in or co-authored column North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative Helps Women, Too (Grand Forks Herald, 9/24/06). In it, we criticize the North Dakota Concerned Citizens for Children's Rights Committee's oft-started opinion that shared parenting allows fathers to take advantage of mothers in divorce. The column appears below.

North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative Helps Women, Too
By Mike McCormick and Glenn Sacks
Grand Forks Herald, 9/24/06

Jane is a successful career woman. She has moved up rapidly in a competitive field, and is advancing her career by attending business school at night. Bob works out of their home and does most of the childcare. If Bob decides he doesn't want Jane anymore, should he be able to take her kids away and push her to the margins of their lives?

The opponents of the North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative think he should.

Under the NDSPI, unless a parent is unfit, both parents in a divorce will have joint legal and physical custody of their children. By contrast, the North Dakota Concerned Citizens for Children's Rights Committee and its allies support the current system of awarding sole custody to the children's primary caregiver--that's Bob--and oppose the NDSPI. They contend that family courts should not require custodial parents to allow noncustodial parents like Jane to spend substantial time with their children after divorce.

This is wrong--Jane's children love her. Even though she was not the children's primary caregiver during the marriage, it's very harmful to take them away from her. It's also wrong to punish Jane for pursuing a career and being her family's primary breadwinner. Yet this is exactly what sometimes happens to working mothers--and very often happens to fathers--under the current system.

According to a study conducted by Penn, Schoen & Berland Associates and quoted in TIME magazine, today over one-fifth of fathers are their kids' primary caregivers. While this is often a very beneficial arrangement for families, it leaves women increasingly vulnerable to losing custody and being pushed out of their children's lives after divorce, just as so often happens to fathers.

There's a better way than the current win/lose custody system--shared parenting. Under shared parenting, children spend substantially equal time in each parent's home. According to a meta-analysis published in the American Psychological Association's Journal of Family Psychology, children in shared custody settings have fewer behavioral and emotional problems, higher self-esteem, better family relations, and better school performance than children in sole custody arrangements.

While many women's advocates have taken a misguided stand against shared parenting, there is a significant, outspoken minority which recognizes its benefits for women. For example, feminist attorney Karen DeCrow, president of the National Organization for Women from 1974 to 1977, says:

"If there is a divorce in the family, I urge a presumption of joint custody of the children...it is the best option for women. After observing women's rights and responsibilities for more than a quarter of a century of feminist activism, I conclude that shared parenting is great for women, giving time and opportunity for female parents to pursue education, training, jobs, careers, profession and leisure."

Martha Burk, the Chair of the National Council of Women's Organizations who led the effort to open the Augusta National Golf Club to women, concurs. Burk, who was named Ms. Magazine Woman of the Year in 2003, explains that shared parenting provides women with greater economic freedoms and opportunities. She calls the current child custody system "mother ownership of children" and says that under this "harmful societal norm" judges "mindlessly award [sole] custody to the mother," to the detriment of all parties.

Under the NDSPI, courts will instruct divorcing parents to develop a joint parenting plan. If the parents cannot agree on a plan, the court will facilitate one which allows both mothers and fathers to maintain a meaningful role in their children's lives.

Shared parenting is advocated by a growing consensus of mental health and family law professionals. The NDSPI has gained the requisite signatures and will be on the November ballot. It is an opportunity to move North Dakota family law forward from the outdated, mom as caregiver/dad as breadwinner model towards an updated model which will benefit both children and their parents.

To donate to support the Initiative, click here. To contact the NDSPI, write to info@ndspi.org or call 701-331-0410.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.
 

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His Side with Glenn Sacks Radio Commentary: LA Foster Care Outrage

My first His Side with Glenn Sacks radio commentary for KLAA AM 830 in Los Angeles concerns the Melinda Smith/Thomas Smith Los Angeles foster care outrage--one of the most egregious child welfare injustices I've ever seen.

To listen to the commentary, click here. To learn more about the story, click here.

His Side with Glenn Sacks radio commentaries are broadcast daily on KLAA AM 830, a 50,000 watt talk station in Los Angeles and Orange County. KLAA AM 830 is owned by Arte Moreno, owner of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. KLAA hosts include Glenn Beck and Michael Savage.

From 2003-2005, His Side with Glenn Sacks ran in a syndicated talk show format in Los Angeles, New York City, Boston, Seattle, and other cities. To listen to show archives, click here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

The American Coalition for Fathers and Children
The American Coalition for Fathers and Children is dedicated to creating a family law system which promotes equal rights for all parties affected by divorce. Contact the ACFC at 1-800-978-3237 or visit them on the web at www.acfc.org.

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Seven Reasons Why the New Study on Single Dads' Alleged Neglect of Their Kids' Health May Be Misleading

As the new Reuters article Children of single dads get less health care (8/8/07) explains, a new study by Health Services Research claims that single fathers are less likely to take their children to the doctor for routine visits than single mothers, and are also less likely to have health insurance. (My favorite headline is "Single Dads Dodging Those Doctor Visits" from the Seattle Post Intelligencer--expect to hear something like this at your next child custody hearing). Despite the alleged disadvantages single mothers face, we're told that "nonetheless, children of single mothers were most likely to make well-child visits to the doctor for preventive care."

I think that single fathers should be more careful to make these "well-child" visits and have health insurance, but there are many reasons besides implied male irresponsibility which could account for these findings. These include:

1) As the article itself states, families headed by single women are "far more likely to have government health insurance" than single-father families.

2) Most single mothers receive either child support, alimony, government assistance, financial support from a new man in the mom's life, or some combination of all four--none of which are considered when we judge these mothers' socioeconomic status. By contrast, single fathers rarely receive child support, and alimony and government assistance are even rarer. (Despite the "deadbeat dad" stereotype, noncustodial mothers are 20% more likely to default on their child support obligations than noncustodial fathers. This is despite the fact that noncustodial mothers are less likely to be required to pay child support, and those with support obligations are asked to pay a lower percentage of their income in child support than noncustodial fathers).

3) Custodial fathers are three and a half times as likely to work long work weeks as custodial mothers. Single fathers as a rule work more hours and at jobs which entail more responsibility and less flexibility than those held by single mothers. Single mothers' lives certainly aren't easy, but they are more likely to work 40 hour weeks (no overtime), or part time, or not at all, giving them far more opportunity to go to the doctor. Men, in general, neglect their own health for this reason.

For example, when I was a kid my father would raise heaven and earth to avoid "grinding up the morning in the doctor's office." He was the family breadwinner, he had responsibilities, and he didn't have a lot of free time during the day. I think my father's attitude is fairly typical of breadwinner dads, and all single fathers are breadwinner dads--they certainly aren't being supported by their exes or the government.

4) Single moms sometimes have health insurance for their families because dad is paying for it. By contrast, single dads rarely have health insurance because a noncustodial mom is paying for it.

5) Single fathers may be raising their kids, but still often have financial obligations to their exes, none of which are considered when we judge these fathers'  socioeconomic status. Some pay alimony, and some are even paying child support to their children's mothers. It is not uncommon for a single father to have the following "deal" with his ex--the kids live with dad, but mom retains formal custody. Dad pays mom child support to keep her content with the arrangement--if he doesn't, she'll take custody of the kids back. Dad figures he can either pay to be with his kids or pay and not be with them, so he chooses to be with them.

6) Single fathers don't usually get custody easily--many of them have had to fight long, expensive legal battles to get custody. Many have huge expenses left over from their divorces, including their own attorneys' fees and sometimes their exes' attorneys fees, for which fathers are often made responsible.

7) The study "uses data from a national survey of U.S. families" and found that "fewer children in single-father homes made routine, 'well-child' doctor visits compared with children in either two-parent or single-mother homes." It's possible that part of the discrepancy is that the dads are less likely to remember, or note, these visits, or that they had a relative (such as grandma) take the kids for them.

The Reuters article is Children of single dads get less health care (8/8/07).

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Fathers & Families: Advocacy for the Child-Father Bond
Fathers & Families is a non-profit organization advocating for the right of every child to have two parents. Called by some a "fathers' rights organization," Fathers & Families is made up of men and women who believe that fathers are an essential part of a child's life and that divorce or separation should not change this. www.FathersandFamilies.org 
 
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Outrageous MSNBC Video of False Sexual Abuse Allegation Against Police Officer

In this MSNBC video, a woman who was pulled over in a routine traffic stop and given a ticket claims the police officer sexually abused her. She does a very convincing imitation of a victimized woman, emotionally explaining, "He fondled my breasts...He caressed my vagina--I feel very very very violated."

The interviewing officer indicates that the scene may have been videotaped, and asks for her response. Striking the same pose which in family court has cost untold numbers of fathers their relationships with their children, she bravely insists that she's telling the truth. Only after the police produce the video does she admit that she was lying.

In a second segment, a woman (with the complicity of her male companion) accuses the police of sexually fondling her. Again, the whole incident has been videotaped, and she lied 100%. One of the accused officers said:

"[After the false allegation] I could've lost my job, my house, everything I've worked hard so many years for."

I wonder how many innocent men already have?

To watch the video and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

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Help, Resources for Dads
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The 'sexism' was that the boys didn't believe that a girl could do dangerous skateboard stunts...'

While on the subject of feminist and/or anti-male ideas being pushed in children's shows and movies (see my recent post Jessica Valenti Says Shrek Has Gone Feminist), I'm reminded of an incident that took place with my son at a skateboard park several years ago.

I used to take my son Saturday mornings to go skateboarding, but one time when we went they were filming a children's show there. My son and the others were encouraged to be the audience/extras for the show.

It turned out that it was one of those Saturday kids' shows, and it was about this great girl skateboarder who was the victim of boy skateboarders' sexism. The sexism was that the boys didn't believe that a girl could or would really do dangerous skateboard stunts. The boys were, of course, made to look like fools for this belief.

I watched as they filmed the dangerous skateboard stunts that the girl would do to show what sexist idiots the boys are. A teenage girl went up to the top of a tremendously tall ramp, got on her skateboard, and bent down to begin. Then she stopped, and her stunt double came on, similarly dressed.

The stunt double did a bunch of amazing stunts, and I said to my son, "wow, that girl can really skate!" Then I looked a little closer and saw that it wasn't a girl at all--it was a boy dressed to look like a girl.

In other words, the point of the show was to make fun of the boys for thinking that a girl couldn't or wouldn't do dangerous skateboard stunts, and in order to film it, they had a boy do all the dangerous skateboard stunts for the girl. Nice, huh?

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Help for Midwest Fathers
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If Only All Marriages Could Be Like This...

The other day I stopped off at my parents' house on the way to pick my son up from his friend's house, and my mother asked me for a favor. They had recently had their carpets cleaned, and the furniture was put back a little out of place. My parents, who have been married for nearly 45 years, each have back problems and each have comfortable, back-friendly reclining chairs, which are placed side by side. My mother wanted me to put the reclining chairs back exactly where they had been previously carefully positioned.

Why?

Because my parents like to be able to hold hands when they watch TV together...

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

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'The park is full of Sunday fathers and melted ice cream...' (Music Video)

"The park is full of Sunday fathers and melted ice cream / We try to do the best within the given time / A kid should be with his mother, everybody knows that / What can a father do but baby-sit sometimes?"--from Sting's "I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying"

One of the best songs about divorced dads is Sting's "I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying" (later also recorded by Toby Keith). Part of what interests me about it is that it doesn't describe a horrible divorce case, but instead a "routine" one, and shows us how painful even a routine divorce is for so many fathers. I particularly like his description of the legions of dispossessed fathers who spend Sundays in the park with their kids, clinging to what little is left of their fatherhood.

To listen to the song via Youtube.com, click here. The video is either inconsequential or packs deeper artistic meaning than my dull-witted mind can understand, but it does allow readers to hear the song. The lyrics appear below.

I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying

Seven weeks have passed now since she left me
She shows her face to ask me how I am
She says the kids are fine and that they miss me
Maybe I could come and baby-sit sometime
She says, "Are you O.K.? I was worried about you
Can you forgive me? I hope that you'll be happy."

I'm so happy that I can't stop crying
I'm so happy I'm laughing through my tears

I saw a friend of mine
He said, "I was worried about you
I heard she had another man
I wondered how you felt about it?"

I'm so happy that I can't stop crying
I'm so happy I'm laughing though my tears

Saw my lawyer, Mr Good News
He got me joint custody and legal separation

I'm so happy that I can't stop crying
I'm laughing through my tears
I'm laughing through my tears

I took a walk alone last night
I looked up at the stars
To try and find an answer in my life
I chose a star for me
I chose a star for him
I chose two stars for my kids and one star for my wife
Something made me smile
Something seemed to ease the pain
Something about the universe and how it's all connected

The park is full of Sunday fathers and melted ice cream
We try to do the best within the given time
A kid should be with his mother
Everybody knows that
What can a father do but baby-sit sometimes?

I saw that friend of mine, he said,
"You look different somehow"
I said, "Everybody's got to leave the darkness sometime"

I'm so happy that I can't stop crying
I'm laughing through my tears
I'm laughing through my tears
I'm so happy that I can't stop crying
I'm laughing through my tears
I'm laughing through my tears

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Online Dating Rights
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Finally, Boston Media Puts Focus on the Real Victims in Murdering Mom Case

"After the final prayers were spoken in the searing heat of St. Michael's Cemetery, Dennis Burgos refused to surrender his son and daughter to eternity. The anguished father would not break his caress on the first of two white caskets. As the gravediggers quietly approached, Burgos' brothers and cousins lovingly surrounded him, laying hands on his shoulders, whispering to him even as they wept with him. They understood he was not able, let alone ready, to say goodbye.

"It had been the same during Friday night's wake at the Mission Church. For more than five hours, Dennis Burgos greeted a throng of shattered mourners, while standing between the twin coffins of his 13-year-old daughter, Yasmine, and 10-year-old son, Dennis. And during yesterday's moving Mass of Resurrection, Burgos chose not to sit with family gathered in the first pew, but opted to stand for the length of the 90-minute service at the foot of a massive altar with a hand on each casket.

"When the moment finally came and the humbled gravediggers proceeded, an excruciating cry sailed over a distraught circle of family and friends. Dennis Burgos collapsed at the edge of a grave where he had no choice but to say goodbye to his flesh and blood, his pride and joy, his hope for the future."

I've recently expressed annoyance at the way the media is portraying murderous mom Angela Vasquez (aka Angela Lopez) as a poor, downtrodden victim of men. Lopez recently slew her two children.

In the column below, Boston Herald columnist Peter Gelzinis focuses on those who actually deserve our sympathy--the two murdered children and their grieving father, Dennis Burgos (pictured). According to Gelzinis, "Jeffrey Sanchez, who grew up with the Burgos family in and around Mission Hill, and went on to represent 'The Hill' and parts of Jamaica Plain at the State House," says:

"Dennis was no absentee father. Yasmine and Little Dennis were his whole life. They were honor-roll students who were on a path to beat the odds. I watched the staff of the Sumner School pass by those caskets in pain and disbelief."

Gelzinis' column is Tortured father grieves: 'Our children are our gifts. . . our hope, our future' (Boston Herald, 8/5/07).
 

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Help for Georgia Dads
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DNA Test Vindicates Chris Rock After Woman Harasses Him for Child Support

"A lawyer for Chris Rock said Monday that a court-ordered DNA test proved Rock is not the father of a 13-year-old boy whose mother tried to sue the comedian for support earlier this year....Kali Bowyer...tried in March to file a paternity lawsuit against Rock seeking child support and medical coverage for her son, Jordan....

"She denied making any money from the case despite offers of thousands of dollars from television shows and tabloid magazines. 'I am sick and tired of being made out to be a liar and a fraud,' she said."

Um, but you are a liar and a fraud. I suppose she could have believed Rock was the father of her child and made an honest mistake, but I'm rather skeptical. Seems like just another woman-tries-to-shake-down-rich-guy scam. The story is DNA Test Clears Comedian Chris Rock in Paternity Suit, Lawyer Says (Associated Press, 8/7/07).

I enjoy Chris Rock's thoughts on love, marriage, relationships and women, and have cited him in columns or blogged about him several times. Some examples are listed below (Warning--explicit language):

Chris Rock on the Importance of Fathers (Audio)

Blog post--Chris Rock on Marriage (Video)

Glenn's column--Are Boys Really Better off Without Fathers? (San Francisco Chronicle & others, 8/31/05)

Blog post--Chris Rock Mocks Feminist Idea that White Women Have Been Oppressed Like Black Men (Video)

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

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A Revealing New Yorker Cartoon, Circa 1955

One of my (many) complaints about feminism is the stilted, one-sided way it portrays gender relations in the pre-feminist era.

I detailed this in my column Hate My Father? No Ma'am! (World Net Daily, 4/8/02), criticizing the "successful feminist re-writing of the pre-feminist past as a virtual dark ages where men lived like nobles and women were their serfs." I wrote:

"Tens of millions of male blue collar workers--who put their bodies on the line in the coal mines and steel mills so their wives and children could live in safety and comfort--have been turned into oppressors. Their wives and children, for whom these men sacrificed so much, have been turned into their victims.

"Edited out of our history are the tragedies of millions of American men who were killed or maimed on what German socialist Rosa Luxemburg called the 'battlefield of labor.' The miners who died in cave-ins, explosions, or of black lung disease. The sailors and fisherman who died at sea. The oil refinery workers killed in explosions. The factory workers killed in industrial accidents. The construction workers who died carving train tracks and then highways through majestic mountain cliffs or the scorching desert. The construction workers who died building our bridges, dams, high rises, stadiums, and apartments.

"All of them have been forgotten, in part because there is no natural constituency which would like to remember them--the right generally does not dwell on yesterday's struggling blue collar workers and heroic union men, and the left is beholden to the feminists, for whom any mention of men as special contributors or as victims is strictly forbidden."

In the pre-feminist era, women certainly had many legitimate grievances, and some of those grievances remain today. However, men have always sacrificed and suffered for their families and their wives, and there were plenty of wives who had better, easier lives than their husbands did.

What I like about the cartoon above is its implicit recognition of this. The well-heeled woman in the department store is seen (accurately) as privileged in society--a privilege partly transcendent of and partly linked to her gender. The cartoon's punchline--what complaint could a white woman have compared to those of a black man--indicate that in the pre-feminist era, women weren't seen as downtrodden victims.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Help for Los Angeles/Ventura County Dads
Certified Family Law Specialist Peter M. Walzer was one of the key figures in our successful legislative struggle to preserve the LaMusga move-away decision. As Chair of the State Bar of California Family Law Section Executive Committee, Walzer lobbied the state legislature to improve California laws on child support and child custody. He's an American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers Fellow who has authored numerous articles on custody issues, business valuation in marital dissolutions and spousal and child support.  www.California-Divorce.com

Trojan Condom Commercial and the Stereotype of Men as Sex-Addicts with no Self-Discipline

I can do without the stereotype of men as sex-addicts with no self-discipline, but this Trojan ad is a funny commercial. To watch the video and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Dr. Warren Farrell's Shared Parenting Evidence Kit--What You Need to Win Shared Physical Custody
Dr. Warren Farrell, a top expert on children of divorce now offers a complete evidence kit to help you win shared custody.  The DVDs, audio CD and electronic files summarize the best scientific research available collected over decades.  Scientific research has proven that children do far better with near equal time with both parents with minimal conditions.  This video set was developed to educate parents, judges, lawyers, psychologists and other divorce professionals. Most judges are doing exactly what is worst for children with sole-custody.  Submitted as evidence this will maximize your chances. Divorce Reform groups call(508) 381-1450 to use as fundraiser. www.BestInterestofChildren.org
 
Help for Michigan Dads
Michigan family law attorney Mindy L. Hitchcock has experience fighting for noncustodial parents against Michigan's abusive FOC. Her holistic approach to divorce gets results for her clients while avoiding the scorched earth approach to law that leaves families emotionally and financially devastated. Lady4Justice.com

A Request from the California Alliance for Families & Children

Background: As I've noted on many occasions, Mike Robinson and the California Alliance for Families & Children do good work on family law reform in the California legislature. To see some examples and to learn more, click here. Below is a request from the CAFC to my readers.

The California Alliance for Families & Children (CAFC) would like to ask you a very important question. Have you or someone you know been a casualty of our family or juvenile courts and current policy?

If you answered yes to this question then you already know how devastating current policies are to children, moms, dads and families. In fact, current policies are driving conflict, increasing Post Traumatic Stress and increasing family dysfunction rather than reducing it.

Furthermore, middle income families are being financially destroyed where children are the biggest losers. This is actually increasing the number of poor. And how can you put a price on the emotional and mental costs to all those who have been affected because of an ill equipped adversarial system?

While the rich and wealthy may be able to afford the best attorney's and experts, their money cannot buy them back the cost of the emotional and mental damage that affected them and their children. Many are scarred for life and children are the highest casualties because of an ill equipped adversarial system based on current policies and training.

Even our brave men and women serving this great nation are being negatively impacted in seriously alarming rates.

CAFC recognizes that for far too long, policy and laws that are causing the harm have been driven by ideology, doctored data by gender groups and special interest to gain and advantage in our courts, and knee jerk reactions by policy makers responding to them.

Evidence based, empirical data and research have been shoveled to the back seat along with other family and juvenile law experts who are truly concerned about the future of families and children because of draconian policies that are not working and causing serious harm to all.

WHY? Solely because those who have benefited from driving current policy and training are very well funded. They fight reform because as a famous food chain commercial said, "They want to have it their way at Burger King".

CAFC is truly a gender neutral organization and we work very closely with some of the most respected peer reviewed experts in the world. This is where California Alliance for Families and Children www.cafcusa.org comes in.

CAFC is first and foremost an advocacy group. We work tirelessly to ensure that the laws of California affecting children and families are balanced, fair and just. Our main battle field is the California Legislature, but we also take our fight to the California and Federal courts. Check out our accomplishments. We are a first rate and premier organization.

How can you help? A new search engine powered by Yahoo called GoodSearch supports us or your favorite charity with every search. It doesn't cost you a thing -- the money they donate comes from the advertisers. Search engines generated more than $6 billion in revenue last year. Just think how many families could be helped with even a fraction of this money!

To support the CAFC by using GoodSearch, click here.

You can also read about GoodSearch in the NY Times, Oprah Magazine, CNN, the Wall Street Journal, and more. Please spread the word!
 

Are You the Target of Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation cases are among the most difficult and complicated in family law. J. Michael Bone, Ph.D., is an expert on parental alienation. If you're a target parent, he can help you get back into your children's lives. Bone has worked as a custody evaluator and as a therapist and knows how to help the court find the truth. His services are available throughout the U.S. Dr. Bone can be reached by phone at (407) 645-0662 or by email by clicking here. www.jmbconsulting.org
 
  Help for Colorado Dads
As someone who has personally experienced the heartbreak of divorce and family breakup, Brett W. Martin, Esq. works to advance the interests and concerns of fathers in domestic and family law litigation. Personal attention is given to clients to help them through a very difficult time in their lives. www.brettwmartin.com

Minneapolis Feminists Outraged that Woman Who Made False Rape Charge Is Being Charged

Minneapolis women's groups are outraged that a woman who made a false accusation of rape is being charged. The incident is a nice example of the feminist view of female entitlement.

If there's any outrage here, it shouldn't be that she's being charged, but that she's only being charged with filing a false police misconduct report. She should be charged with something carrying a sentence approximating what the falsely charged police officer would have received had he been convicted. The fact that she committed this horrible crime (assuming she's guilty and is convicted) and will get off with hardly any punishment is the real outrage.

The story is below. To learn more about the problem of false allegations of rape, see my co-authored column Research Shows False Accusations of Rape Common (Los Angeles Daily Journal, 9/15/04). Thanks to Justin, a reader, for sending me the article.

Woman who claims she was raped by police is charged
By David Chanen
Minneapolis Star Tribune (7/7/07)

A 21-year-old woman alleged on July 28 that two Minneapolis police officers sexually assaulted her minutes after they had previous contact with her on a disturbance call. She immediately went to the hospital for an exam and filed a police report.

The Police Department investigation began immediately as required by department policy. Two internal affairs sergeants went to the hospital and took a recorded statement from her. Possible evidence was examined, including the GPS system in the squad car.

That system determined the officers had been driving at the time of the alleged assault. Four days later, the city attorney's office charged her with filing a false police misconduct report.

On Monday, community leaders and the woman's family voiced outrage over how the department handled the case and demanded an outside investigation.

"We have a rape victim who did everything right," said Rebecca Waggoner-Kloek, manager of OutFront Minnesota Anti-Violence Program. "She went to the hospital and had an exam and tried to report the rape to police."

Waggoner-Kloek, also a member of Minneapolis' Police Community Relations Council, questioned why a required information card with the names of the officers who handled the case wasn't given. She also said the department should have sent a sex crimes investigator instead of two from internal affairs and asked, "Why didn't the department wait for DNA results?"

The woman's name is public because of the charge filed against her, but the Star Tribune is not naming her because of the potential that she could, indeed, be a sexual assault victim. Her sister said she "isn't doing well at all and won't be the same."

The police had no comment Monday.

According to the criminal complaint against the woman...

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

My Family Has Two Houses...and I'm Okay
A workshop for children of separation or divorce in a workbook! In the privacy of your own home, you can provide your child with a safe way of looking at their thoughts and feelings and help to open discussion of relevant issues for them with you. This workbook can make the difference between your child surviving your divorce and thriving despite it! To learn more about My family has two houses ...and I'm Okay! and to order, click here.

How to Win Shared Custody
If you are an active, engaged, committed, dedicated, loving parent facing a divorce, family law attorney Nicholas Palermo's The Ten Essential Elements to Winning Joint Shared Physical and Legal Custody can help you protect your relationship with your children. www.TenEssentialElements.com


Boston Woman Murders Her Two Kids--and It's Men's Fault

"As Boston police probed whether a Roslindale mother in the throes of despair may have murdered her two young children, relatives and friends of the woman, who is hospitalized with stab wounds, described her as a lost soul who clings to abusive men." 

Two children have been murdered, but the killer isn't bad--she's a "lost soul" who is "in the throes of despair" because she is the victim of  "abusive men."  Apologies for violent women are standard in the mainstream media--somehow it's never her fault, and is usually a man's fault. (To read more examples, click here and here).

This time it's the Boston Herald--a conservative newspaper--making excuses for a murderous mommy. Some would point out that both authors here are women, but men are actually worse about making excuses for violent women than women are.

The story is A life in turmoil: Mystery shrouds slain kids' murders (Boston Herald, 7/31/07). The neighbors' memorial for the two slain children is pictured.

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.


More Excuses for Boston Murdering Mom

First we had an apologia from Jessica Van Sack and Michele McPhee--A life in turmoil: Mystery shrouds slain kids' murders (Boston Herald, 7/31/07). Now in "Signs ignored too long: Troubled moms unravel despite cries for help", Boston Herald columnist Peter Gelzinis tells us that the poor murdering mommy was (sigh) a "single mother in free fall, a woman unable to break from a cycle of abuse that began in childhood." A 30-year-old woman murders her two children and we sympathize because she (allegedly) had a bad childhood.

Gelzinis' article is Signs ignored too long: Troubled moms unravel despite cries for help
By Peter Gelzinis (Boston Herald, 8/1/07).  To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Help for Los Angeles/Orange County Dads--Because They're Your Kids, Too
If you're a dad facing a divorce or separation and you need quality legal representation in Los Angeles or Orange County, the Law Office of David Stone can help. Remember, they're your kids, too. www.help4dad.com

Carrie Underwood's 'Before He Cheats'--When a Woman Commits Domestic Violence, It's Just Good Revenge

"I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive, carved my name into his leather seats...I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all 4 tires..."--from Carrie Underwood's hit single "Before He Cheats."

One of the ways the double standard about domestic violence manifests itself in our popular culture is the female revenge motif. Women who are wronged (which, to some, means all women) exact revenge in a way which, were the genders reversed, would be widely condemned.

One example is country singer Carrie Underwood's hit single "Before He Cheats", in which Underwood (pictured holding her Louisville slugger) brags about destroying her cheating boyfriend's car. Destroying an intimate partner's personal property is often considered to be domestic violence (at least when a man does it), though it certainly is a much smaller matter than a physical assault on the victim.

According to Wikipedia, the video debuted at #1 on GACTV, was #1 on CMT's Top Twenty Countdown five weeks in a row, and was named best video of 2006 by CMT. In April of this year, the video "swept the CMT Music Awards, winning three categories: Video of the Year, Female Video of the Year, and Director of the Year. Underwood made history by being the first female to win Video of the Year."

There has been no discernable protest or criticism of the song or the video. I find it hard to believe that a country song and a video approving of a violent, jealous man destroying his girlfriend's car would get on the air for five minutes.

To watch the video, click here. The full lyrics to the song are reprinted below.

Before He Cheats

Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleach blonde tramp, and she's probably getting frisky... right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't
shoot whiskey...

Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo...

And he don't know...

That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive, carved my name into his leather seats...I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all 4 tires...

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

Right now, she's probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karaoke..

Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk" and he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky,

Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo

And he don't know...

That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive, carved my name into his leather seats, I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all 4 tires...

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl, Cause the next time that he cheats...
Oh, you know it won't be on me!

Ohh... not on me...

Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive, carved my name into his leather seats...I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all 4 tires...

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

[Note: If you or someone you love is being abused, the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women provides crisis intervention and support services to victims of domestic violence and their families.]
 

Expose False Allegations with Technology
Don't let the anti-male bias in criminal law victimize you. If you could be falsely accused by an angry woman, be prepared! Use technology to expose the real aggressor. DontMakeHerMad.com
 
Parental-Alienation-Awareness.com
Stop Parental Alienation--a terrible form of Child Abuse. Eight states have now officially recognized Parental Alienation Awareness Day. To learn more, go to Parental-Alienation-Awareness.com.

Some Thoughtful Criticisms of My Column on the Family Abduction Prevention Act

Background: In my co-authored column "Family Abduction Prevention Act Fails to Address Causes of Parental Kidnapping," (The Hill, 1/8/07), I criticized the FAPA, which was sponsored by California Senator Diane Feinstein and Texas Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison. We wrote:

"Feinstein and Hutchison portray FAPA as a protection against abducting noncustodial fathers. However, according to the US Department of Justice, mothers and fathers abduct their children in equal numbers...According to the US Department of Justice's Office of Juvenile Justice, children in sole custody settings are at a far greater risk of being abducted by a parent than children in joint physical custody settings. The driving force behind parental abductions is the win-lose child custody system.

"Under this system, when a couple divorces or separates, one and only one parent is awarded true custody of the child, and many noncustodial parents are allowed little or no role in their children's lives...This sets up a situation where disenfranchised parents may go outside the law to regain their relationships with their children.

"This is not to say that parental abductions are justified or are in children's best interests--they rarely are. And in some cases parents have lost custody because they are unfit. Yet current divorce policies set up incentives to abduct."

Judi Cochran has some interesting and thoughtful criticisms of my column. Cochran is a consultant on Interstate and International Parental Abductions, Interstate custody issues, Sex Offender Profiling (primarily false allegations in custody cases), and Parental Alienation. Her letter appears below.

Dear Glenn:

I generally have no argument with your comments or interpretations. However, I believe that your "assumption" that shared parenting presumption, joint custody awards or any other creative ideas will stop or slow down parental abductions is off the mark. You state that the non-custodial parent is more likely to abduct and this is not what I have seen in 30 years of working with parental abduction cases.  The abductor is, more often than not, the custodial parent or in pre-decree cases the parent who has possession of the child "in the moment," usually the mother.

The reasons for the abductions vary, but rarely have anything to do with the custodial status but more to do with revenge and control. While, when caught, the abductors will usually scream, "Abuse!" since it's the only affirmative defense to criminal interference with custody, it is rare to find a shred of evidence to support this allegation. Slowly, States are amending their statutes to include custodial parent abduction, but the sad fact is that many criminal statutes (including Ohio) protect ONLY the custodial parent. The reason for these changes is the recognition that today it is the custodial parent who more often disappears with the child.

The anger is often seeded when mom doesn't get her way in the custody court, but not because she becomes the non-custodial parent. Most often, she IS the custodial parent but interferes with the visitation order, attempts to alienate the child from the father, believes if she simply moves away Dad is powerless, doesn't win her DV "case" (more courts are finally saying, "Fine, you can have your protection order. HOWEVER, it will NOT include the child and the custody order will not be interrupted.") and narcissistic behavior that NO custody order can control. I have dealt with hundreds of these cases, and no matter what the "excuse", the pattern of behavior is almost always the same. And a shared parenting order often only increases the anger...

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Help for Boston Dads
Boston family law attorney Nick Palermo is a shared custody advocate who believes that divorced dads are parents, not visitors. The Law Offices of Nicholas Palermo is a dedicated and committed trial law firm which has worked to make shared custody for all fit parents the law of the land. LAW OFFICES OF NICHOLAS PALERMO

Los Angeles Dads--Free Legal Consultation on Your Case
If you are involved in a divorce, domestic violence, paternity, child custody or support case in the greater Los Angeles area, call Stephen A. Gershman to schedule your FREE initial one hour consultation at (888) 295-1756 or (818) 990-6505. Gershman is certified as a Specialist in Family Law by the Board of Legal Specialization of the State Bar of California. He is an experienced attorney, over 25 years, who will competently and aggressively defend you against unjust domestic violence restraining orders or unfair financial obligations. When Parental Alienation or custody is an issue, he will help you protect your relationship with your kids. www.losangelesfamilylawyer.com


'He takes his bitch on trips, and is never there for the kids'

Background: In my recent blog post Women Tell It: 'Hell Hath No Fury...', I discussed a new book about second wives. The book discusses vindictive, "hell hath no fury" ex-wives who destroy fathers' relationships with their children and extort money from them--from the perspective of these men's current wives.

I've asserted that often it's the woman who dumps the man and then is bitter that he finds someone else, and the book provides some examples.

The letter below is from a female reader who didn't like what I wrote.

"I think as a ex-wife I can say that men want the cake and bring a jug of milk, too! I have 4 children, and my ex is still with the woman he left us for. I can say that this slut woman comes before his children. Am I upset? Damn right. I could care less who he puts in his bed, but do I care if my children have what they should have or need. He takes his bitch on trips, and is never there for the kids. Oh, and this woman came to my baby shower for my last son, to let me know my ex was with her. As to child support, it isn't enough to cover basic needs.

"The facts show that a child's living standard goes down by 48% [after divorce]. That is a lot, but the men don't have to look the kids in the eye and see the hurt when you tell them they can't have something or play a sport because you can't afford it. Just so long as daddy is happy!

"Maybe if men had to have the children, they wouldn't walk away so easy. Men can't ever do the right thing. They smell fresh you know what, and they're off and running. That is why so many kids grow up without fathers. As to being a bad ex....I stay as far away from him as I can. What goes around, comes around. I don't want my children or myself near him when it all comes down. And men know it will, because karma is the real bitch here, and she kicks hard. So man up and do right by your kids, even when you didn't by your ex."

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Legal Help for Fathers in New Jersey
If you're a New Jersey father facing a divorce or separation, the law firm of Pitman, Pitman, Mindas, Grossman & Lee can help. PitmanLaw.com

Help for Florida Dads
Neil Leavitt, PA helps Florida dads defend their relationships with their children during divorce or separation. Leavitt specializes in family law and has practiced law for nearly three decades. The Law Office of Neil Leavitt can be contacted by phone at (954) 989-5858. 


'My Family Has Two Houses...and I'm Okay'

Our misguided opponents often portray shared parenting arrangements as being chaotic and harmful to kids. One thing I like about Sharon Shenker's children's book My Family Has Two Houses is its affirming message that a child can have a meaningful relationship with both parents--including a balance of physical time at each house--and have a good childhood. It's a message our kids need to hear.

Many (but not enough) of the readers of this blog have shared parenting arrangements--I'd be interested to hear more about how it is working for your kids. How do you feel they benefit? What are the drawbacks?

(To learn more about Shenker's children's book, click on My Family Has Two Houses. To learn more about the research on shared parenting, see my co-authored column HB 5267 Will Help Michigan's Children of Divorce, Lansing State Journal, 5/28/06).

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

 

Lisa Scott's RealFamilyLaw.com
Shared Parenting Advocate/Family Law Attorney Lisa Scott's RealFamilyLaw.com exposes the truth about what is happening in our family law system. Lisa, the all-time leader in appearances on His Side with Glenn Sacks, says that she was "tired of having her stuff rejected by elitist bar publications and politically-correct newspapers" and decided to start her own website. RealFamilyLaw.com

The Secrets of Happily Married Men
How can a man achieve a long and happy marriage? If you've been checking out advice columns or seeing a therapist, you may have been looking in the wrong place. Despite all the advances in brain technology, and all of that we have learned about developmental psychology--men and women are given the same advice about solving problems. But when we ask men what works for them, we hear a different story. www.SecretsofMarriedMen.com

Legal Help for Fathers
If you live in Los Angeles, Riverside or Orange counties and you're facing a divorce, separation, or a child custody issue, the law firm of Oddenino & Gaule can help. www.OddLaw.net


Good News--Pro Feminist Governor Acknowledges Women Also Commit Domestic Violence

"Domestic violence cuts across all races, all income brackets, all levels of education -- and both sexes."--Connecticut Governor M. Jodi Rell (pictured)

I've been critical of Connecticut's pro-feminist Governor M. Jodi Rell in the past (see CT. Governor: 'Pets are too often the silent victims of domestic violence'), and I remain so. However, it is important to commend our opponents when they are correct, and this is one of those times. While signing a domestic violence bill a few days ago, Rell acknowledged that women also commit domestic violence, and was careful to point out that domestic violence affects both sexes.

The statement is part of Rell's press release Connecticut Governor Rell Signs Domestic Violence Prevention Bill (08/06/2007). Rell is a strong ally of the domestic violence community, and buys into many of the myths and fallacies that industry promotes. To some degree her support of this new bill reflects that.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

To learn more about domestic violence and the problems with the domestic violence system, click here.

[Note: If you or someone you love is being abused, the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women provides crisis intervention and support services to victims of domestic violence and their families.]

How Does Sex Discrimination Affect Men and Boys?
The National Coalition of Free Men Los Angeles is a non-profit educational & civil rights organization that looks at the ways sex discrimination affects men and boys. NCFM-LA helps provide men a unified voice on important political and social issues. www.NCFMLA.org

File Taxes Online with  Professional Help
MENstax.com allows you to file your taxes, check your refund status, and have your return reviewed by an experienced tax professional--all online.


Deadbeat Dads March On Las Vegas

Background: I generally think The Onion's satire is funny as hell, but their pieces on divorce-related issues seem to have decidedly anti-father slant. One example is discussed in my post How Society Views Second Wives, Divorced Dads. Another is "Deadbeat Dads March On Las Vegas" below. To listen to the Onion radio report of the Vegas march, click here.

LAS VEGAS--As many as 40,000 deadbeat dads descended on Las Vegas Friday for a massive, weekend-long show of non-support for their children.

"All right, let's get this party started!" said Tom "Turk" Turkelsen, an air-conditioner factory laborer. "I was sick of Cathy nagging me for diaper money all the time. Now she don't know where to find me--at least for the weekend."

Mike Hicks, who arrived in Las Vegas on a $20 bus ride from Los Angeles, began demonstrating his non-support the moment he set foot in the lobby of the Rio.

"Point me toward the loosest slots in town," Hicks said, waving a sign that read "Rum & Coke over here, NOW." "Can't drop no brats off at my place if I ain't there to open the door!"

Although he was not appointed to speak for the non-centralized delegation of terrible fathers, Hicks succinctly conveyed the group's sentiment. Angry shouts of "Screw the baby--I needs a new pair of shoes" echoed up and down the strip, from the Luxor to the Stratosphere, all weekend long.

"Quarter'a my check, my ass!" Dearborn, MI resident and part-time PA-system installer Derek Hindle shouted.

Some 2,500 of the deadbeat dads arrived en masse on Freedom Buses, chartered through the Freedom Tour Bus Company of Taos, NM. The common bonds of shoddy parenting and alcoholism quickly integrated the negligent fathers, both those who