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Erectile
Dysfunction? Hair Loss? The Men's Renaissance
Health Centers Can Help
The Men's Renaissance Health Centers are
a specialty medical facility dedicated to
the treatment of Men's Sexual Health, Hair
Transplantation, and Cosmetic Dermatology.
MRHC features the latest "Star Lux" Laser
technology for Facial Rejuvenation and Hair
Removal. Call (866) 398-6086 for
more info., and mention Glenn Sacks to receive
special rates.
Erectile
Dysfunction? Confidential Consultations,
Noninvasive Solutions
Men's Renaissance Heath Center specializes
in confidential consultations on Erectile
Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation and Sexual
Potency. Unlike other clinics that focus
the patient on one invasive procedure featuring
constant injections, MRHC starts with a
thorough exam by a medical doctor and seeks
to find the most appropriate and least invasive
solution to the problem. Offering FDA approved
medications and devices, the MRHC makes
the process of recovering youthful performance
levels comfortable and rapid. Call (866)
398-6086 for more info., and mention
Glenn Sacks to receive special rates.
Hair Loss? Follicular Unit Transplantation
is the New Gold Standard
Follicular Unit Transplantation is the
newest technique of permanent surgical hair
restoration. With FUT, hair is transplanted
from the permanent zone in the back of the
scalp into balding areas, using only one's
own naturally occurring, individual follicular
units. This unique procedure provides what
we all want: hair that looks natural throughout,
no matter what we do or which way the wind
blows. Most importantly, transplanted hair
will continue to grow for the rest of the
patient's life. Call (866) 398-6086
for more info., and mention Glenn Sacks
to receive special rates.
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New Column: NY Electronic Tagging Device Bill--An
Orwellian Measure
My
new co-authored column, NY Electronic Tagging Device
Bill--An Orwellian Measure (Buffalo News,
5/30/07), criticizes NY Assembly Bill 5424, which
requires "any person against whom an order of protection
is issued...to wear an electronic monitoring device."
Not some people with protection orders--all
of them.
The article explains that Orders of Protection
(i.e. restraining orders) are not findings of wrongdoing,
and are issued in an assembly line manner with little
judicial oversight.
The column, which I co-authored with family law
attorney Jeffery M. Leving, appears below.
NY Electronic Tagging Device Bill--An
Orwellian Measure
By Jeffery M. Leving and Glenn Sacks
Buffalo News, 5/30/07
Assembly Bill 5424, recently introduced by State
Assemblyman Felix Ortiz (D-Brooklyn), is a draconian
measure which will victimize many innocent New York
men and fathers. The bill requires "any person against
whom an order of protection is issued...to wear
an electronic monitoring device." The device will
allow pinpoint tracking of the wearer, and tampering
with the device will be a felony.
Perhaps such a drastic, Orwellian measure would
be warranted if the men forced to wear the devices
had had meaningful and fair trials, and were found
to be violent or dangerous. With orders of protection,
however, this often is far from the case.
To read the rest of the story and to discuss
this issue on my blog, click
here.
The
American Coalition for Fathers and Children
The American Coalition for Fathers and Children
is dedicated to creating a family law system
which promotes equal rights for all parties
affected by divorce. Contact the ACFC at
1-800-978-3237 or visit them on the web
at www.acfc.org.
Parenting Plan Calendar Software
Shared
Ground (R) is an easy-to-use software
program designed for divorced parents to
track their parenting plan schedules over
many years. Do-it-yourself or let us build
your approved parenting plan into a multi-year
calendar so that you can print, share, or
modify the calendar later. Parents, attorneys,
arbitrators and mediators can generate equitable
parenting plans, which is especially useful
for parents seeking fair division of their
children's time. FREE ASSISTANCE TO OUR
CLIENTS- $49.95 one-time charge, FREE TRIAL
& MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE. Click
here for more information.
|
Michigan Father's Daughter Kidnapped by Mom with
Police Complicity
"Police
said a Tuscola County father used the popular MySpace.com
Web site to help them find his missing 6-year-old
daughter, allegedly kidnapped by her mother [Dulce
Sebald] three years ago. Brian H. Sebald, 26, reunited
with his daughter, Briana Sebald, last week...he
last saw his child in 2004 in a parking lot at Clio
High School in Genesee County. Brian Sebald...said
his daughter was crying when Dulce Sebald left with
the girl in the taxicab on April 23, 2004.
"Sebald said he asked Genesee County Sheriff's
Department officers to stop Dulce Sebald from taking
the girl after Dulce Sebald was allowed a supervised
visit with the child on that day. Sebald said his
daughter had lived with him for more than a year
before Dulce Sebald's visit, but that police refused
to give the girl back to him. 'The police officer
let me say goodbye to Briana, and I just reassured
her it would be all right and I would get her back,'
Brian Sebald said."
Tuscola man finds his missing child by MySpace
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
By Tom Gilchrist
CARO - Police said a Tuscola County father used
the popular MySpace.com Web site to help them find
his missing 6-year-old daughter, allegedly kidnapped
by her mother three years ago. Brian H. Sebald,
26, reunited with his daughter, Briana Sebald, last
week at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. Sebald
brought his daughter home to the tiny town of Tuscola
on Wednesday - more than three years after he said
he last saw the girl leaving with her mother in
a taxicab in Genesee County.
''It's been three years since I've talked to
my daughter on the phone, so imagine not talking
to one of your kids for three years, and missing
her first day of school, and several birthdays,
Christmases and other holidays,'' Brian Sebald told
The Times.
''Briana and I have a lot of catching up to do.''
Brian Sebald said he never married Dulce M. ''Candy''
Sebald, 34, who remained held without bond Thursday
in the Snohomish County Jail in Everett, Wash.
Brian Sebald said he also is the father of Dulce
Sebald's 3-year-old son, Sarandon Sebald. He said
Dulce Sebald began using ''Sebald'' as her legal
last name after a divorce from another man.
A Snohomish County Sheriff's Office spokeswoman
said police consider Dulce Sebald a fugitive, and
said the suspect isn't fighting extradition to Michigan.
Tuscola County Prosecutor Mark E. Reene said
he isn't sure yet if he'll try to extradite Dulce
Sebald to Michigan, where he could arraign her on
a charge of custodial interference. The felony carries
a maximum sentence of one year and one day in jail.
Reene said social services officials in the state
of Washington ''couldn't and/or wouldn't'' disclose
Dulce Sebald's address, even after he made phone
calls to Washington state seeking the suspect's
location.
A Tuscola County judge in 2005 granted Brian
Sebald sole custody of Briana, but Dulce Sebald
''ignored that order and we were left with no option
but to issue the warrant for her arrest,'' Reene
said.
Dulce Sebald used a screen name of ''SexyNakedCandy''
on her MySpace.com page, said Sgt. Geoff Boyer of
the Michigan State Police post at Caro.
Brian Sebald ''apparently knew of the daughter's
whereabouts in the state of Washington by using
MySpace.com, and somehow he came up with a possible
location of the girl,'' Boyer said.
''He turned that tip over to us, and from there
the Michigan State Police helped locate the mother
and the daughter.''
The U.S. Marshals Service, the Snohomish County
Sheriff's Office and the Everett (Wash.) Police
Department assisted Michigan State Police in apprehending
Dulce Sebald.
Though Brian Sebald lived in Tuscola County at
the time of his daughter's disappearance, he said
he last saw his child in 2004 in a parking lot at
Clio High School in Genesee County.
Brian Sebald, who works as a cashier at a Dollar
General store in Clio, said his daughter was crying
when Dulce Sebald left with the girl in the taxicab
on April 23, 2004.
Sebald said he asked Genesee County Sheriff's
Department officers to stop Dulce Sebald from taking
the girl after Dulce Sebald was allowed a supervised
visit with the child on that day.
Sebald said his daughter had lived with him for
more than a year before Dulce Sebald's visit, but
that police refused to give the girl back to him.
''The police officer let me say goodbye to Briana,
and I just reassured her it would be all right and
I would get her back,'' Brian Sebald said.
Read the full article
here. To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
To learn more about the parental kidnapping issue,
see my co-authored column
Family Abduction Prevention Act Fails to Address
Causes of Parental Kidnapping (The Hill,
1/9/07).
Thanks to Lloyd Conway, a reader, for sending
me the story.
Jeff Leving's New Book--Divorce
Wars
Jeffery M. Leving, one of America's
most prominent divorce lawyers,
has written a new book on how to
win any divorce fairly, even when
your spouse brings out the heavy
artillery.
Divorce Wars: A Field Guide to the
Winning Tactics, Preemptive Strikes,
and Top Maneuvers When Divorce Gets
Ugly provides essential advice
on everything from picking the right
lawyer and devising a winning settlement
strategy to getting the most from
your day in court and dealing with
an ex-spouse.
Divorce Wars is available
here.
Help, Resources for Dads
The
National Fathers' Resource Center
is a division of
Fathers For Equal Rights, Inc.
(FER), located in Dallas, Texas,
with offices in both Dallas and
Houston. In existence for over three
decades, it has services and resources
for dads nationwide and is one of
the largest and most active fathers'
rights organizations in the U.S.
www.fathers4kids.org
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Texas Mother Murders Her 3 Children--and It's Ex-Boyfriend's
Fault?!Gilberta Estrada hung her four
small daughters, three of whom died--and it's her
ex-boyfriend's fault?! For example, Christian Newswire
just issued the press release "Victim of Domestic
Violence Hangs Self and Four Daughters" in which
they claim:
"Domestic Violence is a destroyer. It is believed
that Gilberta Estrada hanged herself-after hanging
her four young daughters first. A police investigation
hopes to confirm the tragic facts of this case.
An already confirmed fact is that Estrada was a
victim of domestic violence. The Associated Press
reports that she had previously obtained a restraining
order against the father of one or more of her children.
Can we rule out the possibility that domestic violence,
or the threat of continued domestic violence, was
a contributing factor to the depression Estrada
was reported to be experiencing and the decision
to end her life and the lives of her children?"
Even if Estrada was a victim of domestic violence,
it wouldn't come within a mile of excusing or explaining
her horrendous crime. But it is in no way an
"already confirmed fact that Estrada was a victim
of domestic violence." Estrada got a temporary
restraining order against her ex-boyfriend Gregorio
Frayre Rodriguez. While to outsiders this may sound
impressive, it is, in fact, absolutely meaningless.
According to Elaine Epstein, former president
of the Massachusetts Women's Bar Association, restraining
orders are doled out "like candy" to "virtually
all who apply," and that "in virtually all cases,
no notice, meaningful hearing, or impartial weighing
of evidence is to be had."
Restraining orders are generally done ex
parte, without the accused's knowledge and
with no opportunity afforded for him to defend himself.
When an order is issued, the man is booted out of
his own home and can even be jailed if he tries
to contact his own children. Despite these grave
effects, many courts grant restraining orders to
practically any woman who applies. Research shows
that these orders often do not even involve an allegation
of violence. Usually all that's needed is a claim
that the person to be restrained "acted in a way
that scared me" or was "verbally abusive"--what's
known as "shout at your spouse, lose your house."
The restraining order against Rodriguez was only
temporary, and was probably issued ex parte.
Yes, it's certainly possible that Estrada may have
been a victim of domestic violence, and I'm sure
her family, friends and defenders will try to portray
her as such.
However, as of right now, we have
no finding that she
was a victim of domestic violence. And even
if they did have a violent relationship, it may
have been Estrada
who was solely or largely responsible for that violence.
After all, while we have no proof of any wrongdoing
by Rodriguez, we do have absolute proof that
Estrada was violent and mentally disturbed.
The Associated Press story is
Mother hangs herself, 4 children; infant found alive.
To read more and to discuss this issue on my
blog, click
here.
It's Never Her Fault: Four Texas Women Murder 11
Kids, All Found 'Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity'
(Gilberta Estrada, Part II)As the Associated
Press article on the Gilberta Estrada murders notes,
in recent years there has been a spate of Texas
women murdering their children, and not one was
held criminally culpable for her actions:
In 2004, Dena Schlosser fatally severed her 10-month-old
daughter's arms with
a kitchen knife.
In 2003, Deanna Laney beat her two young sons
to death with stones in East Texas.
In 2003, Lisa Ann Diaz drowned her daughters
in a Plano bathtub.
In 2001, Andrea Yates drowned her five children
in the family's Houston bathtub.
All four were found not guilty by reason of insanity.
(In addition, Dee Etta Perez, 39, shot her three
children, ages 4, 9 and 10, before killing herself,
and Gilberta Estrada murdered three of her daughters
this week).
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
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Online Dating Rights
Online Dating Rights
opposes the new federal
International Marriage Broker
Regulation Act, which requires
Americans who seek to meet
foreigners via the internet
to have a criminal background
check and an intrusive report
about intimate details of
one's life BEFORE any communication--the
first time in US history
that such checks have been
required.
www.onlinedatingrights.com
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Experience the Book that Dares to
Scream the Inner Thoughts of Men
Author Tom Ellis unleashes his savage
wit on women's studies, gender norming,
implants, affirmative action, rape
hysteria, pornography, women's spirituality,
homophobia, and bad dates. Intended
for male readers, women also find
it shockingly insightful. Contains
adult situations and language.
The Rantings of a Single Male:
Losing Patience with Feminism, Political
Correctness... and Basically Everything
by Thomas Ellis -- $11.95 + shipping
from Amazon via direct purchase--click
here. |
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The Gilberta Estrada Case: When Andrea Yates Killed
Her Kids, Everybody Blamed Her Husband, Too

(Pictured: The Yates family before Andrea Yates
drowned her five children in a bathtub)
Background: Gilberta Estrada recently hung
her four small daughters, three of whom died, and
many are blaming her ex-boyfriend Gregorio Frayre
Rodriguez, against whom she had a temporary restraining
order. What many fail to realize is that domestic
violence restraining orders are passed out by courts
almost automatically, and they in no way represent
a judicial finding of violence or wrongdoing. Estrada
may or may not have been a victim of domestic violence.
After Andrea Yates drowned her five children
in the family's Houston bathtub in 2001, her husband,
Russell Yates, was widely blamed for the killings.
I appeared on many Texas radio shows at the time
to defend Russell, and was so vilified that I often
felt as if I were defending the person who had committed
the murders.
Around that time my column "In Defense of a Flawed
but Decent Russell Yates" appeared in the Houston
Chronicle. The column, which is reprinted below,
was the only column defending Russell Yates to appear
in a major American newspaper.
In Defense of a Flawed but Decent Russell
Yates
By Glenn Sacks
Houston Chronicle, 3/11/02
"It's a shame that there's no law that can give
Russell Yates his due," writes syndicated columnist
Debra Saunders. "Russell Yates ought to be locked
up instead of his wife," says writer Cindy Hasz.
Creators Syndicate's Froma Harrop sneers that he
probably "misses the obedient drudge who bore and
raised his five children more than the five children."
Harsh words for Russell Yates have come from many
others, particularly former O. J. Simpson prosecutor
Marcia Clark.
What these and others forget is that it's hard
to make the right decision when you don't have a
lot of options. According to Andrea Yates' brother,
Andrew Kennedy, Russell Yates "did his best....He
trusted the doctors and he did everything they said
to do. He made sure she took her medication."
Psychiatrist Mohammed Saeed took Yates off the
drug Haldol on June 4. Russell Yates, worried about
his wife, brought her back to Dr. Saeed on June
18. The doctor said he saw no sign of psychosis
and sent her home.
Two days later, she killed their five children.
Instead of using 20-20 hindsight, let's look
at the situation as it must have appeared to Russell
Yates before June 20. Mental illness is difficult
for untrained people to cope with and to comprehend.
Dr. Saeed had indicated that he believed that Andrea
Yates was getting better, and Andrea herself has
testified that she told nobody, not even her husband,
about the "voices in her head."
While Russell surely had doubts about leaving
the kids with her, he didn't have a lot of choices.
He couldn't quit his job to care for the kids--somebody
had to put food on the table. Ending the home-schooling,
a violation of both of their beliefs, might have
been a severe blow to his fragile wife's self-esteem,
perhaps pushing her over the edge.
Instead, Russell made the one move he needed
to make--he had his mother come in to watch the
kids every day. He generally left for work at 9
am and his mother arrived at 10 am, and he thought
he had the situation under control.
He also probably believed that the best thing
to do was to try to keep their family life stable,
to try to be cheerful and to make the kids happy,
and to hope that the medications would work and
that his wife would get better. He had seen Andrea
spiral down after the birth of their fourth child,
and then apparently become completely healthy again--exercising
regularly and cheerfully being super-mom. He may
have believed that much of what Andrea was going
through early last year was simply post-pregnancy
mood swings, and that she would get better if he
was patient.
He also attributed much of his wife's distress
to the death of her father in March of last year.
And he no doubt was in some denial, as people who
are trapped in difficult situations often are. As
he walked out the door to go to work on June 20,
should he really have expected that his wife was
waiting for him to leave so she could kill their
children?...
To read more and to discuss the issue on my blog,
click
here.
Alicia M. Crowe's Real Dads Stand Up!
Alicia M. Crowe's new book Real Dads
Stand Up! explains what every single
father should know about child support,
rights and custody. Learn how to exercise
your legal rights, avoid 'baby mama drama',
navigate the child support system, gain
and maintain access to your children, and
settle issues without going to trial.
www.realdadsstandup.com
Fathers'
Rights Legal Help
If you need help with divorce, child custody,
child support, alimony and visitation issues,
The Law
Offices of Jeffery M. Leving, Ltd. is
one of the only law firms in the country
focused almost exclusively on fathers' rights
in divorce. Leving did heroic work on the
Elian Gonzalez case, helping reunite Elian
with his father. He also co-authored Illinois'
Joint Custody Law, and was named one of
"America's Best Lawyers" by Forbes Radio.
Leving is the author of
Fathers' Rights: Hard Hitting and Fair Advice
for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute.
Call today for an initial consultation (312)
807-3990 or visit us on the web at
www.dadsrights.com.
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Has Your Career Been Impacted by
Custody Issues?
After empowering people's careers
for over 20 years, I was duly initiated
into family law just like you--through
a 30 month, $520,000 custody suit.
I learned that a solid home-based
business could be the best option,
allowing one to shake the financial
shackles while still experiencing
a "no limits" career. More than
ever, our kids now need a free and
available parent. Be there for them...and
for yourself. Darrell W. Gurney,
www.EntrepreneurFromHome.com.
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It's 'Women and Children First' in Fatal
Boat Crash
It
was "women and children first" in the fatal
Hawaii boat crash earlier this month. Four
decades of feminist manbashing hasn't killed
male chivalry. The story is
Family scrambled to survive as boat sank
off Hawaii (St. Louis Post-Dispatch,
5/10/07).
Thanks to reader Matthew Chapman.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
The Business of Love
50% of 1st marriages fail,
the rate of marriage has
declined 48% in 40 years,
single households now outnumber
married households...if
there ever was a time for
a radical, new approach
to marriage, it's NOW.
The Business of Love,
by Dr. John Curtis, an organizational
development consultant and
former marriage counselor,
is the first book to show
how to take the same "best
practices" that build successful
businesses and apply them
to an intimate relationship.
Learn more at
www.TheBusinessofLove.org.
Help for Michigan Dads
Michigan family law
attorney Mindy L. Hitchcock
has experience fighting
for noncustodial parents
against Michigan's abusive
FOC. Her
holistic approach to
divorce gets results for
her clients while avoiding
the scorched earth approach
to law that leaves families
emotionally and financially
devastated.
Lady4Justice.com
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A Shock for Peggy Drexler: Boy Saves Sister,
Mother in Near-Fatal Car Crash Even Though
He Was Raised with a Father
I've
noted on several occasions that Peggy Drexler,
author of
Raising Boys Without Men: How Maverick Moms
Are Creating the Next Generation of Exceptional
Men, believes that boys raised
without fathers--in single mother homes
or, Drexler's favorite, lesbian homes--are
better off than boys raised with fathers.
In my column
Raising Boys Without Men: Lesbian
Parents Good, Dads Bad (World Net
Daily, 9/10/05), I noted:
"For Drexler, boys raised by lesbians
are a better breed than those raised by
heterosexual couples. One day when Drexler
was struggling to hold on to her briefcase
and her bags, 11 year-old Damien saw 'that
I needed help and immediately offered it.'
Drexler is taken aback--a boy being
helpful and caring? She notes 'when I thought
about it later, it clicked in my head: This
is a boy being raised by two moms.'
"Lesbian-raised Cody helps clean up the
playroom. Lesbian-raised Brad offers Drexler
a stool to sit on when she comes to his
room to interview her. Both considerations
are the product, we are assured, of their
special upbringings."
I recently blogged about nine-year-old
Chase Ringwall, who saved his mother's life
and perhaps his sister's life with his level-headedness
and intelligence after a near-fatal car
crash (see
9-Year-Old Boy Saves Mother, Sister After
Near-Fatal Crash). In the story it is
revealed that little Chase has a father,
and he actually lives with him! But despite
this handicap, he still saves his
mother and sister. I guess such nobility
isn't reserved only for boys "being raised
by two moms."
(To be fair, I do think what I'm writing
here is a bit of a cheap shot at Drexler.
And I admit I do feel bad about it. But
not very.)
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Dr.
Warren Farrell's
Shared Parenting
Evidence
Kit--What
You Need
to Win Shared
Physical
Custody
Dr. Warren
Farrell,
a top expert
on children
of divorce
now offers
a complete
evidence
kit to help
you win
shared custody.
The DVDs,
audio CD
and electronic
files summarize
the best
scientific
research
available
collected
over decades.
Scientific
research
has proven
that children
do far better
with near
equal time
with both
parents
with minimal
conditions.
This video
set was
developed
to educate
parents,
judges,
lawyers,
psychologists
and other
divorce
professionals.
Most judges
are doing
exactly
what is
worst for
children
with sole-custody.
Submitted
as evidence
this will
maximize
your chances.
Divorce
Reform groups
call(508)
381-1450
to use as
fundraiser.
www.BestInterestofChildren.org |
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Help for Los Angeles/Ventura County
Dads
Certified Family Law Specialist
Peter M. Walzer was one of the key
figures in our successful legislative
struggle to preserve the LaMusga
move-away decision. As Chair of
the State Bar of California Family
Law Section Executive Committee,
Walzer lobbied the state legislature
to improve California laws on child
support and child custody. He's
an American Academy of Matrimonial
Lawyers Fellow who has authored
numerous articles on custody issues,
business valuation in marital dissolutions
and spousal and child support.
www.California-Divorce.com
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Boys and the Boy Crisis--Third
National Men's Equality Congress,
July 13-14 in Washington, DC
Boys and the Boy Crisis, the
Third National Men's Equality Congress,
will be held July 13-14 in Washington, DC. The speakers list is great--perhaps
the best I've ever seen at a conference.
Speakers include:
1) Matt O'Connor--leader of the
English fathers' group
Fathers 4 Justice. O'Connor
has done more than anybody to raise
awareness of the terrible social
problem of children being separated
from their fathers after divorce
or separation.
2) Christina Hoff Sommers--author
of the books
The War Against Boys: How Misguided
Feminism Is Harming Our Young Men
and
Who Stole Feminism?.
In
The War Against Boys,
Sommers asserts, "It's a bad time
to be a boy in America," and takes
a hard look at the boy crisis and
the misguided policies which have
helped create it.
Who Stole Feminism?
is a devastating expose of the way
feminists have disseminated misinformation
about men and gender issues via
the media and academia, and helped
poison our popular culture against
men.
3) Warren Farrell--the intellectual
wellspring of the men's movement,
and the author of
Father & Child Reunion,
the
Myth of Male Power,
and others. Farrell is also an expert
on shared parenting--to watch Warren
speak, click on
Warren Farrell's Case for Shared
Parenting (Video).
4) Paul Nathanson and Katherine
Young, co-authors of
Spreading Misandry: The Teaching
of Contempt for Men in Popular Culture
and
Legalizing Misandry: From Public
Shame to Systemic Discrimination
Against Men.
5) Stephen Baskerville--president
of the
American
Coalition for Fathers and Children
and author of the soon-to-be
released book
Taken into Custody: The War
Against Fatherhood, Marriage, and
the Family.
6)
Glenn Sacks--men's and fathers'
issues columnist, commentator, talk
show host and blogger.
To register for the conference,
click
here.
There will also be three 2+ hour
pre-conference workshops, one conducted
by Matt O'Connor, one by Warren
Farrell, and one by Glenn Sacks.
The workshops will start Friday
morning and conclude prior to the
conference opening that evening.
These workshops will allow the
speakers to go into greater detail
and allow participants to spend
more time with our speakers. The
pricing for early registrants will
be $33 for each workshop. Attending
these workshops is extra and separate
from the conference. People can
choose to go to none, one, two or
all three.
To sign up for 'early bird' prices
for these workshops and/or to register
for the conference, click
here.
The mover and shaker behind these
conferences is Tom Golden, LCSW,
a Washington, DC-area men's activist.
Golden does an excellent job--both
of the previous conferences he's
held were well-attended and well-organized.
To discuss this issue on my blog,
click
here.
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Help for Colorado Dads
As someone who has personally experienced
the heartbreak of divorce and family
breakup,
Brett W. Martin, Esq. works
to advance the interests and concerns
of fathers in domestic and family
law litigation. Personal attention
is given to clients to help them
through a very difficult time in
their lives.
www.brettwmartin.com |
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A Father and Son Separated by Divorce Finally Reunite--in
Iraq
The
father and son in the article below were separated
by divorce when the boy, now 21, was only a toddler.
Father and son serving in Iraq reunite in Baghdad
Associated Press, 5/28/07
LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Amid the sounds of mortar
and machine-gun fire, a father and son both serving
in Iraq were reunited in Baghdad after spending
more than a decade apart.
Army Master Sgt. William McGraw and his son,
Pfc. Logan McGraw, 21, met last week at Baghdad's
Camp Victory in a two-day reunion arranged by the
military, the Los Angeles Times reported Monday.
"Logan, I am your father," were William McGraw's
first words.
The two last saw each other when Logan McGraw
was 8 years old. They met only once before that,
more than seven years earlier as his parents were
getting divorced. As a child, he moved around with
his mother, a Kentucky-based sergeant.
"I have a chance to finally know my son. I'm
excited about starting over again," said William
McGraw, 45. "But reality sets in; we know this is
a war zone and there are soldiers missing and people
dying."
In Baghdad, they embraced and bantered about
sports and family life, including the younger McGraw's
2-year-old son Douyniall.
"It took a little bit longer than I hoped for,"
Logan McGraw said of the reunion. "But at the end,
it came down to having a relationship later down
the road and finally being able to communicate with
each other."
Logan McGraw's unit was set to return to Taji,
about 20 miles (32 kilometers) north of Baghdad.
He was deployed in April. William McGraw had been
in Iraq for 24 months and was scheduled to redeploy
to Atlanta this week.
Just after Logan McGraw enlisted, he searched
for his father's name on the Internet and called
every possible listing.
Three years ago, he was able to connect with
his father, and the pair traded e-mails and phone
calls before last week's reunion.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
'I spent 23 years as a counselor... Arrests, prosecutions
and sentencing in domestic violence cases are primarily
based on gender, not on behavior'
"I spent 23 years as a counselor including 12 years
as a probation counselor. Arrests, prosecutions
and sentencing in domestic violence cases are primarily
based on gender, not on behavior. It is so ingrained
into the system that the authorities usually do
not know that they are being prejudicial. Very few
cases of domestic violence fit the profile presented
in the popular media or used in treatment programs
for men."
An interesting letter in the Vancouver Columbian
about domestic violence arrest policies.
System prejudicial
I commend Ron Jones for having the courage to
say that which is politically incorrect regarding
domestic violence. Jones' May 18 letter, "Men victimized,
too," pointed out that domestic violence has been
promoted as a male against female problem. I suggest
that the problem is far worse and far more endemic.
I spent 23 years as a counselor including 12
years as a probation counselor. Arrests, prosecutions
and sentencing in domestic violence cases are primarily
based on gender, not on behavior. It is so ingrained
into the system that the authorities usually do
not know that they are being prejudicial.
Very few cases of domestic violence fit the profile
presented in the popular media or used in treatment
programs for men. The result is that the programs
in place successfully meet certain political objectives,
but in doing so damage the relationship between
men and women. I am convinced that these programs
increase the level of family dysfunction.
The way to change the end result is simple. The
system and the people running it become honest.
I found that both those presented as perpetrators
of domestic violence and those who were supposed
victims were nearly always honest about their behavior.
It is those in authority who operate by a political
agenda.
Ron Austin
Vancouver
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Attention California Child Support
Obligors
Under the
Compromise of Back Child Support
Program, when money is owed
to the government (not the mother),
the government may compromise on
back child support for up to 90%
off. This law was passed in recognition
of the fact that there have been
many inequitable child support judgments
that can no longer be appealed.
We operate anywhere in California--to
learn more about this program, contact
family law attorney Robert Ackermann
at (310) 442-8240 or at
ChildsupportLA@aol.com.
My Family Has Two Houses...and I'm
Okay
A workshop for children of separation
or divorce in a workbook! In the
privacy of your own home, you can
provide your child with a safe way
of looking at their thoughts and
feelings and help to open
discussion of relevant issues for
them with you. This workbook can
make the difference between your
child surviving your divorce and
thriving despite it! To learn more
about My family has two houses
...and I'm Okay! and to order,
click
here.
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New Study: Divorce Hits Men Harder than Women
A new study from Statistics Canada found that men
are hit harder by divorce than women. According
to NEW STUDY: Divorce Bad for Men's (and Women's)
Mental Health (Canadian Press, 5/22/07):
"The stereotype might be that a man relishes
trading his wife for a fast car or a younger woman,
but a new study finds that men appear to take separation
harder than women.
"While both men and women whose marriages have
dissolved have a higher risk of being depressed
than people who remained with their spouses, a Statistics
Canada study found that men who had divorced or
separated were six times more likely to report an
episode of depression compared with men who remained
married.
"Women who had undergone marital breakups were
3.5 times more likely to have had bouts of depression
than their counterparts who were still in relationships.
"The survey found that 12 per cent of people
who were no longer in a relationship reported a
new episode of depression, while just three per
cent of those who remained in a relationship had
suffered new depression.
"Michelle Rotermann, the author of the study,
said she was surprised, and also not surprised,
by the results.
"'On the one hand we know depression in general
tends to be more common among women, but there is
also a lot of evidence that shows that men have
fewer social supports and social support does seem
to play a role,' she said.
"'Perhaps one of the reasons why men are more
at risk of experiencing subsequent depression is
because one of their main sources of social support
is their partner, their spouse, and now she is no
longer there,' said Rotermann, an analyst at Statistics
Canada.
"Nineteen per cent of men who were no longer
with their spouse found a decline in social support,
while only six per cent of men who remained in a
relationship found a drop. Among women the proportions
were 11 per cent for those no longer in a relationship
and five for those who were.
"'Jenni Tipper, a research associate with the
Vanier Institute of the Family in Ottawa, said 'typically
women are much better at building and maintaining
social supports, which isn't often the case for
men'...
"'We sometimes tend to think that it's the woman
who bears the brunt of a divorce outcome. And there
is no question that women experience higher levels
of economic strife,' Tipper said. 'What we tend
to forget in many instances, for the men in particular,
they see children all but removed from their lives,
which is a huge impact on your life.'"
The article also asserts that women are hurt
more economically by divorce than men--an assertion
that is very questionable.
I've discussed the myth of the man trading his
wife in for a Porsche and a trophy wife before--one
example would be
The Rise in 'Gray Divorce': It's Always Hubby's
Fault (Houston Chronicle, 2/19/06).
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
How to Stop a Dirty Divorce
Many fathers are very naive
when they walk into family court,
and the results can be disastrous.
Family Law Attorney A.J. Comparetto's
Ultimate Guide to Stopping a Dirty
Divorce teaches you the Dirty
Divorce tricks before they
are played on you. It's a series
of cassettes and videos which teaches
you what judges really want to hear
from you in court, how to keep your
words from being twisted by attorneys,
and how to keep your kids from being
caught in the middle.
www.divorceproblems.com
Help for North Carolina Dads
Steve Monks and
the Monks Law Firm helps North
Carolina dads with all their family
law needs, from preparation of a
simple separation agreement to a
full-blown custody case. The Monks
Law Firm offers a guaranteed fixed-rate
fee upon evaluation of your case--without
the burden of hourly rates hanging
over your head, you can concentrate
on solving your legal problems instead
of worrying about the bill.
www.monkslawnc.com
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'Nobody except Dad was willing to help him, and
he would remember that as long as he lived'
Background: With Father's Day coming up, I'm
reprising some of the stories and posts about special
fathers that I've written over the years. Tim Russert's
Wisdom of Our Fathers has hundreds of stories
men and women tell about their fathers. One of
them appears below. It's a remarkable
book--to learn more, see my co-authored column
America's Father Hunger (World Net Daily,
10/13/06).
The story below is "Mr. Strawberry" from Joseph
Harrison Kelly of Bordentown, NJ, about his father,
Joseph Harold Kelly, a store owner (1925-2003).
"When I was ten and helping out my dad's liquor
store, a man walked in looking disheveled and confused.
He told Dad he had no money, his car had broken
down, and he was trying to get home. Without hesitation,
my father gave the man twenty dollars and called
him a cab.
"'Dad,' I said, 'that guy was a bum. Why did
you do that?'
"He said he could see from the man's eyes he
was telling the truth and was in trouble.
"The following Christmas Eve, flowers were delivered
to our business, addressed to Joseph Kelly and his
son, wishing us a merry Christmas and signed Mr.
Strawberry. For the next forty years, the flowers
came without fail. I finally asked Mr. Strawberry,
who had become a regular customer, why he sent us
flowers every year. He told me that on one of the
worst days of his life, on one of the hottest days
of the year, his car broke down and he, a black
man, was then mugged by three white teenagers while
he was trying to get help. His insulin was low,
he was dazed and confused, nobody except Dad was
willing to help him, and he would remember that
as long as he lived."
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Help
for Los Angeles/Orange County Dads--Because
They're Your Kids, Too
If you're a dad facing a divorce or separation
and you need quality legal representation
in Los Angeles or Orange County, the Law
Office of David Stone can help. Remember,
they're your kids, too.
www.help4dad.com |
Help
for Georgia Dads
Georgia attorney
Edwin M. Saginar has 36 years of experience
in family law and criminal defense, including
domestic violence. He has seen many spouses
falsely accuse their significant others
of family violence, and knows how to defend
your rights.
www.edwinsaginar.com
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'Are you chronically offended? Sign up for Women's
Studies!'
"Do
you prefer ideological sloganeering to real education?
Are you chronically offended? Sign up for Women's
Studies! Join us next semester to find out how you
can put an academic gloss on your victim complex.
Sanctimonious scolds are welcome! A shaky sense
of sexual identity is a plus!"
All of the above taken from the poster is true,
but it ignores the worst part of Women's Studies--it
is anti-male.
I've written numerous columns critical of Women's
Studies. These include:
Hate My Father? No Ma'am! (World Net Daily,
4/8/02)
Why Males Don't Go to College (She Thinks,
11/13/02)
The Best Valentine's Day Gift for College Students:
Gender Reconciliation (She Thinks,
2/13/03)
New Study Finds Myths, Misrepresentations in Women's
Studies Textbooks (Cybercast News Service,
4/1/02)
For a larger view of the poster, go to the next
page.
To read more and to discuss this issue on my
blog, click
here.
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If It's a Bad Parent, It Must Be a Dad...

From conservative cartoonist Ken Catalino.
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Help for Boston Dads
Boston family law attorney Nick Palermo
is a shared custody advocate who believes
that divorced dads are parents, not visitors.
The Law Offices of Nicholas Palermo is a
dedicated and committed trial law firm which
has worked to make shared custody for all
fit parents the law of the land.
LAW OFFICES OF NICHOLAS PALERMO
Los Angeles Dads--Free Legal Consultation
on Your Case
If you are involved in a divorce, domestic
violence, paternity, child custody or support
case in the greater Los Angeles area, call
Stephen A. Gershman to schedule
your FREE initial one hour consultation
at (888) 295-1756 or (818) 990-6505. Gershman
is certified as a Specialist in Family Law
by the Board of Legal Specialization of
the State Bar of California. He is an experienced
attorney, over 25 years, who will competently
and aggressively defend you against
unjust domestic violence restraining orders
or unfair financial obligations. When Parental
Alienation or custody is an issue, he will
help you protect your relationship with
your kids.
www.losangelesfamilylawyer.com
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What a Deal--Pay a Woman for Another Man's Child Who You
Cannot See"Men lie more, women lie bigger.
A man's lie is, 'Where was I? Um, I was over at Tony's house.'
A woman's lie is, 'that's your baby.'"--Comedian Chris Rock
After reading my blog entry
Finally, Finally, Finally an Important Point about Paternity
Fraud, paternity fraud crusader Carnell Smith sent me
an interesting note explaining how he first took up this
cause. Smith wrote:
"I began my crusade against paternity fraud after my
ex-girlfriend cancelled my parenting time and later asked
that I be jailed for on-payment.
"What a deal ... pay a woman for another man's child
who you cannot see. Then blame him for trusting the mother
when she claimed that he was the father (only candidate)
until three DNA test showed the accused male was innocent."
Smith's story was detailed by columnist Kathleen Parker
in 2001 in her column
Fathers fight paternity fraud. Parker wrote:
"You can't blame Carnell Smith for being a little ticked
off. He was a good father, paid his child support on time,
loved and cared for his little girl. That is, until he found
out through DNA testing that he wasn't 'Daddy'...
"Smith's personal nightmare began in 1999, 10 years after
he'd taken responsibility for the child he thought was his.
Until then, he says he voluntarily paid his child support
and helped raise the girl.
"Then in 1999, the mother went to court to try to increase
her child support payments to $1,300 per month, or 42 percent
of Smith's take-home pay. An engineer with a telecommunications
company, Smith earned a good salary, but he also had a wife
and two children of his own.
"In the midst of court proceedings one day - in a scene
made for Hollywood - Smith was going to pick up his daughter
when a billboard caught his eye. 'Who's the Father?' it
said and listed a toll-free number for a DNA-testing company.
Acting on instinct, Smith made the call.
"He's been tested twice now, and both times with the
same result: There is zero chance he's the girl's father."
To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
22,000 Babies a Year Abandoned in Hospitals
Has anybody ever heard of this? I was reading about
foster care and orphanages in an article called
"The Road Home" in a 2001 edition of The Women's
Quarterly when I noticed a statistic I'd never
seen before. According to UC Irvine economics professor
Richard McKenzie, "Upwards of 22,000 babies are
abandoned annually in the hospitals in which they
were born."
I've no idea if this statistic is true or not,
but the source seems credible. I've noted before
that 1.5 million American women legally walk away
from motherhood every year through adoption or abortion,
and that in over 40 states mothers can completely
opt out of motherhood by returning unwanted babies
to the hospital shortly after birth. I don't condone
unwed fathers who won't support their babies, but
it's always seemed curious to me that we label unwed
fathers who are reluctant to pay child support "deadbeats,"
yet do not apply the label to women who similarly
reject parenthood by returning their unwanted babies
to the hospital or giving them up for adoption.
The apparent fact that 22,000 mothers each year
slip out of hospitals and leave their babies behind
creates some interesting questions. Since the women
were in the hospitals giving birth, it is very likely
that the hospitals have the women's full names,
personal information, addresses, etc. If an unwed
father abandons his child and the child is put in
foster care, the state bills him for child support
to recoup the cost of foster care. When a father
abandons his child and the mother goes on welfare,
the state bills the father for child support to
recoup its welfare costs.
In these situations the mothers have dumped 18
years of foster care costs onto the state. Does
the state go after them for 18 years of child support
to recoup its costs? Are they hunted down and jailed
the way "deadbeat dads" are? Or, since they're women,
does the state let them go and look the other way?
I don't know the answer, but I suspect the latter.
If anyone knows more about this specific subject,
feel free to let me know.
On the general issue of branding men who don't
want to be fathers "deadbeats" while giving women
who reject motherhood a pass, see my co-authored
column
Respect a Man's Choice, Too (AlterNet,
8/1/06).
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
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When Family Law Judges Get It Right (Part I)The
fathers' rights movement is often extremely critical of
family law judges. While I think this criticism is excessive
and overblown, some of it is certainly legitimate. The biggest
problem is that family law judges often don't respect the
loving bonds between fathers and their children. One example
is the Traub case. In
The Future of the American Father, my address to the
2004 Men's Rights Congress, I explained:
"In the case of DeBrenes v. Traub, a divorced
custodial mother remarried and seeks to move with her 13
year-old daughter. Get this--first mom moved, and dad uprooted
himself and moved to be with his daughter. Then mom moved
again, and dad uprooted himself and moved again to be with
his daughter. And now mom wants to move again--to Costa Rica!
Yes you heard right, Costa Rica! They have no ties in Costa
Rica, the girl doesn't speak Spanish and doesn't want to
go, but mom remarried recently and her new husband lived
in Costa Rica 58 years ago--yes, 58 years ago--and he wants
to go back.
"In any rational country the judge would have laughed
the mother out of the courtroom, told her she must be joking,
or suggested she put the wine bottle down and go sleep it
off. Instead the court GRANTED her request, only stipulating
that the girl, who is learning disabled, be allowed to finish
her studies at her special school. In other words, Eric
Traub's 13 years of loving fatherhood are to be bundled
up and thrown away the moment the strong, loving bond he
shares with his daughter became inconvenient for mom."
I do try to be fair, however, and in between criticizing
judges and their rulings, I think it is also important to
point out when judges get things right. One example of a
judge getting it right is a ruling by a Jefferson County
Kentucky family court judge named Virginia Whittinghill.
In my recent blog entry
Finally, Finally, Finally an Important Point about Paternity
Fraud I discussed the case of Ren Hinshaw. According
to an article in the Louisville Courier-Journal,
Hinshaw is "fighting to retain joint custody of a child
he helped raised and loves as his own, even after finding
out the boy is not his biological child."
"'He is my son, and I am his dad,' Hinshaw said in an
e-mail to the newspaper.
"The child's mother says Hinshaw should have no right
to custody...
"Hinshaw was in the delivery room when the boy he thought
was his son was born in 1999.
"He cut the umbilical cord and later changed the boy's
diapers, taught him to talk and volunteered at his school,
according to court records.
"Hinshaw, a technology consultant at the University of
Louisville's Kornhauser Health Sciences Library, described
the boy in court records as the most important thing in
his life.
"But when the child's mother, Jacqueline, divorced Hinshaw
in 2003, she disclosed he wasn't the biological father and
asked Jefferson Family Court to deny him custody.
"Judge Virginia Whittinghill ordered a counselor to meet
with the child. She concluded he had bonded with Hinshaw
and that it would be 'very devastating to him if he was
not in his life.' She described Hinshaw as the boy's 'psychological
father.'
"Whittinghill not only granted Hinshaw's motion for joint
custody, she also made his home the boy's primary residence
and ordered his ex-wife to pay him $25,000 in attorney's
fees."
Whittinghill is one of the heroes of this story, standing
up for a loving father's bond with this child against the
mother's selfish demands and family law machinations. I
salute her, and she is the initial entry into the Glenn
Sacks pantheon of "Judges Who Get It Right."
Let's hope her inclusion doesn't hurt her career...
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Lisa
Scott's RealFamilyLaw.com
Shared Parenting Advocate/Family Law Attorney
Lisa Scott's
RealFamilyLaw.com
exposes the truth about what is happening
in our family law system. Lisa, the all-time
leader in appearances on His Side with
Glenn Sacks, says that she was "tired
of having her stuff rejected by elitist
bar publications and politically-correct
newspapers" and decided to start her own
website.
RealFamilyLaw.com
The Secrets of Happily Married Men
How can a man achieve a long and happy marriage?
If you've been checking out advice columns
or seeing a therapist, you may have been
looking in the wrong place. Despite all
the advances in brain technology, and all
of that we have learned about developmental
psychology--men and women are given the
same advice about solving problems. But
when we ask men what works for them, we
hear a different story.
www.SecretsofMarriedMen.com
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Feminist Domestic Violence Group Equates Child Support Debtors
with BatterersAs I've noted before, misguided
women's advocates and the government-funded domestic violence
establishment often equate noncustodial fathers with batterers,
and use the specter of the wifebeater as a way to violate
fathers' rights on a wide scale.
For example, here in California, domestic violence was
used to kill the California Shared Parenting Bill in committee
in 2005. During the
LaMusga move-away case in the California Supreme
Court in 2004, domestic violence groups from around the
country wrote and/or signed on to amicus curie
briefs in favor of the move-away mother, even though the
case had nothing whatsoever to do with domestic violence.
(In that case Susan Navarro sought to move her two boys
2,000 miles way from their father to frustrate the children's
relationship with him).
The National Organization for Women also used the specter
of domestic violence to kill shared parenting bills in
Michigan and
New York last year.
This week, however, I heard a new one. According to the
Colorado Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual
Abuse, Colorado casinos must now become auxiliary child
support collection agencies because, you guessed it, "batterers
are less likely to pay child support, making it difficult
for many abused women to support their children."
To learn more, see the story
Casino bill to get deadbeat cash fails (Rocky Mountain
News, 3/23/07). The legislators killed the bill because,
as one legislator said, the government shouldn't "require
private industry to collect [its] debts." Also, one lobbyist
"told lawmakers that the measure would snare a lot of law-abiding
gamblers who should not be subjected to such collections
from the casinos." The bill would have required casinos
to withhold child support debtors' gambling winnings.
I wouldn't be surprised if the bill comes back next year
and the legislature folds. To learn more about the misguided
war on so-called "deadbeat dads," see my co-authored column
When Beating up on 'Deadbeat Dads' is Unfair (Houston
Chronicle, 1/7/07).
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Legal Help for Fathers
If you live in Los Angeles, Riverside or
Orange counties and you're facing a divorce,
separation, or a child custody issue, the
law firm of Oddenino & Gaule can help.
www.OddLaw.net
The LaMusga Company
The LaMusga Company provides customized
solutions to assist individuals and business
owners in reaching their financial goals.
The LaMusga Company is committed to helping
you accomplish your long-term financial
objectives.
LaMusgaCo.com
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Thanks, SailorDear Glenn:
I just retired from the Military after 23 years, and
my 18 year-old son and I moved back to Michigan where I
have owned a home for 13 years. California has set an earning
capacity on me above what I can make in my area. I'm now
falling behind through no fault of my own.
California has set support and paying her attorney fees
at more than I make. I'm over $30,000 in credit card debt
from my attorney fees. My ex is hiding money--that's part
of why my support is so high. The state doesn't care that
I retired due to health issues and was forced to move back
to Michigan because I couldn't afford to keep two residences
and pay support. I'm drowning here and need help.
Here these states can put a demanding support on you
that you can't afford to pay then put your picture on pizza
boxes. My 16 year-old wants to move with me but his mother
says not until he's 18. She wants the money.
My future is bleak everything I have worked so hard for
is starting to disappear. I spent half my career at sea
and now I'm not able to enjoy my time on the beach.
Regards,
Mark
To discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Fathers, Work-Life Balance, and 'Cat's in the Cradle'
A child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away.
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew,
He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad.
You know I'm gonna be like you."
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."
My son turned ten just the other day.
He said, "Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play.
Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today,
I got a lot to do." He said, "That's ok."
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed,
Said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I'm gonna be like him."
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."
Well, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
"Son, I'm proud of you. Can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and he said with a smile,
"What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. Can I have them please?"
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, dad.
You know we'll have a good time then."
I've long since retired and my son's moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind."
He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kid's got the flu,
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad.
It's been sure nice talking to you."
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He'd grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, dad.
You know we'll have a good time then."
--"Cat's in the Cradle' by Harry Chapin
John Curtis, author of
The Business of Love, has some interesting
observations on the difficulties fathers face in balancing
work and children. He argues that current corporate family
leave policies aren't meeting fathers' needs, for a variety
of reasons.
Work-Life Still Out of Balance for Fathers: Is
HR Policy just Smoke & Mirrors?
By John Curtis
The Challenge:
Despite employers' best efforts to be sensitive, responsive
and family-friendly, a majority of fathers are deliberately
engaging in some form of scaling back career expectations,
and their activities involved a reduction or restructuring
of their commitment to paid employment!
The Corporate "Smoke and Mirrors":
While their intentions to address this "scaling back"
may be positive, most corporate executives are deluding
themselves if they think that family-friendly polices are
actually improving men's commitment to work or are worth
the return-on-the-investment.
"It is surprising to find evidence that family-friendly
benefits are grossly underutilized," Hochschild (2001).
"Employers are attempting to respond to the work-life balance
needs of their dual-income employees, often with little
or no meaningful impact," Gelles (1995).
"As of 2003, of the 384 Fortune 500 companies with paternity
leave, only 9 firms have received a single request for that
benefit," Hochschild (2001).
The Father Factor:
As Kathy Gurchiek, points out in her article for the
Society for Human Resource Management, fathers today do
not want to be the father in Harry Chapin's haunting song
"Cat's in the Cradle"--the father who put work ahead of
his children, only to hear the lament, "When you comin'
home, Dad?"
"Most work/life programs were created with mothers in
mind. Surveys show more mothers than fathers taking advantage
of work / life balance programs and policies such as flexible
work schedules, telecommuting, taking a leave or sabbatical,
and changing work schedules informally," Brown (2007).
To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click
here.
Best Wishes,
Glenn Sacks
GlennSacks.com
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