New Column plus I Debate Controversial Frozen Embryo Case on Fox Morning Show

June 5, 2007

 
My Presentation at the July Washington, DC Men's Conference: Can Boys (and Girls) be Raised without Men?

Call it the backlash against the backlash. Over the past decade, Americans have increasingly understood that the divorce revolution, fatherlessness and single parent households are harming our children. Now those who view the traditional family as disadvantageous to women are firing back, defending women who choose single motherhood and depicting fathers as superfluous.

Stanford University Gender Scholar Peggy Drexler penned the highly-publicized book Raising Boys Without Men: How Maverick Moms Are Creating the Next Generation of Exceptional Men in 2005. Last year Oxford Press released Wellesley College Women's Studies Professor Rosanna Hertz's Single by Chance, Mothers by Choice: How Women Are Choosing Parenthood Without Marriage and Creating the New American Family.

Certainly one can sympathize with those single mothers whose husbands or lovers abandoned or mistreated them, and who soldiered on in the raising of their children without the father those children should have had. However, Drexler and Hertz go well beyond this, openly advocating single motherhood as a lifestyle choice. This view is increasingly being promoted by the mainstream media.

I will be speaking on this subject at "Boys and the Boy Crisis"--the Third National Men's Equality Congress, July 13-14 in

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Washington, DC. My presentation on the drive to diminish the importance of fathers will be Friday (7/13) morning. To find out how to be there, click here.

Also speaking that day will be Matt O'Connor, leader of the English fathers' group Fathers 4 Justice, and Warren Farrell, the intellectual wellspring of the men's movement. These three 2+ hour pre-conference workshops will allow the speakers to go into greater detail and allow participants to spend more time with our speakers. To sign up for 'early bird' prices for these workshops and/or to register for the conference, click here.

To read the rest of the story and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.


I Debate Texas' Frozen Embryo Case on Fox Morning Show (Video Available)

I debated the controversial Texas frozen embryo case on Fox's nationally-syndicated Morning Show with Mike and Juliet on Friday, June 1. It involves Augusta Roman and her ex-husband Randy Roman--the latest man getting beat up unfairly in the media for not doing what the woman in his life wanted him to do. The case is getting widespread national media attention.

In the case, the couple had tried for several years to have a child (and had one miscarriage) before undergoing infertility treatments. The day before the embryos were to be implanted, Randy told her that he was troubled by certain aspects of their relationship and wanted to wait to implant the embryos until they had resolved their problems. They went to counseling for six months and later divorced. Augusta, who will be 47 in August, still wants to have the children, and Randy has refused.

While undergoing the infertility treatments they had both signed a form which clearly stated that in the event of divorce, the embryos would not be implanted. In February, the Texas Court of Appeal sided with Randy, and now Augusta and her attorney Rebecca Reitz are appealing the case.

On the show I debated the issue with Augusta Roman and Becky Reitz. The co-hosts, Mike Jerrick and Juliet Huddy were sympathetic to Augusta, and Juliet at one point got very angry at me. To Juliet's credit, however, she did ask good questions.

Also on the show was Fox News legal analyst Jeanine Pirro, who gave her opinion as to Augusta's chances of winning her appeal. As I had expected, Augusta and Becky had a division of labor--Becky would argue the case while Augusta would play the weepy victim and vilify her ex.

To watch the show, click here.

To learn more about the case, see the Los Angeles Times' pro-Augusta/anti-Randy news/editorial Her embryos or his? (5/30/07).

Also, as I pointed out on the show, the Texas Court of Appeal said that Augusta didn't have a leg to stand on legally--to read the Court's opinion, click here.

Augusta and Becky have also taken their case to the public via appearances on ABC's Good Morning America, NBC's Today Show and others, and those appearances many be archived on the ABC and NBC websites.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.
 

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Hair Loss? Follicular Unit Transplantation is the New Gold Standard
Follicular Unit Transplantation is the newest technique of permanent surgical hair restoration. With FUT, hair is transplanted from the permanent zone in the back of the scalp into balding areas, using only one's own naturally occurring, individual follicular units. This unique procedure provides what we all want: hair that looks natural throughout, no matter what we do or which way the wind blows. Most importantly, transplanted hair will continue to grow for the rest of the patient's life. Call (866) 398-6086 for more info., and mention Glenn Sacks to receive special rates.


New Column: NY Electronic Tagging Device Bill--An Orwellian Measure

My new co-authored column, NY Electronic Tagging Device Bill--An Orwellian Measure (Buffalo News, 5/30/07), criticizes NY Assembly Bill 5424, which requires "any person against whom an order of protection is issued...to wear an electronic monitoring device." Not some people with protection orders--all of them.

The article explains that Orders of Protection (i.e. restraining orders) are not findings of wrongdoing, and are issued in an assembly line manner with little judicial oversight.

The column, which I co-authored with family law attorney Jeffery M. Leving, appears below.

NY Electronic Tagging Device Bill--An Orwellian Measure
By Jeffery M. Leving and Glenn Sacks
Buffalo News, 5/30/07

Assembly Bill 5424, recently introduced by State Assemblyman Felix Ortiz (D-Brooklyn), is a draconian measure which will victimize many innocent New York men and fathers. The bill requires "any person against whom an order of protection is issued...to wear an electronic monitoring device." The device will allow pinpoint tracking of the wearer, and tampering with the device will be a felony.

Perhaps such a drastic, Orwellian measure would be warranted if the men forced to wear the devices had had meaningful and fair trials, and were found to be violent or dangerous. With orders of protection, however, this often is far from the case.

To read the rest of the story and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

The American Coalition for Fathers and Children
The American Coalition for Fathers and Children is dedicated to creating a family law system which promotes equal rights for all parties affected by divorce. Contact the ACFC at 1-800-978-3237 or visit them on the web at www.acfc.org.

Parenting Plan Calendar Software
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FALSELY ACCUSED IN TEXAS?
Domestic Violence. Child Sexual Assault. Child Protective Services Defense.
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Michigan Father's Daughter Kidnapped by Mom with Police Complicity

"Police said a Tuscola County father used the popular MySpace.com Web site to help them find his missing 6-year-old daughter, allegedly kidnapped by her mother [Dulce Sebald] three years ago. Brian H. Sebald, 26, reunited with his daughter, Briana Sebald, last week...he last saw his child in 2004 in a parking lot at Clio High School in Genesee County. Brian Sebald...said his daughter was crying when Dulce Sebald left with the girl in the taxicab on April 23, 2004.

"Sebald said he asked Genesee County Sheriff's Department officers to stop Dulce Sebald from taking the girl after Dulce Sebald was allowed a supervised visit with the child on that day. Sebald said his daughter had lived with him for more than a year before Dulce Sebald's visit, but that police refused to give the girl back to him. 'The police officer let me say goodbye to Briana, and I just reassured her it would be all right and I would get her back,' Brian Sebald said."

Tuscola man finds his missing child by MySpace
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
By Tom Gilchrist

CARO - Police said a Tuscola County father used the popular MySpace.com Web site to help them find his missing 6-year-old daughter, allegedly kidnapped by her mother three years ago. Brian H. Sebald, 26, reunited with his daughter, Briana Sebald, last week at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. Sebald brought his daughter home to the tiny town of Tuscola on Wednesday - more than three years after he said he last saw the girl leaving with her mother in a taxicab in Genesee County.

''It's been three years since I've talked to my daughter on the phone, so imagine not talking to one of your kids for three years, and missing her first day of school, and several birthdays, Christmases and other holidays,'' Brian Sebald told The Times.

''Briana and I have a lot of catching up to do.''

Brian Sebald said he never married Dulce M. ''Candy'' Sebald, 34, who remained held without bond Thursday in the Snohomish County Jail in Everett, Wash.

Brian Sebald said he also is the father of Dulce Sebald's 3-year-old son, Sarandon Sebald. He said Dulce Sebald began using ''Sebald'' as her legal last name after a divorce from another man.

A Snohomish County Sheriff's Office spokeswoman said police consider Dulce Sebald a fugitive, and said the suspect isn't fighting extradition to Michigan.

Tuscola County Prosecutor Mark E. Reene said he isn't sure yet if he'll try to extradite Dulce Sebald to Michigan, where he could arraign her on a charge of custodial interference. The felony carries a maximum sentence of one year and one day in jail.

Reene said social services officials in the state of Washington ''couldn't and/or wouldn't'' disclose Dulce Sebald's address, even after he made phone calls to Washington state seeking the suspect's location.

A Tuscola County judge in 2005 granted Brian Sebald sole custody of Briana, but Dulce Sebald ''ignored that order and we were left with no option but to issue the warrant for her arrest,'' Reene said.

Dulce Sebald used a screen name of ''SexyNakedCandy'' on her MySpace.com page, said Sgt. Geoff Boyer of the Michigan State Police post at Caro.

Brian Sebald ''apparently knew of the daughter's whereabouts in the state of Washington by using MySpace.com, and somehow he came up with a possible location of the girl,'' Boyer said.

''He turned that tip over to us, and from there the Michigan State Police helped locate the mother and the daughter.''

The U.S. Marshals Service, the Snohomish County Sheriff's Office and the Everett (Wash.) Police Department assisted Michigan State Police in apprehending Dulce Sebald.

Though Brian Sebald lived in Tuscola County at the time of his daughter's disappearance, he said he last saw his child in 2004 in a parking lot at Clio High School in Genesee County.

Brian Sebald, who works as a cashier at a Dollar General store in Clio, said his daughter was crying when Dulce Sebald left with the girl in the taxicab on April 23, 2004.

Sebald said he asked Genesee County Sheriff's Department officers to stop Dulce Sebald from taking the girl after Dulce Sebald was allowed a supervised visit with the child on that day.

Sebald said his daughter had lived with him for more than a year before Dulce Sebald's visit, but that police refused to give the girl back to him.

''The police officer let me say goodbye to Briana, and I just reassured her it would be all right and I would get her back,'' Brian Sebald said.

Read the full article here. To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

To learn more about the parental kidnapping issue, see my co-authored column Family Abduction Prevention Act Fails to Address Causes of Parental Kidnapping (The Hill, 1/9/07).

Thanks to Lloyd Conway, a reader, for sending me the story.

Jeff Leving's New Book--Divorce Wars
Jeffery M. Leving, one of America's most prominent divorce lawyers, has written a new book on how to win any divorce fairly, even when your spouse brings out the heavy artillery. Divorce Wars: A Field Guide to the Winning Tactics, Preemptive Strikes, and Top Maneuvers When Divorce Gets Ugly provides essential advice on everything from picking the right lawyer and devising a winning settlement strategy to getting the most from your day in court and dealing with an ex-spouse. Divorce Wars is available here.

Help, Resources for Dads
The National Fathers' Resource Center is a division of Fathers For Equal Rights, Inc. (FER), located in Dallas, Texas, with offices in both Dallas and Houston. In existence for over three decades, it has services and resources for dads nationwide and is one of the largest and most active fathers' rights organizations in the U.S. www.fathers4kids.org


Texas Mother Murders Her 3 Children--and It's Ex-Boyfriend's Fault?!

Gilberta Estrada hung her four small daughters, three of whom died--and it's her ex-boyfriend's fault?! For example, Christian Newswire just issued the press release "Victim of Domestic Violence Hangs Self and Four Daughters" in which they claim:

"Domestic Violence is a destroyer. It is believed that Gilberta Estrada hanged herself-after hanging her four young daughters first. A police investigation hopes to confirm the tragic facts of this case. An already confirmed fact is that Estrada was a victim of domestic violence. The Associated Press reports that she had previously obtained a restraining order against the father of one or more of her children. Can we rule out the possibility that domestic violence, or the threat of continued domestic violence, was a contributing factor to the depression Estrada was reported to be experiencing and the decision to end her life and the lives of her children?"

Even if Estrada was a victim of domestic violence, it wouldn't come within a mile of excusing or explaining her horrendous crime. But it is in no way an "already confirmed fact that Estrada was a victim of domestic violence." Estrada got a temporary restraining order against her ex-boyfriend Gregorio Frayre Rodriguez. While to outsiders this may sound impressive, it is, in fact, absolutely meaningless.

According to Elaine Epstein, former president of the Massachusetts Women's Bar Association, restraining orders are doled out "like candy" to "virtually all who apply," and that "in virtually all cases, no notice, meaningful hearing, or impartial weighing of evidence is to be had."

Restraining orders are generally done ex parte, without the accused's knowledge and with no opportunity afforded for him to defend himself. When an order is issued, the man is booted out of his own home and can even be jailed if he tries to contact his own children. Despite these grave effects, many courts grant restraining orders to practically any woman who applies. Research shows that these orders often do not even involve an allegation of violence. Usually all that's needed is a claim that the person to be restrained "acted in a way that scared me" or was "verbally abusive"--what's known as "shout at your spouse, lose your house."

The restraining order against Rodriguez was only temporary, and was probably issued ex parte. Yes, it's certainly possible that Estrada may have been a victim of domestic violence, and I'm sure her family, friends and defenders will try to portray her as such.

However, as of right now, we have no finding that she was a victim of domestic violence. And even if they did have a violent relationship, it may have been Estrada who was solely or largely responsible for that violence. After all, while we have no proof of any wrongdoing by Rodriguez, we do have absolute proof that Estrada was violent and mentally disturbed.

The Associated Press story is Mother hangs herself, 4 children; infant found alive.

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Help for Midwest Fathers
Cordell & Cordell is one of the largest domestic relations firms for men in the Midwest, representing fathers in Missouri, Illinois, Texas, Kansas, Indiana and Georgia. Men who come to Cordell & Cordell know that their interests and the interests of their children will be aggressively championed. www.cordellcordell.com

Civil War - A Father's Guide to Winning Child Custody
Joseph E. Cordell's Civil War - A Father's Guide to Winning Child Custody  gives fathers clear, easy-to-understand tips on how to achieve the best results possible in a divorce. Comprehensive chapters explain every step of the divorce process, the meaning of legal terms, how courts determine custody, and how to maximize chances of victory at every stage. Cordell is the founder of Cordell & Cordell


It's Never Her Fault: Four Texas Women Murder 11 Kids, All Found 'Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity' (Gilberta Estrada, Part II)

As the Associated Press article on the Gilberta Estrada murders notes, in recent years there has been a spate of Texas women murdering their children, and not one was held criminally culpable for her actions:

In 2004, Dena Schlosser fatally severed her 10-month-old daughter's arms with
a kitchen knife.

In 2003, Deanna Laney beat her two young sons to death with stones in East Texas.

In 2003, Lisa Ann Diaz drowned her daughters in a Plano bathtub.

In 2001, Andrea Yates drowned her five children in the family's Houston bathtub.

All four were found not guilty by reason of insanity.

(In addition, Dee Etta Perez, 39, shot her three children, ages 4, 9 and 10, before killing herself, and Gilberta Estrada murdered three of her daughters this week).

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Online Dating Rights
Online Dating Rights opposes the new federal International Marriage Broker Regulation Act, which requires Americans who seek to meet foreigners via the internet to have a criminal background check and an intrusive report about intimate details of one's life BEFORE any communication--the first time in US history that such checks have been required. www.onlinedatingrights.com
SAMSONLAW--Divorce Lawyers for Michigan Men & Fathers
If you're a Michigan man faced with divorce, you need SAMSONLAW on your side--SAMSONLAW defends men.
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Experience the Book that Dares to Scream the Inner Thoughts of Men
Author Tom Ellis unleashes his savage wit on women's studies, gender norming, implants, affirmative action, rape hysteria, pornography, women's spirituality, homophobia, and bad dates. Intended for male readers, women also find it shockingly insightful. Contains adult situations and language. The Rantings of a Single Male: Losing Patience with Feminism, Political Correctness... and Basically Everything by Thomas Ellis -- $11.95 + shipping from Amazon via direct purchase--click here.

The Gilberta Estrada Case: When Andrea Yates Killed Her Kids, Everybody Blamed Her Husband, Too

(Pictured: The Yates family before Andrea Yates drowned her five children in a bathtub)

Background: Gilberta Estrada recently hung her four small daughters, three of whom died, and many are blaming her ex-boyfriend Gregorio Frayre Rodriguez, against whom she had a temporary restraining order. What many fail to realize is that domestic violence restraining orders are passed out by courts almost automatically, and they in no way represent a judicial finding of violence or wrongdoing. Estrada may or may not have been a victim of domestic violence.

After Andrea Yates drowned her five children in the family's Houston bathtub in 2001, her husband, Russell Yates, was widely blamed for the killings. I appeared on many Texas radio shows at the time to defend Russell, and was so vilified that I often felt as if I were defending the person who had committed the murders.

Around that time my column "In Defense of a Flawed but Decent Russell Yates" appeared in the Houston Chronicle. The column, which is reprinted below, was the only column defending Russell Yates to appear in a major American newspaper.

In Defense of a Flawed but Decent Russell Yates
By Glenn Sacks
Houston Chronicle, 3/11/02

"It's a shame that there's no law that can give Russell Yates his due," writes syndicated columnist Debra Saunders. "Russell Yates ought to be locked up instead of his wife," says writer Cindy Hasz. Creators Syndicate's Froma Harrop sneers that he probably "misses the obedient drudge who bore and raised his five children more than the five children." Harsh words for Russell Yates have come from many others, particularly former O. J. Simpson prosecutor Marcia Clark.

What these and others forget is that it's hard to make the right decision when you don't have a lot of options. According to Andrea Yates' brother, Andrew Kennedy, Russell Yates "did his best....He trusted the doctors and he did everything they said to do. He made sure she took her medication."

Psychiatrist Mohammed Saeed took Yates off the drug Haldol on June 4. Russell Yates, worried about his wife, brought her back to Dr. Saeed on June 18. The doctor said he saw no sign of psychosis and sent her home.

Two days later, she killed their five children.

Instead of using 20-20 hindsight, let's look at the situation as it must have appeared to Russell Yates before June 20. Mental illness is difficult for untrained people to cope with and to comprehend. Dr. Saeed had indicated that he believed that Andrea Yates was getting better, and Andrea herself has testified that she told nobody, not even her husband, about the "voices in her head."

While Russell surely had doubts about leaving the kids with her, he didn't have a lot of choices. He couldn't quit his job to care for the kids--somebody had to put food on the table. Ending the home-schooling, a violation of both of their beliefs, might have been a severe blow to his fragile wife's self-esteem, perhaps pushing her over the edge.

Instead, Russell made the one move he needed to make--he had his mother come in to watch the kids every day. He generally left for work at 9 am and his mother arrived at 10 am, and he thought he had the situation under control.

He also probably believed that the best thing to do was to try to keep their family life stable, to try to be cheerful and to make the kids happy, and to hope that the medications would work and that his wife would get better. He had seen Andrea spiral down after the birth of their fourth child, and then apparently become completely healthy again--exercising regularly and cheerfully being super-mom. He may have believed that much of what Andrea was going through early last year was simply post-pregnancy mood swings, and that she would get better if he was patient.

He also attributed much of his wife's distress to the death of her father in March of last year. And he no doubt was in some denial, as people who are trapped in difficult situations often are. As he walked out the door to go to work on June 20, should he really have expected that his wife was waiting for him to leave so she could kill their children?...

To read more and to discuss the issue on my blog, click here.

Alicia M. Crowe's Real Dads Stand Up!
Alicia M. Crowe's new book Real Dads Stand Up! explains what every single father should know about child support, rights and custody. Learn how to exercise your legal rights, avoid 'baby mama drama', navigate the child support system, gain and maintain access to your children, and settle issues without going to trial. www.realdadsstandup.com

Fathers' Rights Legal Help
If you need help with divorce, child custody, child support, alimony and visitation issues, The Law Offices of Jeffery M. Leving, Ltd. is one of the only law firms in the country focused almost exclusively on fathers' rights in divorce. Leving did heroic work on the Elian Gonzalez case, helping reunite Elian with his father. He also co-authored Illinois' Joint Custody Law, and was named one of "America's Best Lawyers" by Forbes Radio. Leving is the author of Fathers' Rights: Hard Hitting and Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute. Call today for an initial consultation (312) 807-3990 or visit us on the web at www.dadsrights.com.

Has Your Career Been Impacted by Custody Issues?
After empowering people's careers for over 20 years, I was duly initiated into family law just like you--through a 30 month, $520,000 custody suit. I learned that a solid home-based business could be the best option, allowing one to shake the financial shackles while still experiencing a "no limits" career. More than ever, our kids now need a free and available parent. Be there for them...and for yourself. Darrell W. Gurney, www.EntrepreneurFromHome.com

It's 'Women and Children First' in Fatal Boat Crash

It was "women and children first" in the fatal Hawaii boat crash earlier this month. Four decades of feminist manbashing hasn't killed male chivalry. The story is Family scrambled to survive as boat sank off Hawaii (St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 5/10/07).

Thanks to reader Matthew Chapman.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

The Business of Love
50% of 1st marriages fail, the rate of marriage has declined 48% in 40 years, single households now outnumber married households...if there ever was a time for a radical, new approach to marriage, it's NOW. The Business of Love, by Dr. John Curtis, an organizational development consultant and former marriage counselor, is the first book to show how to take the same "best practices" that build successful businesses and apply them to an intimate relationship. Learn more at www.TheBusinessofLove.org.

Help for Michigan Dads
Michigan family law attorney Mindy L. Hitchcock has experience fighting for noncustodial parents against Michigan's abusive FOC. Her holistic approach to divorce gets results for her clients while avoiding the scorched earth approach to law that leaves families emotionally and financially devastated. Lady4Justice.com


A Shock for Peggy Drexler: Boy Saves Sister, Mother in Near-Fatal Car Crash Even Though He Was Raised with a Father

I've noted on several occasions that Peggy Drexler, author of Raising Boys Without Men: How Maverick Moms Are Creating the Next Generation of Exceptional Men, believes that boys raised without fathers--in single mother homes or, Drexler's favorite, lesbian homes--are better off than boys raised with fathers. In my column Raising Boys Without Men: Lesbian Parents Good, Dads Bad (World Net Daily, 9/10/05), I noted:

"For Drexler, boys raised by lesbians are a better breed than those raised by heterosexual couples. One day when Drexler was struggling to hold on to her briefcase and her bags, 11 year-old Damien saw 'that I needed help and immediately offered it.' Drexler is taken aback--a boy being helpful and caring? She notes 'when I thought about it later, it clicked in my head: This is a boy being raised by two moms.'

"Lesbian-raised Cody helps clean up the playroom. Lesbian-raised Brad offers Drexler a stool to sit on when she comes to his room to interview her. Both considerations are the product, we are assured, of their special upbringings."

I recently blogged about nine-year-old Chase Ringwall, who saved his mother's life and perhaps his sister's life with his level-headedness and intelligence after a near-fatal car crash (see 9-Year-Old Boy Saves Mother, Sister After Near-Fatal Crash). In the story it is revealed that little Chase has a father, and he actually lives with him! But despite this handicap, he still saves his mother and sister. I guess such nobility isn't reserved only for boys "being raised by two moms."

(To be fair, I do think what I'm writing here is a bit of a cheap shot at Drexler. And I admit I do feel bad about it. But not very.)

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Dr. Warren Farrell's Shared Parenting Evidence Kit--What You Need to Win Shared Physical Custody
Dr. Warren Farrell, a top expert on children of divorce now offers a complete evidence kit to help you win shared custody.  The DVDs, audio CD and electronic files summarize the best scientific research available collected over decades.  Scientific research has proven that children do far better with near equal time with both parents with minimal conditions.  This video set was developed to educate parents, judges, lawyers, psychologists and other divorce professionals. Most judges are doing exactly what is worst for children with sole-custody.  Submitted as evidence this will maximize your chances. Divorce Reform groups call(508) 381-1450 to use as fundraiser. www.BestInterestofChildren.org

Help for Los Angeles/Ventura County Dads
Certified Family Law Specialist Peter M. Walzer was one of the key figures in our successful legislative struggle to preserve the LaMusga move-away decision. As Chair of the State Bar of California Family Law Section Executive Committee, Walzer lobbied the state legislature to improve California laws on child support and child custody. He's an American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers Fellow who has authored numerous articles on custody issues, business valuation in marital dissolutions and spousal and child support.  www.California-Divorce.com


Boys and the Boy Crisis--Third National Men's Equality Congress, July 13-14 in Washington, DC

Boys and the Boy Crisis, the Third National Men's Equality Congress, will be held July 13-14 in Washington, DC. The speakers list is great--perhaps the best I've ever seen at a conference. Speakers include:

1) Matt O'Connor--leader of the English fathers' group Fathers 4 Justice. O'Connor has done more than anybody to raise awareness of the terrible social problem of children being separated from their fathers after divorce or separation.

2) Christina Hoff Sommers--author of the books The War Against Boys: How Misguided Feminism Is Harming Our Young Men and Who Stole Feminism?. In The War Against Boys, Sommers asserts, "It's a bad time to be a boy in America," and takes a hard look at the boy crisis and the misguided policies which have helped create it. Who Stole Feminism? is a devastating expose of the way feminists have disseminated misinformation about men and gender issues via the media and academia, and helped poison our popular culture against men.

3) Warren Farrell--the intellectual wellspring of the men's movement, and the author of  Father & Child Reunion, the Myth of Male Power, and others. Farrell is also an expert on shared parenting--to watch Warren speak, click on Warren Farrell's Case for Shared Parenting (Video).

4) Paul Nathanson and Katherine Young, co-authors of Spreading Misandry: The Teaching of Contempt for Men in Popular Culture and Legalizing Misandry: From Public Shame to Systemic Discrimination Against Men.

5) Stephen Baskerville--president of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children and author of the soon-to-be released book Taken into Custody: The War Against Fatherhood, Marriage, and the Family.

6) Glenn Sacks--men's and fathers' issues columnist, commentator, talk show host and blogger.

To register for the conference, click here.

There will also be three 2+ hour pre-conference workshops, one conducted by Matt O'Connor, one by Warren Farrell, and one by Glenn Sacks. The workshops will start Friday morning and conclude prior to the conference opening that evening.

These workshops will allow the speakers to go into greater detail and allow participants to spend more time with our speakers. The pricing for early registrants will be $33 for each workshop. Attending these workshops is extra and separate from the conference. People can choose to go to none, one, two or all three.

To sign up for 'early bird' prices for these workshops and/or to register for the conference, click here.

The mover and shaker behind these conferences is Tom Golden, LCSW, a Washington, DC-area men's activist. Golden does an excellent job--both of the previous conferences he's held were well-attended and well-organized.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.
 

Help for Colorado Dads
As someone who has personally experienced the heartbreak of divorce and family breakup, Brett W. Martin, Esq. works to advance the interests and concerns of fathers in domestic and family law litigation. Personal attention is given to clients to help them through a very difficult time in their lives. www.brettwmartin.com
Is being a Disneyland Dad taking its toll?  Does your 'career' get in the way of seeing your kids?  
Having dealt with the family law system for over two decades, I understand the frustration of working long hours at a job while dealing with the unfair rules that our system imposes on dads and their kids. I finally found a life-changing income opportunity that allows me the time and money freedom to be there for my kids on my terms. If you would like to learn more about how to take back control and live your life without limits, visit liberatedintexas.com.

A Father and Son Separated by Divorce Finally Reunite--in Iraq

The father and son in the article below were separated by divorce when the boy, now 21, was only a toddler.

Father and son serving in Iraq reunite in Baghdad
Associated Press, 5/28/07

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Amid the sounds of mortar and machine-gun fire, a father and son both serving in Iraq were reunited in Baghdad after spending more than a decade apart.

Army Master Sgt. William McGraw and his son, Pfc. Logan McGraw, 21, met last week at Baghdad's Camp Victory in a two-day reunion arranged by the military, the Los Angeles Times reported Monday.

"Logan, I am your father," were William McGraw's first words.

The two last saw each other when Logan McGraw was 8 years old. They met only once before that, more than seven years earlier as his parents were getting divorced. As a child, he moved around with his mother, a Kentucky-based sergeant.

"I have a chance to finally know my son. I'm excited about starting over again," said William McGraw, 45. "But reality sets in; we know this is a war zone and there are soldiers missing and people dying."

In Baghdad, they embraced and bantered about sports and family life, including the younger McGraw's 2-year-old son Douyniall.

"It took a little bit longer than I hoped for," Logan McGraw said of the reunion. "But at the end, it came down to having a relationship later down the road and finally being able to communicate with each other."

Logan McGraw's unit was set to return to Taji, about 20 miles (32 kilometers) north of Baghdad. He was deployed in April. William McGraw had been in Iraq for 24 months and was scheduled to redeploy to Atlanta this week.

Just after Logan McGraw enlisted, he searched for his father's name on the Internet and called every possible listing.

Three years ago, he was able to connect with his father, and the pair traded e-mails and phone calls before last week's reunion.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Are You the Target of Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation cases are among the most difficult and complicated in family law. J. Michael Bone, Ph.D., is an expert on parental alienation. If you're a target parent, he can help you get back into your children's lives. Bone has worked as a custody evaluator and as a therapist and knows how to help the court find the truth. His services are available throughout the U.S. Dr. Bone can be reached by phone at (407) 645-0662 or by email by clicking here. www.jmbconsulting.org

If You're Dealing with False Accusations or Custody Battles, You're Probably Dealing With...
Alcohol and other-drug addiction--Doug Thorburn's AddictionReport E-newsletter explains it all. O.J., Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson are addicts--your ex-spouse may be as well. Subscribe now and learn how to avoid being caught up in addicts' mind games. To subscribe, click here. AddictionReport.com


'I spent 23 years as a counselor... Arrests, prosecutions and sentencing in domestic violence cases are primarily based on gender, not on behavior'

"I spent 23 years as a counselor including 12 years as a probation counselor. Arrests, prosecutions and sentencing in domestic violence cases are primarily based on gender, not on behavior. It is so ingrained into the system that the authorities usually do not know that they are being prejudicial. Very few cases of domestic violence fit the profile presented in the popular media or used in treatment programs for men."

An interesting letter in the Vancouver Columbian about domestic violence arrest policies.

System prejudicial

I commend Ron Jones for having the courage to say that which is politically incorrect regarding domestic violence. Jones' May 18 letter, "Men victimized, too," pointed out that domestic violence has been promoted as a male against female problem. I suggest that the problem is far worse and far more endemic.

I spent 23 years as a counselor including 12 years as a probation counselor. Arrests, prosecutions and sentencing in domestic violence cases are primarily based on gender, not on behavior. It is so ingrained into the system that the authorities usually do not know that they are being prejudicial.

Very few cases of domestic violence fit the profile presented in the popular media or used in treatment programs for men. The result is that the programs in place successfully meet certain political objectives, but in doing so damage the relationship between men and women. I am convinced that these programs increase the level of family dysfunction.

The way to change the end result is simple. The system and the people running it become honest. I found that both those presented as perpetrators of domestic violence and those who were supposed victims were nearly always honest about their behavior. It is those in authority who operate by a political agenda.

Ron Austin
Vancouver

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Attention California Child Support Obligors
Under the Compromise of Back Child Support Program, when money is owed to the government (not the mother), the government may compromise on back child support for up to 90% off. This law was passed in recognition of the fact that there have been many inequitable child support judgments that can no longer be appealed. We operate anywhere in California--to learn more about this program, contact family law attorney Robert Ackermann at (310) 442-8240 or at ChildsupportLA@aol.com.

My Family Has Two Houses...and I'm Okay
A workshop for children of separation or divorce in a workbook! In the privacy of your own home, you can provide your child with a safe way of looking at their thoughts and feelings and help to open discussion of relevant issues for them with you. This workbook can make the difference between your child surviving your divorce and thriving despite it! To learn more about My family has two houses ...and I'm Okay! and to order, click here.


New Study: Divorce Hits Men Harder than Women

A new study from Statistics Canada found that men are hit harder by divorce than women. According to NEW STUDY: Divorce Bad for Men's (and Women's) Mental Health (Canadian Press, 5/22/07):

"The stereotype might be that a man relishes trading his wife for a fast car or a younger woman, but a new study finds that men appear to take separation harder than women.

"While both men and women whose marriages have dissolved have a higher risk of being depressed than people who remained with their spouses, a Statistics Canada study found that men who had divorced or separated were six times more likely to report an episode of depression compared with men who remained married.

"Women who had undergone marital breakups were 3.5 times more likely to have had bouts of depression than their counterparts who were still in relationships.

"The survey found that 12 per cent of people who were no longer in a relationship reported a new episode of depression, while just three per cent of those who remained in a relationship had suffered new depression.

"Michelle Rotermann, the author of the study, said she was surprised, and also not surprised, by the results.

"'On the one hand we know depression in general tends to be more common among women, but there is also a lot of evidence that shows that men have fewer social supports and social support does seem to play a role,' she said.

"'Perhaps one of the reasons why men are more at risk of experiencing subsequent depression is because one of their main sources of social support is their partner, their spouse, and now she is no longer there,' said Rotermann, an analyst at Statistics Canada.

"Nineteen per cent of men who were no longer with their spouse found a decline in social support, while only six per cent of men who remained in a relationship found a drop. Among women the proportions were 11 per cent for those no longer in a relationship and five for those who were.

"'Jenni Tipper, a research associate with the Vanier Institute of the Family in Ottawa, said 'typically women are much better at building and maintaining social supports, which isn't often the case for men'...

"'We sometimes tend to think that it's the woman who bears the brunt of a divorce outcome. And there is no question that women experience higher levels of economic strife,' Tipper said. 'What we tend to forget in many instances, for the men in particular, they see children all but removed from their lives, which is a huge impact on your life.'"

The article also asserts that women are hurt more economically by divorce than men--an assertion that is very questionable.

I've discussed the myth of the man trading his wife in for a Porsche and a trophy wife before--one example would be The Rise in 'Gray Divorce': It's Always Hubby's Fault (Houston Chronicle, 2/19/06).

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

How to Stop a Dirty Divorce
Many fathers are very naive when they walk into family court, and the results can be disastrous. Family Law Attorney A.J. Comparetto's Ultimate Guide to Stopping a Dirty Divorce teaches you the Dirty Divorce tricks before they are played on you. It's a series of cassettes and videos which teaches you what judges really want to hear from you in court, how to keep your words from being twisted by attorneys, and how to keep your kids from being caught in the middle. www.divorceproblems.com

Help for North Carolina Dads
Steve Monks and the Monks Law Firm helps North Carolina dads with all their family law needs, from preparation of a simple separation agreement to a full-blown custody case. The Monks Law Firm offers a guaranteed fixed-rate fee upon evaluation of your case--without the burden of hourly rates hanging over your head, you can concentrate on solving your legal problems instead of worrying about the bill. www.monkslawnc.com


'Nobody except Dad was willing to help him, and he would remember that as long as he lived'

Background: With Father's Day coming up, I'm reprising some of the stories and posts about special fathers that I've written over the years. Tim Russert's Wisdom of Our Fathers has hundreds of stories men and women tell about their fathers. One of them appears below. It's a remarkable book--to learn more, see my co-authored column America's Father Hunger (World Net Daily, 10/13/06).

The story below is "Mr. Strawberry" from Joseph Harrison Kelly of Bordentown, NJ, about his father, Joseph Harold Kelly, a store owner (1925-2003).

"When I was ten and helping out my dad's liquor store, a man walked in looking disheveled and confused. He told Dad he had no money, his car had broken down, and he was trying to get home. Without hesitation, my father gave the man twenty dollars and called him a cab.

"'Dad,' I said, 'that guy was a bum. Why did you do that?'

"He said he could see from the man's eyes he was telling the truth and was in trouble.

"The following Christmas Eve, flowers were delivered to our business, addressed to Joseph Kelly and his son, wishing us a merry Christmas and signed Mr. Strawberry. For the next forty years, the flowers came without fail. I finally asked Mr. Strawberry, who had become a regular customer, why he sent us flowers every year. He told me that on one of the worst days of his life, on one of the hottest days of the year, his car broke down and he, a black man, was then mugged by three white teenagers while he was trying to get help. His insulin was low, he was dazed and confused, nobody except Dad was willing to help him, and he would remember that as long as he lived."

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Help for Los Angeles/Orange County Dads--Because They're Your Kids, Too
If you're a dad facing a divorce or separation and you need quality legal representation in Los Angeles or Orange County, the Law Office of David Stone can help. Remember, they're your kids, too. www.help4dad.com
Help for Georgia Dads
Georgia attorney Edwin M. Saginar has 36 years of experience in family law and criminal defense, including domestic violence. He has seen many spouses falsely accuse their significant others of family violence, and knows how to defend your rights. www.edwinsaginar.com

'Are you chronically offended? Sign up for Women's Studies!'

"Do you prefer ideological sloganeering to real education? Are you chronically offended? Sign up for Women's Studies! Join us next semester to find out how you can put an academic gloss on your victim complex. Sanctimonious scolds are welcome! A shaky sense of sexual identity is a plus!"

All of the above taken from the poster is true, but it ignores the worst part of Women's Studies--it is anti-male.

I've written numerous columns critical of Women's Studies. These include:

Hate My Father? No Ma'am! (World Net Daily, 4/8/02)

Why Males Don't Go to College (She Thinks, 11/13/02)

The Best Valentine's Day Gift for College Students: Gender Reconciliation (She Thinks, 2/13/03)

New Study Finds Myths, Misrepresentations in Women's Studies Textbooks (Cybercast News Service, 4/1/02)

For a larger view of the poster, go to the next page.

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.
 

Expose False Allegations with Technology
Don't let the anti-male bias in criminal law victimize you. If you could be falsely accused by an angry woman, be prepared! Use technology to expose the real aggressor. DontMakeHerMad.com
 
Parental-Alienation-Awareness.com
Stop Parental Alienation--a terrible form of Child Abuse. Eight states have now officially recognized Parental Alienation Awareness Day. To learn more, go to Parental-Alienation-Awareness.com.
If It's a Bad Parent, It Must Be a Dad...

From conservative cartoonist Ken Catalino.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Help for Boston Dads
Boston family law attorney Nick Palermo is a shared custody advocate who believes that divorced dads are parents, not visitors. The Law Offices of Nicholas Palermo is a dedicated and committed trial law firm which has worked to make shared custody for all fit parents the law of the land. LAW OFFICES OF NICHOLAS PALERMO

Los Angeles Dads--Free Legal Consultation on Your Case
If you are involved in a divorce, domestic violence, paternity, child custody or support case in the greater Los Angeles area, call Stephen A. Gershman to schedule your FREE initial one hour consultation at (888) 295-1756 or (818) 990-6505. Gershman is certified as a Specialist in Family Law by the Board of Legal Specialization of the State Bar of California. He is an experienced attorney, over 25 years, who will competently and aggressively defend you against unjust domestic violence restraining orders or unfair financial obligations. When Parental Alienation or custody is an issue, he will help you protect your relationship with your kids. www.losangelesfamilylawyer.com


What a Deal--Pay a Woman for Another Man's Child Who You Cannot See

"Men lie more, women lie bigger. A man's lie is, 'Where was I? Um, I was over at Tony's house.' A woman's lie is, 'that's your baby.'"--Comedian Chris Rock

After reading my blog entry Finally, Finally, Finally an Important Point about Paternity Fraud, paternity fraud crusader Carnell Smith sent me an interesting note explaining how he first took up this cause. Smith wrote:

"I began my crusade against paternity fraud after my ex-girlfriend cancelled my parenting time and later asked that I be jailed for on-payment.

"What a deal ... pay a woman for another man's child who you cannot see. Then blame him for trusting the mother when she claimed that he was the father (only candidate) until three DNA test showed the accused male was innocent."

Smith's story was detailed by columnist Kathleen Parker in 2001 in her column Fathers fight paternity fraud. Parker wrote:

"You can't blame Carnell Smith for being a little ticked off. He was a good father, paid his child support on time, loved and cared for his little girl. That is, until he found out through DNA testing that he wasn't 'Daddy'...

"Smith's personal nightmare began in 1999, 10 years after he'd taken responsibility for the child he thought was his. Until then, he says he voluntarily paid his child support and helped raise the girl.

"Then in 1999, the mother went to court to try to increase her child support payments to $1,300 per month, or 42 percent of Smith's take-home pay. An engineer with a telecommunications company, Smith earned a good salary, but he also had a wife and two children of his own.

"In the midst of court proceedings one day - in a scene made for Hollywood - Smith was going to pick up his daughter when a billboard caught his eye. 'Who's the Father?' it said and listed a toll-free number for a DNA-testing company. Acting on instinct, Smith made the call.

"He's been tested twice now, and both times with the same result: There is zero chance he's the girl's father."

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Legal Help for Fathers in New Jersey
If you're a New Jersey father facing a divorce or separation, the law firm of Pitman, Pitman, Mindas, Grossman & Lee can help. PitmanLaw.com

Steven Carlson's How to Win Child Custody
Are you contemplating divorce or separation but are unsure about how child custody will be determined or what you can expect from attorneys and the family court system? Knowing these things can help you win custody. Steven Carlson is known nationally as The Custody Coach, and has helped thousands of parents with child custody and custody evaluation. He is the author of "How to Win Child Custody" and the founder of Child Custody Coach in Orange County, California. Don't get caught unprepared, download your copy of "How to Win Child Custody" today.


22,000 Babies a Year Abandoned in Hospitals

Has anybody ever heard of this? I was reading about foster care and orphanages in an article called "The Road Home" in a 2001 edition of The Women's Quarterly when I noticed a statistic I'd never seen before. According to UC Irvine economics professor Richard McKenzie, "Upwards of 22,000 babies are abandoned annually in the hospitals in which they were born."

I've no idea if this statistic is true or not, but the source seems credible. I've noted before that 1.5 million American women legally walk away from motherhood every year through adoption or abortion, and that in over 40 states mothers can completely opt out of motherhood by returning unwanted babies to the hospital shortly after birth. I don't condone unwed fathers who won't support their babies, but it's always seemed curious to me that we label unwed fathers who are reluctant to pay child support "deadbeats," yet do not apply the label to women who similarly reject parenthood by returning their unwanted babies to the hospital or giving them up for adoption.

The apparent fact that 22,000 mothers each year slip out of hospitals and leave their babies behind creates some interesting questions. Since the women were in the hospitals giving birth, it is very likely that the hospitals have the women's full names, personal information, addresses, etc. If an unwed father abandons his child and the child is put in foster care, the state bills him for child support to recoup the cost of foster care. When a father abandons his child and the mother goes on welfare, the state bills the father for child support to recoup its welfare costs.

In these situations the mothers have dumped 18 years of foster care costs onto the state. Does the state go after them for 18 years of child support to recoup its costs? Are they hunted down and jailed the way "deadbeat dads" are? Or, since they're women, does the state let them go and look the other way? I don't know the answer, but I suspect the latter. If anyone knows more about this specific subject, feel free to let me know.

On the general issue of branding men who don't want to be fathers "deadbeats" while giving women who reject motherhood a pass, see my co-authored column Respect a Man's Choice, Too (AlterNet, 8/1/06).

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.
 

Help for Maryland Fathers
Family law attorney Dawn Elaine Bowie works to protect parents' relationships with their children and reduce post-divorce conflict. She practices in Montgomery, Anne Arundel and Prince George's Counties. Contact her at attorneydawn@marylandfamilylawfirm.com or go to www.marylandfamilylawfirm.com.

Help for Florida Dads
Neil Leavitt, PA helps Florida dads defend their relationships with their children during divorce or separation. Leavitt specializes in family law and has practiced law for nearly three decades. The Law Office of Neil Leavitt can be contacted by phone at (954) 989-5858. 


When Family Law Judges Get It Right (Part I)

The fathers' rights movement is often extremely critical of family law judges. While I think this criticism is excessive and overblown, some of it is certainly legitimate. The biggest problem is that family law judges often don't respect the loving bonds between fathers and their children. One example is the Traub case. In The Future of the American Father, my address to the 2004 Men's Rights Congress, I explained:

"In the case of DeBrenes v. Traub, a divorced custodial mother remarried and seeks to move with her 13 year-old daughter. Get this--first mom moved, and dad uprooted himself and moved to be with his daughter. Then mom moved again, and dad uprooted himself and moved again to be with his daughter. And now mom wants to move again--to Costa Rica! Yes you heard right, Costa Rica! They have no ties in Costa Rica, the girl doesn't speak Spanish and doesn't want to go, but mom remarried recently and her new husband lived in Costa Rica 58 years ago--yes, 58 years ago--and he wants to go back.

"In any rational country the judge would have laughed the mother out of the courtroom, told her she must be joking, or suggested she put the wine bottle down and go sleep it off. Instead the court GRANTED her request, only stipulating that the girl, who is learning disabled, be allowed to finish her studies at her special school. In other words, Eric Traub's 13 years of loving fatherhood are to be bundled up and thrown away the moment the strong, loving bond he shares with his daughter became inconvenient for mom."

I do try to be fair, however, and in between criticizing judges and their rulings, I think it is also important to point out when judges get things right. One example of a judge getting it right is a ruling by a Jefferson County Kentucky family court judge named Virginia Whittinghill.

In my recent blog entry Finally, Finally, Finally an Important Point about Paternity Fraud I discussed the case of Ren Hinshaw. According to an article in the Louisville Courier-Journal, Hinshaw is "fighting to retain joint custody of a child he helped raised and loves as his own, even after finding out the boy is not his biological child."

"'He is my son, and I am his dad,' Hinshaw said in an e-mail to the newspaper.

"The child's mother says Hinshaw should have no right to custody...

"Hinshaw was in the delivery room when the boy he thought was his son was born in 1999.

"He cut the umbilical cord and later changed the boy's diapers, taught him to talk and volunteered at his school, according to court records.

"Hinshaw, a technology consultant at the University of Louisville's Kornhauser Health Sciences Library, described the boy in court records as the most important thing in his life.

"But when the child's mother, Jacqueline, divorced Hinshaw in 2003, she disclosed he wasn't the biological father and asked Jefferson Family Court to deny him custody.

"Judge Virginia Whittinghill ordered a counselor to meet with the child. She concluded he had bonded with Hinshaw and that it would be 'very devastating to him if he was not in his life.' She described Hinshaw as the boy's 'psychological father.'

"Whittinghill not only granted Hinshaw's motion for joint custody, she also made his home the boy's primary residence and ordered his ex-wife to pay him $25,000 in attorney's fees."

Whittinghill is one of the heroes of this story, standing up for a loving father's bond with this child against the mother's selfish demands and family law machinations. I salute her, and she is the initial entry into the Glenn Sacks pantheon of "Judges Who Get It Right."

Let's hope her inclusion doesn't hurt her career...

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Lisa Scott's RealFamilyLaw.com
Shared Parenting Advocate/Family Law Attorney Lisa Scott's RealFamilyLaw.com exposes the truth about what is happening in our family law system. Lisa, the all-time leader in appearances on His Side with Glenn Sacks, says that she was "tired of having her stuff rejected by elitist bar publications and politically-correct newspapers" and decided to start her own website. RealFamilyLaw.com

The Secrets of Happily Married Men
How can a man achieve a long and happy marriage? If you've been checking out advice columns or seeing a therapist, you may have been looking in the wrong place. Despite all the advances in brain technology, and all of that we have learned about developmental psychology--men and women are given the same advice about solving problems. But when we ask men what works for them, we hear a different story. www.SecretsofMarriedMen.com


Feminist Domestic Violence Group Equates Child Support Debtors with Batterers

As I've noted before, misguided women's advocates and the government-funded domestic violence establishment often equate noncustodial fathers with batterers, and use the specter of the wifebeater as a way to violate fathers' rights on a wide scale.

For example, here in California, domestic violence was used to kill the California Shared Parenting Bill in committee in 2005. During the LaMusga move-away case in the California Supreme Court in 2004, domestic violence groups from around the country wrote and/or signed on to amicus curie briefs in favor of the move-away mother, even though the case had nothing whatsoever to do with domestic violence. (In that case Susan Navarro sought to move her two boys 2,000 miles way from their father to frustrate the children's relationship with him).

The National Organization for Women also used the specter of domestic violence to kill shared parenting bills in Michigan and New York last year.

This week, however, I heard a new one. According to the Colorado Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse, Colorado casinos must now become auxiliary child support collection agencies because, you guessed it, "batterers are less likely to pay child support, making it difficult for many abused women to support their children."

To learn more, see the story Casino bill to get deadbeat cash fails (Rocky Mountain News, 3/23/07). The legislators killed the bill because, as one legislator said, the government shouldn't "require private industry to collect [its] debts." Also, one lobbyist "told lawmakers that the measure would snare a lot of law-abiding gamblers who should not be subjected to such collections from the casinos." The bill would have required casinos to withhold child support debtors' gambling winnings.

I wouldn't be surprised if the bill comes back next year and the legislature folds. To learn more about the misguided war on so-called "deadbeat dads," see my co-authored column When Beating up on 'Deadbeat Dads' is Unfair (Houston Chronicle, 1/7/07).

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Legal Help for Fathers
If you live in Los Angeles, Riverside or Orange counties and you're facing a divorce, separation, or a child custody issue, the law firm of Oddenino & Gaule can help. www.OddLaw.net

The LaMusga Company
The LaMusga Company provides customized solutions to assist individuals and business owners in reaching their financial goals. The LaMusga Company is committed to helping you accomplish your long-term financial objectives. LaMusgaCo.com


Thanks, Sailor

Dear Glenn:

I just retired from the Military after 23 years, and my 18 year-old son and I moved back to Michigan where I have owned a home for 13 years. California has set an earning capacity on me above what I can make in my area. I'm now falling behind through no fault of my own.

California has set support and paying her attorney fees at more than I make. I'm over $30,000 in credit card debt from my attorney fees. My ex is hiding money--that's part of why my support is so high. The state doesn't care that I retired due to health issues and was forced to move back to Michigan because I couldn't afford to keep two residences and pay support. I'm drowning here and need help.

Here these states can put a demanding support on you that you can't afford to pay then put your picture on pizza boxes. My 16 year-old wants to move with me but his mother says not until he's 18. She wants the money.

My future is bleak everything I have worked so hard for is starting to disappear. I spent half my career at sea and now I'm not able to enjoy my time on the beach.

Regards,

Mark

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.
 

How Does Sex Discrimination Affect Men and Boys?
The National Coalition of Free Men Los Angeles is a non-profit educational & civil rights organization that looks at the ways sex discrimination affects men and boys. NCFM-LA helps provide men a unified voice on important political and social issues. www.NCFMLA.org

Help for California Divorced Dads
The Divorced Fathers Network helps dads in Los Angeles, the Bay Area and Santa Cruz. Local chapters sponsor free weekly co-parenting classes, individual mentoring for fathers and much more. www.divorcedfathers.com

File Taxes Online with  Professional Help
MENstax.com allows you to file your taxes, check your refund status, and have your return reviewed by an experienced tax professional--all online.


Fathers, Work-Life Balance, and 'Cat's in the Cradle'

A child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away.
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew,
He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad.
You know I'm gonna be like you."

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."

My son turned ten just the other day.
He said, "Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play.
Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today,
I got a lot to do." He said, "That's ok."
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed,
Said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I'm gonna be like him."

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."

Well, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
"Son, I'm proud of you. Can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and he said with a smile,
"What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. Can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, dad.
You know we'll have a good time then."

I've long since retired and my son's moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind."
He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kid's got the flu,
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad.
It's been sure nice talking to you."
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He'd grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, dad.
You know we'll have a good time then."

--"Cat's in the Cradle' by Harry Chapin

John Curtis, author of The Business of Love, has some interesting observations on the difficulties fathers face in balancing work and children. He argues that current corporate family leave policies aren't meeting fathers' needs, for a variety of reasons.

Work-Life Still Out of Balance for Fathers: Is HR Policy just Smoke & Mirrors?
By John Curtis

The Challenge:

Despite employers' best efforts to be sensitive, responsive and family-friendly, a majority of fathers are deliberately engaging in some form of scaling back career expectations, and their activities involved a reduction or restructuring of their commitment to paid employment!

The Corporate "Smoke and Mirrors":

While their intentions to address this "scaling back" may be positive, most corporate executives are deluding themselves if they think that family-friendly polices are actually improving men's commitment to work or are worth the return-on-the-investment.

"It is surprising to find evidence that family-friendly benefits are grossly underutilized," Hochschild (2001).
 
"Employers are attempting to respond to the work-life balance needs of their dual-income employees, often with little or no meaningful impact," Gelles (1995).

"As of 2003, of the 384 Fortune 500 companies with paternity leave, only 9 firms have received a single request for that benefit," Hochschild (2001).

The Father Factor:

As Kathy Gurchiek, points out in her article for the Society for Human Resource Management, fathers today do not want to be the father in Harry Chapin's haunting song "Cat's in the Cradle"--the father who put work ahead of his children, only to hear the lament, "When you comin' home, Dad?"

"Most work/life programs were created with mothers in mind. Surveys show more mothers than fathers taking advantage of work / life balance programs and policies such as flexible work schedules, telecommuting, taking a leave or sabbatical, and changing work schedules informally," Brown (2007).

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Best Wishes,
Glenn Sacks
GlennSacks.com

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