Background: Sadly, Tim Russert has died of a heart attack at age 58. Many are rightly honoring Russert for his role in American politics and media, but fathers have a different reason to honor Russert--the respect he paid us in his books.

In 2004, Russert published Big Russ and Me about his father, and says he received an "avalanche" of letters from men and women who wanted to tell him about their own dads. His 2006 book Wisdom of Our Fathers: Lessons and Letters from Daughters and Sons is largely a sampling of those 60,000 letters, and the book was a surprise runaway hit.

When Wisdom came out in 2006, we co-authored a column about it--America's Father Hunger (World Net Daily, 10/13/06). I also often excerpted stories from Russert's book on my blog. To honor Russert, and in honor of Father's Day, I am reposting some of those over the weekend.

The story below is "Mr. Strawberry" from Joseph Harrison Kelly of Bordentown, NJ, about his father, Joseph Harold Kelly, a store owner (1925-2003).

"When I was ten and helping out my dad's liquor store, a man walked in looking disheveled and confused. He told Dad he had no money, his car had broken down, and he was trying to get home. Without hesitation, my father gave the man twenty dollars and called him a cab.

"'Dad,' I said, 'that guy was a bum. Why did you do that?'

"He said he could see from the man's eyes he was telling the truth and was in trouble.

"The following Christmas Eve, flowers were delivered to our business, addressed to Joseph Kelly and his son, wishing us a merry Christmas and signed Mr. Strawberry. For the next forty years, the flowers came without fail. I finally asked Mr. Strawberry, who had become a regular customer, why he sent us flowers every year. He told me that on one of the worst days of his life, on one of the hottest days of the year, his car broke down and he, a black man, was then mugged by three white teenagers while he was trying to get help. His insulin was low, he was dazed and confused, nobody except Dad was willing to help him, and he would remember that as long as he lived."

To discuss this on my blog, click here.

Tim Russert Honored Fatherhood

Sadly, Tim Russert died of a heart attack today at age 58. Many are rightly honoring Russert for his role in American politics and media, but fathers have a different reason to honor Russert--the respect he paid us in his books.

In 2004, Russert published Big Russ and Me about his father, and says he received an "avalanche" of letters from men and women who wanted to tell him about their own dads. His 2006 book Wisdom of Our Fathers: Lessons and Letters from Daughters and Sons is largely a sampling of those 60,000 letters, and the book was a surprise runaway hit.

When Wisdom came out in 2006, we co-authored a column about it--America's Father Hunger (World Net Daily, 10/13/06). It is reprinted below.

America's Father Hunger
By Mike McCormick and Glenn Sacks
(World Net Daily, 10/13/06).
 
Are fathers irrelevant? Are they really the useless buffoons we see on TV? The irresponsible deadbeats the local DA says they are? The controlling abusers we see in domestic violence PSAs?

That's not the way Tim Russert's readers see them.

Russert’s new book Wisdom of Our Fathers: Lessons and Letters from Daughters and Sons is a surprise runaway hit, reaching #1 on both the New York Times bestseller list and on Book Standard’s Overall Bestsellers Chart. In 2004, Russert published Big Russ and Me about his father, and says he received an “avalanche” of letters from men and women who wanted to tell him about their own dads. Wisdom is largely a sampling of those 60,000 letters.

In heartwarming and heart-wrenching stories, Russert’s readers remember their fathers as strong, devoted and honorable. In the chapter “Daddy’s Girl,” one woman tells Russert that she was her "father’s princess,” and explains “growing up in a rural area of the Deep South could have been a harsh experience for a little black girl, but I was insulated by his love and tenderness.”

Another “Daddy’s Girl” writes:

“When I was a little girl and my father put me to bed...I had a litany of things I went through every night. 'Can I call you if I need anything?...Can I call you if I get scared?'...He would listen and say yes after each one, and I would fall asleep, secure that I was completely loved and cared for."

Another remembers:

“When I was four, my father took me on my first official date...I got all dressed up in my prettiest pink dress and shiny black-leather shoes...I was so excited and proud to be his date, and he made me feel so special to be ‘his little girl.’ To this day I am still proud to be his little girl, even if I'm not so little anymore. My dad was the strongest and handsomest man I have ever known, and he will have that title in my heart forever.”

Another remembers:

“I was an only child. Mom said I was plenty; Dad said I was perfect. He worked hard to support us: twelve-hour shifts with thirteen days on and only one day off, because overtime paid the bills. He left early in the morning, long before Mom and I were awake; He came home exhausted and slept until it was time to do it all over again. It was hard on him because he had so little time with us. It was hard on us too.

”We all found little ways to compensate...I would put my favorite toy in his lunchbox so he would have something to play with at work.

“Dad’s special time for me was morning coffee. He would get up at 4 A.M., start the coffee brewing, and get ready for work. When the pot was ready, he would come into my room and wake me up. I would sit at the kitchen table as he poured two cups of coffee. His was always black. Mine was barely brown, full of milk and sugar, sweet to the taste. Dad would tell me about his day and ask about mine. When the cups were empty, he would tuck me back into bed and kiss me good night before heading out to work. It was our special time together, and we never missed.”

Perhaps the book’s most striking feature is the overwhelming outpouring of love from women towards their fathers.

The Russert dads also knew when to take a stand. One letter writer remembers:

“By 1963, white flight was beginning to transform our neighborhood, and before long the first African American child took a seat in my Catholic school classroom. Birthday parties were about the biggest social events a third-grader had to look forward to, and I was delighted to receive an invitation to her party. Then I learned that none of my friends were going. I remember being confused by that, because we all went to one another’s parties. But if my friends weren’t going to this one, I wasn’t going to go either, especially when they seemed convinced that there was something wrong with the very idea. 

“...Dad put his foot down and told me that, like it or not, I was going to that party. He took me to the five-and-dime and we bought a card and a gift. The day of the party, he took me by the hand and we walked the three or four blocks to the girl’s apartment. My whining and complaining were useless, and it wasn’t until many years later that I understood why he made me go. He knew why none of my friends was there, and he wanted no part of it. No child of his was going to contribute to the hurt that would surely be felt by a little girl sitting at an empty birthday table.”

Another says...

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Associated Press: 'Rainier hiker sacrificed himself to save his wife'

In my recent co-authored column Protect Fathers' Loving Bonds with Their Children (South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 6/13/08), I discussed the heroism of fathers Joseph Richardson and Albert Collins, both of whom gave their lives to save their daughters. Along these lines, several readers recently sent me the touching story of Eduard Burceag (pictured), who gave his life to save his wife and his friend. According to the Associated Press:

A hiker who lost his life on Mount Rainier lay down in the snow and used his body's warmth to protect his wife and a friend from the 70-mph winds of a freak June blizzard, national park officials said.

When it became obvious the trio could not find their way back to base camp in whiteout conditions, they dug a snow trench with their hands. Eduard Burceag, 31, lay down in the snow while his wife and friend lay on top of him. Later, when they begged him to switch places, Burceag refused, saying he was OK.

"In doing so, he probably saved their lives," park spokesman Kevin Bacher said Thursday.

Mariana Burceag, also 31, survived the storm, as did the couple's friend, Daniel Vlad, 34...

Reached by telephone in Romania, Eduard Burceag's brother, Cristian, told The Seattle Times his older brother moved to the United States eight years ago and fell in love with Seattle, its mountains, its opportunities.
Cristian Burceag said his mother was visiting his brother and was watching their two young sons while Eduard and Mariana hiked to Camp Muir.

He said he was not surprised his brother died shielding his wife from the blizzard.

"He was a hero for us," the younger Burceag said. "I'm sure he would do that. He knew very well that his children needed a lot of their mother and that was the main thing in his life."

Read the full story here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

New Study: Men Aren't Happy about How They're Portrayed in Ads

"Buying into corporate America’s depiction of men, and dads in particular, one would be pretty sure they’re mostly lazy, dense dimwits with whom only Homer Simpson could bond.

"Clearly, at least as portrayed in many TV ads, most dads wouldn’t be loved, or even liked, by their wives or kids –– except when they want a withdrawal from his wallet.

"But some marketers are starting to see the light. Take Kansas City-based Hallmark Cards Inc., which after talking to real people has expanded its selection of Father’s Day cards depicting dads in more loving and appreciated ways.

"One new card shows a dad bending over, tying his son’s shoe while he leans on dad for support. 'A man is loved not for how tall he stands, but for how often he bends to help, comfort, and teach'...

“'In the past, Father’s Day was sort of ‘they play golf and take out the trash’ — this is just an attempt really to recognize what they do and being affectionate without making fun of them,' said Hallmark spokeswoman Deidre Parkes.

"Glenn Sacks, a sometimes controversial commentator focused on men’s issues, applauds Hallmark for its efforts, and says others, including AT&T, Pampers and Cheerios, have also made strides in their depiction of men.

"Sacks has mounted a number of crusades, including one against a Verizon commercial in which a wife berates her husband to quit bothering their daughter, who’s doing homework, telling him to 'go wash the dog.'

"Sacks said he thinks men have become the butt of marketing jokes because it’s a cheap, easy way out for companies and their ad agencies.

“'Marketers have found it’s a lot easier to portray men as foolish,' Sacks said.

"If marketers depicted women as brainless bimbos, he said, there would be hell to pay."

Business reporter Jennifer Mann did a nice piece today on the way men are depicted in advertising--No more bumbling Homer: Marketers are reframing dad ads (Kansas City Star, 6/13/08). She reports on an interesting new study which supports what we've been saying all along--men and fathers do care how they're portrayed on TV. Mann writes:

Ad agency Sullivan Higdon & Sink this week released the results of a survey asking more than 300 fathers how they’re depicted in the media.

Titled, “Note to marketers: Dad is disappointed in you,” 75 percent of men couldn’t think of even one commercial that spoke to them with any relevance. Also, more than half said the way dads are portrayed in media and pop culture is out of touch with reality.

John January, Sullivan’s director of brand voice and the father of three young children, said he personally finds media depictions of men “beyond frustrating.”

He sorts the offensive ads into several categories: ones that depict men as oversexed morons with more money than brains; ones where nobody cares about dad until he shows up with something they want; and ones in which men are so utterly inept, they can’t even go out and buy cat food.

“Men are telling us that being a good dad is important to them, and this notion of a detached guy separate from the family and who is either ignored or reviled, that’s not a message that’s going to resonate with the dads we talked to,” January said.

According to the survey, 63 percent spend more time with their kids than their fathers did, but they also feel pressure from a financial and work perspective.

“Their own dads weren’t expected to go to every soccer game, every recital, but these guys are expected to, and they expect it of themselves,” January said. “These guys aren’t saps — they want to see their real lives reflected by (advertisers).”

One of the points I made to Mann is that commercials which portray fathers being humiliated in front of their children are the ones which really anger men. That was the point of our Campaign Against Anti-Father Verizon Commercial, and I was actually surprised at the fury we set off with that campaign. Mann wrote:

"In the [recent home improvement retailer] ad, the couple complete a home improvement project, and the husband is relieved it’s over — until the wife, arms crossed and eyes rolling, tells him to think again. By the end of the TV spot, the couple’s young daughter is mimicking mom.

“Those are the ones that really get people worked up,” Sacks said.

But Sacks said he thinks that as a society, we’ve reached the tipping point.

In recent months, he said, he and others involved in organizations such as www.fathersandhusbands.org, which says it promotes positive images of men in the media, have made progress with some large advertising agencies that he declined to name.

“I’ve been a little surprised at the candor in some of these meetings. One said they do these things because they tend to work,” Sacks said.

“So what’s the solution? They were a little less forthcoming about the solution.

“If you look at some of the ads from the golden age of advertising, the ads are more thoughtful, creative and intelligent. But it takes time and talent to develop those.”

The organization www.fathersandhusbands.org is run by Richard Smaglick, who does excellent work on the problems with men in advertising. In April, he and I co-authored a column on the subject for Advertising Age--see Attention Ad Execs: Media Criticism of Anti-Male Ads Is Mounting (4/14/08).

To write a Letter to the Editor about anti-male advertising and Mann's piece No more bumbling Homer: Marketers are reframing dad ads (Kansas City Star, 6/13/08), write to letters@kcstar.com.

To comment directly on the piece, click here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

To send Jennifer Mann a thank you note, click on jmann@kcstar.com.

Is There a Double-Standard in Handling of Violent Female Parliamentarian?

Several of my Australian readers have sent me this recent story about Australian female parliamentarian Belinda Neal's violence. Neal (pictured) has now been ordered to attend anger management counseling.

Perhaps a male politician in the same situation would receive the same mild treatment, but I can't help but feel that perhaps the double-standard of "men's violence is a serious issue, women's is no big deal" is at work. According to the Sydney Morning Herald:

WHEN Kevin Rudd ordered the federal MP Belinda Neal to attend anger management counseling yesterday, he lifted the lid on one of the worst-kept secrets of the NSW Labor Party - that Ms Neal can frequently be abusive and even violent.

Ms Neal is a woman who, senior Labor sources say, keeps photographs and written names of her political enemies in her freezer. And neighbors told the Herald yesterday of police visits to Ms Neal's home at Woy Woy Bay, where she lives with her husband, the NSW Education Minister, John Della Bosca. They had often heard her swearing and screaming coming from the house.

Yesterday, the Prime Minister was forced to interrupt his tour of Japan - one of the most important international visits of his political career - to telephone Ms Neal. He ordered her to undergo anger management, and threatened to dump her from the Labor Party if she transgressed again.

Mr Rudd had reached his limit. In the past week, Ms Neal has been accused of swearing and abusing staff at Gosford's Iguanas Waterfront, and threatening she would have the club's "f---ing licence"; and yesterday it emerged that she had been suspended for kicking a rival soccer player while she was on the ground.

Mr Rudd put every Labor MP on notice, saying they were expected to uphold decent standards of behaviour.

"No one, I repeat no one, is guaranteed a future in politics and that goes for all our members of Parliament," he said in Tokyo.

After meeting the Japanese Emperor Akihito, Mr Rudd said: "I spoke to Belinda Neal today and said to her that there appears to be a pattern of unacceptable behaviour. She's indicated that as a result of our conversation that she'll actually be seeking counselling to assist in her own management of her relationships with other people."

A somewhat contrite Ms Neal confirmed this yesterday, admitting that her argument with Iguanas staff "did continue too long". But she continued to insist she had received bad service, and she denied kicking the soccer player when she was down.

But the Iguanas affair appears set now to be investigated by police. The Opposition Leader, Barry O'Farrell, wrote to the Police Commissioner, Andrew Scipione, and asked him to investigate contradictory statutory declarations of the events written by the venue's staff and Ms Neal's and Mr Della Bosca's dining companions.

It will not be the first time the police have been involved with the couple, say neighbours who spoke to the Herald yesterday. They confirmed that police had been called to the couple's home two or three times in the past decade, and it was "not uncommon" to hear Ms Neal's screams coming from the house.

"Swearing and things being thrown, I've heard it," one male neighbour said. "I've heard them arguing, fighting and throwing things. She's a mouth on her."

It has long been rumoured that Ms Neal has been abusive towards her husband. Mr Della Bosca and Ms Neal did not respond to written questions yesterday, but Mr Della Bosca's spokesman said last night: "The minister does not want to respond to untrue and hurtful muckraking other than to say he loves his wife very much and has been married for 22 years."

When Mr Della Bosca was asked by the Herald in a profile interview last August if Ms Neal had hit him on occasions, he said: "Not true". Three other neighbours in their small dead-end street spoke of Ms Neal's rages.

In the Central Coast seat of Robertson, the election night dampener in November was the lurking guilt that, in our desperation to get rid of John Howard, we had sent a time bomb to Canberra. Poor Kevin 07, we sagely said. As we raised our glasses to toast Rudd's win, somebody added: "And Kevin, sorry about Belinda, mate."

"You can hear the language, you can hear the throwing," another said. "She's the one that does all the calling and the abusing."

Ms Neal's erratic behaviour is often viewed in Labor circles as the reason why her husband has not gone further in his career. As one senior Government source said: "The truth is we all know this [latest incident at Iguanas] is Belinda's doing and Della's judgment evaporates when Belinda is involved. It has been the way for 20 years."

One of Ms Neal's Labor colleagues said she publicly humiliated Mr Della Bosca at several country Labor conferences by shouting and abusing him.

Another Labor source said she was so vindictive that she boasted of putting enemies' written names or their photos in her freeezer. This practice has been recorded as a modern adaptation of a hoodoo spell to shut up the named person, or freeze their words.

The full article can be seen here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Here's a Divorce Scam That Even I Had Never Heard of--Have You?

“...her lawyer asked for permission to offer me a cheque. It was for £30. I asked what it was for. Her lawyer then explained that they had written to me giving me seven days notice to collect all my remaining belongings from the house. Because I had not complied within the time frame, she sold my entire collection of books. The £30 was what she got for them.

"I had been away on business for two weeks. She knew all this and timed it to ensure I would be unable to collect them. As an adult, I have only ever cried twice in public. That day in court was one of them. Those books were part of my very soul. She knew that.”

There are male sociopaths and there are female sociopaths, but female sociopaths are rarely discussed. In Venus: The Dark Side, authors Roy Sheppard and Mary T Cleary discuss this important subject in depth.

I thought I had heard every divorce-related scam in the book, but they discuss a new one--"Women have claimed to have lost a lot of money gambling. The scam is to withdraw the money at a casino, turn it into gambling chips and change it back at a later time." Has anybody ever heard of this before or experienced something similar?

On the subject of what a female sociopath might do after announcing she's divorcing you, Sheppard and Cleary write:

Many a man has been hit with:

• A court order barring him from living in his own home.
• An injunction forbidding him to come within one mile of his home.
• A ban on all contact with his children because the way he makes his wife feel undermines her ability to look after them.
• A letter from his wife or her solicitor saying that the children no longer wish to see him because he ‘frightens’ them. Or his wife says they do not love him any more.
• A demand to support her and ‘her’ children for as many years as her lawyers can negotiate with a judge. This money may be calculated on her lawyer’s estimation of what he is capable of earning, not on what he actually earns.
• A claim that she was deceived into signing a pre-nuptial agreement. Lawyers often challenge pre-nups as a matter of course. The husband’s lawyer has to defend this and his legal bill goes up.
• A deliberate demand for significantly more in a settlement than she expects to receive, so that he negotiates it down to the figure she wanted all along.

No matter what she says, does or claims, don’t say or do anything to retaliate. Calling her names and making threats will probably prolong the divorce proceedings and ramp up your legal bill. Learn to know when to shut up. Don’t worry unduly about what she says about you because she’s going to bad-mouth you anyway. Make a decision to control how you react, whatever happens.

She is likely to accuse you of all sorts of misdemeanours and more serious shortcomings simply because you were not the knight in shining armour she wanted you to be. Anything she may have done wrong will be seen as her response to your ‘unreasonable’ behaviour.

False allegations of physical, sexual or emotional cruelty against her or the children have become very common. Their purpose is to help her to gain an unfair advantage early in the proceedings, to throw you off-balance, to make you deeply angry and to frighten you. Expect her to use shock and surprise to destabilise you. You may react with utter disbelief that anyone could lie so brazenly and behave in such a disgusting way. Yet it happens, and it happens often. If she wants to play the victim, she’s allowed to. Indeed she will be encouraged to do so.

Women have claimed to have lost a lot of money gambling. The scam is to withdraw the money at a casino, turn it into gambling chips and change it back at a later time.

She may default on loans, claim to be disabled, or file for bankruptcy. Be ready for any personal property you left at your marital home to be destroyed. Some women have been known to give all their husband’s designer clothes to a charity shop or say they had put them into plastic bin liners that were mistakenly taken away by the rubbish collectors. Whatever she believes you hold important or valuable in your life are the first things she will dispose of or destroy.

One man told us how he was forced to go to court to face his vindictive ex-wife:

“At one point in the proceedings, her lawyer asked for permission to offer me a cheque. It was for £30. I asked what it was for. Her lawyer then explained that they had written to me giving me seven days notice to collect all my remaining belongings from the house. Because I had not complied within the time frame, she sold my entire collection of books. The £30 was what she got for them.

I had been away on business for two weeks. She knew all this and timed it to ensure I would be unable to collect them. As an adult, I have only ever cried twice in public. That day in court was one of them. Those books were part of my very soul. She knew that.”

If you have moved away, a nasty woman may insist you attend numerous court hearings. This is intended to make your life as difficult and as expensive as possible. She wants you to waste your money. Ultimately she’ll get what she wants anyway, so any wasted money will hurt you at a time when you have the fewest funds.

Also see Venus: The Dark Side--Female Sociopaths (Part I), (Part II), and (Part III).

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

(The above contains excerpts from Venus: The Dark Side, Copyright ©Roy Sheppard and Mary T Cleary 2007. www.VenusTheDarkSide.com.)

UCAN Drops 'Deadbeat Dad' Campaign in Face of Protests

A couple days ago I complained about the United Coalition for Animals' recent anti-father "Deadbeat Dads" Spay/Neuter campaign (see flyer below), and I suggested that readers contact the clinic to complain. UCAN is a low cost spay/neuter clinic in downtown Cincinnati.

Kevin, a reader who called the clinic, reports that they have now dropped the offensive campaign.

Kevin also noted "[A clinic representative] apologized if anyone was offended and said that the campaign is now called 'Neuter Booster'...Most people are not evil; they just don’t know that something hurts until you tell them."

I commend UCAN for understanding our concerns. Thanks to all who called the clinic to complain or otherwise participated.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Here's a Candidate for Dumbass Husband of the Year

From Husband Forgives Wife For Murder Plot (SkyNews, 6/10/08):

A care worker who hired a hitman to murder her husband has been sentenced to seven years in prison.

Zoe Kenealy gave a neighbour £3,000 to carry out the killing - but husband Tim says he is still standing by her.

Kenealy was sentenced at the Old Bailey for what the judge described as "a cynical and cruel attempt to have your husband killed".

Mother-of-six Kenealy, 44, of Croydon, south London, was found guilty of soliciting murder at the Old Bailey in April.

Her husband, who had been sitting in the public gallery near his wife in the dock, put his head in his hands as he heard the verdict.

The 51-year-old catering worker has said he would stand by his wife and forgave her.

Judge Stone praised Kenealy's family, particularly her father, for giving her up to police after learning of her plans.

The court was told that Kenealy took out a £4,500 loan because she wanted her husband dead in order to collect a £33,000 insurance policy.

She had been in a violent relationship with her first husband, but felt "smothered" by Mr Kenealy.

Simon Wild, prosecuting, said she gave neighbour Lee Waite, 31, £3,000 to hire someone for the hit but he pocketed the money.

Kenealy had texted her brother a number of times asking for cash to have her husband killed because she said she hated him.

Nicholas Atkinson QC, defending, told the judge: "This is a desperately sad woman. She found her husband difficult to cope with."

He said Kenealy had been infatuated by Mr Waite, although there had been no sexual relationship.

He had taken advantage of her to get the money but had no intention of harming Mr Kenealy.

"Her husband, who had been sitting in the public gallery near his wife in the dock, put his head in his hands as he heard the verdict. The 51-year-old catering worker has said he would stand by his wife and forgave her"--what an absolute moron.

There is one positive in this--note the police investigator interviewed at the end of the news video, which can be seen here. She gets it exactly 100% right, and quite properly uses the phrase "domestic violence" to describe the woman's murder attempt. I've often complained that when men are attacked or murdered, the media doesn't use the term "domestic violence," but this lady did.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Thanks the James Howard, a reader, for the story.

Holstein: Tennessee Won't Allow Immigrant Dads on Birth Certificate--but Goes After Them for Child Support

Dr. Ned Holstein, president of Fathers & Families writes:

Stephanie Hernandez gave birth to a baby girl in Nashville's Baptist Hospital on August 31, 2007. She was not married at the time. No father's name was listed on the birth certificate, meaning that the father had no legal paternity rights or obligations.

Deadbeat Dad?  Nope. Her fiancé, whom she later married, was at her side the entire time. Hernandez, a US citizen, and her undocumented immigrant fiancé, were prevented from placing his name on the birth certificate by Tennessee law. The law requires an unmarried dad to produce government-issued ID to appear on the birth certificate, but this is denied to undocumented immigrants.

In other words, mom can be on the birth certificate but dad can't. A couple other points:

1) Funny how they block the father from being on the birth certificate because of his immigration status, but, according to Holstein, "Tennessee appears to have no qualms about immigration status when it comes to child support collections." Same old double standard for fathers--we don't care about your bond/custody/parenting time with your kid, but child support is very, very important.

2) As many could guess, my opinion is that a father is a father, regardless of his immigration status, and his relationship with his child must be respected and protected.

I recommend Ned's full post here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Steve Moxon: The Dominance Hierarchy

"The Dominance Hierarchy (DH) is built up by individual boys non-consciously registering the outcomes of any contests with other boys they are party to and self-calibrating their rank amongst all the boys in the social group...

"Without these ritualised fights and the resulting DH, males would try to establish who was ‘boss’ each time they met. So the DH saves a lot of pointless confrontation. It also helps females find males of equivalent ‘mate value’ to reproduce with, and this makes sexual reproduction far more efficient..."

Norman L., a frequent blog commenter here, is a big fan of The Woman Racket (pictured) by Steve Moxon. Norman sent me several excerpts from the book which I think are thought-provoking. One of them, in which Moxon details the Dominance Hierarchy (DH), is below.

Moxon writes:

Research has revealed that by as early as just eighteen months of age, a boy is competing with his same-sex peers for a place in the all-male ‘pecking order’ or – as it’s properly called in biology - dominance hierarchy: henceforth DH. This is built up by individual boys non-consciously registering the outcomes of any contests with other boys they are party to and self-calibrating their rank amongst all the boys in the social group. (Not every permutation of pairs of males need fight, because the ‘gaps’ can be mentally filled in, by inference: a facility that has evolved for this very purpose: ‘transitive reasoning’.)

No individual needs to comprehend the overall DH, which is merely an epiphenomenon of the whole process. Without these ritualised fights and the resulting DH, males would try to establish who was ‘boss’ each time they met. So the DH saves a lot of pointless confrontation.

It also helps females find males of equivalent ‘mate value’ to reproduce with, and this makes sexual reproduction far more efficient, and is a major reason why sexual rather than asexual reproduction has been retained generally throughout the animal kingdom (Ochoa & Jaffe, 2006). What is even more crucial about the DH though is not that it does away with the need for constant contest, but what the contest is over and for.
 
The human male, just as the male in any other animal species, is challenged in various ways that test aspects of what you could generally call vigour. By pushing systems to an extreme, any genes he is carrying that are not working properly are revealed. Through taunts and fights that get ever more prone to serious escalation as he gets older, if he lives in a hunter-gatherer (or certain other types of ‘primitive’ society), he is very likely to be killed – a 50/50 chance or more in some societies.

In the ‘first world’ of today, he is unlikely even to get seriously injured, but nevertheless more likely than not to attain only a lowly rank in the DH of his peer group. This will set him up for difficulty when he comes to vie for a place in subsequent peer-group DHs, which in turn will set him up for difficulty in reproducing.

His rank is as all-important when it comes to women choosing him as a sexual partner, as to him is the youth and beauty of girls/women when it comes to his own sexual choices. Male rank is the basis of female choice in all species where there is a DH, including the human (albeit, in the later case, mediated through higher-level cognitive and emotional processes, along with cultural factors).
 
There is lots of research showing that status (male dominance rank) is the basis of mate choice by females generally (Klinkova et al. 2005; Cowlishaw & Dunbar, 1991; Di Fiore, 2003; De Ruiter & van Hoorf, 1993); and that this is the case in humans in particular has been well reviewed (Buss, 2003; Okami & Shackelford, 2001).

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

A Touching Lesson on Love & Happiness...

...from E. E. Robbins jewelers. Their website is http://www.eerobbins.com/.

Thanks to Chris, a reader, for sending the photo.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

	Trudy Schuett: Man-Friendly Fiction for Real People Never before has an author approached the subject of domestic violence with such clarity and compassion. Friends to the End is the story of a man's journey through an abusive relationship. Neither he or his best friends ever saw it coming. No one understood how this could happen to someone who was so smart, accomplished, and strong. To order the book, click here.
	Dr. Warren Farrell's Shared Parenting Evidence Kit--What You Need to Win Shared Physical Custody Dr. Warren Farrell, a top expert on children of divorce now offers a complete evidence kit to help you win shared custody.  The DVDs, audio CD and electronic files summarize the best scientific research available collected over decades.  Scientific research has proven that children do far better with near equal time with both parents with minimal conditions.  This video set was developed to educate parents, judges, lawyers, psychologists and other divorce professionals. Most judges are doing exactly what is worst for children with sole-custody.  Submitted as evidence this will maximize your chances. Divorce Reform groups call(508) 381-1450 to use as fundraiser. www.BestInterestofChildren.org
	Help for Michigan Dads Michigan family law attorney Mindy L. Hitchcock has experience fighting for noncustodial parents against Michigan's abusive FOC. Her holistic approach to divorce gets results for her clients while avoiding the scorched earth approach to law that leaves families emotionally and financially devastated. Lady4Justice.com

F4J Protester's Daughter: 'I'm Proud of My Dad'

"Her life has been blighted by years of enforced separation from the father she clearly adores.

"'Most people look back on their childhood and remember family days out at the seaside and birthday parties,' she says. 'My recollections are of Mum, sour-faced in a suit, heading off for yet another court appearance and endless interviews with social workers and child psychologists, all telling me that I didn't have to see my dad if I didn't want to.'"

Has the case for family law reform ever been laid out better? From Justice 4 my father, says daughter of rooftop protester (Daily Mail, 6/9/08):

On Sunday morning, just hours before he scrambled on to the roof of Harriet Harman's home dressed as a superhero, Mark Harris kissed and hugged his daughter Lisa and set off from the South Devon home they share.

'I told him I was proud of him,' says Lisa, a 21-year-old wages clerk. 'I said that however long he managed to stay up there, I would be cheering him on and sending him my love.'

In the end, Mark, who staged his weekend protest with fellow Fathers 4 Justice campaigner Jolly Stanesby, stayed on the roof of Ms Harman's elegant period home in Herne Hill, South London, for ten hours - an hour for every year that his own case wasn't resolved by the courts.

When he climbed down on Sunday night, he was immediately arrested and detained by police, leaving Mr Stanesby perched precariously on the slates, stubbornly insisting he wouldn't descend until Mark had been released.

But then as Lisa points out, brushes with the law are nothing new to her 49-year-old father. During the decade he spent fighting for full access to his three daughters after his wife walked out and took them with her, the driving instructor faced 133 court appearances before 33 different judges, two stints in jail and went on a hunger strike.

The irony is that Mark's case is now resolved: Lisa, his eldest, now lives with him. So does his 17-year-old daughter. Another daughter, aged 15, lives nearby with her mother, but visits at least twice a week. He now has everything he fought for.

But he still donned Superman's leotard, tights and cape because while he is free to talk about the horrors he suffered at the hands of the British justice system, other fathers are not...

'He hasn't forgotten what he went through,' says Lisa. 'He still has a lot of anger about it and he wants to do what he can to help other fathers in the same position.'

If it seems strange that Mark is still angry about his own ordeal, then as Lisa is quick to remind anyone who asks, until she was 16 - and legally able to choose for herself which parent she wanted to live with - she hardly knew her father at all.

Her life has been blighted by years of enforced separation from the father she clearly adores.

'Most people look back on their childhood and remember family days out at the seaside and birthday parties,' she says. 'My recollections are of Mum, sour-faced in a suit, heading off for yet another court appearance and endless interviews with social workers and child psychologists, all telling me that I didn't have to see my dad if I didn't want to.'

Read the full Daily Mail article here. Mark and Lisa are pictured above.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Bill Murray's Wife Vilifies Her Husband, but It Looks Like She's Got Plenty of Problems of Her Own

Recently Jennifer Butler Murray, actor Bill Murray's wife, filed for divorce, accusing him of "drug abuse, sex addiction and physical violence towards her during their 11-year marriage." I have no idea as to the veracity of these claims, but it certainly appears that Jennifer has some problems of her own. According to this recent New York Post story:

Jennifer Butler-Murray has gotten a reputation in her suburban Charleston, SC, neighborhood as an avid drinker who gets "physical" with her children and gets into bizarre police incidents.

On March 17 of this year, Butler-Murray allegedly got drunk and two of her kids ran over to a neighbor's house for help, according to a report filed with the Sullivan's Island Police Department.

The trouble started after a witness saw her shouting loudly at one of her kids, the report said. Cops went to her home to investigate.

"I spoke with [her] and advised her of the complaint," the responding officer wrote. "The w/f [white female] seemed to be very impaired and didn't want me on her property anymore, she slammed the door and I left the residence."

Later, a neighbor called cops saying Butler-Murray's kids had come to his home seeking help.

"I then had the complainant meet me at the police station to talk with the juveniles . . . They informed me that their mother had been drinking heavily and had [become] physical with them," the report said.

It's certainly not uncommon for a vindictive wife to publicly vilify her soon-to-be-ex-husband, only for it to turn out that she's the one with the problems, not him. We'll see.

Also, note the double standard in treatment by the police. She's drunk and abusive and slams the door in the cop's face, and the cop says he left because--get this--she "didn't want me on her property anymore." No kidding. One thing's for sure--men who are reading this, don't try that stunt on a cop yourselves.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Thanks to Wayne Swanson, a reader, for the story.

A Definite Candidate for Father of the Year

JD, a reader, sent me this touching story of an admirable dad who, pardon the pun, "goes the distance" for his little son. According to DRIVEN; Two-year-old Pauly needs constant care to keep him alive. His father, a transport truck driver, has no choice but to take him on the road (The Record, 6/5/08):

The cab of Paul Goncalves' truck looks more like a hospital room than the helm of a mighty 18-wheeler.

It even caught the attention of Montreal police earlier this week, as Goncalves, a transport-truck driver who lives in Kitchener, made his way through Quebec.
Goncalves says he has no choice: It's the only way he can keep a close eye on the toddler at the end of a length of intravenous tubing and a bag of life-saving solution.

"I'll tell you, life has been so miserable," Goncalves said Tuesday after carefully dressing a shunt that drains liquid from the brain of his constant passenger -- his two-year-old son, Pauly. Pauly was born with hydrocephalus, an accumulation of spinal fluid on the brain. Doctors recently removed a brain cyst. In his short life, Pauly has had five brain operations.

But there's no structure at home to provide the intensive care that Pauly needs, and Goncalves hasn't yet been able to find help within the social-service safety net.
Goncalves's wife, Cesia, has severe depression. He has a 15-year-old son and a 20-year-old daughter from a previous marriage who live with him in Kitchener. He has no other family in the area.

Goncalves believes Pauly's health issues brought on by his wife's depression. Last month, both Pauly and Cesia were hospitalized at the same time.
So when Goncalves hits the highway to earn the income on which his family depends, Pauly goes with him.

Goncalves's situation gained national attention Monday in Montreal.

He was injecting his son with an antibiotic to fight infection after his latest surgery, when the intravenous bag burst. Pauly was fine, but Goncalves called emergency services for help.

"They didn't like the scenario -- it's a little graphic," Goncalves said.

Montreal police called social services, who came to investigate. Local media also arrived, interested in Goncalves's bizarre situation.

Social services concluded they had no legal right to take Pauly away. Goncalves had done nothing wrong.

"They told me, 'You should be proud of yourself,' " Goncalves said. "That was a big boost."

Goncalves was afraid the news would anger his employer, Canadian-American Transport.

They didn't know he had been bringing his son on runs.

"I said, 'I need this job, but my son comes first.' "

Although Goncalves suspects the company doesn't like it, they told him they can't stop him because he owns the truck.

"That was a bit of a relief. Now I know I can do it."

Still, changing diapers and intravenous bags on hauls across North America is tough.

"The problem is, I can't stop working. I'm falling a little behind in my bills."

And it's hardly the life he'd imagined for his son.

"I just want him to be a normal kid....That keeps me going."

Read the full article here. I salute reporter April Robinson for the story--her email is arobinson@therecord.com.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

How the Research Showing Women Are as Complicit in Family Violence as Men Has Been Suppressed

I recently discussed the way the research showing women are just as complicit in family violence as men has been suppressed and obscured in this blog post. In the blog posts below, researcher after researcher details the impediments they faced in conducting and/or publicizing scientifically sound and honest research on women's family violence:

Claudia Ann Dias, MSC, JD (pictured, photo by Kevin Graft): 'I had a 10-year contract but within six months of mentioning female abusers, my contract was canceled'

Dr. Jennifer Langhinrichsen-Rohling: 'Every time we tried to say that women's intimate partner abuse is different than men's, the evidence did not support it'

Dr. Don Dutton: Dissident Domestic Violence Researcher 'Banned' from the State of Georgia

John Hamel, LCSW: 'Many men claimed their female partners were more abusive than they were...I had been trained to disbelieve such claims'

Dr. Don Dutton: Violence is more common in lesbian relationships than in heterosexual ones

(The Sacramento Domestic Violence conference From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence in February featured leading domestic violence authorities from around the world. The conference was sponsored by the California Alliance for Families and Children--to learn more, click here.) 

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

[Note: If you or someone you love is being abused, the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women provides crisis intervention and support services to victims of domestic violence and their families.]

6-Year-Old Boy Saves Friend from Drowning

"He's a protector...I think that comes from having a little sister. He won't hesitate to stand up for what's right."

From Boy, 6, hailed a hero after saving drowning friend (Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 06/04/08):

If not for the quick actions of a 6-year-old boy, Fayetteville mom Judith Buddha would be facing a parent's worst nightmare.

Instead, she spent Wednesday afternoon at an Atlanta Braves game while her son, Josiah, 5, attended school.

"I thought I would be burying my child this week," she said. "I am so thankful. If not for Haden Stusak and the people who worked so hard to revive Josiah, my child would not be here."

But Haden Stusak took the hero thing in stride.

"He's my friend and that's what friends do," he said Wednesday.

The Buddha family, recent transplants from Boston, attended a pool graduation party Saturday in honor of a member of the East/West Fayetteville Congregation of Jehovah's Witness.

The party was hosted by Vince Vellucci, Haden Stusak's grandfather. Haden's mom, Deborah Stusak, said 50-60 people attended, mostly kids seeking relief from the heat.

Josiah, who cannot swim, took off water wings that kept him afloat in the shallow end to join the other kids in the pool's 8-foot deep end. He was not able to keep himself above water without the flotation devices.

Haden noticed a shadow on the pool floor. He strapped on his goggles and dove in to investigate.

"I saw my friend on the bottom," Haden said. "He was on his back, his eyes were open and he was shaking."

Haden, who has been a swimmer for about three years, acted quickly.

"I went right to him and got him," he said, showing how he grabbed Josiah's arm and pulled him up to the surface, using his other arm to propel them both up. "I yelled, 'Help, he drowned,' and laid him on the steps"...

After an overnight stay for observation at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta, Josiah was fine...

His mother...is proud of her son.

"He's a protector," Stusak said. "I think that comes from having a little sister. He won't hesitate to stand up for what's right."

Read the full AJC article here. To watch a video of the two boys together, click here.

Thanks to Darrin, a reader, for sending me the story.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Best Wishes,
Glenn Sacks
GlennSacks.com

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