One of the unfortunate types of letters I often receive this time of year is the move-away letter. That's when the custodial parent has decided to move the child away from the noncustodial parent--often ending that parent's meaningful role in their children's lives. The noncustodial parent writes, seeking a way to keep his or her children from being moved away.

Since parents usually like to move during the summer so they don't interfere with schooling, the move-away requests are often made and fought out in the late winter and early spring. In many, many cases, noncustodial parents (usually fathers) who were spending 10 or 12 days a month with their children are reduced to short, once a month visits--if they're lucky.

Move-aways are an issue we've devoted a lot of attention to. We worked with the California Alliance for Families and Children in running two successful campaigns to preserve the California Supreme Court's 2004 LaMusga move-away decision. That decision affirmed that courts have the power to restrain moves which run counter to children's best interests, and several thousand of you participated in those campaigns. To learn more, see my co-authored column Is a Pool More Important than a Dad? (San Francisco Chronicle, 5/4/04) and click here.

Steven Carlson is the author of How to Win Child Custody, and has devoted a lot of time to the move-away issue. He has an interesting article which recaps the various move-away cases and provides an updated overview of the situation with move-aways.

The "Move-Away" Case
By Steven Carlson

Parents who share custody of their children face a difficult dilemma when one parent wants to relocate or move away to a relatively distant location thereby effecting a Move-Away Case. Recent California cases indicate that in custody situations, if one parent is functionally the primary parent and the children have been living primarily with that parent, that parent is likely to be permitted by the courts to move away and take the children along, even if he or she agreed earlier not to move away or relocate.

California Family Code section 7501 provides, "A parent entitled to the custody of a child has a right to change the residence of the child, subject to the power of the court to restrain a removal that would prejudice the rights or welfare of the child."

Although this statute appears to be straightforward, the interpretation of it has not been...

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.  

Country & Western Song About a Post-Divorce Move-Away: Craig Morgan's 'Every Friday Afternoon'

"Well, it might as well be China,
Or the dark side of the moon.
There's no way I can be there every Friday afternoon."

Country singer Craig Morgan (pictured) has a powerful song about a post-divorce move-away called Every Friday Afternoon. It captures the way the move-away is often a devastating blow to the post-divorce father-child relationship.

The mom in the song gives the standard rap--she supposedly has a great new job in a different city, it's OK that dad won't be around any more because her parents live there, everything will be better wherever she's going, and dad can still talk to his kids on the phone, etc., etc.

To watch the music video, click here. The lyrics are below.

The move-away issue is one I've often written about--to learn more, see my co-authored columns Is a Pool More Important than a Dad? (San Francisco Chronicle, 5/4/04) and No Virtue in Virtual Visitation (Boston Globe, 7/12/02). To learn more about our two campaigns over move-away legislation in California, click here.

We'll put Every Friday Afternoon in our divorced dad song collection, along with Trace Adkins' I'm Tryin', Doug Supernaw's I Don't Call Him Daddy, Toby Keith's Who's That Man?, Tim McGraw's Do You Want Fries With That?, and Sting's I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying, which was also later recorded by Toby Keith.

Craig Morgan's Every Friday Afternoon

She called me up this mornin',
Said: "There's somethin' you should know.
"There's a job back home in Boston,
"And I think I'm gonna go.
"My parents are in Cambridge,
"An' I've got some old friends there.
"An' I know you think this isn't fair."

And the tears started fallin',
There was nothin' I could say.
Even if I fight it, someone loses either way.
Whoa, it might as well be China,
Or the dark side of the moon.
There's no way I can be there every Friday afternoon.

I have him every weekend,
He's got his own room here.
He's all that's kept me goin',
These last three years.
There's little league in Boston,
Oh, but who will coach his team.
How's he gonna grow up without me.

And the tears started fallin',
There was nothin' I could say.
Even if I fight it, someone loses either way.
Whoa, it might as well be China,
Or the dark side of the moon.
There's no way I can be there every Friday afternoon.

What about Christmas?
If I can't get off of work?
What about his birthday?
If I'm not there, he'll be hurt.
And I know the day is comin',
When she'll find someone new,
But he'll never love him like I do.

Well, it might as well be China,
Or the dark side of the moon.
There's no way I can be there every Friday afternoon.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Michael Moore: 'Men have made a mess of our world...Women deserve none of the blame'

Background: I recently debated Gerd Johnsson-Latham of the Swedish Ministry for Foreign Affairs on her assertion that men are primarily responsible for global warming. Johnsson-Latham authored a 2007 study called Gender Equality as a Prerequisite for Sustainable Development.

Our debate was taped for a UK documentary called The Greener Gender.  To learn more, see my recent blog posts Glenn Debates Swedish Official Who Claims Men Are Primarily Responsible for Global Warming (Part I), Part II, and Part III.

While discussing gender and global warming with Johnsson-Latham, I was reminded of some "blame it all on men" comments from filmmaker Michael Moore in his book Stupid White Men. In my column Michael Moore, You Used to Be My Hero (Fredericksburg Free Lance-Star, 2/8/04) I wrote:

"In the chapter 'The End of Men' from Stupid White Men you cite declining male birthrates as evidence that 'Nature is trying to kill us off' and that men have done 'plenty' to 'deserve this.' Men have 'made a mess of our world. Women? They deserve none of the blame. They continued to bring life into this world; we continued to destroy it whenever we could...how many women have spilled oil into oceans, dumped toxins in our food supply, or insisted that the new SUV designs had to be bigger, bigger, bigger?...[Men] are working overtime to wipe out this beautiful, wonderful home we were given free of charge...no wonder Nature is getting rid of us.'

"On Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher you asked 'how many women have created factories that have polluted this environment?...most of the crap in this world came from a guy" and said "[It's not] female fishermen doing all that extra fishing, ruining the oceans. It's the men ruining the oceans. Name a woman who's ruined the oceans.'

"The central flaw in all of these statements is so obvious I wouldn't bother pointing it out except that it seems nobody else has. Yes, Michael, few women have created factories which have polluted the environment, just as few women have created factories which have produced the staples of modern civilization. You vilify men for large SUV designs without giving them credit for the miracle of modern transportation. You blame men for 'spilled oil into oceans'" without giving them credit for the millions of metric tons of oil which are transported by sea each year, almost all of it without incident."

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here. 

'Mental health professionals who don't understand Parental Alienation will find small imperfections in the targeted parent as an explanation for the child’s alienation...'

Background: J. Michael Bone (pictured) is an eminent authority on Parental Alienation, and I've often quoted his work in my newspaper columns on the issue.

Starting in late April Michael is going to be doing a four-part Teleseminar on how targeted parents can overcome Parental Alienation. The 4 week telewebcast series begins Tuesday April 29 from 8:30 - 9:30 p.m. EDT, and runs each Tuesday through 5/20. To register, click here or go to www.overcomingparentalalienation.com.

Below is my Q & A with Dr. Bone.

Glenn Sacks: You caution against employing "Unqualified Mental Health Professionals." That's often a difficult thing for a lay person to judge. What should a target parent look at in order to make this judgment?

Dr. Bone: This is a very difficult identification process, and one that most attorneys and judges could not be expected to perform.  That said, let me try to take a stab at it, but please understand that I could go on for many pages about this.   

Since the vast minority of mental health professionals are not comfortable with or particularly familiar with going to court, the numbers of those who do this kind of work are relatively small.  Within this relatively small number, an even smaller number profess familiarity with parental alienation.  

Among those who are familiar with parental alienation and how it works, the basic issue boils down to this:  the understanding that it is possible for one parent to alienate a child from another parent.  Once a child is alienated, only those who truly understand this will be able to successfully manage the child’s protest and vilification regarding the other parent, without being pulled into believing it.  Therefore, the best way to identify one who is truly qualified is to ask them questions about how they have, in the past, dealt with children who did not want to see one of their parents when it had been determined that the non-favored or alienated parent had not been abusive to the child.  

When the truly qualified mental health professional is asked this question, they will have no trouble responding to it with fairly long and clear explanations of whatever successes or lack of successes they have had with this.  What I look for is less about the “success rate” and more about their ability to talk about the complex nuances of this very complicated problem.  Mental health professionals who do not really understand that a child can be alienated from a parent will very quickly begin to side with the child, and justify this by finding relatively small imperfections in the targeted parent, and use that as an explanation for the child’s position.   

Put another way, ineffective or “less than connected” parenting might well produce somewhat estranged children, but this ineffective parenting alone will not produce alienated children.  The necessary ingredient is the alienating behavior of the alienating parent.  What one needs is a mental health professional who gets this.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Father positive ad for preventing minors from drinking

Obviously, being the father of a little girl, I can relate to the dad in this ad for being a pushover at times. Daughters can be very convincing, and my wife often makes fun of me for this.

On a larger note, it's nice to see an ad which portrays fathers not only as doting but also as caring, responsible parents.

What more accurately portrays your relationship with your daughter--"man-as-idiot" commercials or this?

To watch the ad, click here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Can Anybody Guess How This Is Going to End?

"Two local women claim they've been sexually assaulted by ghosts.

"According to a police report, the two women told officers a paranormal person has been placing sensors on their bodies and having intercourse with them at their apartment in the 28600 block of 25th Place South.

"One of the women said the assault began when she lived in Kent and followed them to Federal Way. The second woman said her encounters began recently.

"The maintenance man in charge of the apartment complex said the women keep calling him saying the ghosts are raping them on weekend nights. He finally told them to call police."

Wayne, a reader, sent me the story excerpted above because it's funny. Yet I can't help but wonder how long it will be until these two mentally disturbed women stop claiming that "ghosts" are raping them, and instead accuse a neighbor or the paper boy. False rape accusations are common and, to be fair, a significant percentage of them are made by mentally-disturbed women.

The full story is Federal Way women claim sexual assault by ghost (KOMO-TV, 4/23/08).

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

The Feminist Dissident: Is It Empowering for Women to Objectify Men?

"Nice Guys (TM) say women should sleep with them instead of those sexy, sexy bad boys. Some MRA’s believe women should give sex as direct compensation for money spent on dates, etc., while others think women should have sex with the men they aren’t attracted to as a kind of public service, similar to the Nice Guys (TM) (though the Nice Guys are less egalitarian about it; they want a hierarchy of sexual access that favors 'niceness.')"--Harq-al-Ada, The Feminist Dissident

The purpose of "The Feminist Dissident" is to give feminists a chance to speak directly to my audience, and my audience to debate the issues with them in a civil manner. To read previous entries, click here.

Contributors include/have included Micky M. (aka Michelle), Dan Oppenheimer and Jamie Berger of the blog Masculinity and its Discontents, and Harq-al-Ada, today's contributor. If you are a feminist and are interested in submitting a blog post, please email me at glenn@glennsacks.com.

Is It Empowering for Women to Objectify Men?
By Harq-al-Ada

Several months ago, I read a feminist blog post about how it is empowering for women to objectify men. Other feminists denounce objectification, but that does not necessarily mean this particular feminist was being hypocritical. She seems to see sexual objectification on an individual scale as a benign and inevitable part of attraction. But for women to objectify men as a group? To reduce us to a handful of attributes or one? If that is what she was proposing (even if I could be sure of the meaning from reading the post again, I can’t find it), then she is advocating petty retaliation in kind for objectification of women as a group.

Generous person that I am, I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt. I will assume that she was merely saying that women have the right to be attracted to whom they will just as men do. One hears from some men (and women) that women should be held accountable for who they sleep with. Nice Guys (TM) say women should sleep with them instead of those sexy, sexy bad boys. Some MRA’s believe women should give sex as direct compensation for money spent on dates, etc., while others think women should have sex with the men they aren’t attracted to as a kind of public service, similar to the Nice Guys (TM) (though the Nice Guys are less egalitarian about it; they want a hierarchy of sexual access that favors “niceness.”) Religious conservatives want women to have sex with no one except their future husbands.

It is unfair to demonize everyone who holds these views, consciously or not. I suspect they often come from insecurity. I have heard the perplexing meme that women are never attracted to men under six feet tall repeated over and over on Men’s Rights blogs, as well as the claim that women only like rich men.

I understand insecurity. It is a maniacal arborist that takes a grain of truth and grows it to mutant proportions in a matrix of self-doubt. I don’t have an answer for overcoming romantic insecurity. I do think that overcoming it is essential for allowing the gender one is attracted to the autonomy of their own romantic preferences. This goes for the men who think that being of average height or shorter means they will be overlooked by all attractive women, and the women who think that thinness is required to obtain the notice of men (this false belief, I think, drives a branch of discourse in feminist blogs. As with some MRA’s, some feminists confuse their own insecurity for a gender rights issue).

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Woman who caused her lover's shooting death by falsely crying rape convicted

Many of you have sent me articles about the Tracy Denise Roberson/Darrell Roberson case. According to the Associated Press, in that case "Darrell Roberson came home from a card game late one night to find his wife rolling around with another man in a pickup truck in the driveway. Caught in the act with her lover, Tracy Denise Roberson -- thinking quickly, if not clearly -- cried rape, authorities say. Her husband pulled a gun and killed the other man with a shot to the head."

Now Tracy Denise Roberson has been convicted of involuntary manslaughter and faces two to 20 years in prison. I covered this case in March 2007 after the grand jury indictment. In my blog post Stop the Presses--a Woman Is Held Accountable for Making a False Accusation I wrote:

"A Texas grand jury is actually holding a woman accountable for making a false accusation of rape--an accusation which led to the killing of the man she accused. The jury, correctly, saw that the woman’s husband acted reasonably--his wife screamed to him that she was being raped, so, like any good Texan, he shot the 'rapist.' But it turns out that the man wasn't a rapist at all--she was having an extramarital affair with him. Believe it or not, they dropped the charges against the husband and indicted the wife for manslaughter.

"According to the article, Mark Osler, a Baylor University law school professor and a former federal prosecutor, said the grand jurors evidently put themselves in the husband's place: 'I can see one of them saying, `I would have shot the guy, too. I was just protecting my wife.'

"To be fair, the woman acted quickly, and perhaps would not have made a similar claim if she had more time to think. Nevertheless, I don't have much sympathy for her."

Those words still seem fair enough to me. The AP article on the jury verdict is below.

Cry of Rape Lands Cheating Wife in Jail
Associated Press, 5/3/08

FORT WORTH, Texas (May 3) - A Texas woman who caused her lover's shooting death by falsely crying rape was convicted Friday of involuntary manslaughter.

Tracy Denise Roberson, 37, cried a bit when the verdict was announced. The punishment phase was set for Monday, and she faces two to 20 years in prison.

In late 2006, Darrell Roberson came home from a late-night card game to find his scantily clad wife with another man in a pickup truck in the driveway. Tracy Roberson was with her lover but cried rape, and her husband fired four shots into the truck as Devin LaSalle drove off, killing him.

Darrell Roberson initially was arrested, but a murder charge was later dropped and a grand jury indicted Tracy Roberson instead.

During her three-day trial, defense attorneys called no witnesses but blamed LaSalle's death on Darrell Roberson's jealousy and rage.

But prosecutors placed all the blame on Tracy Roberson, showing evidence of the affair with LaSalle, 32, and a text message in which she invited him to her house that evening.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

'Fancy amenities don’t make one happy. It was these simple times we treasured. My wife and I had a good marriage'

"'She loved this place.'

"These simple words adorn a beautiful bronze plaque, mounted on a brick and limestone column at the entryway into the retirement village. This message honors Sue, Bob Chamberlin’s late wife of sixty-eight years.

"After her death, Bob designed the plaque for Sue, who had loved every minute of her life at the retirement community. At ninety-eight, Bob confesses that the plaque really was created to comfort him in the loss of his beloved wife."

In a society which pays far too little respect to its elders, authors Kim Morin and Rita Blockman did an unusual and wonderful thing--they interviewed and tape-recorded the life stories of individuals between the ages of 88 and 104. Their book, Listen to the Wisest of All, is a series of vignettes which detail the lives of men and women who lived through the World Wars and the Great Depression.

The excerpt below deals with the greatest and sometimes most elusive of all things--a good marriage. In it, 98-year-old Bob Chamberlin, who was married to his late wife for 68 years, discusses their lives together.

Their marriage reminds me of my parents, who celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary in December (see A Brief Tribute to My Parents on Their 45th Anniversary). 

I'm giving my mom a copy of this book for Mother's Day, for two reasons. One, it's a good book. Two, reading about the 98-year-olds will make my mom feel young...

Bob Chamberlin's Story
(Excerpted from Listen to the Wisest of All by Kim Morin and Rita Blockman)

"She loved this place.”

These simple words adorn a beautiful bronze plaque, mounted on a brick and limestone column at the entryway into the retirement village. This message honors Sue, Bob Chamberlin’s late wife of sixty-eight years. After her death, Bob designed the plaque for Sue, who had loved every minute of her life at the retirement community. At ninety-eight, Bob confesses that the plaque really was created to comfort him in the loss of his beloved wife. However, the plaque has proved to be very popular among the residents, as demonstrated by the large crowd present for its dedication ceremony. It is gratifying to know that simplicity can be so meaningful and profound.

“Simplicity” was a theme that permeated our discussions with Bob. In talking about his marriage, he states that one of the high points of their marriage came in their early years, when they were living a simple life in which they fished and lived off the land.

Bob’s first job was in Bighorn Mountain, at a forest preserve 10,000-feet high. He and his wife lived there in a one-room cabin, and they both loved the challenge of the hard living conditions and primitive setting. He remembers that Sue learned to fly fish, and they ate fish almost every night. In a voice heavy with emotion, Bob states, “Fancy amenities don’t make one happy. It was these simple times in nature that we treasured. My wife and I had a good marriage. It was based on mutual trust.” He added, “I always had a feeling of satisfaction every day working with someone who sympathized, knew my high spots, and fed my low spots, which helped even things out. We each appreciated the other’s interests.” They loved and raised two children together, a son and daughter.

She brought a new perspective to my life coming from Europe. Sue was born and raised in France. Her father was a colonel in the French cavalry and, unfortunately, he died in the First World War...

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Doris Lessing: 'The most stupid, ill-educated and nasty woman can rubbish the nicest, kindest and most intelligent man and no one protests'

"It is time we began to ask who are these women who continually rubbish men. The most stupid, ill-educated and nasty woman can rubbish the nicest, kindest and most intelligent man and no one protests. Men seem to be so cowed that they can't fight back, and it is time they did...

"I was in a class of nine- and 10-year-olds, girls and boys, and this young woman was telling these kids that the reason for wars was the innately violent nature of men. You could see the little girls, fat with complacency and conceit while the little boys sat there crumpled, apologising for their existence, thinking this was going to be the pattern of their lives. [The teacher tried to] catch my eye, thinking I would approve of this rubbish...This kind of thing is happening in schools all over the place and no one says a thing."--novelist and longtime feminist icon Doris Lessing 

One of my favorite quotes about the modern gender wars from novelist/feminist icon Doris Lessing. She elaborates on this theme in the article below.

Lay off men, Lessing tells feminists: Novelist condemns female culture that revels in humiliating other sex
The Guardian [UK]
5/14/01

The novelist Doris Lessing yesterday claimed that men were the new silent victims in the sex war, "continually demeaned and insulted" by women without a whimper of protest.

Lessing, who became a feminist icon with the books The Grass is Singing and The Golden Notebook, said a "lazy and insidious" culture had taken hold within feminism that revelled in flailing men.

Young boys were being weighed down with guilt about the crimes of their sex, she told the Edinburgh book festival, while energy which could be used to get proper child care was being dissipated in the pointless humiliation of men.

"I find myself increasingly shocked at the unthinking and automatic rubbishing of men which is now so part of our culture that it is hardly even noticed," the 81-year-old Persian-born writer said yesterday.

"Great things have been achieved through feminism. We now have pretty much equality at least on the