As I've noted on many occasions, the domestic violence establishment is not telling us the full truth about domestic violence, and many destructive family law and criminal law policies have been based on misinformation.

Research clearly establishes that women are frequently the aggressors in domestic combat, often employing the element of surprise and weapons to compensate for men's strength. Yet arrest and prosecution policies are stacked against men, as is the public dialogue on this important issue. Perhaps worst of all, misguided women's groups' distortion of the domestic violence issue has been the leading impediment to passing shared parenting legislation.

Last year dozens of leading authorities in the domestic violence field formed the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center (NFVLRC) to change the domestic violence system. The NFVLRC advocates for non-discriminatory and evidence-based policies and seeks to correct the many damaging laws and policies which have been based on misleading claims.

NFVLRC co-founder John Hamel, LCSW, a court-certified batterer treatment provider and author of the book Gender-Inclusive Treatment of Intimate Partner Abuse, explains:

"The founding members of NFVLRC have recognized for some time that current policies are politically driven rather than being based on scientifically sound information, and are seeking to change them. As a result of flawed policies, many children are being denied the same range of services simply

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Background: Around Mother's Day the National Organization for Women, the Family Violence Prevention Fund, and a dozen other women's groups signed on to a complaint filed against the United States with the Inter American Commission on Human Rights. The complaint claims that American courts victimize abused mothers by "frequently awarding child custody to abusers."

The New York State Chapter of the National Organization for Women recently announced its support for the Mother's Day legal complaint. Marcia A. Pappas (pictured), President of NOW-NYS, says New York family courts are "awarding custody to abusers" and that the problem is widespread. NOW-NYS says for the past two years it has "co-hosted a national Battered Mothers Custody Conference, attended by over 400 people, the majority of whom are protective mothers."

I've looked into the three most highly-publicized cases featured by the BMCC and NOW-NYS--the Genia Shockome case, the Sadia Loeliger case, and the Bridget Marks case. In each case, we were told that a fit, loving, protective mother was stripped of custody by an abusive father.

When I first started looking into these cases, I figured there probably were some where the mothers really were mistreated. I still think those cases are out there, but I haven't found them yet. Neither the Shockome case, the Loeliger case, nor the Marks case fit the NOW/BMCC "protective mother losing custody to abusive father" model. None even came close. 

In the Loeliger case, it was the mother who had been found culpable of child abuse by a California juvenile court. The father got custody not due to family court machinations, as the mother's supporters claimed, but because the juvenile court removed the little girl from the mother's care because of the physical abuse.

In the Marks case, all five judges who heard the case, male and female, concluded that she had coached her little girls into asserting that they had been molested by their father.

In the Shockome case, the mother's absolute refusal to co-parent with her ex-husband led the courts--eventually, after giving her many chances--to transfer custody of the kids from Genia to her ex-husband.

I explained all of these cases in more detail in my co-authored column Shockome Syndrome. Sadia Loeliger was featured in the PBS film Breaking the Silence, and the producers of the film were forced to apologize to Sadia's ex-husband for their misportrayal of the case.

To read NOW-NYS's new statement, click here. To learn more about these cases, click here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

The American Coalition for Fathers and Children The American Coalition for Fathers and Children is dedicated to creating a family law system which promotes equal rights for all parties affected by divorce. Contact the ACFC at 1-800-978-3237 or visit them on the web at www.acfc.org. Parenting Plan Calendar Software Shared Ground (R) is an easy-to-use software program designed for divorced parents to track their parenting plan schedules over many years. Do-it-yourself or let us build your approved parenting plan into a multi-year calendar so that you can print, share, or modify the calendar later. Parents, attorneys, arbitrators and mediators can generate equitable parenting plans, which is especially useful for parents seeking fair division of their children's time. FREE ASSISTANCE TO OUR CLIENTS- $49.95 one-time charge, FREE TRIAL & MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE. Click here for more information. FALSELY ACCUSED IN TEXAS? Domestic Violence. Child Sexual Assault. Child Protective Services Defense. Contact the Law Office of Stuckle & Ferguson www.PaulStuckle.com / falseaccusations@stuckle-ferguson.com

Feminists claim that the men's and fathers' movement is riddled with woman-haters. They're wrong, but certainly not completely wrong, and below is an excellent example. It was posted on one of the major men's sites. Out of respect for their founder and his work, I won't name the site.

The news/blog entry was written by "MrReality" and is called "Blood Diamonds: How women fund the enslavement of black men and boys." MrReality bases some of his assumptions on this article, and writes:

"For years one of the biggest of fantasies for women has been the wedding. A much bigger fantasy though is what comes as a result of the wedding: A large diamond ring. Let's be honest, how many times have you seen women meet 'the bride' right after the wedding and say 'Let me see the ring!' The wife then flutters he hand around the misandric circle of women showing off her blood diamond.

"The sad truth is that African MEN are forced into slavery in order for the new wife (a member of the royal sex) to walk around and showcase her new diamond. Which many times means more to her than the marriage itself.

"How many times have you heard women claim they wish they could have 'kept the ring' once they divorced the husband. It has recently been proven that all diamonds are in-fact 'conflict diamonds' and thus any woman that nags her soon-to-be schmuck husband for one is a slave-master, just like her sisters. I would advise that no man buy a woman a diamond."

There are so many anti-woman distortions in this article that it's hard to know where to start. MrReality's first assumption is that western women who want diamonds are creating the horrendous conditions in the diamond mines of Africa. But the consumer doesn't create the conditions under which a product is produced--the company producing it does. What African diamond miners need is not a boycott of diamonds but instead a strong labor union. In South Africa, black labor unions--particularly the miners' union--were powerful, improved conditions for workers, and helped bring down apartheid.

In MrReality's mind, when a bride shows off her ring it's a "blood diamond" and when a group of women admire her diamond they are "misandric" (anti-male). Women--whom MrReality dubs women "the royal sex" and "slave masters"--apparently don't care about their marriages, only their diamonds. These assumptions are bigoted and unfair.

I wrote about the problem of misogyny in the men's movement in my column Confronting Woman-Bashing In the Men's Movement (iFeminists.com, 4/2/02).

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

As so often happens, the media has missed a crucial aspect of the Anne Heche (pictured)/Coleman Laffoon custody battle. The story below explains that the two are battling over custody of their five-year-old son Homer.

I have no particular knowledge nor opinion of either parent's character or of much else about them. But there is a very important distinction between the two's behavior here, even though the media isn't saying much about it, and it's just thrown in here at the end of the story.

Laffoon is asking for joint custody, Heche is asking for sole custody. In other words, Laffoon wants (or at least is willing) to co-parent his kid with Heche. By contrast, Heche wants full control and little or no role for Laffoon. There is a massive moral distinction to be made between the two positions, and the media misleads when it ignores this in favor of cliches about "angry custody battles" and "bitter divorces."

Anne Heche Battles Ex for Son
5/24/07
Jess Boettger

In the latest high profile custody battle, Anne Heche is duking it out with ex-hubby Coleman Laffoon. The couple's five-year-old son, Homer, is the top prize. The embittered exes have begun to take the Alec Baldwin-Kim Basinger approach to the matter: bashing each other's credibility as a parent. Heche has flung accusations at Laffoon that he made "heinous false statements" in trying to wrongfully depict her as a bad mother. Laffoon accused his actress ex of leaving their son in the hands of a procession of nannies while she traipsed off to Vancouver, where her new TV show, Men in Trees, films.

In retaliation, the actress has done the only sensible thing: sling mud right back. She accuses her ex of carting the boy off to preschool or dropping him into the hands of nannies and babysitters, so that his busy hands are freed up to take up ping-pong, poker, backgammon, and the occasional internet porn site. She goes so far as to say that her ex-hubby allows the five-year-old boy to join in when he hosts his weekly poker game.

Laffoon filed for divorce on February 2, and is asking for $30,000+ monthly in spousal support and joint custody. Heche is not asking for spousal support if she wins, and demands sole custody.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.
 

From Jennifer Roback Morse, Ph.D:

"Fathers do not get the credit they deserve in the raising of children. The courts downplay them, the feminists dismiss them, and they media diss them. Even the social scientists who know from their data that dads matter, often can't quite put their finger on why. The kinds of things social science can measure, such as time spent doing different activities and parenting styles, don't necessarily capture what dads do.

"Between now and Father's Day, I plan to publish stories that illustrate the many, sometimes intangible, contributions of fathers to child development."

Jennifer has asked me to ask my readers for stories about "What Dads Do." If you're interested in submitting stories to Jennifer, click here.
 

Online Dating Rights Online Dating Rights opposes the new federal International Marriage Broker Regulation Act, which requires Americans who seek to meet foreigners via the internet to have a criminal background check and an intrusive report about intimate details of one's life BEFORE any communication--the first time in US history that such checks have been required. www.onlinedatingrights.com SAMSONLAW--Divorce Lawyers for Michigan Men & Fathers If you're a Michigan man faced with divorce, you need SAMSONLAW on your side--SAMSONLAW defends men. Smart Advocacy Means Stopping Oppression Now. INeedSamson.com Experience the Book that Dares to Scream the Inner Thoughts of Men Author Tom Ellis unleashes his savage wit on women's studies, gender norming, implants, affirmative action, rape hysteria, pornography, women's spirituality, homophobia, and bad dates. Intended for male readers, women also find it shockingly insightful. Contains adult situations and language. The Rantings of a Single Male: Losing Patience with Feminism, Political Correctness... and Basically Everything by Thomas Ellis -- $11.95 + shipping from Amazon via direct purchase--click here.

I think the Australian court made the right decision here when asked to answer the question "Who gets the ring when an engagement is called off?" The answer is, of course, "him."

The story on the Australian engagement ring court decision is below. I guess I should be surprised that a woman had a $10,000 ring thrown away out of spite, but I've been reading divorce stories too long to be surprised over anything an angry woman does during a breakup.

The woman's father, who was complicit in the destruction of the expensive ring, also deserves condemnation. Given his behavior, it's not hard to see why the woman turned out the way she did.

Australian Court Rules Woman Must Pay for Tossed Engagement Ring

Saturday, May 19, 2007

It was to be their big, fat Greek wedding.

It turned out to be his big fat compensation after the ring ended up in a dustbin.

And a big fat, age-old question has been answered by a court: Who gets the ring when an engagement is called off? The answer: Him.

In early August 2005, Vicki Pappas and Andrew Vacopoulos were blissfully in love. The couple, in their late 20s, exchanged rings at their Sydney engagement party.

Just 10 days later they were parting. The intended bride removed her A$15,500 (£6,000) ring from her finger and placed it on a coffee table in front of members of her family, telling her distraught fiance: "The wedding is off. Here, take the ring, I don't want it."

Her jilted fiance responded: "I do not want the ring. It is a gift for you. You can keep it."

After about half an hour he left.

Some six weeks later Pappas's former fiance called her at work, declaring his love for her and saying that he wanted her back. Unimpressed, she called her father and asked him to gather up and throw away all the gifts Vacopoulos had given her--including her engagement ring.

Her father obliged, prompting an anguished e-mail to Pappas from her ex-fiance which said: "Your dad said that he tore up my photos and threw the ring in the garbage. Why is this happening? I don't want it to happen."

Enraged by the disposal of the engagement ring, Vacopoulos went to court, seeking orders that his intended bride repay the cost of the ring.

Couples everywhere might take notice of the magistrate's finding: If an intended bride rejects her fiance's ring, she forfeits the right to claim the item as a gift. And much less the right to put it in the rubbish bin.

To read more and to discuss the issue on my blog, click here.

Marilyn Manson on his Ex-Wife: 'I was no longer supposed to be a rock star...I was someone who had to be apologized for' "She said she had tolerated the lifestyle because she hoped I would change and threatened to leave if I didn't. I was sleeping on the couch in my own home. I was no longer supposed to be a rock star. I was someone who had to be apologized for."--rock singer Marilyn Manson I know very little about rock singer Marilyn Manson, but the above quote typifies something I've seen many times. A woman marries a man and is determined to change him. When he doesn't change, she's mad. (And if he does change, she might not find him attractive anymore, but that's a different story). This exemplifies several qualities not uncommon in women which, when they arise in men, are usually called "abusive." These include: the belief that you and only you know what's best for your spouse; the belief that it's your spouse and only your spouse who must change; and the belief that the glaring spotlight should only be shined on your spouse's faults and never on yours. I discussed this issue in my co-authored column Men Blamed for Marriage Decline but Women's Relationship Wounds Often Self-Inflicted (Chicago Tribune, 1/21/07). I might also add the following--Manson beat out odds of a million to one to get where he is. His ex-wife, Dita Von Teese (pictured) is a model/burlesque dancer. Why is he supposed to be ashamed? Manson says the divorce left him emotionally devastated but he doesn't know how lucky he really is--at least they didn't have kids. To be fair, it is quite possible--if not likely--that Von Teese has very legitimate grievances against Manson, too. My point is not that Manson is a saint and that Von Teese is a witch. My point is that the overcritical nature Manson accuses Von Teese of having is a common problem for married men, and often leads to divorces. Manson is now apparently involved with a young woman, and that often is interpreted very differently by men and women. The woman interprets it as "he's dumping me for someone younger." The man interprets it as "I've found someone who likes me as I am and isn't so critical." Both views have legitimacy. The Associated Press article is below. S. Fla.'s Marilyn Manson says failed marriage `destroyed' him May 18, 2007 NEW YORK -- Marilyn Manson says he was devastated over the breakup of his marriage to model and burlesque dancer Dita Von Teese. "I was completely destroyed. I had no soul left," the 38-year-old glitzy goth rocker says in Spin magazine's June issue, on newsstands May 29. "I define myself as a person, a human, an artist, as someone who makes things -- writing, painting, music -- and I couldn't do anything." Manson, whose real name is Brian Hugh Warner, grew up in South Florida and once attended Broward Community College, married Von Teese in November 2005. She filed for divorce last December. "She said she had tolerated the lifestyle because she hoped I would change and threatened to leave if I didn't," Manson says. "I was sleeping on the couch in my own home. I was no longer supposed to be a rock star. I was someone who had to be apologized for. I wasn't prepared to be alone. I came out of this naked, a featherless bird." To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here. The Business of Love 50% of 1st marriages fail, the rate of marriage has declined 48% in 40 years, single households now outnumber married households...if there ever was a time for a radical, new approach to marriage, it's NOW. The Business of Love, by Dr. John Curtis, an organizational development consultant and former marriage counselor, is the first book to show how to take the same "best practices" that build successful businesses and apply them to an intimate relationship. Learn more at www.TheBusinessofLove.org. Help for Michigan Dads Michigan family law attorney Mindy L. Hitchcock has experience fighting for noncustodial parents against Michigan's abusive FOC. Her holistic approach to divorce gets results for her clients while avoiding the scorched earth approach to law that leaves families emotionally and financially devastated. Lady4Justice.com As Usual, Feminist Blogger Amanda Marcotte and Her Followers Are a Lot Smarter Than Me... Background: In my May 8 blog post Cadillac Thinks Humiliating Men Is Great Revenge--and Adweek Agrees (Video Available). I wrote: "Another female 'revenge' commercial. In the Cadillac commercial 'Khakis' a female boss revels in humiliating and intimidating her male subordinates--and only her male subordinates. Adweek, one of the two leading advertising industry publications, evidently thinks it's great, naming the commercial one of its Best Spots of the Year 2006." To watch the commercial, see my original post or click here. Feminist blogger Amanda Marcotte criticized my criticism of this Cadillac ad in a blog post recently. She writes: "Glenn Sacks thinks the ad is about humiliating men, as well. Not sure what is supposed to be so humiliating--that women with power can be sexy or that a woman got a promotion at all. It's a definite symptom of one of the disconnects between MRAs and reality. Ads like this are helping their cause by minimizing the situation when a woman in a workplace gets treated like she doesn't belong, but they are so completely humiliated by the very fact that the ad portrayed the woman having power at all, they don't even see it." As usual, Amanda is far ahead of me, deeply analyzing and rooting out my twisted thinking and unconscious sexism. In my mind, I had reacted against the commercial because the ad applauds women who humiliate men. Were the commercial to applaud a male boss who humiliates his scared female employees, I would find it just as offensive, except that we all know that no commercial of this type exists. Marcotte writes: "[For Sacks] Not sure what is supposed to be so humiliating--that women with power can be sexy or that a woman got a promotion at all." Again, Amanda roots out the deeper evil in my heart. In my mind, the fact that the woman is attractive is irrelevant--were it an unattractive woman humiliating male employees my reaction would be the same. I've no problem with the woman who "got a promotion" or with women in positions of power in general. More power to them, but that doesn't change their responsibility to treat their employees humanely and fairly. The woman boss in the Cadillac commercial does neither. Marcotte says that we are "completely humiliated by the very fact that the ad portrayed the woman having power at all." No, it's her abuse of power which I find humiliating. I've had male bosses and female bosses and have generally gotten along with both, and have never seen much difference (positive or negative) between the two. But any boss who enjoys humiliating his or her employees deserves a comeuppance (a function labor unions used to fill), not applause. On another note, much of Amanda's post and the discussion surrounding it concern an article written by Henry Makow Ph.D. a couple weeks after my blog post was written. Makow writes: "It's part of an ongoing Psychological Operation waged by the London-based central banking cartel designed to destroy heterosexuality and the family. The bankers perceive real men as a threat to their plan for world government tyranny. General Motors and other multinationals are all singing from the banker's homosexual/lesbian songbook." Love me or hate me, I certainly don't want to be lumped in with Makow's views on gays, and anyone even slightly familiar with my work and Makow's knows that we're oceans apart on this and many other issues. I'm supportive of gay rights, though I don't write about it very often. Some examples can be found here and here. To discuss this issue on my blog, click here. Dr. Warren Farrell's Shared Parenting Evidence Kit--What You Need to Win Shared Physical Custody Dr. Warren Farrell, a top expert on children of divorce now offers a complete evidence kit to help you win shared custody.  The DVDs, audio CD and electronic files summarize the best scientific research available collected over decades.  Scientific research has proven that children do far better with near equal time with both parents with minimal conditions.  This video set was developed to educate parents, judges, lawyers, psychologists and other divorce professionals. Most judges are doing exactly what is worst for children with sole-custody.  Submitted as evidence this will maximize your chances. Divorce Reform groups call(508) 381-1450 to use as fundraiser. www.BestInterestofChildren.org Help for Los Angeles/Ventura County Dads Certified Family Law Specialist Peter M. Walzer was one of the key figures in our successful legislative struggle to preserve the LaMusga move-away decision. As Chair of the State Bar of California Family Law Section Executive Committee, Walzer lobbied the state legislature to improve California laws on child support and child custody. He's an American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers Fellow who has authored numerous articles on custody issues, business valuation in marital dissolutions and spousal and child support.  www.California-Divorce.com

Background: I've discussed the kid gloves treatment the criminal justice system gives women on numerous occasions. The most recent example is the Lisa Nowak case--to learn more, see my co-authored column Scott Peterson in a Space Suit  (Philadelphia Daily News, 2/26/07) and also click here and here.

Both the man and the woman in the story Lovers' 30-year murder sentence (BBC, 5/18/07) deserve little more than a rope and a tree, but I can't help but notice the gender bias in sentencing here.

The husband and his lover plotted to kill the man's wife. The husband urged his girlfriend to commit the crime, but physically played no role in the murder. The girlfriend stabbed the man's wife 16 times with a knife. Yet the husband got an 18 year sentence and the girlfriend--the one who actually committed the murder--got only 12 years, partially because she cooperated with prosecutors, but also because she's a woman, and women are treated with kid gloves by the criminal justice system.

Also, when a man and a woman commit a crime together, the state is more likely to offer a deal to the woman to testify against the man than vice versa.

A cheating husband and his lover have been jailed for a total of 30 years for
plotting and murdering his wife.

Stephen Marsh, 36, was sentenced to 18 years for persuading Rebecca Harris, 30, to stab his wife Jaspal to death at the marital home in Gorseinon, Swansea.

Harris was given a 12-year sentence for carrying out the July 2006 murder.

Passing sentence at Swansea Crown Court, Judge Roderick Price said: "It was a well-planned killing - I'm tempted to say an execution."

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Fathers' rights activists and divorced fathers are often stereotyped as angry, "mad dads," and there's certainly truth to this stereotype. What many fail to ask, however, is why these men are so angry. I receive horror stories from screwed-over fathers all day long and have become pretty jaded, but the one below, from Bill, struck me.

Is there anyone who can honestly say that Bill was treated anything but unfairly? Is there anyone who can honestly say that, were they in this man's position, they wouldn't be "angry"?

From Bill:

"I have been paying child support since 1986 on TWO children who are not mine, both of which were proved to be not mine by blood tests. The problem is that in Wisconsin (where I divorced) - and, I have no doubt, most other states - [in most cases] the man she is married to when she gives birth is legally obligated to pay child support, regardless of whether he is the father or not. And if (as in my case) she was sleeping around with anything male whenever the husband wasn't home...the husband is stuck with paying full support on children he had no part in fathering.

"Thanks to her promiscuous behavior, I can no longer get a passport, cannot get any occupational license I might have otherwise qualified for, and am trying to subsist on a little over 2/3 of my disability pension - but at the same time, my FULL pension is used to calculate my eligibility for other benefits, so I am not eligible for any of the support I would be eligible for if the amount I receive after child support were my full disability pension."

And just because of this, Bill is "angry"--what a mean-spirited little man...

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

If the person in an editorial cartoon is a lazy, over-consumptive pig, you can bet 100% that it's a man. Reading our newspapers, one would think that only men consume, pollute, or act selfishly.

The cartoon is from Stuart Carlson of the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Mary Cheney's controversial baby (how could a baby be controversial?) has been born. It's a boy, named Samuel David Cheney, and his parents are Cheney and her lesbian partner Heather Poe.

I believe children need both a mother and a father, so I can hardly be considered a fan of fatherless parenting, but I'm sure that both Cheney and Poe will be good, loving parents, and I oppose some of the anti-gay bigotry that they've endured.

I also oppose many conservative Christian leaders for whom "family values" means little more than fighting and/or bashing gays and gay marriage, and who refuse to "defend the family" by defending fathers and fatherhood in any meaningful way. To the extent that the Christian Right does deal with family breakdown, most prefer to take the easy way out and pretend it's all men's fault. They are scared to confront the politically incorrect fact that it is women who initiate the vast majority of divorces, sometimes with little compelling reason.

I criticized James Dobson, leader of Focus on the Family, over this issue in my blog post Look Who's Defending Fathers Now.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

I've no sympathy for William DeCato, a convicted rapist, but I have a real problem with the extended confinement law that is now targeting him. These laws--which allow states to hold people in prison beyond their sentences if they're deemed dangerous sexual predators--are becoming more and more common.

Despite what courts might say, to be held in prison without trial or conviction simply because the state thinks you might do harm is a violation of the constitution. Prohibition of such acts goes back centuries, and is reminiscent of some of the grievances which led to the English Revolution in the 17th century.

As despicable as DeCato is, he served his sentence and should be freed. As a side note, I can't help but notice the gender bias in these laws, which seem to disproportionately target men who have committed crimes against women and/or girls.

The Associated Press article is below.

Rapist fights detention extension

May 17, 2007

CONCORD, N.H. -- Lawyers for a convicted rapist being held beyond his prison term under a new state law have asked a judge to dismiss his case.

William DeCato is scheduled for trial on June 4 under a law that allows sexually violent people to be held beyond their prison sentence if they suffer a mental abnormality that makes them likely to commit more sexual violence.

"In the end, this case is nothing more than an effort ... to extend Mr. DeCato's confinement in violation of his constitutional rights," public defender Mark Larsen said.

If a jury finds DeCato guilty of posting an ongoing threat, he will be held at the prison for treatment for up to five years at a time.

Larsen told Judge Philip Mangones on Tuesday that DeCato faces a similar ongoing confinement in violation of his rights and on thin evidence.

Mangones also heard arguments from William Chapman, attorney for the Concord Monitor, to postpone DeCato's trial until the state Supreme Court can settle questions about public access allowed under the new law. Mangones has sealed nearly every proceeding in the case, saying the law requires him to protect DeCato's right to privacy. The Monitor, Valley News and New Hampshire Union Leader are challenging that decision at the state Supreme Court but have been told that the high court won't rule before DeCato's trial.

DeCato, 51, finished an eight-year prison sentence in January for attempting to rape an exotic dancer in Pembroke in 1998. A second sentence for raping and kidnapping another dancer was deferred, so DeCato expected to be freed in January because he served his time.

Instead, DeCato was moved to another part of the prison under the state's new sexual predator law, which took effect in January, just before he was to be freed.

The county attorney's office cited DeCato's refusal to undergo the prison's sexual offender treatment during his incarceration.

Larsen told Mangones that the treatment was never ordered or even recommended as part of DeCato's sentence and, therefore, should not be a requirement, since DeCato has served his full sentence. Particularly unfair, Larsen said, is that the law wasn't in effect when DeCato refused to participate in the treatment.

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.
 

Recently I've been reading Billy Bean's autobiography, Going the Other Way: Lessons from a life in and out of Major League Baseball. Bean played major league baseball from 1987 through 1995, and is the only living former major league baseball player to publicly "come out" as a homosexual.

Bean came out in 1999. The only other player to acknowledge being gay is Glenn Burke, who had a brief career with the Los Angeles Dodgers during the 1970s and died of AIDS in 1995.

Throughout Bean's time in baseball he was closeted, and in fact not even any of his friends or his own mother and father knew that he was gay. Bean was a marginal player, and he lived in fear that if he revealed (or if someone discovered) his homosexuality, it would have killed his baseball career. I think Bean in general overstates homophobia, but on that point he was probably correct.

The loneliness he describes in his book is staggering--a young man in the public eye in a high-pressure environment always carefully guarding a "terrible" secret. While reading it one night I turned to my wife and said, "He must have been the loneliest guy in the world," thus the title of this post.

I'm posting a couple of excerpts from the book on my blog. In the first one, Bean has finally acknowledged his homosexuality to himself, and has fallen in love with Sam, with whom he lives. He is still firmly closeted to his teammates, friends, family, etc. The excerpt below, which also discusses future Hall of Fame pitcher Trevor Hoffman, demonstrates how difficult and trying this was.

Excerpted from Going the Other Way: Lessons from a life in and out of Major League Baseball

During a July 15, 1993, home game against the Philadelphia Phillies, I hit my first major-league home run, a towering shot against Larry Anderson, a tough right-hander. Sometimes sluggers stand at the plate for a few seconds longer than necessary to admire the ball as it disappears over the fence. My sprint around the bases, however, was the shortest trip I'd ever taken. I made sure to touch all the bases, but it felt like my spikes never hit the ground.

After the game, all I could think about was sharing it with Sam. I sped home, eschewing the usual clubhouse celebration.

Sam gave me a big hug when I walked in the front door...Sam pulled out all the stops in preparing a gourmet dinner to honor this milestone in my life. As we sat down to enjoy the candlelight meal, he asked me to relive the moment over and over so he could know how it felt. I was embarrassed because this homer was only the first of what I hoped to be many, but I took him through the at-bat anyway. Anderson, who may have lacked a good scouting report on me because I was new to the team, had tried to sneak a fastball by me low and inside. I got all of it.

I'd barely picked up my fork when I heard a knock on the door. I assumed it was a neighbor or a solicitor. Before opening the door, I peeked through the eyehole. Brad Ausmus and Trevor Hoffman, my best friends on the team, were standing there, each holding a six-pack. They were surprised I'd zipped out the clubhouse door on my big day, depriving them of a chance to celebrate with their buddy. They'd decided to surprise me...

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