In general I've little interest in the Hillary Clinton-bashing pervasive in the men's and fathers' movement. One example of Hillary's alleged misdeeds which is often cited by men's activists is the "No woman is illegal" incident. It occurred while Clinton was campaigning in Nevada in January and is based on the following from the Las Vegas Review-Journal:

"Clinton and her busload of traveling press moved from there to the popular local Mexican restaurant Lindo Michoacan, where a 'roundtable' that was actually square passed a microphone around to tell her people's concerns about the mortgage crisis and foreclosures. She took notes and munched on tortilla chips.

"In broken English, one woman told Clinton how she wasn't making money as a broker anymore.

"'I have no income at all,' she said. 'So how will I survive?'

"Choking up with emotion, the woman said, 'In my neighborhood, there are brand-new homes, but the value is nothing. I'm glad you are here so I can tell you, because you're going to be the president, I know.'

"A man shouted through an opening in the wall that his wife was illegal.

"'No woman is illegal,' Clinton said, to cheers."

This is hardly an anti-male statement--she said "No woman is illegal" because she was responding to a man who said "my wife is illegal." OK, she could have said there are no illegal "people," but I don't see any gender component here.

I do give Hillary Clinton credit where she deserves it--for one example, see my co-authored column Hillary Clinton Proposes Reforming Child Support System to Help Dads (Black Press USA Network, 1/25/08).

That being said, I believe that the recent Hillary Clinton/"sniper fire" incident is a legitimate strike against her. In the first couple paragraphs of a recent speech, Hillary Clinton said:

"I certainly do remember that trip to Bosnia, and as Togo said, there was a saying around the White House that if a place was too small, too poor, or too dangerous, the president couldn’t go, so send the First Lady. That’s where we went.

"I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base.

In reality, the picture above depicts the "danger" Hillary faced. According  to feminist blogger Barry Deutsch:

"There was no sniper fire. There was a greeting ceremony at the airport, with the President of Bosnia. An adorable eight-year old read Clinton a poem on the tarmac, while Chelsea waited nearby. There were no press reports of Clinton being under fire in Bosnia.

"This isn’t an unimportant lie; Clinton’s lie here, and her exaggeration of her role in Ireland, relates directly to her contention that she’s qualified to answer a phone ringing at 3 am and Obama isn’t. This is, in fact, the central argument of her campaign...

"What really bothers me is that Clinton’s lying is so transparent, indicating that Clinton — who by all accounts is brilliant and disciplined — has decided she can get away with blatant lies."

All of that is true, but I suppose what annoys me more about it is "if a place was...too dangerous, the president couldn’t go, so send the First Lady..." Feminists deny the widespread chivalry of our society. These rules are very clear--if someone has to do something dangerous, such as a dangerous job, an emergency/natural disaster, front-line fighting, etc.--it's going to be a man who does it.

Hillary's ludicrous implication that if a place is dangerous we won't send Bill there but instead pack off poor Hillary to face the peril is an exact inversion of what happens in our society.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

'As his wife, I should tell him how incompetent he is'

An interesting tidbit from an advice column. First the letter, then my response. From Wife always criticizing 'wonderful' husband (Toronto Star, 3/22/08):

"Dear Ellie:

"Q. My husband of three years is a wonderful husband and father whom I love. However, I constantly tell him when I feel that he's acting inappropriately or saying something that doesn't make sense.

"I believe that I do things the best way and that I know everything. Yet I know this is ridiculous and unfair to him. Though he'll get upset when I tell him these things, I still feel that, as his wife, I should tell him what I really think, e.g., if he's putting something together too slowly for me, I'll tell him how incompetent he is. I feel horrible when I do this but don't know how to shut my mouth.

"Controlling in Chicago

"A: I'm sensing a roar of responses from readers who, like your hubby, have had to deal with know-it-alls. I'm sure they're saying a collective, "Watch out!"

"Consider this possibility: Some day, your husband will find someone who lets him be himself, and he'll soon be putting things together, in just the right amount of time, for her.

"Start controlling yourself. Since you already recognize your oppressive behaviour is unfair (your children will come to resent it, too), start figuring out what in your past made you need to always be 'right' and the teacher of everyone. If you can't source and stop this compulsive drive, which is ultimately unhealthy for any of your relationships, seek professional help.--Ellie"

As for me, I'll give "Controlling in Chicago" credit for at least recognizing her behavior and wanting to change it. The advice columnist's response "Some day, your husband will find someone who lets him be himself" is dead-on accurate, but let me add a little bit.

Yes, someday he will find a woman who does like him for what he is, and with whom he isn't always wrong. He'll go to her and either have an affair or leave his wife for her. In either case, he'll be vilified for "betraying" his wife, "abandoning" his family, etc.

He'll be the bad guy and she'll be the long-suffering saint, and she'll make sure that one way or another their kids see it that way, too. The story will always be seen as woman good/man bad, and the husband's protestations that his wife mistreated him will be shunted aside and given no weight by anybody.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

'When I was a child my father would spin me around till I fell asleep...up the stairs he would carry me...I knew for sure I was loved'

Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then

Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure
I was loved

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah
Then finally make me do just what my mama said

Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he
Would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance
One final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love to dance with my father
again

Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear her, mama cryin’ for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me

I know I’m prayin’ for much too much
But could You send back the only man she loved
I know You don’t do it usually
But Lord, she’s dyin’ to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream

The late Luther Vandross' father died when Luther was young, and 40 years later Luther still grieved. In 2003, he co-wrote the powerful song "Dance With My Father," dedicated to his memory of childhood dances with his father.

The music video for the song features various celebrities alongside their fathers and other family members. To watch the video, click here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

His Side with Glenn Sacks Radio Commentary: Larry Elder's Remarkable Father

My recent His Side with Glenn Sacks radio commentary for KLAA AM 830 in Los Angeles discusses Randolph Elder, nationally-syndicated radio talk show host Larry Elder's father. In his 2002 book Showdown: Confronting Bias, Lies, and the Special Interests That Divide America, Larry tells the amazing story of his father.

To listen to the commentary, click here or on the audio button below.

To learn more, see my blog post Larry Elder's Father: 'A black Southerner without a father, disowned by his mother, during the Depression'.

His Side with Glenn Sacks radio commentaries are broadcast daily on KLAA AM 830, a 50,000 watt talk station in Los Angeles and Orange County. KLAA AM 830 is owned by Arte Moreno, owner of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

From 2003-2005, His Side with Glenn Sacks ran in a syndicated talk show format in Los Angeles, New York City, Boston, Seattle, and other cities. To listen to show archives, click here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Man Commits Suicide After False Rape Claim

Another life destroyed by false accusations. Nice that Ikea "sacked [him] in disgrace" just because some woman sent "an anonymous letter with false accusations."

Thanks to Tim, a reader, for sending the story below.  TS, a reader, later supplied this more detailed article.

Man Kills Himself After False Rape Claim
Daily Record (UK, 3/22/08)

A MAN wrongly accused of raping a woman and two children has been found hanged, it was revealed yesterday.

Ian Adams was sacked in disgrace from Ikea when his boss received an anonymous letter with false accusations.

Mr Adams, 51, was a supervisor at the store in Edmonton, north London, until January.

Police confirmed no such crime had occurred and that he'd never been questioned.

He was found hanged in a shed at his home in Highams Park, north London. A neighbour said: "We should have seen the warning signs."

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

A Nice Cheerios Ad about a Grandpa's Girl

Gotta love this Cheerios ad about a little Grandpa's girl. Reminds me of my daughter and my father.

Some of my readers are grandfathers--if you've got a nice little story about you and your grandson or granddaughter, please send it to me along with a picture of you together.

We'll do a blog series on Grandpa stories.

Please send them to me by clicking here.

To watch the ad, click here.

Cheerios has done a few father-positive ads lately--click here for another one.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Religion & Family Breakdown

Last weekend my wife and I attended a Quinceanera for our next door neighbor at the San Fernando Mission (pictured) in Los Angeles.  Both the religious ceremony and the banquet afterwards were done very traditionally, all in Spanish, with folk dancing from Mexico, where the mother is from, and from Argentina, the father's country of origin.

One thing stood out for me -- during the religious ceremony, the priest made it a point to tell Vicky, the Quinceanera, how lucky she was to have an intact family.  He explained how important this is, as it provides a good example for the children.

It has been a while since I attended a Catholic religious ceremony (I taught at a Catholic high school many, many years ago), and I do not know how often priests voice such sentiments.  But it seemed significant to me, and it seems that increasingly the religious community is starting to take the problem of divorce and family breakdown a little more seriously.  I made a point to go up to the priest afterwards and thank him for his comments.

On a different note, both my son and my daughter took part in the ceremony, and my son wore a tuxedo for the first time.  My wife and I could not get over how mature, composed and adult he looked, particularly when he was dancing with some of the young ladies.  It was very nice to see him like that, but also a tiny bit sad -- they grow up so fast...

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Georgia Reader Apparently Feels He Pays Too Much Child Support

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

'Is Sacks seriously arguing that it was the 'legal system' which caused the dad to behave irresponsibly?'

Townhall blogger/African-American conservative Dutch Martin sent me an interesting criticism from a gentleman named Larry concerning my recent column Leonard Pitts’ Column Unfair to Black Fathers, Ignores Reasons for Father Absence (The Southern Illinoisan, Ocala Star-Banner, 3/6/08). Larry agreed to share his view with my readers. He writes:

"Mr. Sacks and his co-author do offer some good points. However, their attack on Mr. Pitts' earlier comments about the Larry Pattersons of the world seems misdirected. The problem isn't 'decent, loving African-American fathers,' of which there are many. The problem is that there are far too many men of all races (and, yes, far too many within the black community) who are NOT decent, loving fathers. Hell, aside from the incidental sex they had with the mother of the child, they're not 'fathers' at all.

"As I understood Pitts, he simply was using 19 year-old Larry Patterson's almost incomprehensible conduct to illustrate one of the worst examples. Can anyone disagree with what Pitts said? Indeed, is Sacks seriously arguing that it was the 'legal system' which caused Patterson to behave in the manner described? If so, I have to respectfully disagree.

"The flip side--and where I agree with Sacks--is that the child welfare system, like the welfare system in general, and the legal system as it relates to how non-resident fathers are too often treated, have had a net destructive effect on families. It has discouraged work, and marriage, and the expectation that a father will actually be present in the home where his biological children reside. And it has rewarded the opposite behaviors. All bad.

"If I'm missing something, let me know. But on balance, I tend to agree more with Leonard Pitts, and less with Glenn Sacks."

I think Larry is missing some of my purpose here.  No, I am certainly not arguing that the legal system caused Larry Patterson to do what he did.  What I am arguing is that Pitts, in using Patterson as a stand-in for the behavior of all absent African-American fathers, is greatly overreaching. 

Yes, there are the Larry Pattersons of the world, and there are fathers of all races who behave irresponsibly or who do not come through for their children.  However, Pitts' assertion that if dad isn't there it must be because he doesn't want to be is false -- there are many, many African-American fathers who are blocked from playing a larger role in their children's lives.

I certainly make no excuses for Larry Patterson's appalling behavior, but I will say this: he's 19 years old, and there are a hell of a lot of teen mothers who are irresponsible with their children also.  We hear about this to some degree, but most of it is covered up for a simple reason -- grandma raises the teen mother's child for her.  Because mom is in the same home as the child and the child is being properly cared for, we tend to transfer the credit for the child's care to the young mother, even though often grandma is the one really caring for the child.

(Of course, this can work both ways -- sometimes a mother has her older children raising the younger children, particularly if the older children are daughters.  I remember seeing a daytime TV conflict between an African-American grandma and her teenage daughter over who would care for the daughter's new baby.  The teenage daughter expected the grandma to help her do it, and grandma didn't want to.  The teenage daughter said -- with some justification, I thought -- "I helped you raise your kid, why shouldn't you help me raise mine?")

I would agree with Larry about the way fathers are marginalized by the child welfare system.  This is an issue we have covered him on several occasions -- to learn more, see my co-authored column Choosing Foster Parents over Fathers (San Diego Union-Tribune, 7/11/07) and our Campaign Protesting Florida DCF's Mistreatment of Loving Father in 'Elian Gonzalez II' Case.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

10-Year-Old Girl Dying; Mom Says Daughter's Last Wish Is To See Her Dad

"Ten-year-old Jayci Yaeger is dying of brain cancer, and has one final wish -- to have her father spend some time at her bedside before she dies...

"'She's very scared,' Jayci's mother, Vonda Yaeger says, 'and I think she's holding on for her father. She didn't do anything wrong. He was there for her when she was born. He should be there for her when she goes.'"

The father is in a minimum security prison on a drug offense. According to CBS, the visit could be allowed under "extraordinary circumstances," but the prison warden says the circumstances are not "extraordinary." If this isn't an "extraordinary" circumstance, what is?

Two articles describing the case are below. A reader sent me the following contact information for those who want to tell South Dakota officials to let this dad go to Nebraska to see his dying daughter:

Gov. Mike Rounds. Linda Asher / public relations - Yankton FPC Phone: 605-665-3262 Fax: 605-668-1113 E-mail address: yan/execassistant@bop.gov

Senator Tim Johnson (800) 537-0025
Senator John Thune, Sioux Falls: (605) 334-9596
Congresswoman Stephanie Herseth (866) 371-8747
Yankton (18th) district state delegates: Jean Hunhoff (senate -R) Business: 605-668-8312
Garry Moore (house - D) Business: 605-665-3294
Charlii Gilson (house - R) Business 605-260-1600

Daughter Dying, Dad Can't Leave Prison
Being Denied 30-Day Leave; Mom Says It's Daughter's Last Wish To Have Him With Her

(CBS) Ten-year-old Jayci Yaeger is dying of brain cancer, and has one final wish -- to have her father spend some time at her bedside before she dies.

She's in a Lincoln, Neb. hospice.

However, her father, Jason Yaeger, is in a federal minimum security prison in South Dakota, serving five-and-a-half years for a drug conviction. He has less than a year left in his sentence, and is set to be released to a halfway house in four months.

Jason and the Yaeger family have appealed many times to the warden for a 30-day supervised release, which could be allowed under "extraordinary circumstances." However, the family says these appeals have been denied, and the prison tells them the circumstances are not "extraordinary."

"She's very scared," Jayci's mother, Vonda Yaeger says, "and I think she's holding on for her father. She didn't do anything wrong. He was there for her when she was born. He should be there for her when she goes."

Jason, she says, was always a very good father to Jayci.

Also see Jailed Dad Asks Bush For Clemency: Man Wants To Get To Dying Daughter's Bedside. 

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

'Daughters love to boast how strict their dads are...this allows them to ‘show off’ how much their fathers love them'

An interesting excerpt from Dr. Meg Meeker's Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters:

"Dads, you are far more powerful than you think you are. You are nothing less than the epicenter of that little girl’s world.

"Daughters are never lukewarm in the presence of their fathers. They watch you intensely. They hang on your words. They hope for your attention, and they wait for it in frustration—or in despair. They need a gesture of approval, a nod of encouragement, or even simple eye contact to let them know you care and are willing to help.
 
"When she’s in your company, your daughter tries harder to excel. When you teach her, she learns more rapidly. When you guide her, she gains confidence. If you fully understood just how profoundly you can influence your daughter’s life, you would be terrified, overwhelmed, or both....

"Let me tell you a secret about daughters of all ages. [Daughters] love to boast about how tough their dads are—not just physically, but how strict and demanding they are. Why? Because this allows daughters to ‘show off’ how much their fathers love them."

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

The Feminist Dissident: 'Madison Avenue reinforces every negative gender cliché'

"Madison Avenue reinforces every negative gender cliché...In ads, women are often treated as domineering and materialistic (the list goes on)...

"Feminists, among other agenda items, look for/at the ways that women are harmed by law, by society, by men. MRAs are, arguably looking for/at the converse. Where the two groups disagree is in who is the more aggrieved party."--Jamie Berger, The Feminist Dissident  

The purpose of "The Feminist Dissident" is to give feminists a chance to speak directly to my audience, and my audience to debate the issues with them in a civil manner.

The first two contributors to this are male feminist bloggers Dan Oppenheimer and Jamie Berger of the blog Masculinity and its Discontents. If you are a feminist and are interested in submitting a blog post, please email me at glenn@glennsacks.com.

Madison Avenue & Negative Gender Clichés
By Jamie Berger

I’ve become obsessed with a Coors Light ad that I feel sheds light on our situation. First, a look at the script: 

Woman, looking at pregnancy test strip: “Honey, I think this might be our lucky day!”

Man, looking directly, intensely into camera: “I think it might be.”

Woman, nodding, glowing: “I think this is what we’ve been waiting for.”

Man, still intense, in an almost
whisper-growl of pure excitement, reaches to open fridge (cut to fridge, a delicious six pack of Coors Light): “I think it is.”

Man grabs a frosty cold one as she comes running out of the bathroom. They meet at the fridge where both show their prizes, simultaneously exclaiming, “YES! IT TURNED BLUE!”

Man beams at his beer as if it, itself is a baby, doesn’t even care about the results of what the viewer is to assume is the Woman’s pregnancy test. Cut to picture of beer and voiceover telling us about awesome new Coors Light labels that turn blue when the beer reaches “the right temperature.”

Cut back to man, smiling, halfheartedly trying to save face, although still mainly focused on his now “ready” beer, says, “It’s blue, like your eyes,” as woman storms back into the bathroom. From behind the door, we hear the woman, “My eyes are green,” to which man frowns for a half sec but then looks back at his frosty cold one and shrugs.

I suppose the biggest objection I’ll get to in this critique is of the “Dude, what’s the big deal, it’s just a commercial” variety (an argument that I must admit I myself have made in posts such as this one. Well, today I feel differently. As Walt Whitman put it, “Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself.”). To that I can only say that this “joke” and zillions like it reinforce awful stereotypes every day, over and over again.

It almost goes without saying that the advertising industry treats people in general like idiots. But what I’d like to focus on is how Madison Avenue also reinforces every negative gender cliché. If you think this has no effect on every aspect of relations between the sexes, well, I’m not sure what to say. I guess I feel that if you think that, you’re probably buying Coors Light because the label turns blue, and that the bad guys (and gals!) on Madison Avenue win. They win because, unlike with racial stereotypes, which are taboo with good reason, gender stereotyping is considered fair game, “just a joke.” (By the way, I first became aware of Glenn via this Dan post about, among other things, a Pizza Hut ad.)

Let’s take a closer look at our example. We’ve got a guy who cares about beer (and BAD beer at that) to the exclusion of, seemingly, absolutely all else. Our hero is also wicked psyched that now, finally, he can tell when his beer is cold enough! We’ve got a guy who not only doesn’t know what color his lady’s eyes are, but doesn’t care that she’s checking a pregnancy test, doesn’t even care when the test is positive, and, in the end, doesn’t care that his insensitivity has hurt the future mother of his child – after all, his brewski is ready!

But, fellas, let’s not get too high on our horses here. The woman in question isn’t held up as an icon herself. She seems only concerned with one thing as well – getting pregnant, and has decided, in that her agenda is what “we’ve been waiting for.” She’s also, until the last second, utterly oblivious to her man’s obliviousness, is arguably pouty and manipulative, and most insulting of all to women and men, she’s trying, hoping, praying to have a baby with this insensitive bozo, because any man and a baby is better than none, the unspoken but clear message being that men just don’t get all that good.

In ads, women are often treated as domineering and materialistic (the list goes on); men are insensitive, childish and shallow to the point of idiocy. I suppose one could argue that the strongest assertion of all is that men and women have absolutely nothing in common, don’t communicate on the most basic level. It’s amazing that babies ever get made at all. This is not to say that I can’t laugh, that we can’t laugh at a male or female stereotype in a funny commercial now and then, but sometimes it seems like those stereotypes are all we get.

Is this a particularly feminist-leaning post? I don’t think so. Feminists, among other agenda items, look for/at the ways that women are harmed by law, by society, by men. MRAs are, arguably looking for/at the converse. Where the two groups disagree is in who is the more aggrieved party. But if men and women start looking for/at their similarities and other common enemies to humanity at large, won’t we all be better off? This is much more positive than I usually get in my posts, but after Friday’s intro, I thought I’d try to start with what I hope is a look at some common ground.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Parental Alienation Awareness Day: A Parental Alienation Story from the 1940s

"Bill Veeck's Indians had a 3-1 lead in the World Series, and played the deciding game 5 in Cleveland. There were 86,288 paid in attendance--at that point the largest crowd in the history of organized baseball.

"Veeck's oldest son, Will Jr., was 11 years-old and lived with his mother and two siblings, but Bill Veeck brought him to the park to watch the game.

"At the game Bill turned to his son and said 'Isn't this great? Did you ever see such a tremendous crowd? Did you ever see anything in your life like this?'

"Bill Veeck's 11 year-old son replied:

"'How come you couldn't have been a scientist or something I could have been proud of?'"

Nine U.S. states and the British territory of Bermuda have declared April 25 "Parental Alienation Awareness Day." To learn more, visit www.Parental-Alienation-Awareness.com. Below is a Parental Alienation story from the 1940s which illustrates the problem very well.

Parental Alienation & Bill Veeck

One of my father's favorite people is Bill Veeck. Veeck was a 1940/50s baseball owner known for his important role in desegregating baseball, as well as his flamboyant publicity stunts. Veeck signed Larry Doby, the first black player in the American League. Some sources say he attempted to integrate the major leagues as early as 1943 but was thwarted by league officials.

Recently I was reading Veeck's 1962 autobiography Veeck as in Wreck, and Veeck mentions something in passing which I find very interesting. Veeck's wife divorced him, in part because she "didn't like the people Veeck associated with"--baseball men and journalists.

Unlike other owners, Veeck was not a rich man and had no independent fortune, so when his wife divorced him he was forced to sell the Cleveland Indians--who he had built into a championship team--in order to pay her divorce settlement. I don't want to blame her--Veeck may well have been over-involved in his work, as men sometimes are, and Ms. Veeck needed money to raise their three kids.

Nonetheless, there is something Veeck mentions in passing in his book which is extremely sad and revealing. His wife and he had split up, and she nixed an attempted reconciliation. Always a fan favorite, in 1948 Veeck was the toast of Cleveland as his Indians had won the American League pennant for the first time in three decades.

Veeck's Indians had a 3-1 lead in the World Series, and played the deciding game 5 in Cleveland. There were 86,288 paid in attendance--at that point the largest crowd in the history of organized baseball. Veeck's oldest son, Will Jr., was 11 years-old and lived with his mother and two siblings, but Bill Veeck brought him to the park to watch the game.

At the game Bill turned to his son and said "Isn't this great? Did you ever see such a tremendous crowd? Did you ever see anything in your life like this?"

Bill Veeck's 11 year-old son replied:

"How come you couldn't have been a scientist or something I could have been proud of?"

What an extremely unusual reaction for an 11 year-old boy in that situation. I wonder who taught him how to think like that?

Veeck writes that his son later went to MIT and became a teacher, and that "I'm an admirer of his, unfortunately from a distance."

Veeck was one of the most adored and popular figures in all of baseball history--any idea why his son would be so hostile to him?

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Fathers & Families News Digest, 3/25/08

Below are some recent articles and items of interest from Fathers & Families' latest News Digest.

Bill requires pre-child support paternity test (WSMV.com, 3-18-08)

Wal-Mart thief: 'Child support made me do it' (Dayton Daily News, 3-18-08)

Spears ordered to pay ex-husband's attorney fees in child-custody battle (Associated Press, 3-18-08)

State to assume child support enforcement (News-Review, 3-19-08)

After divorce, man puts his "life" up for sale on Ebay (USA Today, 3-19-08)

Judge in custody cases consider parent's availability, time (South Bend Tribune, 3-19-08)

Spanish woman to remain jailed in international custody case (Associated Press, 3-20-08)

Most wanted for child support appear on poster (Hamilton Journal News, 3-20-08)

State's mistake denies father rights to his child (KETV.com, 3-21-08)

Dead-beat dads get help from day labor (Burlington Times News, 3-22-08)

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here, or visit the Fathers & Families blog here.

Mom stood by as son was beaten to death--but at least dad didn't get custody

Phil, a reader in San Jose, writes:

"Glenn, get this--this mother stood there while her 'boyfriend' beat and stomped the 6-year-old-boy to death. The stupid judge said that she 'failed to intervene more aggressively,' but in fact she did nothing, then helped him bury the kid in Arizona…all the while lying to the father. Samuel Corona [the killer boyfriend] then told Kathryn Jimenez [the mother], 'Say goodbye to your son,' and beat the boy to death, police said.
 
"The judge said she was a victim of 'terrorism' and therefore not really responsible. Can you imagine if this was the FATHER that allowed the killing, buried the body, covered it up, and lied to the mother and the authorities?"

The mother got five years of probation, including a year in county jail, and will be released in a few months.

Oscar Jimenez Sr., the boy's father who was separated from the mother, says:

"What kind of message is that sending to people? All she's getting is a slap on the wrist."

According to Oscar Jimenez, Kathryn Jimenez had many chances to shield the boy from Corona's repeated abuse, and could have put the boy in his care or that of other relatives.

The two stories are S.J. mom who stood by as son was beaten to death gets a year in jail (San Francisco Chronicle, 3/5/08) and San Jose mother of slain 6-year-old sentenced to year in jail, probation (San Jose Mercury News, 3/5/08).

Good thing they didn't allow dad to have custody...

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Dr. Warren Farrell's Shared Parenting Evidence Kit--What You Need to Win Shared Physical Custody Dr. Warren Farrell, a top expert on children of divorce now offers a complete evidence kit to help you win shared custody.  The DVDs, audio CD and electronic files summarize the best scientific research available collected over decades.  Scientific research has proven that children do far better with near equal time with both parents with minimal conditions.  This video set was developed to educate parents, judges, lawyers, psychologists and other divorce professionals. Most judges are doing exactly what is worst for children with sole-custody.  Submitted as evidence this will maximize your chances. Divorce Reform groups call(508) 381-1450 to use as fundraiser. www.BestInterestofChildren.org

Help for Michigan Dads Michigan family law attorney Mindy L. Hitchcock has experience fighting for noncustodial parents against Michigan's abusive FOC. Her holistic approach to divorce gets results for her clients while avoiding the scorched earth approach to law that leaves families emotionally and financially devastated. Lady4Justice.com

Feminist Blogger Barry Deutsch Unwittingly Makes Profound Admission on Sexism

In the above comic, feminist blogger Barry Deutsch (aka "Ampersand") unwittingly makes a very profound statement on sexism.  The point of Deutsch's cartoon is that the effects of America's mistreatment of blacks are not as shallow as what can be erased in a generation. 

I agree with Deutsch.  I have always thought that the effects of racism go far, far beyond the sometimes questionable examples thrown out by modern black leader leaders.  The fact that whites have been able to build up their wealth through many generations leaves them much more of a safety net.  For example, a young white person  who has a drug problem, an alcohol problem, a lack of motivation problem, or something similar, often can receive enough help from his family to get back on his or her feet.  A similarly positioned black person might well end up homeless or in prison.

The example that Deutsch provides of a white college kid who was caught dealing drugs and is let off by the police is particularly prescient. (I would add that the black woman he depicts might have been the beneficiary of a male policeman's chivalry instead of going off to jail). 

I actually had an acquaintance who had the same exact experience.  He had a drug habit and was dealing drugs on campus, both to feed his drug habit and to make money.  One day a police officer came to his dorm and knocked on his door.  The officer presented my acquaintance with a bag of drugs -- I don't recall which one -- and told my acquaintance "Your drug dealing career is over." 

My friend heeded the warning, and never got in trouble.  I'm not saying that a young black man would never be given the same courtesy or favor by a police officer, but I'm sure it's a lot less common.  As I've mentioned before, I have no doubt -- none -- that were a substantial portion of young white man in prison for nonviolent drug offenses, the laws against such "crimes" would have been changed a long time ago.

How does all this relate to sexism?  Because of Obama vs. Hillary, lately there has been much discussion over which is worse, racism or sexism, and who suffers more, black men or white women.  Gloria Steinem's recent assertions in the New York Times that white women are more disadvantaged than black men has helped shape this discussion.  As I've mentioned before, I think the argument is ludicrous -- white women have not now nor have they ever suffered anything close to the oppression and misery that has been inflicted upon black men and women.

Deutsch's cartoon relates in the following manner: he shows, quite convincingly, the way generation after generation blacks have been disadvantaged.  But if one considers where white women fit into this, it is clearly on the side of advantage.  White women today benefit from every single instance of white privilege that Deutsch enumerates.  Conversely, black men -- and black women -- are disadvantaged as a whole by every instance of discrimination or unfairness that Deutsch enumerates.

It is true, as Deutsch might say, that in the past white fathers did much to help their sons get established in their educations, careers, and businesses.  Deutsch would probably say that this was one way that white men transferred their privilege to their sons.  I think in the vast majority of cases, however, what was really happening was this -- fathers realized that their sons would be judged by their careers and their ability to provide for women.  They realized that men who are unable to financially provide for women are viewed very poorly, and are more likely to spend their lives alone. Fathers do not want this for their sons, so they do what they can to help them. 

Today, as young women are as interested in careers as young men, what the fathers used to do primarily for their sons they now do for their daughters as well.  A successful attorney tries to help his daughter get into a good law school and a good law firm, perhaps his own.  A successful businessman helps train his daughter into his business.  White parents have always tried to help their children -- both sons and daughters -- get established in a good house, possibly by lending them money for the down payment or by cosigning for the loan.

I don't know that Deutsch agrees with Gloria Steinem's views, and I suspect that to a large degree he does not.  But his comic unwittingly but effectively demonstrates a clear difference between the oppression that blacks have endured (and to some degree continue to endure), and the comparatively privileged status white women enjoy.
 
Deutsch's blog post is Denial: It’s a White thing. It could also aptly be called "Denial: It's a Feminist thing."

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Man Caught Stealing Food, Says Child Support Deductions Leave Him Less Than $100 a Month

This story is being reported along the lines of "news of the bizarre," but I would like to know if what this man says is actually true--that he's left with less then $100 from his paycheck after child support deductions.

The reporter is Angela Watson Gay of the Dayton Daily News. Perhaps readers would like to write and call her and see if she can follow up on the story -- anwatson@DaytonDailyNews.com or (937) 225-2374.

Wal-Mart thief: 'Child support made me do it'
Angela Watson Gay
Dayton Daily News, March 19, 2008

ENGLEWOOD — March 15: A theft was reported at Wal-Mart, 7725 Hoke Road, after a male exited the store with a shopping cart full of groceries he under rung at a self-checkout lane.

The receipt showed 15 items totaling $37.15, but the cart contained 30 additional items totaling $183.07.

When asked what he was doing, the subject told police, "Being stupid. I'm too old for this but this child support is killing me."

The subject said that after child support deductions are taken from his paycheck, he is left with less than $100 to live on.

Police charged him with theft and issued a summons to court.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

A Father-Positive Pampers/Cheerios Ad

A nice, father-positive Pampers/Cheerios ad.

I've said this numerous times before and I'm sure longtime readers wish I'd shut up about it, but dads can have just as close a bond with their babies as mothers can. All they need is need the opportunity to do it.

To watch the ad, click here.

Thanks to Mark, a reader, for sending it.

Cheerios has done a few father-positive ads lately--stay tuned for more.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

What Happens When Dads Are Absent

"A woman in Central Florida who was arrested after telling authorities she went 'on strike' and left her teens home alone because they would fight is no longer facing charges in the case. Melissa G. Dean, 33, was charged with child neglect after telling Ocala police and the Department of Children and Families that she leaves her children, ages 17, 16, 14 and 13, home alone.

"According to a charging affidavit, Dean said the children needed to start cleaning up and stop fighting and that she had no control over them. Dean also said she was fed up with being run over in her own home and having no privacy, according to the affidavit.

"Dean told a DCF official that she decided to 'go on strike' because no one would help with her children, saying the police and courts would do nothing to help her. Dean, a Walgreen's manager, said she spends nights at a friend's house and would only spend one night per week at her home, the affidavit stated...The state decided not to prosecute because the chances of conviction were too slim..."

I don't know if the father(s) of these four children abandoned them or were driven out by mom or some combination of both. But I do know one thing--if the dad were there, was a functional person, and was allowed to parent his children without being undermined, the mom wouldn't be "being run over in her own home" by the kids, and the kids would not be out of control. The story is a nice example of what happens when dads are absent.

Thanks to Peter, a reader, for the story.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Toddler Abducted from CPS by Parents--Amid the Manhunt, I Have a Couple Questions

One of the big stories out of the southwest this week has been the abduction of a toddler from Child Protective Services--apparently abducted by his parents, apparently with the complicity of someone who has worked with CPS. According to Parents suspected of abuse accused of abducting tot (Arizona Republic, 3/15/08):

"A 17-month-old who police say was abducted by his parents and presumably taken to Mexico has been in the care of Child Protective Services since he was about 2 months old, when abuse allegations surfaced. Authorities' efforts to find little Miguel Echave-Felix continued Friday...

"Police said Miguel was kidnapped Wednesday with the aid of a liaison who, less than two weeks before, left his job with Southwest Human Development, a company that has worked with CPS for more than a decade. Gonzales said the foster family probably didn't know that Armando Flores, 47, was no longer an official liaison when he asked to take the baby to visit his parents.

"Flores is being held in a Maricopa County jail on suspicion of conspiracy to kidnap and custodial interference. Maricopa County sheriff's records show Flores was born in Mexico, and immigration officials have placed a hold on him, meaning he cannot be released on bail. Holds are typically placed on someone believed to be in the country illegally.

"Flores told investigators he agreed to help Sobieda Felix and Angel Echave-Felix, both 35, flee to Mexico with the boy after a tearful plea, court records show.

"The Felixes were the subject of a Phoenix police and CPS investigation that began in December 2006. No charges had been filed in the abuse case, and the nature of the allegations was unclear.

"In the meantime, the boy had been living with foster parents and allowed supervised visits with his natural family..."

I try hard to be fair, but this case seems questionable to me.  I realize that CPS has a difficult job.  Whenever they remove a child from a home, people scream that it was unfair, abusive, indicative of a police state, etc., etc.  On the other hand, whenever a horrific child abuse case is discovered, everybody -- on the radio, on TV, in newspapers, in private discussions -- says (all together now) "Where on earth was Child Protective Services?"

Perhaps when this case is resolved we will find out that the parents abused or neglected the child and that CPS acted appropriately.  That is certainly possible.  However, given some of the facts of the case, one wonders.  Whatever the abuse was, there were never any charges filed.  Even now, we apparently don't know what it was that the parents are actually accused of doing. 

The fact that a CPS liaison sympathized with the parents indicates that this might have been an unjust seizure of a child by CPS.  The fact that the parents are from Mexico, are so poor that they apparently do not even own a vehicle, and probably do not speak English well, raises the suspicion that whatever their offense, this may all be more about the parents' socioeconomic status than any real abuse. 

I'm not saying CPS is wrong -- I'm saying they might be wrong.  In any case, if the state is going to seize a family's child, I'd like to see a hell of a lot more justification for it than "the nature of the allegations was unclear."

To learn more about issues with Child Protective Services, including my criticisms of the way CPS often marginalizes fathers, see my co-authored column Choosing Foster Parents over Fathers (San Diego Union-Tribune, 7/11/07) or click here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Arrest of UK F4J Protester--Much Ado about Nothing

One problem for dads in divorce is that they can often be arrested and get bad publicity for things which really are quite trivial and meaningless. As an example, take the recent UK headline Spider-Man arrested for harassing ex-wife.

Sounds bad, right? Yet all that really happened is that fathers' rights activist Ray Barry (pictured as "Spiderman" at a Fathers 4 Justice protest) "was quizzed [by police] after distributing a leaflet containing details of his marriage split." According to Barry:

"The leaflet details my belief that the family courts do not deliver justice and so I have to seek it differently, through the public. The leaflet was not much different to one I had been using for the past four or five years."

The "58-year-old claimed not to have seen two of his three children for eight years and had only fortnightly access to the other."

So his crime? Distributing a leaflet complaining about his mistreatment in family court and by his ex-wife. Big deal.

For a variety of reasons I don't like it when protesters target judges' homes or their ex-wives' homes, and it isn't generally done. But here Barry has been unlawfully cut off from his children for 8 years and--gasp--distributes a leaflet complaining about it in the neighborhood, and he gets arrested?! Sounds pretty cockeyed to me.

And why have there been no legal consequences for the wife cutting Barry off from his children?

The article is excerpted below. I met Ray at the Men's Equality Congress in Washington DC last year--seemed like a nice guy.

Spider-Man arrested for harassing ex-wife
By James Cartledge
Birmingham News, 3/17/08

A FORMER Birmingham civil servant who occupied a church roof dressed as Spider-Man has been arrested on suspicion of harassing his ex-wife.

Fathers' rights activist Ray Barry, who worked at Jobcentre Plus, in Hagley Road, Edgbaston, was quizzed after distributing a leaflet containing details of his marriage split.

He twice scaled St Peter's Church, Wolverhampton, in 2005, as part of the Fathers 4 Justice campaign and now plans to stand for election on a family law reform ticket.

"The leaflet details my belief that the family courts do not deliver justice and so I have to seek it differently, through the public," Mr Barry said. "The leaflet was not much different to one I had been using for the past four or five years.

"The questions I was asked by the police seemed really rather innocuous."

Mr Barry, of Windsor Gardens, Castlecroft, Wolverhampton, distributed the leaflet around Tettenhall in the city, near his ex-wife Liz's home. The 58-year-old claimed not to have seen two of his three children for eight years and had only fortnightly access to the other.

He said he planned to stand in this year's Wolverhampton City Council elections for the Equal Parenting Alliance, which campaigns to reform family law.

Mr Barry now runs an insurance and personal injury consultancy is demanding greater openness in family court proceedings.

West Midlands Police said a 58-year-old man had been arrested and bailed on suspicion of harassment.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Best Wishes,
Glenn Sacks
GlennSacks.com

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