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Mom Killed the Kids, but at Least They Didn't Give Dad Custody

"She wanted to kill them. I let the court know that. But they took only one side...I loved them. I've been fighting for them."

Note that the woman, apparently a violent lunatic who allegedly had sent her ex threatening letters and set fire to his car, was granted an order of protection. Now, despite the fathers' repeated warnings to social workers, the kids are dead.

But at least they didn't give dad custody...

See the story below are also click here to learn more.

'Nassau County killed' them, boys' father cries
BY OREN YANIV and JANE H. FURSE
NY DAILY NEWS
February 25th 2008

The grieving father of two boys allegedly killed by their disturbed mother said social workers failed to heed his warnings they were in danger.

"Nassau County killed these kids," said Innocent Demesyeux, 28, who claimed county authorities ignored his pleas to protect Michael, 5, and Innocent Jr., 18 months, from their "violent" mother, Leatrice Brewer, 27.

Demesyeux, an ambulette driver who has been estranged from Brewer since 2004 and was locked in a custody battle with her, said he warned authorities she had threatened to kill the children as recently as last week.

"She wanted to kill them," Demesyeux told the Daily News. "I let the court know that. But they took only one side."

He said Brewer called him on Wednesday or Thursday sounding "crazier than normal," claiming people on MTV were talking to her and saying "they were making fun of her on TV and that this Spanish woman put voodoo on her."

A custody hearing was scheduled for today in Mineola Family Court, and fear of losing custody also may have caused Brewer to "snap," said Desmesyeux.

He said Brewer's violent behavior - including threatening letters and a 2004 incident in which she burned his car - has been going on for years.

Although she petitioned the court for an order of protection against him, he said she continued to be obsessed with spending time with him - resulting in the birth of Innocent Jr. 18 months ago.

"She basically was playing mind games," he said, saying that during her call last week, "she told me she wanted me to come over" even though she had an order of protection.

"I loved them," Desmesyeux said numbly. "I've been fighting for them."

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

DV Conference Report #11: Feminist DV Expert Criticizes Pizzey, Defends Excluding Teen Boys from Shelters

Background: At the conference "From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence" (held in Sacramento, California February 15-16), Erin Pizzey told me about domestic violence shelters' policies of excluding all males ages 12 or older from going to the shelters with their mothers. I wrote about it here.

Pizzey saw Stark's comments and was not pleased. She wrote:

"I am outraged at the inference that boys have never been able to go into shelters in America or refuges in England because the shelter/refuge can't monitor the boys' sexual or violent behaviour.  Why does this man think that the boys will be violent or sexual towards the girls/young women in the shelter?  This shows an appallingly biased mindset.

"Of course some of the girls and some of the boys will be violent and sexual, but it is the job of the shelter/refuge to work with those children just like they should work with the women in the shelter/refuges to help them learn appropriate behaviour.

"It is untrue to say that my refuge did not take boys into the central refuge.  I made it quite clear that the boys could, if they wished, live in the boy's project.  Many boys chose to stay with their mothers.

"Chiswick was a therapeutic community and everyone within the community worked to see that we treated each other with respect and love.  The problem with the shelters/refuges is that most of them are hostels and their purpose is to fund the feminist movements so they exclude young boys because they are the potential enemy."

Stark counters Pizzey's views below.

Feminist DV Expert Criticizes Pizzey, Defends Excluding Teen Boys from Shelters

Pizzey is "outraged" that I support excluding older male children from all shelters. But I never said anything of the kind. What I did was explain that some shelters exclude older boys because they lack the staffing to regulate violence and sexual acting out by these adolescents, females as well as males. In fact, this is no longer as much of a problem as it was 25 years ago, when Pizzey worked in a shelter.

Today, most refuges in England use free standing apartments, so families stay in tact. Here, the picture is mixed. Many of our shelters lack the funding or staff to regulate violence or sexual acting out in the facility and are not equipped for older males. Pizzey admits "some boys and girls" may be violent or sexual, but she thinks we should monitor these behaviors rather than try to prevent them by separating older boys from girls.

Shelters in this country and most in England are not social service agencies. They are spaces where women can be temporarily safe and consider their options. Critical to this experience is the idea that we do not tell women how to lead their lives or set any but the most basic rules to maintain the house.

Pizzey's approach was more like a mother superior who treated the residents at Chiswick as if they were immature and needed her personal guidance. We treat women who use the shelter not as problem women but as women who have had problems with abusive partners. In many of these relationships, they were punished, often brutally, for any behavior their partner considered inappropriate or disloyal. Restoring confidence in their own decision-making is a critical phase in recovery. This means letting women make their own mistakes. But many shelters feel they can't extend this philosophy to violence or sexual acting out.

Painting all shelters as feminist is also wrong. While many shelters in the U.S. were started by women's groups and some remain feminist in their orientation, the majority of U.S. facilities were started by the Y, the Salvation Army and other religious, community-based or free standing organizations. Unless these facilities have the staff and space, they too exclude older boys. So this policy has nothing to do with feminism or man- hating. And it is designed to protect boys as well as girls.

Many shelters also exclude women with addictions or serious psychiatric problems. Since many battered women suffer from these problems, this policy also sets limits on what we can do. Again, however, it reflects widely held beliefs about what is safe, not a bias against addiction or mental illness.

I pointed out that Pizzey herself segregated older males in a house behind the main refuge. She admits this, but claims boys had the choice to stay in the refuge with their moms. This may be true. But when we visited Chiswick several years after it opened, there were no male adolescents in the refuge.

The most absurd part of Pizzey's response is her description of Chiswick as a "therapeutic community." When we visited, there were 90 women and children staying in the 5 bedroom house, more than l5 in a room. Pizzey claimed, "If they can manage this, they can manage anything." Since even this chaos was preferable to the violent situations women and children had left behind, it may ultimately have helped women gain confidence in their ability to survive on their own. But there was nothing even remotely resembling therapy taking place.

As several letter writers and Glenn Sacks, I am a feminist as well as a man. This means I believe in full equality, liberty and justice for women as well as men. Women in the U.S. earn a third of what men do for the same work; still do 90% of child care, 90% of housework, 85% of all cooking; represent a tiny proportion of those in political power (though they register and vote in larger numbers than men), etc.

It is only in my lifetime that women in many advanced countries got the right to vote, to sit on juries, to go to the top universities and professional schools, to charge husbands with rape or to enter corporate boardrooms.

I have no question that women can be as violent and abusive as men. But these inequalities and numerous others I could list with more space, mean that women enter personal relationships on an unequal footing with men, though ostensibly both have the same formal rights. It is this unequal footing, exploited by too many men with coercion and control, that drives the millions of women to seek shelter or legal or police protection each year.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

'You almost had your hooks in me, didn't you dear?'

"You almost had your hooks in me, didn't you dear?
You nearly had me roped and tied
Altar-bound, hypnotized
Sweet freedom whispered in my ear...

"I never realised the passing hours of evening showers
A slip noose hanging in my darkest dreams
I'm strangled by your haunted social scene
Just a pawn out-played by a dominating queen
It's four o'clock in the morning
Damn it listen to me good
I'm sleeping with myself tonight
Saved in time, thank God my music's still alive"

We have a collection of divorce songs on this blog, including Toby Keith's Who's That Man?, Tim McGraw's Do You Want Fries With That?, Sting's I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying (later recorded by Toby Keith), and others. Elton John almost got married in the early 1970s, and "Someone saved my life tonight" is about how his friends talked him out of it at the last minute. It's powerful and at the same time funny, particularly the album version with its funereal tones.

The lines: "I would have walked head on into the deep end of the river / Clinging to your stocks and bonds / Paying your H.P. demands forever" remind one a bit of Paul McCartney's situation, don't they?

To watch Elton John performing the song live in 1976, dressed in ridiculous 1970s gear, click here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Gina Elise of 'Pin Ups for Vets' Thanks Our Readers

Background: Last month I praised Gina Elise (pictured) for her "Pin Ups for Vets", describing it as a "worthy project." My blog post on it is here. Elise says she "came up with the idea to recreate a nostalgic pin-up calendar that would serve three purposes":

"1. The calendars would be sold to raise funds for our hospitalized Veterans.

"2. The calendars would be delivered as gifts to our ill and injured Veterans with messages of appreciation from the donors.

"3. The calendars would be sent to our deployed troops to help boost morale and to let them know that Americans back home are thinking of them."

Gina recently wrote me a letter:

"I just wanted to thank you for doing a mention of my fundraising project a few weeks back.  I have returned from my trip to visit the Wounded Warriors at Walter Reed and Bethesda Naval Hospital.  Many of your readers purchased calendars to be donated, so I took those with me to distribute at these hospitals.
 
"I wanted to let you know that I had such a great visit and can't tell you how much the Wounded Warriors appreciated the visit and the donated calendars!  It's a trip I will always remember.

"So, a big thank you goes out to you.  I had a lot of momentum going from that trip, so last Saturday, I visited the VA Hospital in Long Beach to spend some time with the Veterans there and give out more donated 2008 calendars!  I am planning many more hospital trips in the coming months.
 
"Just wanted to write a quick note to you and say 'Thanks!'"

Pictures of Gina at Walter Reed and Bethesda Naval Hospital can be seen here. Gina's website is www.pinupsforvets.com.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Anybody Know This Lady?

Can you imagine a man ever saying, "I thought I'd use the gift as an opportunity to fix one of my wife's flaws"?

The Onion satire below reminds me of Girlfriend Changes Man Into Someone She's Not Interested In (3/28/01).

Attempt To Buy Gift For Boyfriend Results In Hatred Of Boyfriend
The Onion, February 20, 2008

SIERRA VISTA, AZ—After a week spent searching for the perfect birthday gift for Jed Lowry, her boyfriend of eight months, Susan Novecky realized that she, in fact, despises him.

"I tried to find a book he might like, but now that I think about it, the only reading materials I've ever seen in his apartment are old issues of Maxim and Dennis Miller's The Rants," Novecky said.

"Then I thought I'd use the gift as an opportunity to fix one of his flaws, but why bother buying cologne for someone who doesn't even own a decent pair of goddamn pants?"

When Novecky decided to just call Lowry and ask him what he wanted, Lowry said he needed a new Xbox controller because he spilled beer all over the other one.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Once Again, Murder Victim David Harris Is Mistreated by the Media

"What has he done to wear so many scars? Has he changed the course of rivers? Has he polluted the moon and stars?"--Bob Dylan

Background: I've covered the Clara Harris "Murder by Mercedes" case extensively, both in the Houston Chronicle, on the radio, and in this blog. As I've previously noted, Clara Harris repeatedly ran over David Harris as David's daughter sat in the front seat, begging Clara not to kill her father.

In my co-authored column Suppose roles had been reversed in Harris case--Murdered dad deserves sympathy being shown Clara (Houston Chronicle, 1/27/07), I explained:

"Harris, her attorneys and her supporters have been largely successful in concealing the true nature of Clara's crime. Whereas Clara has successfully portrayed herself as the innocent victim of a philandering husband, in reality David Harris was killed while trying to exit a bad and possibly abusive marriage. Clara's defenders also ignore the fact that considerable evidence was presented that Clara--who played the crying, betrayed wife--was also having an affair at the end of their marriage.

"While many see the Clara Harris case as one of love and betrayal, it is in fact a garden-variety domestic homicide. Clara Harris is no better than high-profile wife-killer Scott Peterson. Perhaps Clara is even worse — at least Peterson spared us the crocodile tears."

To learn more about the case, see my columns In Defense of David Harris (LewRockwell.com, 3/4/03) and Convicted Murderess Can Get Custody but Decent Fathers Can't (Houston Chronicle, 9/19/03), or click here.

I've previously noted the way the media has disparaged David Harris despite the fact that he was by all accounts a good father and a decent man. At the time of the civil trial in January 2007, I wrote:

"Of the 354 news stories covering the wrongful death trial that are indexed on Google News, 233 refer to David Harris as Clara Harris’ 'cheating husband.' Not one mentions the phrase 'domestic violence.'"

Were the genders reversed, would we see headlines saying "Man Kills Cheating Wife"? I doubt it.

Now that Harris is back in the news (she's suing her criminal defense attorney--to learn more, see my blog post 'Murder by Mercedes' Killer Clara Harris Whining Again), we once again see the bias on domestic violence. As evidenced by the screen shot above, most news outlets' headlines are again disparaging and dehumanizing David Harris by referring to him simply as "Cheating Spouse."

Interested readers might contact these news outlets and ask them to change "Cheating Spouse" to read "Husband."

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

A Classy Response from Ad Age Editor in Wake of Harsh Column

Background: A couple weeks ago, I criticized Pepsi for its Super Bowl ad 'Magnetic Attraction.' In the commercial, Justin Timberlake gets beat up and is in severe pain.

In general our protests have been against ads which depict men and particularly fathers as lazy, dumb, or irresponsible. The Pepsi ad was an attempt at slapstick humor and not as offensive, but I thought it was still over the line. I suggested that readers who agreed with me contact Pepsi and BBDO, the agency which created the ad.

Yesterday, Jonah Bloom, an editor and columnist at Advertising Age, one of the leading advertising trade publications, fired back at men's and fathers' activists over our 2007 protest against the advertising agency Arnold Worldwide, the Pepsi issue, and others. In When It Comes to Whining About Ads, Father Knows Best (2/18/08), Bloom depicts advertising guru Richard Smaglick of www.fathersandhusbands.org, who has worked with me on these issues and campaigns, as "unhinged" and an "extremist." To read my response to Bloom, see my morning blog post Ad Industry Hits Back at Fatherhood Activists.

Smaglick and Bloom had a long talk this morning, and afterwards Bloom sent us a response to my critique of his column.  While I don't think Bloom is going to be signing up with us anytime soon, I thought he showed some class both during the conversation and in the letter.

In response, I wrote, "I'm impressed with your response and your willingness to rethink the issue. If you don't mind, I think it would be nice if I could post [the relevant section] so my readers can see it."

Bloom gave me approval. He wrote:

"Nice dissection of my column. I would say you are wasted in finding fault in slapstick commercials - but I've just promised Richard I'm going to try to take the issue more seriously and at least try to see how they might be contributing to socio-economic issues such as fatherlessness and inter-partner violence against men. I find the whole concept a stretch, but I really am going to try looking at it from a different point of view.

"I suspect many of us spend too much time with people who reinforce our narrow points of view, and I'm sure I'm no different--I'll try to put myself in your shoes. In return I asked Richard to consider whether just maybe there's a nugget of truth in my point of view that your approach--NOT the issues you say you want to tackle--is misguided and not the best use of your time."

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

DV Conference Report #4: Feminist DV Expert Evan Stark Defends Excluding 12-Year-Old Boys in Abusive Families from Joining Their Mothers in Shelters

Background: I've been detailing the historic, one-of-a-kind conference "From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence" (held in Sacramento, California February 15-16)--to learn more, click here.

In my recent blog post DV Conference Report #3: 12-Year-Old Boys in Abusive Families Aren't Allowed to Go to Shelters with Their Mothers, but Instead Go to Foster Care, I discussed domestic violence shelters' policies of excluding all males ages 12 or older from going to the shelters with their mothers. I wrote:

"One morning during the conference, I had breakfast with two remarkable ladies, Erin Pizzey and Patricia Overberg. Pizzey founded the first battered women's shelter in the world in 1971, and Overberg was the first battered women's shelter director in California to admit male victims of domestic violence to a shelter.  As bad as things are, both of them told me things which were amazing and horrifying. Pizzey told the following story:

"A woman was being abused by her violent husband and sought shelter.  She had three children, two young ones and a 12-year-old boy.  She wanted to go to a battered women's shelter and, of course, take her children with her.  However, the feminists who run the battered women's shelters in England have a policy that no boys aged 12 or older are allowed into the shelters.

"The woman was presented with the equivalent of Sophie's Choice.  Either she could return to her violent husband, and risk both herself and her children, or she could submit to the feminist policy.  She chose the latter.  Rather than allow the boy to stay with his mother and his siblings in the battered women's shelter, the boy instead had to wait in the police station, while his mother and siblings went off to the shelter.  The English equivalent of child protective services was called, and the boy was picked up and placed in foster care!

"Overberg told me the same thing happens in California and in much of the United States."

Stark is an influential member of the domestic violence establishment which researchers at the conference often criticized, and was also an opponent of our successful Campaign Against PBS's Father-Bashing Breaking the Silence in 2005

This morning, Stark posted a comment on my blog defending the policy excluding males ages 12 or older from joining their mothers in battered women's shelters. I deleted Stark's comment so I could devote a full blog post to it here. I disagree with Stark's view (and the second sentence in the first paragraph below in particular), but I'm pleased that he is interested in a dialogue of sorts. Stark writes:

"The issue Pizzey raises, of young men not being able to come to shelter with their moms, has been a serious problem since the beginning of the shelter movement. The reason for this policy, which you don't mention, is that many shelters take younger women, including girls in their teens, and the boys in families are often older than some of the females in the facility and there are no provisions to monitor their behavior-- violent or sexual.

"At Chiswick, Pizzey didn't admit boys to the shelter, either, but housed them in a separate building. She could do this because she had a large grant from a private company to buy the houses. But most shelters in England, as here, run on a shoestring budget and, in England, were located in Housing Estates (equivalent to our housing projects) and had no separate space for male children.

"Today, many shelters in England use free-standing apartments rather than houses and have no restrictions on male youth coming with their mothers. You are shocked that some of these boys have to go to foster care. But, as you rightly point out, this is often preferable (and is temporary) to staying in a home where all families members are exposed to the man's violence."

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

DV Conference Report #5: Erin Pizzey--'In the early days of the battered women's movement, it was men who helped give us support'

Background: The historic, one-of-a-kind conference "From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence" was held in Sacramento, California February 15-16 and was a major success. The conference was sponsored by the California Alliance for Families and Children and featured leading domestic violence authorities from around the world.

Many of these researchers are part of the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center, which is challenging the domestic violence establishment's stranglehold on the issue. The NFVLRC promotes gender-natural, research-based DV policies.

I have been and will continue to detail the conference and some of the research that was presented there in this blog--to learn more, click here.

I have previously detailed some of what Erin Pizzey had to say at the conference, but she said enough to fill a small book.  (She is pictured above--she's the blonde lady in front of one of her battered women's shelters surrounded by supportive protesters.)

It is interesting to see how she built the women's shelters in England even though she was largely in conflict with the English feminist movement at the time.  She said when she first went to a UK women's group she heard all sorts of manbashing.  She said she did not buy into it, for a few reasons. 

For one, she considered herself lucky to be able to be home with her children while they were young and have her husband support them.  Also, she grew up with a violent, manipulative, dangerous mother who "beat me regularly because I look like my father." 

Her father was no prize either, as he also had a violent temper. Pizzey grew up in China and her father was an English diplomatic official there before, during, and after World War II.  She says that her parents were so bad that when her city was overrun by the Chinese Communists in 1949, her parents were held as prisoners for over three years--and she was happy about it.

She says that in the early days of the battered women's movement in England, it was men who stepped forward and gave her the support she needed to help battered women. 

One of her earliest breaks came when a man bought a house in which she could house her shelter.  She said that the men she approached were very willing to help women. 

She also said that later on, when she asked men to assist her in creating services for male victims of domestic violence, the wealthy men who helped her build shelters for women "wouldn't give a dime" to help men.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

DV Conference Report #6: How a Child Grows up to Be an Abuser

Background: The historic, one-of-a-kind conference "From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence" was held in Sacramento, California February 15-16 and was a major success. The conference was sponsored by the California Alliance for Families and Children and featured leading domestic violence authorities from around the world.

Many of these researchers are part of the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center, which is challenging the domestic violence establishment's stranglehold on the issue. The NFVLRC promotes gender-natural, research-based DV policies.

I have been and will continue to detail the conference and some of the research that was presented there in this blog--to learn more, click here.

Marlene Moretti, PhD (pictured) is a full professor of psychology at Simon Fraser University and currently leads a multisite Canadian Institutes of Health Research New Emerging Team Grant on gender and aggression. She has published extensively in the fields of developmental psychopathology, social-clinical psychology, and intervention. Moretti has served as a member on several government committees working to promote the use of evidence based intervention. She is a coauthor of the book, Girls and Aggression: Contributing Factors and Intervention Principles (Kluwer-Plenum, 2004). Dr. Moretti can be reached at: moretti@sfu.ca.

At the conference, Moretti co-presented the Plenary "Family Roots of Adolescent Violence in Relationships and Effective Interventions: A Developmental and Relational Perspective" with Jennifer Langhinrichsen-Rohling, PhD.

While the current domestic violence paradigm is very dismissive of intimate partner abuse by women, Moretti says both mothers and fathers who engage in violence toward their partners put their children at risk for aggression in their relationships.  Boys and girls who observe their mothers engage in violence toward her partner tend to use more violence in their romantic relationships. As well, girls who observe their mothers violence toward her partner are more likely to be aggressive with their peers; similarly boys who observe their fathers violence toward his partner are more aggressive with their peers. These results are published in Aggressive Behavior, 2006, 32 (4), 385-395.

Moretti also says that boys tend to be more aggressive towards their friends, and girls tend to be more aggressive towards their romantic partners.  She explained that, according to Crime in the US 2001, Table 33, there is an increase in violence by girls and a decrease in violence by boys.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

DV Conference Report #7: Laura P.--'I never felt like a victim until I dealt with the police'

Background: The historic, one-of-a-kind conference "From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence" was held in Sacramento, California February 15-16 and was a major success. The conference was sponsored by the California Alliance for Families and Children and featured leading domestic violence authorities from around the world.

Many of these researchers are part of the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center, which is challenging the domestic violence establishment's stranglehold on the issue. The NFVLRC promotes gender-natural, research-based DV policies.

I have been and will continue to detail the conference and some of the research that was presented there in this blog--to learn more, click here.

The current domestic violence system often mistreats the women it purports to protect.  Laura P., who spoke at the conference, is one example.

Laura says that a few years ago there was an unfortunate incident between her and her husband which the police blew way out of proportion.  According to Laura, her husband was struggling to control their large, strong dog who was in the entryway to their house.  Her husband lost his cool with the dog, and began treating it very roughly in order to control it.

Laura kicked her husband in order to get him to stop doing this. He pushed her away and she fell down.  Both of them soon calmed down, and were able to get the dog under control.  However, Peterson realized that she had a cut on her face from when her husband had pushed her, apparently because of her glasses.

She asked a family friend to come over and watch their three kids, while her husband took her to the hospital.  At the hospital she made the mistake of explaining what had happened, and the police soon arrived.  Even though the incident was of low-level, mutual violence, and Laura's husband didn't initiate it, the police arrested im.

As we've discussed, many if not most jurisdictions have "no drop" prosecution policies when it comes to domestic violence.  The result is that many cases of trivial, mutual, or nonexistent "violence" are prosecuted as if they are crimes.  (To learn more, see my co-authored column Simpson Case Led to Harmful Domestic Violence Policies, Riverside Press-Enterprise, 12/5/06).

Laura protested against what was being done to her husband.  She says that she is a strong, independent woman who loves her husband very much. While neither of them are proud of their role in the incident, they want to be left alone to pursue their lives.

Laura takes responsibility for her part in the incident, and does not see herself as a victim.  After the police arrested her husband, she says that from that point on "nobody believed me -- the police, the judge, the victim advocate who is supposed to be there to help me, even our own attorney." The victim advocate believed that even her husband's one act of low-level, mutual violence demands a divorce, and that there is "no hope."

Laura says that her husband has been on probation for the last three years, and they are hoping that in May it will end, so they can have their normal lives back.  She says:

"I never felt like a victim until I dealt with the police"

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

DV Conference Report #8: Violence is more common in lesbian relationships than in heterosexual ones

Background: The historic, one-of-a-kind conference "From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence" was held in Sacramento, California February 15-16 and was a major success. The conference was sponsored by the California Alliance for Families and Children and featured leading domestic violence authorities from around the world.

Many of these researchers are part of the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center, which is challenging the domestic violence establishment's stranglehold on the issue. The NFVLRC promotes gender-natural, research-based DV policies.

I have been and will continue to detail the conference and some of the research that was presented there in this blog--to learn more, click here.

Dr. Donald Dutton (pictured, photo by Kevin Graft) is one of the premier domestic violence authorities in the world. He co-founded the Assaultive Husbands Project in 1979 and has published more than 100 papers and books, including the Domestic Assault of Women, The Batterer: A Psychological Profile, The Abusive Personality, and his latest work, Rethinking Domestic Violence. Dr. Dutton can be reached at dondutton@shaw.ca.

One of the issues Dr. Dutton discussed at the conference is domestic violence between lesbians.  This is an important and relevant issue, of course, in part because it provides a look at Intimate Partner Violence without the pervasive assumption that the violence in families is almost always caused by men.  It also allows us to examine Intimate Partner Violence outside of the feminist Duluth model, which says that it is men who commit IPV, and they do so as part of their role in the patriarchy.

Dutton cited one study of 1,100 lesbian or bisexual women who are in abusive lesbian relationships. The study, which was conducted in Phoenix, found that the women were more likely to have experienced violence in their previous relationships with women than in their previous relationships with men.

Dutton explained that in general research shows that domestic violence is more common in lesbian relationships than in heterosexual relationships.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

DV Conference Report #9: Erin Pizzey Angrily Responds to Feminist Evan Stark on Exclusion of Boys from Shelters

Background: I've been detailing the historic, one-of-a-kind conference "From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence" (held in Sacramento, California February 15-16)--to learn more, click here.

In my recent blog post DV Conference Report #3: 12-Year-Old Boys in Abusive Families Aren't Allowed to Go to Shelters with Their Mothers, but Instead Go to Foster Care, I discussed domestic violence shelters' policies of excluding all males ages 12 or older from going to the shelters with their mothers. I wrote:

"One morning during the conference, I had breakfast with two remarkable ladies, Erin Pizzey (pictured, photo by Kevin Graft) and Patricia Overberg. Pizzey founded the first battered women's shelter in the world in 1971, and Overberg was the first battered women's shelter director in California to admit male victims of domestic violence to a shelter.  As bad as things are, both of them told me things which were amazing and horrifying. Pizzey told the following story:

"A woman was being abused by her violent husband and sought shelter.  She had three children, two young ones and a 12-year-old boy.  She wanted to go to a battered women's shelter and, of course, take her children with her.  However, the feminists who run the battered women's shelters in England have a policy that no boys aged 12 or older are allowed into the shelters.

"The woman was presented with the equivalent of Sophie's Choice.  Either she could return to her violent husband, and risk both herself and her children, or she could submit to the feminist policy.  She chose the latter.  Rather than allow the boy to stay with his mother and his siblings in the battered women's shelter, the boy instead had to wait in the police station, while his mother and siblings went off to the shelter.  The English equivalent of child protective services was called, and the boy was picked up and placed in foster care!

"Overberg told me the same thing happens in California and in much of the United States."

"The issue Pizzey raises, of young men not being able to come to a shelter with their moms, has been a serious problem since the beginning of the shelter movement. The reason for this policy, which you don't mention, is that many shelters take younger women, including girls in their teens, and the boys in families are often older than some of the females in the facility and there are no provisions to monitor their behavior-- violent or sexual.

"At Chiswick, Pizzey didn't admit boys to the shelter, either, but housed them in a separate building. She could do this because she had a large grant from a private company to buy the houses. But most shelters in England, as here, run on a shoestring budget and, in England, were located in Housing Estates (equivalent to our housing projects) and had no separate space for male children.

"Today, many shelters in England use free-standing apartments rather than houses and have no restrictions on male youth coming with their mothers. You are shocked that some of these boys have to go to foster care. But, as you rightly point out, this is often preferable (and is temporary) to staying in a home where all families members are exposed to the man's violence."

Pizzey saw Stark's comments and was not pleased. She has asked me to post her response:

"I am outraged at the inference that boys have never been able to go into shelters in America or refuges in England because the shelter/refuge can't monitor the boys' sexual or violent behaviour.  Why does this man think that the boys will be violent or sexual towards the girls/young women in the shelter?  This shows an appallingly biased mindset.

"Of course some of the girls and some of the boys will be violent and sexual, but it is the job of the shelter/refuge to work with those children just like they should work with the women in the shelter/refuges to help them learn appropriate behaviour.

"It is untrue to say that my refuge did not take boys into the central refuge.  I made it quite clear that the boys, could if they wished, live in the boy's project.  Many boys chose to stay with their mothers.

"Chiswick was a therapeutic community and everyone within the community worked to see that we treated each other with respect and love.  The problem with the shelters/refuges is that most of them are hostels and their purpose is to fund the feminist movements so they exclude young boys because they are the potential enemy."

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

DV Conference Report #10: The Duluth Domestic Violence Power & Control Wheel

Background: The historic, one-of-a-kind conference "From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence" was held in Sacramento, California February 15-16 and was a major success. The conference was sponsored by the California Alliance for Families and Children and featured leading domestic violence authorities from around the world.

Many of these researchers are part of the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center, which is challenging the domestic violence establishment's stranglehold on the issue. The NFVLRC promotes gender-natural, research-based DV policies.

I have been and will continue to detail the conference and some of the research that was presented there in this blog--to learn more, click here.

One of the presenters at the conference was Claudia Ann Dias, MSC, JD, who provides education and training in the fields of substance abuse, family violence, cultural awareness, sexual harassment and communications skills to both public and private sectors. She has been featured on 20/20 and Oprah for her work with male and female family violence perpetrators.

For many years the feminist “Duluth” model has been the dominant paradigm within the domestic violence establishment and in domestic violence treatment. According to John Hamel, LCSW, a court-certified batterer treatment provider and author of the book Gender-Inclusive Treatment of Intimate Partner Abuse, "In the Duluth theoretical framework, domestic violence is caused by a patriarchal society that sanctions violence by men against their female partners. Women are assumed to be either victims or, when they are found to aggress against their male partners, to be doing so in self-defense."

Claudia Dias (pictured, photo by Kevin Graft) explained that it is mandated, apparently by the state of California, that she have the Duluth Domestic Violence Power & Control Wheel (pictured above) prominently displayed in the office or center where she provides batterers' treatment classes.  Dias is a critic of the Duluth model.  She says that she gets around this problem in the following manner: she prominently displays the Duluth Domestic Violence Power & Control Wheel with one minor modification -- she has a circle and a line going through it.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Fathers & Families News Digest, 2-26-08

Below are some recent articles and items of interest from Fathers & Families' latest News Digest.

State offers discounted paternity tests (Associated Press, 2-18-08)

New Minn. divorce laws may settle custody problems (WCCO, 2-19-08)

Woman pleads guilty for not paying child support (The Plain Dealer, 2-20-08)

Legal Strategies: the dos and don'ts of divorce (Globe and Mail, 2-21-08)

Friendship after divorce can be great, but 'be careful' (Salt Lake Tribune, 2-21-08)

Among evangelicals, divorce doesn't carry the stigma it once did (Kansas City Star, 2-22-08)

Daddy's DNA (Wall Street Journal, 2-22-08)

On your side: tri-state deadbeat parents (Kentucky Post, 2-23-08)

Offering financial calm amid the storm of divorce (New York Times, 2-24-08)

Study finds divorce divides dads from kids (The Star Ledger, 2-25-08)

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here, or visit the Fathers & Families blog here.

Two Different Government Efforts to Target Male Speeders--Which One Do You Prefer?

The New South Wales Road Traffic Authority has adopted an insulting ad to get men to stop speeding. The ad is called "Speeding. No-one thinks big of you."

The ad explains that men who drive fast have small penises. The ad can be seen here.

I much prefer the Danish method of getting men to stop speeding--I'd describe it, but it's much more pleasant to watch. (Warning--don't watch it at work if you have sensitive co-workers). Click here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Dr. Warren Farrell's Shared Parenting Evidence Kit--What You Need to Win Shared Physical Custody Dr. Warren Farrell, a top expert on children of divorce now offers a complete evidence kit to help you win shared custody.  The DVDs, audio CD and electronic files summarize the best scientific research available collected over decades.  Scientific research has proven that children do far better with near equal time with both parents with minimal conditions.  This video set was developed to educate parents, judges, lawyers, psychologists and other divorce professionals. Most judges are doing exactly what is worst for children with sole-custody.  Submitted as evidence this will maximize your chances. Divorce Reform groups call(508) 381-1450 to use as fundraiser. www.BestInterestofChildren.org

Help for Michigan Dads Michigan family law attorney Mindy L. Hitchcock has experience fighting for noncustodial parents against Michigan's abusive FOC. Her holistic approach to divorce gets results for her clients while avoiding the scorched earth approach to law that leaves families emotionally and financially devastated. Lady4Justice.com

Is Amanda Marcotte Growing Up?

Background: I've discussed radical feminist blogger Amanda Marcotte on many occasions--to read more, click here. Marcotte has written numerous terrible things about me, pretty much saying outright that I think it's fine to beat women, that women should not be allowed to defend themselves, that if a man beats a woman, it's the woman's fault, that men should have free rein to terrorize their families, etc.

Perhaps her worst blog post is discussed here--if I'm misunderstanding her words, feel free to let me know. It was a nice payback, since I had had her on my radio show and had written about her and had always been courteous and respectful.

I was surprised and pleased by Amanda's new column Low Expectations and Male Birth Control (AlterNet, 2/20/08). In the column, Marcotte almost sounds like she's trying to be fair to men.

Men are still the problem, and we still benefit from a patriarchal system which privileges us at the expense of women, blah, blah, blah. Nevertheless, Marcotte actually acknowledges the possibility of "bigotry" against men. She even cautions against "generalizations and stereotypes, many of which are unfair to a large percentage of men." Either Amanda is growing up or she has a good editor.

Amanda's column is below. I put forth my own perspective on the male birth control pill in my column Do Women Really Want a Male Birth Control Pill? (Newsday, 4/11/05).

Low Expectations and Male Birth Control
By Amanda Marcotte, RH Reality Check.
February 20, 2008.

Since I can remember, we ("we" meaning the great collective of copulating Americans) have been promised that a male birth control pill is right around the corner. And for as long as I can remember, the lack of this pill on the market has caused a share of finger-pointing. It's understood that it's possible to develop such a pill, but not much incentive to provide the research money, because it's believed that men aren't interested in a birth control pill. To understand why men might not be that eager to take a birth control pill, we're left with a set of generalizations and stereotypes, many of which are unfair to a large percentage of men:

Men think that only women can get pregnant, so unwanted pregnancy is a woman-only problem. This might be true for some men, but for a lot of men, probably most, the fear of an unwanted pregnancy haunts them as much as it does women. And unlike women, men lose control over the situation as soon as they get up out of bed. Good, decent men accept that this is only fair, but it does raise their incentives to make absolutely sure that it's taken care of ahead of time.

Men exploit their privilege over women and assume that women should burden all the expense and risk and discomfort of contraception. In some cases, again, this is true enough. There are guys out there who automatically assume that women should be on the pill, even if any individual woman's body can't handle the effects of it. But to say that men don't have any relationship to sacrifice when it comes to contraception is to ignore the proliferation of the humble condom. Many, many men have embraced their duty to both buy and wear condoms, even if they feel it would be more fun to go without. If you could find a pill that was even less trouble than condoms, some of these men would probably snatch it up. Is that a market enough to put up money for research and development? Well, I'd ask Trojan, see if they've been making any money lately. (Answer: yes.)

Men are careless idiots who can't be trusted to do anything right, and so it's pointless making something that requires them to keep a schedule. Ever notice how this sitcom stereotype doesn't stretch to include the main part of the day where both men and women have to be on the ball, keep their appointments, and just generally display responsibility? You know, work? We expect men to show up at their jobs every day on time and perform their responsibilities competently. But for some reason ("some" meaning sexism), the expectation that men be able to handle even simple domestic responsibilities like chores or contraception is deemed too much by many.

Well, I'm not having it. Many men are perfectly competent at swallowing a pill every day on time, and plenty of them have partners who trust them to do it. No reason to employ the soft bigotry of low expectations in this case.

Not that any of this means that I don't agree that the market for a male birth control pill might be small, but I don't think we have to slam men to arrive at that conclusion. No, I think it's that the burden of contraception use can already be evenly distributed between men and women in a huge percentage of cases, and that removes the need for a male birth control pill.

Read Amanda's full column here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Learning from the US? Russian Presidential Candidate Beats up on Divorced Dads

Beating up on divorced ("deadbeat") dads makes great politics in the United States, and apparently Russian presidential candidate Dmitry Medvedev (pictured) has figured it out. United Press International says:

"Medvedev has also gone hunting for votes with the forensic skill of a U.S. campaign strategist. He has targeted the women's vote by promising to increase child benefits so that the mother of a second child will get a state handout of more than $12,000, and alimony payments will be increased sharply.

"While American strategists talk of 'soccer moms,' Medvedev is appealing to the 'divorced moms.' One Russian child in three is being raised by a divorced mother, but only 12 percent of divorced men pay alimony."

I take it that alimony in Russia largely means child support, as opposed to the US where the two are differentiated. Given Russia's problems with alcoholism and domestic violence, I'm not going to uncritically defend Russian divorced dads, but I strongly suspect that many of those who aren't paying their alimony are poor or unemployed.

During Putin's eight years in office, the Russian economy has done well, largely due to record high prices for oil, gas, and its other natural resources. But the country still has much poverty and a weak manufacturing base. Moreover, many of the marriages in question fell apart during the disastrous 1990s, when even the official poverty rate was 30%.

As I've noted many times, research clearly shows that most American deadbeat dads are poor. I don't imagine it's any different in Russia.

I also question that "only 12 percent of divorced men [in Russia] pay alimony." I don't know where that statistic comes from, but I strongly suspect that it was arrived at simply by doing surveys of divorced women without asking divorced dads. American research shows that divorced women underestimate the amount of child support/alimony they receive, while divorced fathers overstate it. To get an accurate figure, you need to ask both.

BTW, for those who think that it's only feminists or the left who bash dads or are responsible for the family court horrors dads face, I would add that Medvedev hardly fits that description.

The story is below.

Walker's World: Putin's heir and rival
Feb. 20, 2008
By MARTIN WALKER, UPI

WASHINGTON, Feb. 20 (UPI) -- Russia's presidential election is just two weeks away, and the Kremlin's own candidate Dmitry Medvedev has been campaigning almost like a liberal.

"Freedom is better than the absence of freedom. This is the quintessence of the whole experience of humanity. I mean freedom in all its manifestations: individual freedom, economic freedom and, finally, the freedom of self-expression," he told an economics forum in Krasnoyarsk, Siberia.

"Freedom is the soul of everything," Medvedev went on. "Everything will be dead without freedom. I want everybody to abide by laws, but the laws should not be intended for slaves. Freedom is inseparable from the actual recognition by the people of the power of law. Freedom does not bring about chaos. It creates respect for the system existing in a country. The supremacy of law should become one of our basic values."

"We should cross out infringement on law from the list of habits our citizens live by and see to it that legal infractions stop enriching some people and depraving others," Medvedev said and went on to call for more media freedoms: "We must defend the real independence of mass media that provide the agencies of power with feedback signals from society."

This is striking rhetoric, coming from President Vladimir Putin's handpicked successor. But how much power will Medvedev really have, now that Putin is to become his prime minister? And Putin has also noted that he will not be hanging Medvedev's presidential portrait in his own Kremlin office.

Putin's entire Kremlin team, many of them old comrades from the KGB, looks as if they will be remaining in place. Medvedev comes from another part of Putin's life, when he was working for the liberal, post-soviet mayor of St. Petersburg, Anatoly Sobchak. Medvedev, a young law student, was Putin's assistant. Westernized and idealist, he once agonized about where he could rake up 200 rubles to buy a bootleg of Pink Floyd's album "The Wall"...

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

If This Were Done by a Man, It Would Be Considered a Scam

"Liddell, 61, said ongoing financial issues resulting from her 2006 divorce were prompting her move out of California, where her ex-husband is legally entitled to a substantial portion of her retirement benefits.

'As long as I stay in the state of California, it continues to accrue,' she said. 'It's surprising.'

Liddell, who earns about $175,000 annually, said she has not yet sought another job but does not plan to retire. 

Liddell married Ron Liddell in 1986; they separated in 2004. She filed for divorce from the retired Air Force major in 2005.”

There aren't many details provided here and maybe what the woman in question is doing is justified, but I do know one thing--if a prominent man were quitting his job and leaving the state in order to avoid sharing his retirement benefits with his wife, the article would not be nearly this sympathetic.

Thanks to readers Steve and Scott for sending it.

Santa Rosa school chief quits due to divorce
Liddell says financial implications prompting her to move out of state
By KERRY BENEFIELD
Santa Rosa Press Democrat, 2/20/08

THE PRESS DEMOCRAT Santa Rosa schools chief Sharon Liddell on Tuesday announced her resignation, saying financial issues related to her divorce two years ago were forcing her to move out of state.

The resignation is effective June 30.

Liddell's departure was announced to about 70 school district employees after a brief closed-door meeting with the Santa Rosa School Board.

"She has had an amazing impact on our district," board member Frank Pugh said after the announcement.

Liddell, 61, said ongoing financial issues resulting from her 2006 divorce were prompting her move out of California, where her ex-husband is legally entitled to a substantial portion of her retirement benefits.

"As long as I stay in the state of California, it continues to accrue," she said. "It's surprising."

Liddell, who earns about $175,000 annually, said she has not yet sought another job but does not plan to retire.

Liddell married Ron Liddell in 1986; they separated in 2004. She filed for divorce from the retired Air Force major in 2005.

She notified the school board five months ago that her divorce attorney had recommended that she leave California. Board members said they sought various solutions, but none was feasible.

"This is the worst of all situations, where both parties don't want it to happen," board member Bill Carle said. "It's really frustrating, and it's a new one for me."

Read the full article here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

'My boyfriend has no ambition'

"Q. I love my boyfriend and have never been happier, but he has no ambition. While it's not a problem now because we are young and I am still in college, I am afraid it will be one day down the line. He has absolutely no dreams other than to live life. But he has so much talent and he takes brilliant pictures. If he had the motivation to apply himself, he could be a great photographer.

"I feel this is a problem because I have big dreams and when I am done with school, I am going for them. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man and I do not want him to settle for anything less than his best or my best, for that matter. How do I help him believe in himself and make him see that there is more to life?"

In the advice column below, Dr. Gail Saltz (pictured) advises a young woman whose boyfriend is not sufficiently ambitious. Some of what she says is true, I guess, but my advice would be the following:

1) You're both young--his "ambition" right now might be to enjoy his life before he gets older and is weighed down with responsibilities. If so, that's an understandable ambition for a young person to have.

2) If you do succeed in changing him into being the ambitious world-beater you seek, it's only a matter of time until you're complaining that he's never home, he's always working, he's always tired, he never takes you anywhere, yada, yada, yada.

3) You say, "I love my boyfriend and have never been happier." So you've found a wonderful, loving, caring man who makes you happy. Remember, we men aren't as perfect as you women are, so you'll have to be able to accept some weaknesses in a man. It sounds as if his lack of ambition is a reasonable price to pay for all of the other wonderful qualities he has. It is certainly true that you can go out and find another man who doesn't have this undesirable quality. The problem is, he'll have different undesirable qualities.

My general view of excessive female complaining about/criticism of men is laid out in my co-authored Chicago Tribune column Men Blamed for Marriage Decline but Women's Relationship Wounds Often Self-Inflicted (1/21/07) The advice column is below.

'My boyfriend has no ambition’--Dr. Gail Saltz advises a girl on what to do about her unmotivated partner
TODAYShow.com
February 13, 2008

Q. I love my boyfriend and have never been happier, but he has no ambition. While it's not a problem now because we are young and I am still in college, I am afraid it will be one day down the line. He has absolutely no dreams other than to live life. But he has so much talent and he takes brilliant pictures. If he had the motivation to apply himself, he could be a great photographer.

I feel this is a problem because I have big dreams and when I am done with school, I am going for them. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man and I do not want him to settle for anything less than his best or my best, for that matter. How do I help him believe in himself and make him see that there is more to life?

A. You might not be able to.

It’s not clear what elements go into making a person driven or ambitious, but obviously this personality characteristic comprises many factors. Some people are born with a more intense, assertive, demonstrative temperament than others. There is also a psychological component to this, which you note when you ask how you can make him believe in himself. Some people are truly conflicted about succeeding and therefore avoid it.

Your assumption is that he doesn’t believe in himself and therefore he doesn’t try. That’s possible. Some people are so lacking in confidence that they don’t try because they believe they will fail.

Others merely lack intensity. They may not feel the need to be exceptionally successful, and truly find pleasure in the moment rather than striving toward the future.

Read the full advice column here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

'Murder by Mercedes' Killer Clara Harris Whining Again

Background: I've covered the Clara Harris "Murder by Mercedes" case extensively, both in the Houston Chronicle, on the radio, and in this blog. As I've previously noted, Clara Harris repeatedly ran over David Harris as David's daughter sat in the front seat, begging Clara not to kill her father.

To learn more about the case, see my co-authored column Suppose roles had been reversed in Harris case--Murdered dad deserves sympathy being shown Clara (Houston Chronicle, 1/27/07), In Defense of David Harris (LewRockwell.com, 3/4/03), Convicted Murderess Can Get Custody but Decent Fathers Can't (Houston Chronicle, 9/19/03), or click here.

According to the story below, "Murder by Mercedes" killer Clara Harris is suing her former attorney, George Parnham. Clara claims that Parnham "used her case to promote himself and his law firm and overcharged her." She's correct to be outraged, as Clara's motives in killing David were far more pure--revenge and bloodthirst.

I wonder if after this case, Harris will also sue Dean M. Blumrosen, her attorney in the civil trial, where she also lost. To learn more about Blumrosen's work in defense of Clara, see my blog post Clara Harris Fires Back at Me in Houston Chronicle.

The new article about the lawsuit is below

Clara Harris Sues Former Attorney
http://www.click2houston.com/news/
February 19, 2008

HOUSTON -- A woman convicted of fatally running over her husband is suing her former attorney, KPRC Local 2 reported Tuesday.

Clara Harris claims attorney George Parnham used her case to promote himself and his law firm and overcharged her.

Harris said Parnham agreed to represent her for $100,000 plus expenses. She said she has already paid $235,000.

Parnham allowed a camera crew to follow him around while he was preparing for the trial.

Parnham's attorney said Parnham took out a $90,000 loan to help pay expenses. He said Harris is suing because she is angry that she was found guilty.

Harris was sentenced to 20 years in prison after she was convicted of murdering her husband, David, in the parking lot of a hotel in 2002. Harris ran over her husband with her Mercedes Benz after she caught him with another woman.

Harris received more than $1 million from her husband's estate. Her former in-laws sued her for wrongful death and won $3.75 million.

Opening arguments begin today.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here. 

Loving Iraqi Dad Carries Crippled Son 6 Miles to Get Wheelchair

"Iraqi parents will go to any lengths to improve the quality of their children's lives. Blauser points to one of his favorite photographs (pictured), of a father carrying his son in his arms, an endless desert road behind him. He had carried his son more than 6 miles to get a wheelchair.

"'In August 2006 we had a distribution in northern Iraq,' Blauser remembered. 'We watched him [the father] come forward, and people rushed to take the boy from his arms. And he said, 'No, I've been carrying this child all my life. I can carry him the last 100 meters to receive his wheelchair.'"

This is a touching story about the way one American, Brad Blauser, is helping crippled Iraqi children.  In the video to the story, we see many fathers carrying their little sons and daughters into the clinic.  The article is below--to watch the video, click here.

It is also nice to see the American convicts getting the chance to be a part of something positive.

Thanks to Brian, a reader and loving father, for the story.

Disabled Iraqi children get wheelchairs, big smiles
By Carol Jordan and Arwa Damon
CNN

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- Mothers cradle children in their arms. Fathers smile softly at the helpless bodies they hold. Other parents are bent over from the weight of their teenage kids whose legs fall limp, almost touching the ground. In the absence of basic medical equipment, these parents do this every day.

Khaled is a father of three. On this day, his young daughter, Mariam, is getting fitted for her new wheelchair. Her arms and legs are painfully thin, little more than skin and bone. She's 7 years old, but looks barely half that. She and both her siblings, a sister and brother, suffer from varying degrees of polio. None of them can walk.

Asked how he and his family cope, Khaled chokes up, fighting back tears.

"I am sick of life -- what can I say to you?" he says after a long pause.

One man, Brad Blauser, has vowed to try to make life a little easier for these families by organizing the distribution of wheelchairs, donated and paid for by his charity, Wheelchairs for Iraqi Kids. He first came to Iraq in 2004 as a civilian contractor. Struck by the abject chaos surrounding him and seeing helpless children scooting along the ground, he pledged to find a way to help. Watch dads, moms carry kids; tears flow when wheelchairs arrive »

His first step was to consult an Army medic to find out what hospitals really needed. "He surprised me with his answer about pediatric wheelchairs. We've got so many children out in the city that the ones who can get around are following their friends by dragging themselves around on the ground, which is heartbreaking to see," he says.

"I was surprised. It took me aback."

Enlisting the help of generous supporters and an Iraqi humanitarian group Wheelchairs for Iraqi Kids was born in August of 2005. Thirty days later its first 31 chairs were delivered. To date more than 250 Iraqi families have received the wheelchairs...

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Best Wishes,
Glenn Sacks
GlennSacks.com

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