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Ad Industry Hits Back at Dad Activists; Dissident Domestic Violence Authorities' Conference a Success

February 19, 2008

 

Ad Industry Hits Back at Fatherhood Activists

Background: A couple weeks ago I wrote:

"The Super Bowl ads in general were pretty fair to men this year, but there was one major exception--Pepsi's 'Magnetic Attraction' commercial. According to the MySpace Super Bowl ads description:

"'The Pepsi Stuff promo shows Justin Timberlake being drawn toward a woman and somehow pulled through space, off the ground, by some magnetic force. He crashes and gets beat up by his strange experience being pulled through space and having close and sometimes painful encounters with immovable objects and experiencing near misses with death.'

"I understand slapstick humor but this was over the line--Timberlake is in severe pain in the ad, and gets painfully whacked in the nuts on three separate occasions. All because some pretty girl is sucking him in by drinking her Pepsi (pictured). To watch the ad, click here."

I then suggested that readers who also thought the ad was over the line should express their views to Pepsi. I also provided contact information for BBDO, the agency which created the ad. I also noted, "To be fair, while BBDO does have a track record of anti-male commercials, they also produced the fine AT&T ad

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Monkey,' which can be seen here."

Advertising guru Richard Smaglick of www.fathersandhusbands.org assisted me in this.

The Pepsi ad certainly wasn't the worst anti-male ad I've seen, and I said so. However, I thought it was offensive and worth readers taking a moment to express their dissatisfaction.

Yesterday Jonah Bloom, an editor and columnist at Advertising Age, one of the leading advertising trade publications, fired back at men's and fathers' activists, accusing us of--guess what?--"whining." Bloom's article is below, with my comments interspersed in italics and brackets.

To write a Letter to the Editor of Advertising Age about Bloom's attack on fatherhood activists, email editor@adage.com.


When It Comes to Whining About Ads, Father Knows Best
By Jonah Bloom
Advertising Age, February 18, 2008

Within 48 hours of the Super Bowl ending, a small group of extremists made it to the inboxes of Indra Nooyi, CEO of PepsiCo, and Cie Nicholson, her chief marketing officer. "Interesting that Justin Timberlake can get whacked in the balls on TV and that's 'funny,'" said one of the e-mails, referring to one of the Pepsi spots that aired in the game. "If Indra and Cie were whacked in the cl*t a few times over in their lives, they would not think this ad so amusing. I'm sure all of you would frown on having a female go through the same torture in a commercial."

[This is a common tactic used by our opponents--they pick out one extreme or rude letter and then feature it as if it is representative of what we are doing.  Anybody who has followed my work even a little knows that whenever we confront companies, legislators, governmental agencies, or others with our protests, we are always scrupulously professional and polite. But not all of my readers are sane, as I've said on many occasions. I apologize to Ms. Nooyi and Ms. Nicholson.]

This lunatic tract, purporting to be from a Bill Orr, was nastier than the others, but was far from being a one-off. Indeed, several dozen such e-mails were sent to executives at Pepsi; their agency, BBDO; or publications such as Ad Age and The New York Times. Nor was this the first such assault by this gaggle of men who feel the need to defend white men against ads (mostly) by white men that sometimes portray white men as somewhat stupid or incompetent.

[This is another common tactic used by our opponents--they pretend that what we are doing is a "white male" or racial issue. Again, anybody who has followed our campaigns, my writing, or my media work knows that I do not now nor have I ever promoted 'white male' issues. I promote men's and fathers' issues, with no racial component, and am sometimes criticized for not mentioning "white male" issues.  In none of the campaigns we have done about advertising has there ever been a hint about race.  None of the many blog posts and columns I have written about advertising which denigrates men and fathers have been about race.]

A loose coalition of these hombres against humor has formed in the past few years. Led by a guy called Richard Smaglick, co-founder of a group called Fathers and Husbands, they've attacked a few different ad agencies.

[It is odd, and perhaps telling, that Bloom chooses to focus on Richard Smaglick when the protesters in all of the events Bloom describes are my readers and people who came through my website, GlennSacks.com.  Richard Smaglick is an intelligent and hard-working activist who thought up the Volvo campaign and took the idea to me. There is nothing about the Pepsi ad on Smaglick's website, and he has not publicly done anything about it, though he did contact some reporters. It seems rather unfair to beat up on Richard.]

In particular they spent several months "torturing," as one ad exec put it, Arnold Worldwide, which was considered guilty of "contemptuous depictions" of men in its ads for Fidelity Investments. The group even tried to persuade Volvo not to give its account to Arnold. Volvo did the sensible thing -- ignored the trumped-up charges and hired the agency.

[I am sorry that the advertising executive felt that we were "torturing" Arnold Worldwide, but that was clearly not our intent.  Arnold Worldwide had a track record of making advertisements which denigrate men and fathers, particularly their Fidelity advertisements.  When Arnold was competing for an advertising contract with Volvo, Richard Smaglick suggested to me that this might be an opportune time to intervene.  We politely explained to Volvo that we were unhappy with Arnold's ads, and we suggested that Volvo give the advertising contract to another company. 

Our campaign was modestly successful.  We knew that Arnold was the favorite to get the contract, and were not surprised when they got it.  However, Volvo did pledge to protesters that its advertisements would remain "family-friendly," and, as best we can tell, they have kept that commitment.  The advertising series that Arnold did for Volvo uses the slogan "Life is better lived together" and is a likable series.

To learn more about our Volvo campaign, click here or see my Adweek column Father Knows Best (3/12/07).

As an aside, there is also other considerable evidence that we were happy to work with Arnold Worldwide to help them understand our concerns, and that Arnold was respectful and open to our message.  Unfortunately, I am not at liberty to discuss the details publicly.]

But that wasn't the point for Smaglick and his acolytes. The point for them is that protesting against ads, particularly around Super Bowl time, is a cheap, easy way to get publicity. And it works, thanks to a seemingly infinite supply of journalists and bloggers (this publication and this columnist included, clearly) willing to indulge anyone with an e-mail account, a perceived slight against his person and three similarly minded internet buddies.

[I'm not sure why Bloom makes a reference to "three similarly minded internet buddies"--our Volvo campaign generated over 3,000 calls and letters in protest.  My 2004 campaign against Verizon's anti-father ad "Homework" was publicized in over 300 newspapers throughout the United States and Canada, and also generated several thousand protest calls and letters.]

The media's complicity in all of this is only one of the depressing things about it. There's also the sad fact that marketers and their agencies take these people seriously, scrapping ad campaigns based on "backlash" from a dozen consumers. The fear of offending anyone anywhere at any time has contributed to the mediocrity that is TV advertising today.

Then there's the fact that the people who use such tactics undermine their own case by endlessly parsing sales material until they find something offensive. Even these dads-get-stereotyped-too groups have worthwhile issues they want to raise -- whether courts are biased against fathers in divorce cases, for example. But when they try to find hidden meaning in Justin Timberlake bumping into stuff, it's hard to see them as anything but unhinged individuals with too much time on their hands.

[I'm surprised that Bloom thinks that either Richard or I have to look long and hard to find ads which denigrate men and fathers.  They are everywhere.  How do I get the ones I feature?  That's easy--my readers send them to me.  I launched the Verizon campaign after a grandma who listened to my radio show wrote me about it.  The anti-male ads that I feature on my blog are almost always sent to me by a reader.]

But the saddest thing about all this is the time and energy diverted from the more important ways advertising must be held to account. Right now, there are financial institutions with aggressive campaigns pushing credit to consumers whose debt loads are already crushing. Advertisers are spending billions to support an Olympics in a country with an abysmal human-rights record. There are companies with shocking environmental records making claims to environmental friendliness. There is a debate to be had about the merits and pitfalls of advertising drugs directly to consumers. Or, say, over whether a country that holds democracy dear should be happy its presidential primaries could come down to who spent the most on ads.

Sorry, but Justin's nuts just doesn't rank, and even these advocacy groups should be big enough to see that.

[Another common tactic opponents use is the "Isn't there something more important than this?" argument. The central flaw in the argument is that you can always use this in almost any circumstance. 

I remember a particularly ridiculous example of this during our 2004 campaign against the "Boys are Stupid" children's shirts and products.  Our campaign made newspapers and media outlets in six different countries, and received tremendous coverage in the United States.  We were successful in driving the products out of 95% of the retail stores which carried them at that time. I don't remember whether it was a radio or television interview, but one person asked me, "There are millions of people starving to death around the world--shouldn't you do something about that, instead of protesting these T-shirts?"

If we judge things compared to the plight of Chinese political prisoners or Global Warming, neither our campaigns against anti-male advertising nor Mr. Bloom's columns in Advertising Age would rank very high.]

Again, to write a Letter to the Editor of Advertising Age about Bloom's attack on fatherhood activists, email editor@adage.com.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.


DV Conference Report #1: Founder of Battered Women's Movement Speaks

Background: The historic, one-of-a-kind conference "From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence" was held in Sacramento, California February 15-16 and was a major success. The conference was sponsored by the California Alliance for Families and Children and featured leading domestic violence authorities from around the world.

Many of these researchers are part of the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center, which is challenging the domestic violence establishment's stranglehold on the issue. The NFVLRC promotes gender-natural, research-based DV policies.

In coming days and weeks I will be detailing the conference and some of the research that was presented there in this blog--to learn more, click here.

Erin Pizzey, who opened the first battered women's shelter in the world for women in Chiswick, England in 1971, was a featured speaker at the conference. From the beginning of her work Pizzey has maintained that female domestic violence is also a problem, and that many abusive relationships consist of mutual or female-initiated violence, as opposed to the DV establishment's man-as-perp/woman-as-victim model.

Pizzey gave an interview on KFBK AM 1530 in Sacramento before the conference--the interview can be heard by clicking here. The interview is also available on the California Alliance for Families and Children website here.

In the picture above, Erin is the blond-haired woman in the middle facing the camera. The protesters are angry that the UK government was threatening to shut down one of the dozens of women's shelters/refuges that Erin set up. The government had a legal dispute with Pizzey. Some of the protesters' placards read:

"I am a battered wife and Chiswick is the only home I have for my two children and I, so help us to help others."

"This refuge is our only home in Chiswick so help us to keep it."

"Erin gave us our home and freedom and now can't the government give her hers."

"Who is going to help us? Support Erin Pizzey"

At the conference Erin received a well-deserved lifetime achievement award from the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.
 

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DV Conference Report #2: Distortions of Research on Domestic Violence--the 'Woozle Effect'

Dr. Donald Dutton is one of the premier domestic violence authorities in the world. He co-founded the Assaultive Husbands Project in 1979 and has published more than 100 papers and books, including the Domestic Assault of Women, The Batterer: A Psychological Profile, The Abusive Personality, and his latest work, Rethinking Domestic Violence. Dr. Dutton can be reached at dondutton@shaw.ca.

At the Sacramento conference Dutton criticized the way the domestic violence establishment--of which he was once very much a part--has distorted the research to minimize and ignore female and mutual domestic violence. One of the problems he cites is the tendency of establishment researchers to fail to check original sources but instead depend on another researcher's citation of statistics. These findings are repeated and parroted--including by the media--until they become accepted wisdom, even though they are inaccurate.

As examples, Dutton noted that the American Bar Association Website states that "85% of perpetrators are male," and, according to the American Psychologist, “studies indicate that more than 95% of abuse perpetrators are men."

The way these falsehoods are created and spread is dubbed the “Woozle Effect” after Winnie-the-Pooh, who says, "When going round a spinney of larch trees Tracking Something, be sure it isn't your own footprints you are following."

Some of Dutton's examples of the Woozle Effect are below:

1) A study by Langley & Levy from 1977 (Wife Beating: the Silent Crisis) reported that half the women in the US were abused, and cited a Gelles & Straus study as their basis for their inappropriately extrapolated statistic. The problem? The study had been conducted in a battered women's shelter.

2) In 1980, Linda Macleod published a book called Wife Battering in Canada: The Vicious Circle in which she claimed that every year one in ten Canadian women in a relationship are battered. However, MacLeod’s figure was apparently based not on a representative sample but instead on the proportion of women that a shelter in Windsor, Ontario said they had to turn away.

3) Arias et al. (2002), quoting Stets & Straus (1992a) as a source, claimed “women were seven to fourteen times more likely to report that intimate partners had beaten them up, choked them, threatened them with weapons, or attempted to drown them." (p. 157). However, the Stets & Straus study did not say this. There is no action by action analysis reported (such as choking or drowning). More importantly, they concluded that male and female violence rates are identical. 

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here
 

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Help, Resources for Dads
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DV Conference Report #3: 12-Year-Old Boys in Abusive Families Aren't Allowed to Go to Shelters with Their Mothers, but Instead Go to Foster Care

Background: The historic, one-of-a-kind conference "From Ideology to Inclusion: Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence" was held in Sacramento, California February 15-16 and was a major success. The conference was sponsored by the California Alliance for Families and Children and featured leading domestic violence authorities from around the world.

Many of these researchers are part of the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center, which is challenging the domestic violence establishment's stranglehold on the issue. The NFVLRC promotes gender-natural, research-based DV policies.

I have been and will continue to detail the conference and some of the research that was presented there in this blog--to learn more, click here.

One morning during the conference I had breakfast with two remarkable ladies, Erin Pizzey and Patricia Overberg. Pizzey founded the first battered women's shelter in the world in 1971, and Overberg was the first battered women's shelter director in California to admit male victims of domestic violence to the shelter. As bad as things are, both of them told me things which were amazing and horrifying. Pizzey told the following story:

A woman was being abused by her violent husband  and sought shelter.  She had three children, two young ones and a 12-year-old boy.  She wanted to go to a battered women's shelter and, of course, take her children with her.  However, the feminists who run the battered women's shelters in England have a policy that no boys aged 12 or older are allowed into the shelters. 

The woman was presented with the equivalent of Sophie's Choice.  Either she could return to her violent husband, and risk both herself and her children, or she could submit to the feminist policy.  She chose the latter.  Rather than allow the boy to stay with his mother and his siblings in the battered women's shelter, the boy instead had to wait in the police station, while his mother and siblings went off to a shelter.  The English equivalent of child protective services was called, and the boy was picked up and placed in foster care!

Overberg told me the same thing happens in California and in much of the United States.

I don't doubt what Pizzey and Overberg say, but I still find it a little hard to get my head around.  For one, one could make the feminist argument that this policy keeps abused women in violent relationships because they will not want to leave their abusers if they cannot take all of their children with them.  Secondly, I find it a little hard to believe that even the feminist true believers who run the shelters could be so bigoted and uncaring.

To read more, click here.
 
Fathers & Families: Advocacy for the Child-Father Bond
Fathers & Families is a non-profit organization advocating for the right of every child to have two parents. Called by some a "fathers' rights organization," Fathers & Families is made up of men and women who believe that fathers are an essential part of a child's life and that divorce or separation should not change this. www.FathersandFamilies.org 

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Ex-Cop John McLaughlin: 'No one wakes up one morning and begins to beat their spouse...When looking for patterns of behavior it becomes clear whether the charge is true'

"Research shows that domestic violence, child abuse or child sexual abuse are all patterns of behaviors. No one wakes up one morning and begins to beat their spouse or children. There is a pattern of behavior that happens over time. When time is spent looking for these patterns of behavior it becomes very clear whether or not the allegations are true or false."

One of the biggest problems accused fathers face in divorce and custody are false allegations of domestic violence. John McLaughlin and Karen Borders of Borders, McLaughlin & Associates are former police detectives who employ an investigative approach to "He said/She said" domestic violence cases. Their Domestic Violence and Child Abuse Risk Assessments are designed to prove or disprove abuse allegations, and to answer the questions judges face.

Part I of my interview with John can be found here. Part II is below.

Q. It seems that most domestic violence cases revolve around a "He Said/She Said" scenario that men usually lose. You claim your services can get men beyond this dilemma--how?

First this is very easy to get beyond if time is spent looking into the allegations. Research shows that domestic violence, child abuse or child sexual abuse are all patterns of behaviors. No one wakes up one morning and begins to beat their spouse or children. There is a pattern of behavior that happens over time. When time is spent looking for these patterns of behavior it becomes very clear whether or not the allegations are true or false.

For example, if a man has never shown any warning signs or behaviors associated with domestic violence and now there is a single allegation of DV, there is not a great likelihood that it occurred, especially if it was not witnessed by anyone. The reality is family, friends, neighbors and others know what is going on. They might not know that they know what is going on, but when they are asked the right questions, they have a wealth of information. It is like putting a puzzle together. Pieces come from many different sources.

Domestic violence homicides are the most predictable and preventable homicide that occurs. They read like a map book if someone who understands the patterns of behaviors is looking at it. Once you understand this, it becomes pretty clear what is happening and whether an allegation is true or false.

Q How do you conduct your Domestic Violence and Child Abuse Risk Assessments? How do you know they're accurate?

We conduct our risk assessments with a collaborative team of experts who are specifically trained in domestic violence, child abuse and child sexual abuse. This team conducts an investigation into the allegations by searching for evidence of the patterns of behaviors known to be associated with DV and child abuse.

Interviews are conducted of the involved parties. Documents are analyzed for inconsistent statements, witnesses are located and interviewed. We utilize all available resources to look at the context of the allegations, to look at patterns of behaviors, and determine what the truth is. Utilizing two or three different disciplines and perspectives allows us to look at the allegations from different angles so nothing is missed.

Additionally, we are capable of doing these risk assessments one-sided. What I mean by this is if there is an allegation against a man, we can do the assessment without even having to talk to the woman. Since we do not rely on just what one person tells us, we are capable of developing our own sources of information.

Again we are looking for patterns of behaviors.

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.



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A Woman Who Has Her Priorities Straight

Beer gets seatbelt. Child doesn't
2/6/08

ST. AUGUSTINE, Fla. - Police have arrested a motorist they say had a 24-pack of beer strapped in with a seat belt but had a 16-month-old girl unrestrained in the back seat with the toddler's mother.

Tina D. Williams was pulled over in St. Augustine on Sunday for allegedly running a red light.

A 24-pack of Busch beer was strapped in with the passenger-side seat belt, according to an arrest report. The girl was in the back seat with 20-year-old Amber Tedrick, who is the toddler's mother.

Williams, 46, said she didn't know why the child wasn't restrained.

Williams refused to take a breath test and a deputy found two metal pipes commonly used to smoke drugs in her purse, authorities said.

Williams was charged with driving under the influence, child abuse, possession of drug paraphernalia and driving without a license, a jail official said. She remained in the St. Johns County jail Tuesday after bail was set at $31,000.

The jail did not have the name of her attorney. It was not clear if Tedrick would face any charges, but the child was released to her care, according to the Florida Times-Union.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Thanks to Mike, a reader, for the story.

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Help for NYC Fathers
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Husband Is Idiot in AT & T Commercial

Hubby is an idiot who gambles away the family's money and then reports his idiocy to his wife, who is--guess what?--smarter and more responsible than him.

There are two versions of the ad, similar and similarly insulting. The first one can be seen here. The second one can be seen here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Men on the Defensive--A Blog by Family Law/Criminal Defense Attorney Douglas R. Slain
Family Law/Criminal Defense Attorney Douglas R. Slain's blog Men on the Defensive discusses the cultural bias against men as well as the key family law and criminal law issues facing men and fathers today.  http://www.menonthedefensive.com/

Falsely Accused? How to Get Beyond the 'He Said/She Said' Dilemma
Restraining orders and supervised visitation orders are often issued after relying solely on statements made by the accuser and the accused. Borders, McLaughlin & Associates are former police detectives who employ a new and different approach to such cases. Their Domestic Violence and Child Abuse Risk Assessments are designed to prove or disprove abuse allegations, and to answer the questions judges face. Contact them at (888) 621-1900 or go to www.bmaa.com

Help for San Diego, Riverside Fathers
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Child Support Enforcement's Endless Errors (Part III): Dead Guy Falls Behind on His Child Support, Has Taxes Seized--'Being Dead Is No Excuse for Not Paying,' D.A. Says

Background: Critics of divorced fathers and so-called "deadbeat dads" are often unaware of the many problems with the way child support is set and enforced. One of these problems is the phenomenal amount of errors Child Support enforcement agencies make. I'll be running stories about them as part of my series called "Child Support Enforcement's Endless Errors."

Former California Assemblyman Rod Wright, a leading advocate of child support reform, says, "When you die, you can go up or you can go down, but either way child support enforcement is still gonna get their money." Below is an example. According to Dead Man Billed For Child Support:

"A widow says she's still getting bills from the Nebraska Child Support Office addressed to her late husband, asking for money. The Nebraska Child Support Office is asking for payments, even though her husband passed away a year ago.

"'He has two children that live in Texas and he had been paying child support on them,' said Dawn Hunt.

"Hunt used to live in Lincoln, but after her husband died, she moved to Des Moines, IA, and got a new job.

"'Mid-November, I received a bill in Chad's name to my new address in Iowa. It was from the Nebraska Child Support Office. I opened it up and it said, 'your child support is past due,' and I was like 'what is this?'" said Hunt.

"Hunt said she was told that the child support office knew he was deceased. Hunt said the office person she spoke with told her that an order needed to be made to stop payments and that the office would take care of it...

"Hunt has racked up around $4,000 in owed child support since his death. Due to the owed child support, Dawn Hunt's federal tax refunds were withheld for about a month because she filed jointly with her husband."

Perhaps the least trustworthy words ever are when an error is pointed out to child support enforcement and they promise to "take care of it."

BTW, I was just joking about "'Being Dead Is No Excuse for Not Paying,' D.A. Says." No district attorney would ever say such a thing. I think.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

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'My son was asked 'What do you consider to be your main home? The court asked him four more times until he said, ‘mummy’s house’

"Jim Parton, of Families Need Fathers, said that, although children should be listened to, those interviewing them needed to be very skilled to ensure that they did not ask leading questions. 'With my son when he was asked, aged 5, ‘What do you consider to be your main home?'

"He said, ‘I have mummy’s house and daddy’s house’. The court welfare officer then asked him the question four more times and led him by the nose until he said, ‘Mummy’s house’,” Mr Parton said."

Back in 2005 Anthony Douglas, the head of the UK Children and Family Court Advisory Support Service (Cafcass), stated that children as young as 7 should be allowed to decide which parent they want to live with in cases of divorce or separation. I'm appalled, and am happy to see that UK fatherhood groups criticized this idea.

On a larger level, I think when kids are given too much say over custody arrangements, the result is that parents are afraid to properly discipline or set limits for their teenagers. They're afraid that if they do so, the child will want to go live with the other parent, who may be enticing them with a sweeter deal. I receive plenty of letters from both divorced fathers and mothers who say their former spouse has done this.

I'm dubious about family courts even allowing children ages 12 or 14 to decide which parent they want to live with. Some children that age have the maturity to make a good decision, some don't. Also, kids can be easily manipulated and bribed, not to mention alienated or poisoned by one parent or another.

The story from July 2005 is below. Thanks to Steve Bayliss.


'Let 7-year-olds choose between their parents'
The Times, July 23, 2005
By Alexandra Frean, Social Affairs Correspondent

CHILDREN as young as 7 should be allowed to decide which parent they want to live with in cases of divorce or separation, Anthony Douglas, the head of the Children and Family Court Advisory Support Service (Cafcass), has said. The “wishes and needs” expressed by children, and not their parents, should be the starting point for settling residence and contact disputes, he said.“

Most children over the age of 7, 8 or 9, depending on their emotional development, will have a very clear view of what they want to happen. That view should stand unless there are safeguarding issues or some other overriding welfare issues.“

Children, when trusted and empowered, usually tell the truth. They will have thought about these issues very deeply. With their parents separating, they will be in a situation they don’t want to be in — they won’t have voted for it.

“They will tell you what they want to happen. That should be your starting point,” Mr Douglas told The Times.

Mr Douglas emphasised that, ideally, children should spend time with both parents, but should be allowed to decide who to live with most of the time.

He acknowledged that asking children was difficult, but said that the real test of whether parents wanted what was in their children’s best interests was whether they would allow their children to have a say.

Father’s groups reacted angrily to Mr Douglas’s comments, saying that they would be bound to favour mothers in disputed custody cases. Tony Coe, of the Equal Parenting Council, said that it was for parents to decide what was in children’s best interests. “Children should not be given the option to opt out of one parent any more than they are allowed to opt out of school or going to the dentist,” he said.

Matt O’Connor, a spokesman for Fathers4Justice, said that Mr Douglas’s approach represented a gross abdication of responsibility on the part of Cafcass, which was set up in 2001 to co-ordinate the representation of children’s interests before the courts. “It could leave children feeling very guilty if they felt they had been responsible for driving one parent or other from their lives,” he said.

Both organisations said that allowing children to decide would favour the parent with care at the time of the contact dispute, usually the mother, as there was a risk that she could poison the child’s mind against the absent parent, usually the father...

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here. 

Help for Midwest Fathers
Cordell & Cordell is one of the largest domestic relations firms for men in the Midwest, representing fathers in Missouri, Illinois, Texas, Kansas, Indiana and Georgia. Men who come to Cordell & Cordell know that their interests and the interests of their children will be aggressively championed. www.cordellcordell.com
Civil War - A Father's Guide to Winning Child Custody
Joseph E. Cordell's Civil War - A Father's Guide to Winning Child Custody  gives fathers clear, easy-to-understand tips on how to achieve the best results possible in a divorce. Comprehensive chapters explain every step of the divorce process, the meaning of legal terms, how courts determine custody, and how to maximize chances of victory at every stage. Cordell is the founder of Cordell & Cordell

Family Law Help for Dads Nationwide
The Alliance for Single Parents helps dads nationwide with child custody, child support, Parental Alienation, and other family law problems. If you've got a family law problem and are looking for a resolution at a reasonable price, call the Alliance for Single Parents at 1-888-937-3466 (1-888-We're Home) or email them by clicking here. www.allianceforsingleparents.com

The Gender-based Double-Standard on Labels & Stereotypes

I think this comic makes a very prescient point about the way women are sensitive about being labeled in certain ways, but thoughtlessly apply demeaning or insulting labels to men. The comic is "Girls and Sports"--thanks to Tim, a reader, for sending it.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Help for Florida Dads
Neil Leavitt, PA helps Florida dads defend their relationships with their children during divorce or separation. Leavitt specializes in family law and has practiced law for nearly three decades. The Law Office of Neil Leavitt can be contacted by phone at (954) 989-5858.

Help for Colorado Dads
As someone who has personally experienced the heartbreak of divorce and family breakup, Brett W. Martin, Esq. works to advance the interests and concerns of fathers in domestic and family law litigation. Personal attention is given to clients to help them through a very difficult time in their lives. www.brettwmartin.com

McMartin Pre-Schooler: 'I Lied'

"I remember telling them nothing happened to me...Anytime I would give them an answer that they didn't like, they would ask again and encourage me to give them the answer they were looking for. It was really obvious what they wanted..."

In several posts lately we've discussed how impressionable children can be manipulated into having fake memories or telling adults whatever they think adults want to hear. One of the best examples of this is the McMartin Pre-School case.

In November, 2005 the Los Angeles Times published the article "McMartin Pre-Schooler: 'I Lied': A long-delayed apology from one of the accusers in the notorious McMartin Pre-School molestation case." It is a horrifying read.

Kyle Zirpolo, now 30 years-old, writes:

"[As a child] I remember them asking extremely uncomfortable questions about whether Ray [Buckey, a defendant] touched me and about all the teachers and what they did--and I remember telling them nothing happened to me. I remember them almost giggling and laughing, saying, 'Oh, we know these things happened to you. Why don't you just go ahead and tell us? Use these dolls if you're scared.'

"Anytime I would give them an answer that they didn't like, they would ask again and encourage me to give them the answer they were looking for. It was really obvious what they wanted...

"I felt uncomfortable and a little ashamed that I was being dishonest. But at the same time, being the type of person I was, whatever my parents wanted me to do, I would do. And I thought they wanted me to help protect my little brother and sister who went to McMartin...

"My parents were very encouraging when I said that things happened. It was almost like saying things happened was going to help get these people in jail and stop them from what they were trying to do to kids. Also, there were so many kids saying all these things happened that you didn't want to be the one who said nothing did. You wouldn't be believed if you said that.

"I remember feeling like they didn't pick just anybody--they picked me because I had a good memory of what they wanted, and they could rely on me to do a good job. I don't think they thought I was telling the truth, just that I was telling the same stories consistently, doing what needed to be done to get these teachers judged guilty. I felt special. Important.

"It always seemed like I was thinking. I would listen to what my parents would say if they were talking, or to what someone else would say if we were being questioned at the police station or anywhere. And I would repeat things. Or if it wasn't a story I'd heard, I would think of something in my head. I would try to think of the worst thing possible that would be harmful to a child. I remember once I said that if you had a cut, instead of putting a Band-Aid on it, the McMartin teachers would put on dirt, then put the Band-Aid over the dirt. That was just something in my head that was bad. I just thought of it and told [the investigators]...

"The lawyers had all my stories written down and knew exactly what I had said before. So I knew I would have to say those exact things again and not have anything be different, otherwise they would know I was lying. I put a lot of pressure on myself. At night in bed, I would think hard about things I had said in the past and try to repeat only the things I knew I'd said before..."

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Families Against Confiscatory Child Support (FACCS)
FACCS is the national voice for fair and reasonable child support. FACCS believes all parents have an obligation to support their children financially. However, in high income cases, state and federal laws often result in excessive awards that are effectively alimony in disguise and have little to do with supporting children. Huge child support awards lead to protracted custody disputes, undermines co-parenting, and leaves children worse off financially. www.faccsonline.org / contact@faccsonline.org

Help for Florida Dads
Neil Leavitt, PA helps Florida dads defend their relationships with their children during divorce or separation. Leavitt specializes in family law and has practiced law for nearly three decades. The Law Office of Neil Leavitt can be contacted by phone at (954) 989-5858.

Text Messages as 'Stalking' or 'Abuse'

Sending text messages, in some contexts, can be considered stalking or abuse. In general, I don't take this very seriously--we often get ominous reports of a man violating a domestic violence restraining order when it turns out that all he did was text message his ex about child pickup or drop-off arrangements. Still, the case below is enough to qualify--a 23-year-old woman text messaged her ex-boyfriend 10,783 times in 65 days.

Wayne, a reader, for sending me the story below.  Wayne writes:

"She got no actual punishment, but I'll bet that was a very stern finger wagging she received. She may have even got a 'withering glare' from the magistrate. A man would be in jail, charged with stalking. She violated the order at least once already."

Boyfriend takes jilted ex to court after she bombarded him with 10,000 texts

A bitter ex-girlfriend bombarded her former lover with 10,000 abusive phone and text messages in just 65 days - an average of one every eight minutes.

Obsessed Lee Amor, 23, called or texted Timothy Mortimore 10,783 times after falling pregnant by another man - but convinced herself the baby was his.

Amor sent him used pregnancy tests and left a bottle of urine on his doorstep in an attempt to show him he was the father of her unborn child.

She loitered outside his home, followed him and his current partner by car, approached him at work demanding they talk, sent a piece of glass she had used to cut herself and made gestures of self-harm in front of him.

But Amor walked free from court after pleading guilty to harassment between July 28 and September 30 last year "in texting, sending mobile video messages, telephone calls, and in person", contrary to a warning issued on July 28.

She was given a conditional discharge for two years, told to pay £200 costs and made the subject of a restraining order which bars her from contacting him or approaching his home in Torquay, Devon.

In a statement to the court, Timothy Mortimore said: "It has caused me physical and emotional fatigue. I did not want to see her.

"I wish this constant pressure to stop so I can lead a normal life with my current partner."

Speaking after the hearing, Timothy, a home electronics store manager, said his ex girlfriend made his life a "nightmare".

He said: "It has been a hard seven months and I just want to put it behind me. No-one can imagine what a nightmare this has been.

"I think the sentence is sufficient. I did not want to get her into trouble with the law but this was the last resort when she was knocking on the door day and night.

"I had no choice. She needs help and I tried to get it for her."

South Devon Magistrates Court in Torquay heard Amor had fallen pregnant after they broke up following a six month relationship and was convinced it was her former partner's.

John Watson, prosecuting, said she had been issued with a warning by officers about her behaviour in July but went on to contact him an "astronomical" number of times.

He said: "They had broken up in June and she had taken it very badly, and it appeared to be over an ex-boyfriend.

"On September 29 she did something bizarre. She appeared to be making gestures of self-harm to her wrists."

When police were called they found Amor close to Mr Mortimore's home and after examining her phone logs found a high volume of calls and texts to his numbers.

Mr Watson added: "Between July and September this came to an astronomical total of 10,843, many abusive or threatening self-harm.

"Over the space of 65 days this means on average she was making contact once every eight minutes.

"In interview, Amor admitted to police she had also sent him items through the post, including pregnancy tests. It was an attempt to prove she was pregnant and it was his child she was pregnant with.

"That did not appear to be true and Mr Mortimore has refuted that."

John Smethurst, defending, said she had started contacted her ex-boyfriend when she believed her baby was his and he would not talk to her.

He said: "At the time she thought it was his child but it is not. She thought it was his and he just dropped her and refused to have anything to do with her.

"She was upset and wanted to talk to him about it and has over used the telephone but she had a reason for doing so."

Read the full article here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Help for Houston Fathers
The Law Offices of Thomas A. Martin helps fathers with Family Law and Criminal Defense in Houston and surrounding areas. Martin handles divorce, child custody, alimony, domestic violence, restraining orders and a wide variety of issues fathers face. www.thomasamartin.com

Help for Seattle Fathers
The Law Offices of O. Yale Lewis III is a one-person law firm that focuses on customer care. Mr. Lewis can help you identify and focus on the outcome that you want and implement the steps necessary to get there. www.yalelewislaw.com.

As if Family Law Weren't Invasive Enough, Now Divorce Attorneys Know Where You Are Via Your Electronic Toll Road Data

"Divorce attorneys track the every move of California motorists who use FasTrak electronic toll road transponders. Records of every trip a motorist takes on an electronic toll road over a five-year period is fair game for divorce attorneys...Divorce lawyer Alexandra Mussallem uses FasTrak to build a case.

"'We often have arguments about whether or not one spouse works to his or her maximum earning capacity,' Mussallem told the Times. 'If someone hits the Bay Bridge toll plaza at noon on a day he said he was working, you know he's not working. He might be with his girlfriend in Contra Costa County.'"

I object to this invasion of privacy. And needless to say, the reporter justifies it by pointing to the stereotype of the deadbeat dad shirking his work and his child support payments, so he can--surprise--slip away with the woman he probably abandoned his wife for. The article is below--thanks to Thomas, a reader, for sending it to me.

California: Divorce Attorneys Raid Electronic Toll Road Data
6/14/2007

Divorce attorneys track the every move of California motorists who use FasTrak electronic toll road transponders.

Records of every trip a motorist takes on an electronic toll road over a five-year period is fair game for divorce attorneys and others given access to California's FasTrak system. The device records the location, date and time that a vehicle equipped with a transponder passes a tolling checkpoint. The data is held indefinitely.

A Contra Costa Times investigation earlier this month found about twenty subpoenas used in the past two years to gain information about a handful of the 620,000 FasTrak users in the San Francisco Bay area who crossed one of eight toll bridges. Divorce lawyer Alexandra Mussallem uses FasTrak to build a case.

"We often have arguments about whether or not one spouse works to his or her maximum earning capacity," Mussallem told the Times. "If someone hits the Bay Bridge toll plaza at noon on a day he said he was working, you know he's not working. He might be with his girlfriend in Contra Costa County."

FasTrak has an unadvertised anonymous account option for motorists who do not wish to be tracked. A FasTrak device -- which still has a serial number and is tracked -- is linked to an account with no personal details. The motorist may go to a service center in person to update the account with cash.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Help for Orange County Dads--Free Consultation
Family law attorney J. Christian Conrad in Orange County, California helps fathers with divorce, child custody/visitation, child support, domestic violence, property division, alimony, and other family law problems. Call 949 457-0101 for a free consultation. www.jcc-law.com

Pre-Paid Legal Services for Divorced Dads
Pre-Paid Legal gives members access to professional legal counsel both for traditional legal problems and for everyday events where legal review should be routine, but rarely is. For Pre-Paid Legal members, access to legal counsel is only a toll-free phone call away. This is an ideal product for divorced dads--to learn more, click here or call Josh Case.

Embattled Police Chief Says Charge of Spousal Rape was Concocted by Ex-Wife in Custody Battle

Background: There's a lot at stake in divorce proceedings, and false spousal rape accusations can be as effective as false domestic violence or child sexual abuse charges in stripping fathers of custody of their children. In 2006, California state Senator Sheila Kuehl (D-Los Angeles) sponsored SB 1402, which eliminates the distinction between spousal rape and other rapes, thus allowing for spousal rape prosecutions six years later, even if there was no mention or independent evidence of the crime in previous years. Under SB 1402, when aggravated spousal rape is alleged, there would be no statute of limitations.

I criticized the bill in my co-authored column Kuehl's Spousal Rape Bill Will Harm Innocent Men (Sacramento News & Review, 6/15/06). The bill passed with ease.

To be fair, while it can be a nightmare for a man falsely accused of spousal rape to clear himself, it is also  difficult for a woman who really was raped by her husband to prove it.

Recently a Northern California police chief was arrested on suspicion of spousal rape. I have no idea whether the charge is true or not, but I was a little skeptical of the allegations when they first came out, and the article below adds to my skepticism. The police chief claims that it is his ex-wife, with whom he is in conflict in a custody case, who made the allegation that his current wife was raped while intoxicated or drugged. 

A related video can be seen here. We'll see what happens.

Thanks to Richard, a reader, for the article.

Gallegos sticks to his guns regarding investigation into Blue Lake police chief
Eureka Times-Standard
02/13/2008

Blue Lake Police Chief David Gundersen's attorney said Tuesday that a bitter custody dispute is likely the genesis of his arrest on suspicion of spousal rape.

Arcata attorney Russell Clanton said that Gundersen's current wife told him that she's not a victim, and that she's completely supportive of her husband. She did not attend the press conference and attempts to contact her were unsuccessful.

Clanton said that he believes it was Gundersen's ex-wife who alleged his current wife was raped while intoxicated or drugged. Clanton said the chief intends to plead not guilty at his arraignment, which is expected today, to any charges if they are filed.

"Frankly I think the position is that the state has put their nose into the bedroom of Chief Gundersen and his current wife," Clanton said.

District Attorney Paul Gallegos strongly disagreed with Clanton's take. He said Tuesday that he believes Gundersen's current wife is the alleged victim, that she first reported the alleged acts and that his investigators have been in contact with her in recent days.

"If we don't have a victim, it seems we wouldn't have probable cause to issue an arrest warrant," Gallegos said.

Gundersen's ex-wife works as a legal office assistant at the Humboldt County Sheriff's Office. The office received the initial call from the victim, according to Gallegos, and then forwarded the information and turned the investigation over to the district attorney.

Gundersen's current wife is a sergeant at the Blue Lake Police Department and is currently on leave.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Divorce and Family Consultant Jayne A. Major, Ph.D. Helps Parents all over the United States
Dr. Major, founder of Breakthrough Parenting Services, Inc., helps dads all over the US with Parental Alienation Syndrome, child custody, preparing for psychological evaluations, dealing with personality disorders including BPD,
parenting and family relationship issues, and much more. Contact her at  jaynemajor@gmail.com or (310) 823-7846. For more info., click here.

Feminist Yale Graduation Speech: 'Some of the well-dressed fathers in the audience have sexually abused the women who are now graduating'

"Anti-male bigots have committed countless campus outrages—without resistance. In Catharine A. MacKinnon: The Rise of a Feminist Censor, 1983-1993, Christopher M. Final describes a scene which might properly be labeled modern collegiate America's darkest hour. According to Final, during MacKinnon's 1989 Yale commencement address she said:

"'Some of the proud mothers in the audience [are] sitting next to men who [have] battered them. Some of the well-dressed fathers [have] sexually abused the women who [are] now graduating.'

"The men's reaction to this outrage should have been an immediate and unanimous walk out—and every decent woman should have been right with them. Instead, as Final notes, 'the unfairness of [MacKinnon's] generalization did not diminish the enthusiasm of her supporters. They led the audience in a standing ovation for their departing heroine.'

"And the men—most of whom had worked long hours for decades to support their families and allow their daughters to attend one of the world's most prestigious universities—did not resist, instead remaining mute, silenced and shamed."

Below is a Valentine's Day column I wrote about manbashing on college campuses several years ago. Both when I went to college in the early 1980s and particularly when I went to graduate school at UCLA in the late '90s, I was appalled at the anti-male bigotry. I wrote several articles about it, and it was quite cathartic. In re-reading this one, I have to say that it still irritates me.

The Best Valentine's Day Gift for College Students: Gender Reconciliation
By Glenn Sacks
She Thinks (2/13/03)

Valentine's Day, once a happy occasion for college students, has instead become a day of rancor and discord which symbolizes the divide between men and women on college campuses.

Much of the sour sentiment surrounding Valentine's Day has been caused by Eve Ensler's "holiday" campaign "V-Day: Until the Violence Stops." For years the holiday's backers and its campus supporters in Women's Studies departments and women's centers have propagated a series of discredited falsehoods which stigmatize and vilify men by wildly exaggerating the extent of American men's violence against women. Dissident feminist Christian Hoff Sommers calls these canards "hate statistics."

Ensler's "holiday" is now "celebrated" on over 500 college campuses, and college newspapers are saturated both with misandrist (anti-male) V-Day ads and approving news stories and opinion columns. Valentine's Day, which in the past symbolized the romantic bonds between men and women, has been turned into a day which further separates them.

Bringing gender reconciliation to our college campuses will require several reforms and changes, the first and foremost of which is the reformation of Women's Studies.

Women's Studies began as a legitimate attempt to recapture women's lost place in "his story" as well as in modern culture, and to highlight the massive yet often hidden societal contributions of women. However, as many dissident feminists have noted, feminism has been hijacked by a bigoted minority which has excluded moderates and freethinkers. Women's Studies has become, to use Lenin's term, a "transmission belt" carrying misandry into the population at large. Both by its ability to capture media attention and its influence on the thinking of the 2.3 million men and women who graduate college every year, Women's Studies has helped poison American culture against men.

Rather than employing an entire class of academics who are paid to research, invent, teach, and propagate misandry, we need academic programs that promote true scholarship. The voices of dissident feminists and men's advocates, which are currently excluded, must be heard. These include: the eminently sensible Cathy Young, Camille Paglia, Wendy McElroy, Warren Farrell, and Sommers; as well as many others.

Second, we need anti-misandrist campus political organizations dedicated to promoting gender reconciliation. Many feminist groups and campus women's centers claim, at least in public, that "men are welcome here, too." Some have even changed their names to include men, and many now include male victims among the female victims in their statistics sections.

However, the reality behind their “welcome” is that men are invited to join feminist groups so they can be taught to dislike men as much as feminists do. Male victims are only listed and acknowledged if the perpetrator of the crime is also male, as in child molestation or domestic violence between gay men. Crimes committed primarily by women, such as child abuse, parental murder of children, and child endangerment, are ignored, as are heterosexual male victims of domestic violence and victims of false accusations of rape or abuse.

Campus groups which seek gender reconciliation face many challenges. For example, the University of New Hampshire group Stop Hating Men, formed in February of last year, disbanded because it faced a wall of feminist-generated hostility and stood little chance of getting administrative approval...

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

The Men's Legal Center--Help for Men & Fathers
The Men's Legal Center, Family Law Advocates specializes in representing men in Family Law Court in San Diego. They also provide guidance and assistance for fathers all over California. Contact them at 619.234.3838 or by email by clicking here.

Online Dating Rights
Online Dating Rights opposes the new federal International Marriage Broker Regulation Act, which requires Americans who seek to meet foreigners via the internet to have a criminal background check and an intrusive report about intimate details of one's life BEFORE any communication--the first time in US history that such checks have been required. www.onlinedatingrights.com

Fathers & Families News Digest, 2-19-08

Below are some recent articles and items of interest from Fathers & Families' latest News Digest.

The path to an amicable divorce (Times Online, 2-13-08)

Radio station giving away free divorce (Associated Press, 2-13-08)

Valentine's Day is a big day for divorce in the Valley (Arizona Republic, 2-13-08)

Bill to allow same-sex divorce to be introduced (Providence Journal, 2-14-08)

"Most Wanted" billboards lead to arrests of parents not paying child support (The Plain Dealer, 2-14-08)

Custody case: dogs in middle (Tulsa World, 2-15-08)

'After divorce I wanted to die' (The Sun, 2-15-08)

Judge: Tell Winkler about kids' trust (Jackson Sun, 2-16-08)

Officials go on deadbeat search twice a year (Lancaster Eagle-Gazette, 2-17-08)

Fur flies over dog custody (New York Daily News, 2-18-08)

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here, or visit the Fathers & Families blog here.

Fathers' Rights Legal Help
If you need help with divorce, child custody, child support, alimony and visitation issues, The Law Offices of Jeffery M. Leving, Ltd. is one of the only law firms in the country focused almost exclusively on fathers' rights in divorce. Leving did heroic work on the Elian Gonzalez case, helping reunite Elian with his father. He also co-authored Illinois' Joint Custody Law, and was named one of "America's Best Lawyers" by Forbes Radio. Leving is the author of Fathers' Rights: Hard Hitting and Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute. Call today for an initial consultation (312) 807-3990 or visit us on the web at www.dadsrights.com.
Legal Help for Los Angeles, Riverside Fathers
If you live in Los Angeles, Riverside or Orange counties and you're facing a divorce, separation, or a child custody issue, the law firm of Oddenino & Gaule can help. www.OddLaw.net

How Nice--Radio Station Giving away Free Divorce

Perhaps they could also give away free therapy to the kids who are harmed by the divorce, and quite possibly separated from their father...

Thanks to David, a reader, for the story.

Radio station giving away free divorce

CHARLESTON, W.Va. - A Charleston radio station is observing Valentine's Day with a reminder that Cupid sometimes misses his mark.

WKLC-FM, better known as Rock 105, is giving away a free divorce.

Valentine's Day isn't all hearts and flowers, says WKLC Program Director Jay Nunley. There is a darker side, he said, "where maybe you despise your spouse and resent the entire day."

Through 4 p.m. on Thursday, Valentine's Day, applications for the free divorce will be accepted on the classic rock station's Web site, http://www.wklc.com. The winning name will be drawn at 5 p.m.

Nunley cautions that this is a real divorce and people shouldn't enter if they aren't serious. Also, people expecting a long, drawn-out legal battle should hire a lawyer because the Rock 105 contest is for a relatively uncomplicated divorce.

Charleston attorney Rusty Webb will handle the actual filing.

"Sure we can give away concert tickets, and we do," said Nunley. "That's going to make you happy for a little while. This is the chance to make someone happy for the rest of their life."

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Help for Georgia Dads
Georgia attorney Edwin M. Saginar has 36 years of experience in family law and criminal defense, including domestic violence. He has seen many spouses falsely accuse their significant others of family violence, and knows how to defend your rights. www.edwinsaginar.com

My Sara
My Sara
--How the Adoption Assistance Agency stole a baby girl away from her loving family and put her up for adoption, for a nice profit. To learn more about this incredible story, go to www.my-sara.com

Mail Service Slightly Faster than Usual--Boston Man Receives Postcard From 1929

Boston Man Receives Postcard From 1929

BOSTON (AP) — The message on the postcard to a "Miss Margaret McDonald" was short. Its path to the intended address was much longer. Nearly 79 years after it was sent, a postcard of Yellowstone National Park's Tower Falls arrived in a Boston mailbox recently with the one-word message, "Greetings."

Its intended recipient had long since left the Victorian on Sparhawk Street, and the sender was not identified by name.

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