of folks whose children live in million-dollar houses who can't say that.'

"Appearing recently on the Oprah Winfrey Show, Christopher, now 25, paid his father the greatest compliment any parent could receive:

"'I didn't know we were homeless. I just remember that we were doing a whole lot of moving. I just know that when I looked up, he was there. I looked around, he was there.'"

Other progress for fathers in the media we cited included: the successful conclusion of our Campaign Against PBS's Father-Bashing Breaking the Silence; the success of Tim Russert's Wisdom of Our Fathers: Lessons and Letters from Daughters and Sons; Ford Motor Company's controversial "Bold Moves" divorced dad ad; and others. We concluded:

"While the 'Father Knows Best' depiction of dads was always a distortion, the 'Father Knows Nothing' media theme of the past couple of decades has been a far greater one. Dads deserve a media rehabilitation--hopefully 2006 was its beginning."

To discuss the column, click here.

There has been considerable controversy in the fatherhood movement over Ford Motor Company's controversial "Bold Moves" divorced dad ad. The ad can be viewed here. Some saw the ad as degrading or insulting to divorced dads, and I received numerous letters urging me to launch a protest campaign against the ad, as we did during our successful 2004 Campaign Against Anti-Father Verizon Commercial. Others saw the commercial as a positive for divorced dads. I discussed the ad's pros and cons in my E-newsletter here. As I've noted, while I understand people's negative reaction to the commercial, as a whole I see it as a positive development. In Dads finally get fair shake in the media (Chicago Sun-Times, 12/24/06) we wrote:

"[The ad] was another step forward for fathers. The ad begins with a stereotypically happy family taking a trip to the beach in a Ford Freestyle SUV. At the end of the commercial comes an unexpected twist--the car pulls into a housing complex, and dad gets out. He hugs his kids, tells them he'll see them next week, tells his ex-wife, 'Thanks for inviting me this weekend,' and waves goodbye.

"The ad does more than give heretofore invisible divorced dads some needed visibility; it also provides an important image of a divorced couple working to preserve their children's relationships with both parents. Dad remains involved, and his ex, instead of putting forth her new husband as the children's 'new dad,' invites him along."

To discuss the Ford divorced dad ad, click here.
 

Many of you emailed me the recent Washington Post column "Who's Your Daddy? My Father Was an Anonymous Sperm Donor." The piece, authored by 18 year-old Katrina Clark, is moving and sad. As for her description of her experience as a fatherless, anonymous sperm donor-conceived child, there's little to add. I criticized the sperm donor/fatherless parenting trend at some length in my co-authored column Are Single Mothers the 'New American Family?' (World Net Daily, 9/28/06) and won't repeat the argument here. However, there are a couple sections of the article which jumped out at me. Clark writes:

"I've never been angry at my mother--all my life she has been my hero, my everything. She sacrificed so much as a single mother, living on food stamps, trying to make ends meet. I know that many people considered her a pioneer, a trailblazer for a new offshoot of the women's movement."

Huh? I'm glad she's not angry at her mother, but spare me the "sacrificed so much as a single mother" routine. She chose to have a fatherless child. In fact, she went way out of her way to have one. It's not like she's a widow or an abandoned wife. It's bad enough that she chose to have a fatherless baby--she also chose to bring a baby into a difficult economic environment. Whatever she is, she's no victim.

On a more sentimental note, I was also struck by Clark's dreams of a father. Clark writes:

"Growing up, it didn't matter that I don't have a dad -- or at least that is what I told myself. Just sometimes, when I was small, I would daydream about a tall, lean man picking me up and swinging me around in the front yard, a manly man melting at a touch from his little girl. I wouldn't have minded if he weren't around all the time, as long as I could have the sweet moments of reuniting with his strong arms and hearty laugh. My daydreams always ended abruptly; I knew I would never have a dad. As a coping mechanism, I used to think that he was dead. That made it easier."

I'm reminded of the words of Jonetta Rose Barras, author of Whatever Happened to Daddy's Little Girl? The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women. When she was seven or eight years-old her mother and stepfather broke up and her stepfather subsequently disappeared from and/or was driven out of her life. She writes:

"My childhood was one long, empty night. I owned an overwhelming sadness and loneliness...years later, I realized that I had attributed my fragmented geography to an episode that remained imprinted on my psyche in unbelievable detail and that had a profound affect: Noel's mysterious departure.

"Noel and my mother lived together for several years after her legal separation from Bill. One day he was in our house; the next day he was gone. I missed him desperately. I have replayed one particular frame in my history with Noel over and over again. Noel's long, lean arms wrap around my waist, like a hula hoop or a life pre­server. The left side of his forehead brushes mine. My dark skin does not nauseate him. It is black silk; he smiles from its touch. I smile back.. He is Daddy, I feel protected and loved. He made me feel loved; he made me feel wanted. He was the father from whose departure I would never recover. He was gone.

"Sometimes I sat at one of the sidewalk cafes; sometimes I sat on a bench or on the curb, like a lost, homeless child. I waited for Noel to drive through, recognize me, and take me with him. On the bus, I searched each man's features; I did not want mistakenly to pass him. It has been years; maybe his hair has greyed. Maybe his face has wrinkled. But his eyes, surely his eyes are transfixed in the same place and the same season as mine: summer 1956, when miracle was my middle name, and he wrote it over and over."

Clark's words also remind me of a touching passage called "The Dream Dad" from Tim Russert's Wisdom of Our Fathers in which Janet Rogozinski of Potomac, Maryland explains:

"My father died when I was less than two years old. I have no memory of him, and my widowed mother, in her pain, moved on, remarried, and never mentioned him again. I grew up without an image or likeness to understand who I came from. But I also grew strong and responsible, hearing in my head endless advice that I was sure my father would have given me, had he lived. In a way I had the best of imaginary fathers, because I could justify almost anything with, 'If my father were alive, he would approve.' With age and wisdom, I learned that the fantasy had served me well.

"After I turned forty, my mother gave me a photo of my father in uniform during World War II, so strong and handsome. With three children of my own, I suddenly turned into a daughter for a few weeks, staring at the picture. Each night I would kiss him good night, touch his cheek on the photo, look into his eyes, and wonder what he was thinking. I somehow bonded with the father I never had."

To read more or to comment, click here.

This article discusses a "Covenant Marriage" proposal for Texas. Under the bill, couples could voluntarily agree to have a Covenant Marriage or to convert their existing marriage into a Covenant one. In so doing, to divorce, "one of the spouses would have to break one of the 'covenants' -- which include conviction of a felony, going to prison for a year, being abusive, or cheating."

I have mixed emotions about no-fault divorce. Part of the original opposition to no-fault was the belief that it would allow men to freely dump their wives once they got older, whereas a fault-based system (supposedly) prevented this. Yet few seemed to anticipate that the problem would be turned on its head--it is women who initiate the vast majority of divorces. No-fault has allowed them to divorce perfectly fit, decent husbands and push them to the margins of their children's lives.

On the other hand, there are legitimate reasons to oppose fault-based divorce. Under the previous system, when couples wanted to divorce, one of them would have to claim adultery or some other sin in order for the marriage to be dissolved. Needless to say, usually it was the man who fell on his sword and confessed to oft-imaginary wrongdoing. I can see why the legal system grew weary of this in the late 1960s/early 1970s and pushed for no-fault. I suppose one could also argue that women (and men) in abusive relationships might be further trapped in them if they are unable to provide proof of the abuse.

Unfortunately, opposition to no fault or attempts to return to some form of a fault-based system usually seems to be based on religious beliefs. This naturally incurs the wrath of the "separation of church and state" crowd. What seems obvious to me is that there should be optional fault-based divorce outside of any religious words or undertones. Whatever one's religious beliefs, it's obvious that divorce harms kids and (in most cases) shouldn't be so easy to obtain. 

From the Onion--Nancy Pelosi Wants Congress To Want To Pass Bill:

"WASHINGTON, DC--Newly elected Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D--CA) accused her fellow House Democrats of 'just mouthing support' for a bill she introduced that is expected to pass overwhelmingly when the incoming 110th Congress convenes next year.

"'It's obvious you don't really want to, and you're only doing it because you think that's what I want.'

"'You shouldn't just pass it because I want it, but because you want it, too,' said Pelosi of the bill, which would reduce interest rates on federally funded college loans. 'I'm really disappointed you're not as excited as I am about this bill. It says a lot. It really says a lot.'

"Rep. Jerry Costello (D--IL), a vocal advocate of the bill, expressed confusion over Pelosi's reaction to his support.

"'I don't understand what Speaker Pelosi expects from us, though I don't dare say that to her,' Costello said. 'I've been trying to be extra nice to her lately after she told me that my voting record on Medicare and prescription-drug issues has been 'distant' lately. 'Distant?' What does that even mean?'

"Pelosi said that her doubts about the reception toward her bill stem from a general fear that Capitol Hill politicians were 'only going through the motions lately' and 'merely placating me to keep me quiet.' She also expressed concern that her relationship to the House was based completely on voting.

"'I want to be part of a Congress that doesn't pass legislation just to pass it, but because it really, truly believes in it,' Pelosi said. 'I don't care if we don't get a single bill out of committee the whole time I'm Speaker--just as long as we're open and honest about where we're at.'"

How many of you feel like Jerry Costello sometimes? Not me of course--never...Read the rest of the article by clicking here.
 

Recently I debated Michigan Right to Life over Michigan's Coercive Abortion Prevention Act in the pages of the Detroit News. My column (co-authored with family law attorney Jeffery M. Leving) was Bill assumes male guilt and opens door to unfair prosecutions. Suanne Thompson's counterpoint was Women need protection from undue pressure to have abortions. The Detroit News recently published a bunch of letters on the issue at "Should state prevent coercive abortions?" To read the letters and comment on the subject, click here.

According to the Associated Press article Kansas Man Gets Prison Time in HIV Case:

"An HIV-positive man accused of knowingly exposing three women to the virus has been sentenced to nearly three years in prison.

"Robert Richardson II, 30, apologized at his sentencing Wednesday, but he argued that while his behavior was unethical, it wasn't criminal.

"Richardson was found guilty last month of four counts of HIV exposure involving three women, and he was found not guilty of exposing a fourth woman."

OK, bad enough, but get this:

"Jurors said they were appalled by how he deceived the women by telling them his health problems were from a heart condition. Richardson said he didn't lie, and that he did have a 'HAART' condition -- short for Highly Active Anti-Retroviral Therapy, the name he used for his HIV-treatment drug regimen."

If I were a judge I'd throw the guy in jail for that line alone...

We've discussed many times how false allegations of domestic violence are used as custody maneuvers. The website DontMakeHerMad.com details some interesting surveillance options for men (or women) who are in contentious pre or post-divorce situations and who want to protect themselves from false allegations.

Their motto is "If lies could put you in jail, you must survail," and it's a hard one to argue with. I know some will say "but these things are sneaky and sometimes even illegal." I'm not advising anyone to do anything illegal, and I don't like anybody being sneaky. Yet the wrong committed to defend yourself is a drop in the bucket compared to the terrible crime committed by false accusers. All day long I receive letters from men who've lost their children and had their lives devastated by false allegations--I won't be losing any sleep over advising these men to defend themselves.

This technology is very useful and is also interesting--I was not aware that many of these devices even existed.

(To learn more about this problem, see my co-authored column Letterman Case Shows Problems with Restraining Orders (Albuquerque Tribune, 1/17/06).

There are also many clever recording devices available. Button cams are hidden video cameras built into buttons that you sew onto your clothing. Some button cams record both video and audio. When buying a button cam, the seller will usually include several other identical buttons so that the button cam blends in with the rest of clothing. The camera is so small that it is powered by a 9-volt battery. It can either transmit a wireless signal to any recorder within range, or connect with a wire directly to a miniature recorder in your pocket.

Button cams can be used in conjunction with miniature recorders. Miniature recorders are tiny electronic video recorders that are small enough to fit in your pocket. They store video either to a tiny hard drive, or to a tiny storage chip called an "SD card." The video is stored as digital files that can be uploaded onto a computer.

Tiger Electronics makes a miniature recorder that is technically made for kids, but is perfect for recording surveillance and is very inexpensive. This recorder is perfect when you need to prove child abuse by an adult (including parental alienation tactics by bitter ex-wives against non-custodial fathers), but cannot do so without the child's assistance. In the hands of a child, this recorder will seem (to unknowing adults) like a harmless toy. In the hands of an adult, it could be a potent tool in exposing the truth of an abusive woman.

Voice recorders can also be embedded into Wrist Watches. They usually play MP3 files, and are not specifically surveillance devices. They can record enough for 2-4 hours of audio, either continuously or in separate files. The recording quality is about the same as a tape recorder and its biggest advantage is that it is body-worn and therefore always available.

Pens are also clever miniature recorders. They are actually real pens that write with ink but also record audio. They are stainless steel, with a few buttons down the side. They might be especially useful when in plain sight, in close range of a sound source. You retrieve the audio by taking off the top half of the pen and plugging it into the USB slot on your computer, where it becomes a virtual hard drive containing audio files.

Wisdom of Our Fathers

As I mentioned after my co-authored column America's Father Hunger (World Net Daily, 10/13/06) came out, a new feature on my E-newsletter for the near future is an excerpt from Tim Russert's Wisdom of Our Fathers. This week's excerpt is "The Net" from counseling psychologist Ruthann Fox-Hines of Columbia, SC, daughter of John Paul Fox, steamboat inspector (1900-1981):

"My mother died when I was twelve, and my father, a former ship's master who inspected ships in Hampton Roads, Virginia, was left to raise a budding teenage daughter on his own. Although he was experienced in many areas, he had almost none when it came to bringing up a daughter. Sometimes he was overprotective, and we often butted heads, but there was always love and respect between us. I suspect he did a great deal of praying.

"When I finished college at nineteen--the local one, because he wasn't letting me go off anywhere--I started teaching in a parochial school. By the summer, a friend was able to arrange passage for me to Europe on an Italian coal freighter sailing out to Norfolk. Poppa didn't stop me, and I had thirteen wonderful days as queen of the sea on the Gabiano, living out my fantasy of following in my father's footsteps.

"I was the only passenger and the only woman. The bursar gave up his room for me (I never knew where he bunked). I dined with the chief engineer and the captain, and the three officers and the radiomen entertained me--all very properly. I was told that the captain was unusually nice, and that the men were getting over their superstitions about having a woman on board. It was a great adventure.

"About ten years later, after I was married with a school-age son, my father told me the real story. When I announced my plans for a sea adventure, He immediately called the owners of the shipping company that owned the Gabiano and said, explaining that his daughter would be on board, 'It'll be your ass if anything happens to her.'

"He didn't stop me from having an adventure because I was a girl. He let me have it, and the confidence that came with it. Without my knowledge, he provided a safety net. He had run off to sea at sixteen and was a ship's master by twenty-three. I think he realized that if I had been his son, there would have been no stopping me, so instead of preventing me from going, He did what he could quietly to extend his protective arms without getting in the way. Although he is gone now, I still talk to him and ask him to keep that invisible safety net in place."            

Best Wishes,
Glenn Sacks
GlennSacks.com

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