In October 2005, PBS aired the film Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories on many of its affiliates. The film portrayed fathers as batterers and child molesters who use family court machinations to wrest children away from their mothers. The film was extremely one-sided, and presented a harmful and inaccurate view of divorce and child custody cases. Moreover, the film portrayed one mother as a heroic, victimized mom, when records which we made public show that she had abused children under her care, and had lost custody for that reason.

I joined with Fathers and Families, the American Coalition for Fathers & Children, and others in a campaign to force PBS to "provide fatherhood and shared parenting advocates a meaningful opportunity to present our side of the issues." Over 10,000 of you wrote or called PBS, and both PBS's ombudsman and the Corporation for Public Broadcasting's ombudsman echoed our central criticisms about the film.

In December, PBS notified us that they would "commission an hour-long documentary" for the purpose of further examining the "complex and important issues" raised in the film and by our campaign. They promised the "hour-long treatment of the subject will allow ample opportunity" for those of differing views to "have their perspectives shared, challenged and debated."

Kids & Divorce: For Better or Worse, the film they commissioned in response to our campaign, aired in over 50 markets in September. To PBS's credit, they followed through on the commitment they made last December to produce a balanced film. Moreover, PBS partially adopted the approach we suggested for the film. Earlier this year Fathers and Families wrote to Dave Iverson, the film's producer and host, and suggested that he make shared parenting the central theme of the new PBS film. We are pleased to see that Iverson took the suggestion seriously--much of Kids & Divorce concerns shared parenting.

The film made two overriding points. Much of the mainstream media engages in divorce happy talk, particularly left-leaning institutions, of which PBS is one. However, from Kids & Divorce's opening moments the film powerfully depicts the way children suffer in divorce. Also, throughout the film it was clear that children want and need both parents, that they are very aggrieved when their parents don't get along, and that two-parent involvement is important after divorce.

This week Ken A. Bode, the Ombudsman for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, issued PBS Follows Through On Commitment to Air Balanced Program, his report on the Breaking the Silence controversy. Bode writes:

"[PBS Follows Through On Commitment to Air Balanced Program] was the headline on the column written by commentator and talk show host Glenn Sacks. Mr. Sacks was a leader in denouncing the PBS broadcast, Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories broadcast systemwide in October 2005. The program was a documentary about the treatment of abused children in divorce courts offered by Connecticut Public Television and underwritten by the Mary Kay Ash Foundation.

"'The film was extremely one-sided, and presented a harmful and inaccurate view of divorce and child custody cases,' says Mr. Sacks. He helped mobilize groups representing fathers to produce thousands of letters and calls to PBS along with many postings on the CPB Ombudsman's website.

"In my initial review of the program, I said the following: 'My own conclusion is that there is no hint of balance in Breaking the Silence. The father's point of view is ignored as are new strategies for lessening the damage to children in custody battles.' Michael Getler, the ombudsman for PBS, shared my conclusions that the programs lacked fairness and balance.

"At PBS the program was placed under official review, and last December it was announced that PBS would commission an hour-long documentary for the purpose of further examining the complex and important issues raised in Breaking the Silence. Twin Cities Public Television was tapped to produce the second film, and they engaged experienced PBS broadcaster David Iverson as producer, writer and host. Jerry Richmond, head of programming for Twin Cities says that PBS did not prescribe a point of view. 'PBS only told us to do another program on the subject. They did not say to do it in response to Breaking the Silence.'

"The resulting program, Kids & Divorce: For Better or Worse, reflects the experience and skills of David Iverson, and also showcases his ability to produce a fair and objective treatment of the problems of child custody cases, a part of the law where the issues have become enmeshed in gender politics. Iverson's approach was simply to say, 'How can we improve the odds of kids doing well in divorce? The central question is what can make things better for kids? We'll try to figure it out.'

"All in all the hour-long production chugs along in a steady, deliberate manner, as if in a permanent second gear. Panels of psychological, legal and custody experts are assembled with Mr. Iverson leading a series of discussions, using his low-key, Mr. Rogers manner to good advantage.

"Keeping to the central question of what best serves the kids, Iverson examines the legal system -- Does it make it better or worse? -- along with various shared custody arrangements. If the film has a point of view it is that children want and need both parents and that two-parent involvement after a divorce is important. An interesting point is that the notion of joint custody is becoming a political issue at the state level. The film briefly examines moves toward shared parenting laws in Massachusetts and Iowa.

"There were a few criticisms of Kids & Divorce, but most respondents agreed with Mr. Sacks. PBS spent a considerable amount of money on the film and made an honest and effective effort to be balanced. As Sacks put it, 'Last fall on PBS dads were portrayed as evil, scheming abusers. This week dads were portrayed as an important and valued part of their children's lives.'

"What lessons are to be learned from this experience with Breaking the Silence and Kids & Divorce? Perhaps the overriding one is that before accepting programming for the PBS schedule, someone needs to make a more thorough check on the motives of sponsors. Breaking the Silence was underwritten by a grant from the Mary Kay Ash Foundation, an organization devoted to the laudable goal of stopping violence against women, especially abusive relationships. The mission of the organization seemingly drove the original production in the direction of concluding that family courts are routinely awarding child custody to abusive fathers.

"I am not suggesting that rigid guidelines be adopted which preclude advocacy organizations or foundations from funding public affairs programming on PBS or NPR. But somewhere there must be a responsibility to check the editorial thrust of the production against the mission of the sponsors and to assure that the standards of fairness and balance are not sacrificed to political agendas.

"Jerry Richmond of Twin Cities Public TV checked the carriage reports for Breaking the Silence and Kids & Divorce and found them nearly equal at 77 and 78 percent. That's more good news. Kudos to PBS for making good on its promise and for trusting a solid production team to do the job with no strings attached."

I gave my full critique of Breaking the Silence here, and Dr. Ned Holstein of Fathers and Families gave his here. As I pointed out, the show, while good, does have its weaknesses. As far as entertainment goes, Bode's description of it "chugging along in a steady, deliberate manner, as if in a permanent second gear" is apt. On a brighter note, Bode's comment that "If the film has a point of view it is that children want and need both parents and that two-parent involvement after a divorce is important" is also appropriate. 

It was nice to see Bode note that as far as markets and air time is concerned, the balanced Kids & Divorce got as much--in fact a tiny bit more--than Breaking the Silence did. Thanks again to Fathers and Families, the American Coalition for Fathers & Children, and the many thousands of you who participated in our campaign.

Shared Parenting activist Teri Stoddard writes about a great protest:

"Shelly Barreras says sometimes you have to do whatever it takes, in a peaceful way, to get results, especially when you're dealing with government.

"New Mexico Governor Richardson has apparently reneged on a promise to help the Barreras family recover $15,000 collected by the state as child support from Steve Barreras, for a child that never existed.

"At half-past four Thursday morning Barreras climbed a ladder to her perch above I-40 to hang a large banner. Emergency vehicles and crews from three television stations arrived and the roads were closed.

"VIDEO: Barreras planned on spending four days atop the billboard at I-40 and University in Albuquerque, until Clear Channel Outdoor - Global Outdoor Advertising representatives offered a venue for her issues in exchange for her descent. She agreed to come down after 10 hours and 30 minutes, and was not arrested.

"'I didn't just do this for my family,' Barreras explained, 'I did it for all the families in this country who are suffering with family law and child support issues. The whole system needs to be demolished and rebuilt.'

"'I thought of John Murtari in New York, who's endured over 100 days without solid food for parents' rights. His non-violent peaceful protest inspired me to do whatever I could to bring attention to the issue of family law reform,' Barreras said, 'We definitely need immediate Congressional Hearings.'"

Out-of-Wedlock Births in the United States at an All-Time High

From the Associated Press article "37 Percent of U.S. Births Out of Wedlock" (11/21/06):

"Out-of-wedlock births in the United States have climbed to an all-time high, accounting for nearly four in 10 babies born last year, government health officials said Tuesday.

"While out-of-wedlock births have long been associated with teen mothers, the birth rate among girls ages 10 to 17 actually dropped last year to the lowest level on record. Instead, births among unwed mothers rose most dramatically among women in their 20s.

"Experts said the overall rise reflects the burgeoning number of people who are putting off marriage or living together without getting married. They said it also reflects the fact that having a child out of wedlock is more acceptable nowadays and not necessarily the source of shame it once was.

"The increase in births to unwed mothers was seen in all racial groups, but rose most sharply among Hispanics. It was up among all age groups except youngsters ages 10 to 17.

"'A lot of people think of teenagers and unmarried mothers synonymously, but they are not driving this,' said Stephanie Ventura of the National Center for Health Statistics, a co-author of the report...

"About 4.1 million babies were born in the United States last year, up slightly from 2004. More than 1.5 million of those were to unmarried women; that is about 37 percent of the total. In 2004, about 36 percent of births were out of wedlock.

"Out-of-wedlock births have been rising since the late 1990s.

"Several factors may be contributing to the trend, said Dr. Yolanda Wimberly, an adolescent-medicine specialist at Atlanta's Morehouse School of Medicine.

"More women in their 30s and 40s, hearing their biological clock, are choosing to give birth despite their single status. Younger women are not as worried about being unmarried, either, she added.

"'I think it's more acceptable in society' to have a child without getting married, she said."

Read the full article here.

I discussed single motherhood as it relates to women's independence and empowerment in my co-authored column Are Single Mothers the 'New American Family?' (World Net Daily, 9/28/06) and in my columns Raising Boys Without Men: Lesbian Parents Good, Dads Bad (World Net Daily, 9/10/05) and Are Boys Really Better off Without Fathers? (San Francisco Chronicle, 8/31/05, Seattle Post Intelligencer, 9/6/05). My underlying message is that women's independence/empowerment is a good thing but that some women misuse and abuse that power, just as some men abuse their power. As a society we're very keyed in to the ways that men abuse their power but are largely blind to or in denial about the ways women abuse their power.

On the subject of irresponsible men, a flip side of the "irresponsible men" postulate is the "marriage strike" argument. I put forth this idea several years ago in the Philadelphia Inquirer in my co-authored column Have Anti-Father Family Court Policies Led to a Men's Marriage Strike? (7/5/02). We wrote:

"Kathleen is attractive, successful, witty, and educated. She also can't find a husband. Why? Because most of the men this thirty-something software analyst dates do not want to get married. These men have Peter Pan Syndrome--they refuse to commit, refuse to settle down, and refuse to 'grow up.'

"However, given the family court policies and divorce trends of today, Peter Pan is no naive boy, but instead a wise man.

"'Why should I get married and have kids when I could lose those kids and most of what I've worked for at a moment's notice?' asks Dan, a 31 year-old power plant technician who says he will never marry. 'I've seen it happen to many of my friends. I know guys who came home one day to an empty house or apartment--wife gone, kids gone. They never saw it coming. Some of them were never able to see their kids regularly again.'"

A Brief Salute to an Opponent

On several occasions I've noted that many of my misguided feminist critics criticize me without providing links to my work that they're criticizing. By contrast, I try to make a  point of linking to opposition material and allowing my readers to read the point of view of those I criticize.

In this light I must give Rosanna Hertz, the feminist law professor I criticize in Are Single Mothers the 'New American Family?' (World Net Daily, 9/28/06), a salute. On her press page I noticed that she lists and links to my column criticizing her. I'll return the gesture by linking to her press page here, and also to her recent column And baby makes two (Christian Science Monitor, 10/30/06).

Some of you may recall the case of former pitcher Chuck Finley, who was a victim of domestic violence perpetrated by his then-wife, actress Tawny Kitaen.

Kitaen was arrested in April of 2002 for attacking Finley as he was driving the couple home. Police officers reported seeing abrasions and scrapes on Finley's body after Kitaen had allegedly kicked Finley repeatedly with her high-heeled shoes, grabbed his ear and twisted it, and put her foot on top of his, forcing the accelerator to the floor. After Kitaen's arrest, Finley was granted temporary custody of their two daughters, then ages nine and three.    

Pam Sheek, a 51 year-old nanny who has cared for the Finley children for six years, made a sworn declaration shortly afterward stating that Kitaen has a severe prescription drug addiction and that her erratic and abusive behavior has often put the children at risk. She described an incident in March, 2002 when Kitaen turned on the gas in the gas fireplace log without lighting it and then called the two children to come into bed with her to go to sleep. Sheek, suspicious, entered the room and, smelling the gas, turned off the fireplace, probably saving the lives of both Kitaen and her children.

In September of 2003 Kitaen went on the Howard Stern Show and denied everything, claiming that she was the victim of abuse, and that she was getting railroaded. I criticized her for this on His Side with Glenn Sacks, and sure enough I got a letter from Kitaen the next week, telling me that I was wrong, irresponsible, unfair to her, etc.

A little while afterwards I was amazed but not surprised to see that Inside Edition did an interview exclusive with Kitaen shortly after the Stern Show, and in it Kitaen admitted that she had attacked Finley. Kitaen's letter of apology to me must have gotten lost in the mail.

Now Kitaen is back in trouble again. According to the E! Online article Tawny Kitaen's Cocaine Rap:

"Prosecutors said that the Bachelor Party bride-to-be is facing one count of possessing a controlled substance after police found 15 grams of cocaine in her apartment. 

"According to Jim Amormino of the Orange County Sheriff's Department, deputies showed up at Kitaen's San Juan Capistrano apartment to perform a 'welfare check' on her and her two daughters with Finley, Wynter and Raine. 

"Police said that Kitaen was not under the influence of any drugs or alcohol at the time but that the children, ages 8 and 13, were home when officers arrived and found the cocaine.  

"Kitaen, 45, who's scheduled to be arraigned Dec. 18, is facing up to three years in prison if convicted. But, she can avoid hard time if she qualifies for a drug diversion program and enters rehab, O.C. District Attorney's Office spokeswoman Susan Schroeder said. 

"Whitesnake's favorite hood ornament pleaded guilty to attacking Finley, then a pitcher for the Cleveland Indians, in 2002 in exchange for the court's dismissal of two misdemeanor spousal abuse charges. Kitaen agreed to attend anger management and conflict resolution counseling and donate $500 to a battered-women's shelter. 

"The case wasn't closed until October 2003, however, when Kitaen issued a written apology for saying in an interview on The Howard Stern Show that she had been forced into a guilty plea. The onetime music video muse also denied having a drug problem, which Finley had alleged in court documents and Kitaen later admitted, saying she had developed an addiction to prescription meds for depression and migraines. 

"Finley filed for divorce on Apr. 4, three days after he accused Kitaen of kicking him with her stiletto boots and viciously twisting his ear while the couple were driving to their home in Newport Beach..."

It's against my nature to ever sympathize with false accusers, and I doubt I'll ever be counted among Kitaen's supporters. Nevertheless, I certainly don't think she should go to jail for three years for possessing cocaine. Similarly, I don't believe we should be locking up hundreds of thousands of people--mostly minority males--for drug use, either.

Nobody despises drug abuse more than I, but I also believe that while our society insists on treating drug abuse as a criminal justice problem, it is in reality a public health problem. Many of these celebrity drug cases are a good example. Kitaen has screwed up her life with her drug addictions, yet she continues, and the criminal justice system's typical reaction--"she's broken the law, let's put her in jail" doesn't begin to address her real problem.

The Steve Howe and Daryl Strawberry cases are other examples. Both were immensely talented athletes who damaged/destroyed their careers because of their addictions. Logically, all three would do anything to get off of the stuff. I have to believe that the reason is not that they don't want to, but that they can't.

I suppose one could argue that locking them up separates them from their drugs, but I doubt this is true--there are plenty of drugs in prison. One time I heard a radio interview with an ex-convict who said that he used to sneak under the guard tower at his prison, meet his dealer and do his drugs. I remember thinking "here's a guy who's locked up in prison, surrounded by huge cement walls and barbed wire, standing underneath a tower with two guards and a machine gun, and he still got his drugs. Prison is not the answer."

I discussed our society's misguided drug policies on the His Side with Glenn Sacks show Warehousing Minority Males (3/14/04) with Judge Jim Gray, former Libertarian Party candidate for US Senate in California, and David Borden, Executive Director of the Drug Reform Coordination Network. The two are among America's leading opponents of the "War on Drugs."
 

Concerned about Financial Issues in Your Divorce?
If you're concerned about financial issues in your divorce, contact Jim DiGabriele of DiGabriele, McNulty & Co by email here or at 973-243-2600.

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As I mentioned after my co-authored column America's Father Hunger (World Net Daily, 10/13/06) came out, a new feature on my enewsletter for the near future is an excerpt from Wisdom of Our Fathers. This week's excerpt is "The Mail" from John Mooy, of Interlochen, Michigan, about his father mailman Nat Mooy (1905-1985).

"As a young boy, I sometimes traveled the country roads with my dad. He was a rural mail carrier in southwestern Michigan, and on Saturdays he would often ask me to go on the route with him. I loved it. Driving through the countryside was always an adventure. There were animals to see, people to visit, and freshly-baked chocolate-chip cookies if you knew where to stop, and Dad did. We made more stops than usual when I was on the route because I always got carsick, but stopping for me never seemed to bother Dad.

"On Dad's final day of work on a beautiful summer day, it took him well into the evening to complete his rounds because at least one member of each family was waiting at their mailbox to thank him for his friendship and his years of service. 'Two hundred and nineteen mailboxes on my route,' he used to say, 'and a story at every one.' One lady had no mailbox, so Dad took the mail in to her every day because she was nearly blind. Once inside, he read her mail and helped her pay her bills. And every Thursday he read her the local newspaper.

"Mailboxes were sometimes used for things other than mail. One note left in a mailbox read, 'Nat, take these eggs to Marian; She's baking a cake and doesn't have any eggs, and don't stop to talk to Archie!' Mailboxes might be buried in the snow, or broken, or lying on the ground, but the mail was always delivered. On cold days Dad might find one of his customers waiting for him by the mailbox with a cup of hot chocolate. A young girl wrote letters but had no stamps, so she left a few buttons on the envelope in the mailbox; Dad paid for the stamps. One busy merchant used to leave large amounts of cash in his mailbox in a paper bag for Dad to take to the bank. On one occasion, the amount came to $32,000. It's hard to believe, but it's true.

"A dozen years ago, when I traveled back to my hometown on the sad occasion of Dad's death, the mailboxes along the way reminded me of some of his stories. I thought I knew them all, but that wasn't quite the case.

"As I drove through Marcellus, I noticed to aluminum lamp poles, one on each side of the street, reflecting the light of the late-afternoon summer sun. When my dad was around, those poles supported wooden boxes that were roughly four feet off the ground. One box was painted green, and the other was red, and each had a slot at the top with white lettering: SANTA CLAUS, NORTH POLE. For years children had dropped letters to Santa through those slots.

"I made a left turn at the corner and drove past the post office and across the railroad tracks to our house. Mom and I were sitting at the kitchen table when I heard footsteps on our porch. There, at the door, stood Frank Townsend, who had been Dad's postmaster and great friend for many years. So of course we all sat down at the table and began to tell stories.

"At one point Frank looked at me across the table with tears in his eyes. 'What are we going to do about the letters this Christmas?' he asked.

"The letters?"

"I guess you never knew."

"Knew what?"

"'Remember, when you were a kid and you used to put your letters to Santa in green and red boxes on Main Street? It was your dad that answered all those letters that the kids wrote every year.'

"I just sat there with tears in my eyes.  It wasn't hard for me to imagine Dad sitting at the old oak table in our basement reading those letters and answering each one. I have since spoken with several of the people who received Christmas letters during their childhood, and they told me how amazed they were that Santa had know so much about their homes and families.

"For me, just knowing that story about my father was the gift of a lifetime."

I Almost Made a Mistake

I sometimes tell my daughter stories from Wisdom of Our Fathers for bedtime. A few weeks ago I started telling her this story and then I realized in the middle of it that I was in trouble. My daughter still believes in Santa Claus, and this story presupposes that there is no Santa Claus. In the middle I improvised and changed the story, making it not much of a story at all. My daughter gave me a funny look. I'm not really one for trying to get my kids to believe in Santa, but I've always figured that as long as they want to believe it, I won't do anything to dissuade them. I keep telling my wife that "this is the last Christmas she'll believe in Santa," but I've been wrong twice already, and I guess I just don't have the heart to tell the little lamb the truth...
 

Help for Michigan Dads
Michigan family law attorney Mindy L. Hitchcock has experience fighting for noncustodial parents against Michigan's abusive FOC. Her holistic approach to divorce gets results for her clients while avoiding the scorched earth approach to law that leaves families emotionally and financially devastated. www.Lady4Justice.com

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