The American Coalition for Fathers and
The American Coalition for Fathers and
Children is dedicated to creating a
family law system which promotes equal
rights for all parties affected by divorce.
Contact the ACFC at 1-800-978-3237 or
visit them on the web at
The Business of Love
50% of 1st marriages fail, the rate
of marriage has declined 48% in 40 years,
single households now outnumber married
households...if there ever was a time
for a radical, new approach to
marriage, it's NOW.
The Business of Love, by
Dr. John Curtis, an organizational development
consultant and former marriage counselor,
is the first book to show how to take
the same "best practices" that build
successful businesses and apply them
to an intimate relationship. Learn more
Help for Los Angeles/Orange County Dads--Because
They're Your Kids, Too
If you're a dad facing a divorce or
separation and you need quality legal
representation in Los Angeles or Orange
County, the Law Office of David Stone
can help. Remember, they're your kids,
Are You the Target of Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation cases are among
the most difficult and complicated in
J. Michael Bone, Ph.D., is an expert
on parental alienation. If you're a
target parent, he can help you get back
into your children's lives. Bone has
worked as a custody evaluator and as
a therapist and knows how to help the
court find the truth. His services are
available throughout the U.S. Dr. Bone
can be reached by phone at (407) 645-0662
or by email by clicking
PBS Campaign Aftermath: Corporation for Public
Broadcasting Ombudsman Praises PBS for 'Making
Good on Its Promise' to Air Balanced Program
In October 2005, PBS aired the film
Breaking the Silence: Children's Stories
on many of its affiliates. The film portrayed
fathers as batterers and child molesters who
use family court machinations to wrest children
away from their mothers. The film was extremely
one-sided, and presented a harmful and inaccurate
view of divorce and child custody cases. Moreover,
the film portrayed
one mother as a heroic, victimized mom,
when records which we made public show that
she had abused children under her care, and
had lost custody for that reason.
I joined with
Fathers and Families, the
American Coalition for Fathers & Children,
and others in a
campaign to force PBS to "provide fatherhood
and shared parenting advocates a meaningful
opportunity to present our side of the issues."
Over 10,000 of you wrote or called PBS, and
both PBS's ombudsman and the Corporation for
Public Broadcasting's ombudsman echoed our central
criticisms about the film.
In December, PBS notified us
that they would "commission an hour-long documentary"
for the purpose of further examining the "complex
and important issues" raised in the film and
by our campaign. They promised the "hour-long
treatment of the subject will allow ample opportunity"
for those of differing views to "have their
perspectives shared, challenged and debated."
Kids & Divorce: For Better or Worse,
the film they commissioned in response to our
campaign, aired in over 50 markets in September.
To PBS's credit,
they followed through on the commitment they
made last December to produce a balanced film.
Moreover, PBS partially adopted the approach
we suggested for the film. Earlier this year
Fathers and Families wrote to Dave Iverson,
the film's producer and host, and suggested
that he make shared parenting the central theme
of the new PBS film. We are pleased to see that
Iverson took the suggestion seriously--much
of Kids & Divorce concerns shared parenting.
The film made two overriding
points. Much of the mainstream media engages
in divorce happy talk, particularly left-leaning
institutions, of which PBS is one. However,
from Kids & Divorce's opening moments
the film powerfully depicts the way children
suffer in divorce. Also, throughout the film
it was clear that children want and need both
parents, that they are very aggrieved when their
parents don't get along, and that two-parent
involvement is important after divorce.
This week Ken A. Bode, the Ombudsman for
the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, issued
PBS Follows Through On Commitment to Air Balanced
Program, his report on the Breaking
the Silence controversy. Bode writes:
"[PBS Follows Through On Commitment to Air
Balanced Program] was the headline on the column
written by commentator and talk show host Glenn
Sacks. Mr. Sacks was a leader in denouncing
the PBS broadcast, Breaking the Silence:
Children's Stories broadcast systemwide
in October 2005. The program was a documentary
about the treatment of abused children in divorce
courts offered by Connecticut Public Television
and underwritten by the Mary Kay Ash Foundation.
"'The film was extremely one-sided, and presented
a harmful and inaccurate view of divorce and
child custody cases,' says Mr. Sacks. He helped
mobilize groups representing fathers to produce
thousands of letters and calls to PBS along
with many postings on the CPB Ombudsman's website.
"In my initial review of the program, I said
the following: 'My own conclusion is that there
is no hint of balance in Breaking the Silence.
The father's point of view is ignored as are
new strategies for lessening the damage to children
in custody battles.' Michael Getler, the ombudsman
for PBS, shared my conclusions that the programs
lacked fairness and balance.
"At PBS the program was placed under official
review, and last December it was announced that
PBS would commission an hour-long documentary
for the purpose of further examining the complex
and important issues raised in Breaking
the Silence. Twin Cities Public Television
was tapped to produce the second film, and they
engaged experienced PBS broadcaster David Iverson
as producer, writer and host. Jerry Richmond,
head of programming for Twin Cities says that
PBS did not prescribe a point of view. 'PBS
only told us to do another program on the subject.
They did not say to do it in response to
Breaking the Silence.'
"The resulting program, Kids & Divorce:
For Better or Worse, reflects the experience
and skills of David Iverson, and also showcases
his ability to produce a fair and objective
treatment of the problems of child custody cases,
a part of the law where the issues have become
enmeshed in gender politics. Iverson's approach
was simply to say, 'How can we improve the odds
of kids doing well in divorce? The central question
is what can make things better for kids? We'll
try to figure it out.'
"All in all the hour-long production chugs
along in a steady, deliberate manner, as if
in a permanent second gear. Panels of psychological,
legal and custody experts are assembled with
Mr. Iverson leading a series of discussions,
using his low-key, Mr. Rogers manner to good
"Keeping to the central question of what
best serves the kids, Iverson examines the legal
system -- Does it make it better or worse? --
along with various shared custody arrangements.
If the film has a point of view it is that children
want and need both parents and that two-parent
involvement after a divorce is important. An
interesting point is that the notion of joint
custody is becoming a political issue at the
state level. The film briefly examines moves
toward shared parenting laws in Massachusetts
"There were a few criticisms of Kids
& Divorce, but most respondents agreed
with Mr. Sacks. PBS spent a considerable amount
of money on the film and made an honest and
effective effort to be balanced. As Sacks put
it, 'Last fall on PBS dads were portrayed as
evil, scheming abusers. This week dads were
portrayed as an important and valued part of
their children's lives.'
"What lessons are to be learned from this
experience with Breaking the Silence
and Kids & Divorce? Perhaps the overriding
one is that before accepting programming for
the PBS schedule, someone needs to make a more
thorough check on the motives of sponsors.
Breaking the Silence was underwritten
by a grant from the Mary Kay Ash Foundation,
an organization devoted to the laudable goal
of stopping violence against women, especially
abusive relationships. The mission of the organization
seemingly drove the original production in the
direction of concluding that family courts are
routinely awarding child custody to abusive
"I am not suggesting that rigid guidelines
be adopted which preclude advocacy organizations
or foundations from funding public affairs programming
on PBS or NPR. But somewhere there must be a
responsibility to check the editorial thrust
of the production against the mission of the
sponsors and to assure that the standards of
fairness and balance are not sacrificed to political
"Jerry Richmond of Twin Cities Public TV
checked the carriage reports for Breaking
the Silence and Kids & Divorce
and found them nearly equal at 77 and 78 percent.
That's more good news. Kudos to PBS for making
good on its promise and for trusting a solid
production team to do the job with no strings
I gave my full critique of Breaking the
here, and Dr. Ned Holstein of
Fathers and Families gave his
here. As I pointed out, the show, while
good, does have its weaknesses. As far as entertainment
goes, Bode's description of it "chugging along
in a steady, deliberate manner, as if in a permanent
second gear" is apt. On a brighter note, Bode's
comment that "If the film has a point of view
it is that children want and need both parents
and that two-parent involvement after a divorce
is important" is also appropriate.
It was nice to see Bode note that as far
as markets and air time is concerned, the balanced
Kids & Divorce got as much--in fact a
tiny bit more--than Breaking the Silence
did. Thanks again to
Fathers and Families, the
American Coalition for Fathers & Children,
and the many thousands of you who participated
in our campaign.
Fathers' Rights Legal Help
If you need help with divorce,
child custody, child support,
alimony and visitation issues,
The Law Offices of Jeffery M.
Leving, Ltd. is one of the
only law firms in the country
focused almost exclusively on
fathers' rights in divorce.
Leving did heroic work on the
Elian Gonzalez case, helping
reunite Elian with his father.
He also co-authored Illinois'
Joint Custody Law, and was named
one of "America's Best Lawyers"
by Forbes Radio. Leving is the
Fathers' Rights: Hard Hitting
and Fair Advice for Every Father
Involved in a Custody Dispute.
Call today for an initial consultation
(312) 807-3990 or visit us on
the web at
Help, Resources for Dads
National Fathers' Resource Center
is a division of
Fathers For Equal Rights, Inc.
(FER), located in Dallas, Texas,
with offices in both Dallas
and Houston. In existence for
over three decades, it has services
and resources for dads nationwide
and is one of the largest and
most active fathers' rights
organizations in the U.S.
Has Your Career Been Impacted
by Custody Issues?
After empowering people's careers
for over 20 years, I was duly
initiated into family law just
like you--through a 30 month,
$520,000 custody suit. I learned
that a solid home-based business
could be the best option, allowing
one to shake the financial shackles
while still experiencing a "no
limits" career. More than ever,
our kids now need a free and
available parent. Be there for
them...and for yourself. Darrell
Do You and Your Kids Go Camping?
The WoodGas Camp Stove burns
almost any fuel nature provides--including
twigs, pine cones or any plant
based fuel--and provides the
cleanest heat in even the remotest
area. It's light and compact
and it burns for long cooking
sessions--great for camping,
backpacking, or s'mores anywhere.
Developed by a scientist with
30+ years experience in biomass
energy, it generates the heat
of a normal kitchen stove, and
is great for emergency preparedness.
read Glenn Sacks' experience
with the cooking stove and his
Woman Spends Thanksgiving On Billboard
Shared Parenting activist
Teri Stoddard writes about a great protest:
"Shelly Barreras says sometimes you have
to do whatever it takes, in a peaceful way,
to get results, especially when you're dealing
"New Mexico Governor Richardson has apparently
reneged on a promise to help the Barreras family
recover $15,000 collected by the state as child
support from Steve Barreras,
for a child that never existed.
"At half-past four Thursday morning Barreras
climbed a ladder to her perch above I-40 to
hang a large banner. Emergency vehicles and
crews from three television stations arrived
and the roads were closed.
Barreras planned on spending four days atop
the billboard at I-40 and University
in Albuquerque, until Clear Channel Outdoor
- Global Outdoor Advertising representatives
offered a venue for her issues in exchange for
her descent. She agreed to come down after 10
hours and 30 minutes, and was not arrested.
"'I didn't just do this for my family,' Barreras
explained, 'I did it for all the families in
this country who are suffering with family law
and child support issues. The whole system needs
to be demolished and rebuilt.'
"'I thought of John Murtari in New York,
who's endured over 100 days without solid food
for parents' rights. His non-violent peaceful
protest inspired me to do whatever I could to
bring attention to the issue of family law reform,'
Barreras said, 'We definitely need immediate
Finally What Child Support Payers
Child Support obligors face
a stacked deck when squaring
off against CS Enforcement's
army of lawyers and agents,
all pitted against some beleaguered
father who's working 50 hours
a week to pay his child support
and support his family. The
burden of proving compliance
with court-ordered support falls
on the obligor, not the custodial
parent or the enforcement agencies.
Very often fathers are forced
to pay money they don't really
owe, or are saddled with fake
arrearages and the concomitant
interest and penalties.
Since the state provides
a ton of free assistance to
custodial parents, fathers need
quality, affordable representation
for these battles.
Child Support Liberation's Child
Support Audits and Record Management
Program helps obligors challenge
arrears by producing professional,
top-quality self-audits which
include all the necessary records
in the proper form.
CSARMP then conducts quarterly
audits that will alert obligors
to overcharges. In addition,
they will maintain ongoing records
of obligations, payments and
CSARMP costs only $13 a
month ($38 for the first month
only) and can be cancelled with
only 30 days notice. To learn
more or to sign up, click
here. If you have any questions,
write to Michael Kennedy of
Child Support Liberation
How to Win Shared Custody
If you are an active, engaged,
committed, dedicated, loving
parent facing a divorce, family
Nicholas Palermo's The
Ten Essential Elements to Winning
Joint Shared Physical and Legal
Custody can help you protect
your relationship with your
Help for Colorado Dads
As someone who has personally
experienced the heartbreak of
divorce and family breakup,
Brett W. Martin, Esq. works
to advance the interests and
concerns of fathers in domestic
and family law litigation. Personal
attention is given to clients
to help them through a very
difficult time in their lives.
Out-of-Wedlock Births in the United States
at an All-Time High
From the Associated Press article "37 Percent
of U.S. Births Out of Wedlock" (11/21/06):
The trend toward single motherhood is usually
treated in one of three ways: it's an example
of how men are irresponsible and bad; it's a
symbol of women's increasing independence and
empowerment; and/or there's little stigma today
against it, so why not? While there's certainly
truth in all of those, there's another aspect
which is usually not mentioned but which is
perhaps the most important of all--this is something
which women are choosing to do, even
though it's bad for our children and bad for
"Out-of-wedlock births in the United States
have climbed to an all-time high, accounting
for nearly four in 10 babies born last year,
government health officials said Tuesday.
"While out-of-wedlock births have long been
associated with teen mothers, the birth rate
among girls ages 10 to 17 actually dropped last
year to the lowest level on record. Instead,
births among unwed mothers rose most dramatically
among women in their 20s.
"Experts said the overall rise reflects the
burgeoning number of people who are putting
off marriage or living together without getting
married. They said it also reflects the fact
that having a child out of wedlock is more acceptable
nowadays and not necessarily the source of shame
it once was.
"The increase in births to unwed mothers was
seen in all racial groups, but rose most sharply
among Hispanics. It was up among all age groups
except youngsters ages 10 to 17.
"'A lot of people think of teenagers and unmarried
mothers synonymously, but they are not driving
this,' said Stephanie Ventura of the National
Center for Health Statistics, a co-author of
"About 4.1 million babies were born in the United
States last year, up slightly from 2004. More
than 1.5 million of those were to unmarried
women; that is about 37 percent of the total.
In 2004, about 36 percent of births were out
"Out-of-wedlock births have been rising since
the late 1990s.
"Several factors may be contributing to the
trend, said Dr. Yolanda Wimberly, an adolescent-medicine
specialist at Atlanta's Morehouse School of
"More women in their 30s and 40s, hearing their
biological clock, are choosing to give birth
despite their single status. Younger women are
not as worried about being unmarried, either,
"'I think it's more acceptable in society' to
have a child without getting married, she said."
Read the full article
I discussed single motherhood
as it relates to women's independence and empowerment
in my co-authored column
Are Single Mothers the 'New American Family?'
(World Net Daily, 9/28/06) and in my
Raising Boys Without Men: Lesbian Parents
Good, Dads Bad (World Net Daily,
Are Boys Really Better off Without Fathers?
(San Francisco Chronicle, 8/31/05,
Seattle Post Intelligencer, 9/6/05). My
underlying message is that women's independence/empowerment
is a good thing but that some women misuse and
abuse that power, just as some men abuse their
power. As a society we're very keyed in to the
ways that men abuse their power but are largely
blind to or in denial about the ways women abuse
On the subject of irresponsible men, a flip
side of the "irresponsible men" postulate is
the "marriage strike" argument. I put forth
this idea several years ago in the Philadelphia
Inquirer in my co-authored column
Have Anti-Father Family Court Policies
Led to a Men's Marriage Strike? (7/5/02).
"Kathleen is attractive, successful, witty,
and educated. She also can't find a husband.
Why? Because most of the men this thirty-something
software analyst dates do not want to get married.
These men have Peter Pan Syndrome--they refuse
to commit, refuse to settle down, and refuse
to 'grow up.'
"However, given the family court policies
and divorce trends of today, Peter Pan is no
naive boy, but instead a wise man.
"'Why should I get married and have kids
when I could lose those kids and most of what
I've worked for at a moment's notice?' asks
Dan, a 31 year-old power plant technician who
says he will never marry. 'I've seen it happen
to many of my friends. I know guys who came
home one day to an empty house or apartment--wife
gone, kids gone. They never saw it coming. Some
of them were never able to see their kids regularly
A Brief Salute to an Opponent
On several occasions I've noted that many
of my misguided feminist critics criticize me
without providing links to my work that they're
criticizing. By contrast, I try to make a
point of linking to opposition material and
allowing my readers to read the point of view
of those I criticize.
In this light I must give Rosanna Hertz,
the feminist law professor I criticize in
Are Single Mothers the 'New American Family?'
(World Net Daily, 9/28/06), a salute.
On her press page I noticed that she lists and
links to my column criticizing her. I'll return
the gesture by linking to her press page
here, and also to her recent column
And baby makes two (Christian Science
Tawny Kitaen in Trouble Again
Some of you may recall the case of former pitcher
Chuck Finley, who was a victim of domestic violence
perpetrated by his then-wife, actress Tawny
Kitaen was arrested in April
of 2002 for attacking Finley as he was driving
the couple home. Police officers reported seeing
abrasions and scrapes on Finley's body after
Kitaen had allegedly kicked Finley repeatedly
with her high-heeled shoes, grabbed his ear
and twisted it, and put her foot on top of his,
forcing the accelerator to the floor. After
Kitaen's arrest, Finley was granted temporary
custody of their two daughters, then ages nine
Pam Sheek, a 51 year-old nanny
who has cared for the Finley children for six
years, made a sworn declaration shortly afterward
stating that Kitaen has a severe prescription
drug addiction and that her erratic and abusive
behavior has often put the children at risk.
She described an incident in March, 2002 when
Kitaen turned on the gas in the gas fireplace
log without lighting it and then called the
two children to come into bed with her to go
to sleep. Sheek, suspicious, entered the room
and, smelling the gas, turned off the fireplace,
probably saving the lives of both Kitaen and
of 2003 Kitaen went on the Howard Stern Show
and denied everything, claiming that she was
the victim of abuse, and that she was getting
railroaded. I criticized her for this on
His Side with Glenn Sacks, and sure
enough I got a letter from Kitaen the next week,
telling me that I was wrong, irresponsible,
unfair to her, etc.
A little while
afterwards I was amazed but not surprised to
see that Inside Edition did an interview
exclusive with Kitaen shortly after the Stern
Show, and in it Kitaen admitted that
she had attacked Finley. Kitaen's letter
of apology to me must have gotten lost in the
Now Kitaen is back in trouble again. According
to the E! Online article
Tawny Kitaen's Cocaine Rap:
"Actress Tawny Kitaen, who was best known for
a handful of '80s-era roles before supposedly
clocking hubby Chuck Finley with her high-heeled
shoes, was rung up Tuesday on a felony drug
"Prosecutors said that the Bachelor Party
bride-to-be is facing one count of possessing
a controlled substance after police found 15
grams of cocaine in her apartment.
"According to Jim Amormino of the Orange
County Sheriff's Department, deputies showed
up at Kitaen's San Juan Capistrano apartment
to perform a 'welfare check' on her and her
two daughters with Finley, Wynter and Raine.
"Police said that Kitaen was not under the
influence of any drugs or alcohol at the time
but that the children, ages 8 and 13, were home
when officers arrived and found the cocaine.
"Kitaen, 45, who's scheduled to be arraigned
Dec. 18, is facing up to three years in prison
if convicted. But, she can avoid hard time if
she qualifies for a drug diversion program and
enters rehab, O.C. District Attorney's Office
spokeswoman Susan Schroeder said.
"Whitesnake's favorite hood ornament pleaded
guilty to attacking Finley, then a pitcher for
the Cleveland Indians, in 2002 in exchange for
the court's dismissal of two misdemeanor spousal
abuse charges. Kitaen agreed to attend anger
management and conflict resolution counseling
and donate $500 to a battered-women's shelter.
"The case wasn't closed until October 2003,
however, when Kitaen issued a written apology
for saying in an interview on The Howard
Stern Show that she had been forced into
a guilty plea. The onetime music video muse
also denied having a drug problem, which Finley
had alleged in court documents and Kitaen later
admitted, saying she had developed an addiction
to prescription meds for depression and migraines.
"Finley filed for divorce on Apr. 4, three
days after he accused Kitaen of kicking him
with her stiletto boots and viciously twisting
his ear while the couple were driving to their
home in Newport Beach..."
It's against my nature to ever sympathize
with false accusers, and I doubt I'll ever be
counted among Kitaen's supporters. Nevertheless,
I certainly don't think she should go to jail
for three years for possessing cocaine. Similarly,
I don't believe we should be locking up hundreds
of thousands of people--mostly minority males--for
drug use, either.
Nobody despises drug abuse more than I, but
I also believe that while our society insists
on treating drug abuse as a criminal justice
problem, it is in reality a public health problem.
Many of these celebrity drug cases are a good
example. Kitaen has screwed up her life with
her drug addictions, yet she continues, and
the criminal justice system's typical reaction--"she's
broken the law, let's put her in jail" doesn't
begin to address her real problem.
The Steve Howe and Daryl Strawberry cases
are other examples. Both were immensely talented
athletes who damaged/destroyed their careers
because of their addictions. Logically, all
three would do anything to get off of the stuff.
I have to believe that the reason is not that
they don't want to, but that they
I suppose one could argue that locking them
up separates them from their drugs, but I doubt
this is true--there are plenty of drugs in prison.
One time I heard a radio interview with an ex-convict
who said that he used to sneak under the guard
tower at his prison, meet his dealer and do
his drugs. I remember thinking "here's a guy
who's locked up in prison, surrounded by huge
cement walls and barbed wire, standing underneath
a tower with two guards and a machine gun, and
he still got his drugs. Prison is not
I discussed our society's misguided
drug policies on the
His Side with Glenn Sacks show
Warehousing Minority Males
(3/14/04) with Judge Jim Gray, former
Libertarian Party candidate for US Senate in
California, and David Borden, Executive Director
Reform Coordination Network. The two are
among America's leading opponents of the "War
The Cost of Divorce to Businesses
I've pointed out on numerous occasions the problems
faced by divorced and divorcing military parents--to
learn more, see my co-authored column
Protect Deployed Parents' Rights (Tucson Citizen,
11/9/06, Trenton Times, 11/11/06, Macon Telegraph,
11/11/06). The military has recognized the way divorce
is hurting its personnel, and has taken some steps to
try to curb divorce within its ranks.
Divorce is also very costly to businesses. I believe
that eventually the business community will be compelled
to fully recognize this, and join in efforts to reduce
the divorce rate and to address the problems within
the family law system which help make divorce so painful
and devastating. Dr. John Curtis has a business background
and is also a former marriage counselor, and he has
some interesting observations on this issue in his book
The Business of Love. Below are some quotes Curtis
has collected from experts about the cost of divorce
"Have you looked at your employee assistance program
statistics lately? You would suddenly find the number
of people who sought assistance in areas that are related
to marriage. Your employee costs are higher today because
of the difficulty your people are having in their marriages."
-- Former Lieutenant Governor John Mutz of Indiana (1981-1989),
President of PSI Energy (1993-1999)
"A family or career does not happen in a vacuum. It's
all interwoven. It's interrelated...The divorce rate
has an impact on the bottom line of every business because
divorce is not an easy thing and whenever a person is
undergoing divorce, that affects their ability to focus
and concentrate in their business...Personal problems
inevitably distract workers and sap them of energy."
-- Dr. Joy Reed Belt - Owner, Oklahoma City Human Resources
"...good marriages may buffer couples
against the stress of demanding jobs in which the worker
has little control....You may not be able to get away
from the job stress, but a good marriage soothes people,
minimizing bad effects from the job." -- American Psychosomatic
Society - Study by psychologists Janice Kiecolt-Glaser
and Ronald Glaser of Ohio State University College of
Medicine, Vancouver, B.C.
"You can't expect people to do well in their business
if they've got problems at home...Happy homes means
more productive employees."-- S. Truett Cathy, Founder
of Chick-fil-A which spends millions annually on programs
to help couples enrich their relationships.
"Divorce disrupts the workplace more than drugs or alcohol."
-- The College of Family Life Extension
Curtis' work on marriage before--see
Marriages Breaking up over Money.
How to Stop a Dirty Divorce
Many fathers are very naive when they walk
into family court, and the results can be disastrous.
Family Law Attorney A.J. Comparetto's
Ultimate Guide to Stopping a Dirty Divorce
teaches you the Dirty Divorce tricks before
they are played on you. It's a series of cassettes
and videos which teaches you what judges really
want to hear from you in court, how to keep
your words from being twisted by attorneys,
and how to keep your kids from being caught
in the middle.
Concerned about Financial Issues in Your Divorce?
If you're concerned about financial issues in
your divorce, contact
Jim DiGabriele of DiGabriele, McNulty &
Co by email
here or at 973-243-2600.
Los Angeles Dads--Free Legal Consultation
on Your Case
If you are involved in a divorce, domestic violence,
paternity, child custody or support case in
the greater Los Angeles area, call
Stephen A. Gershman to schedule your
FREE initial one hour consultation at (888)
295-1756 or (818) 990-6505. Gershman is certified
as a Specialist in Family Law by the Board of
Legal Specialization of the State Bar of California.
He is an experienced attorney, over 25 years,
who will competently and aggressively
defend you against unjust domestic violence
restraining orders or unfair financial obligations.
When Parental Alienation or custody is an issue,
he will help you protect your relationship with
Wisdom of Our Fathers
As I mentioned after my co-authored column
America's Father Hunger (World Net Daily,
10/13/06) came out, a new feature on my enewsletter
for the near future is an excerpt from Wisdom
of Our Fathers. This week's excerpt is "The
Mail" from John Mooy, of Interlochen, Michigan,
about his father mailman Nat Mooy (1905-1985).
"As a young boy, I sometimes traveled the
country roads with my dad. He was a rural mail
carrier in southwestern Michigan, and on Saturdays
he would often ask me to go on the route with
him. I loved it. Driving through the countryside
was always an adventure. There were animals
to see, people to visit, and freshly-baked chocolate-chip
cookies if you knew where to stop, and Dad did.
We made more stops than usual when I was on
the route because I always got carsick, but
stopping for me never seemed to bother Dad.
"In the spring, Dad delivered boxes full of
baby chicks. Their continuous peeping could
drive you crazy, but Dad loved it. When the
peeping became too loud to bear, you could quiet
them down by trilling your tongue and making
the sounds of a hawk. When I was a boy it was
fun to stick your fingers through one of the
holes in the side of the cardboard boxes and
let the baby birds peck on your finger. Such
"On Dad's final day of work on a
beautiful summer day, it took him well into
the evening to complete his rounds because at
least one member of each family was waiting
at their mailbox to thank him for his friendship
and his years of service. 'Two hundred and nineteen
mailboxes on my route,' he used to say, 'and
a story at every one.' One lady had no mailbox,
so Dad took the mail in to her every day because
she was nearly blind. Once inside, he read her
mail and helped her pay her bills. And every
Thursday he read her the local newspaper.
"Mailboxes were sometimes used for things
other than mail. One note left in a mailbox
read, 'Nat, take these eggs to Marian; She's
baking a cake and doesn't have any eggs, and
don't stop to talk to Archie!' Mailboxes might
be buried in the snow, or broken, or lying on
the ground, but the mail was always delivered.
On cold days Dad might find one of his customers
waiting for him by the mailbox with a cup of
hot chocolate. A young girl wrote letters but
had no stamps, so she left a few buttons on
the envelope in the mailbox; Dad paid for the
stamps. One busy merchant used to leave large
amounts of cash in his mailbox in a paper bag
for Dad to take to the bank. On one occasion,
the amount came to $32,000. It's hard to believe,
but it's true.
"A dozen years ago, when I traveled back
to my hometown on the sad occasion of Dad's
death, the mailboxes along the way reminded
me of some of his stories. I thought I knew
them all, but that wasn't quite the case.
"As I drove through Marcellus, I noticed
to aluminum lamp poles, one on each side of
the street, reflecting the light of the late-afternoon
summer sun. When my dad was around, those poles
supported wooden boxes that were roughly four
feet off the ground. One box was painted green,
and the other was red, and each had a slot at
the top with white lettering: SANTA CLAUS, NORTH
POLE. For years children had dropped letters
to Santa through those slots.
"I made a left turn at the corner and drove
past the post office and across the railroad
tracks to our house. Mom and I were sitting
at the kitchen table when I heard footsteps
on our porch. There, at the door, stood Frank
Townsend, who had been Dad's postmaster and
great friend for many years. So of course we
all sat down at the table and began to tell
"At one point Frank looked at me across the
table with tears in his eyes. 'What are we going
to do about the letters this Christmas?' he
"I guess you never knew."
"'Remember, when you were a kid and you used
to put your letters to Santa in green and red
boxes on Main Street? It was your dad that answered
all those letters that the kids wrote every
"I just sat there with tears in my eyes.
It wasn't hard for me to imagine Dad sitting
at the old oak table in our basement reading
those letters and answering each one. I have
since spoken with several of the people who
received Christmas letters during their childhood,
and they told me how amazed they were that Santa
had know so much about their homes and families.
"For me, just knowing that story about my
father was the gift of a lifetime."
I Almost Made a Mistake
I sometimes tell my daughter stories from
Wisdom of Our Fathers for bedtime. A
few weeks ago I started telling her this story
and then I realized in the middle of it that
I was in trouble. My daughter still believes
in Santa Claus, and this story presupposes that
there is no Santa Claus. In the middle I improvised
and changed the story, making it not much of
a story at all. My daughter gave me a funny
look. I'm not really one for trying to get my
kids to believe in Santa, but I've always figured
that as long as they want to believe it, I won't
do anything to dissuade them. I keep telling
my wife that "this is the last Christmas she'll
believe in Santa," but I've been wrong twice
already, and I guess I just don't have the heart
to tell the little lamb the truth...
How to Win Child Custody
Are you contemplating divorce or separation
but are unsure about how child custody
will be determined or what you can expect
from attorneys and the family court
system? Knowing these things can help
you win custody. Steven Carlson is known
nationally as The Custody Coach, and
has helped thousands of parents with
child custody and custody evaluation.
He is the author of "How
to Win Child Custody" and the founder
of Child Custody Coach in Orange County,
California. Don't get caught unprepared,
download your copy of "How
to Win Child Custody" today.
Help for Boston Dads
Boston family law attorney Nick
Palermo is a shared custody advocate
who believes that divorced dads are
parents, not visitors. The Law Offices
of Nicholas Palermo is a dedicated and
committed trial law firm which has worked
to make shared custody for all fit parents
the law of the land.
LAW OFFICES OF NICHOLAS PALERMO
Expose False Allegations with Technology
Don't let the anti-male bias in criminal
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Use technology to expose the real aggressor.
New Jersey Divorce and Family Law
New Jersey family law attorney David
Perry Davis, Esq. can help you through
your divorce. In Pasqua v. Council
(2006) Davis successfully challenged
New Jersey's unconstitutional practice
of failing to appoint attorneys for
indigent child support obligors at enforcement
hearings where they face incarceration.
As a result of this suit, trial courts
must apply the same standard used when
a defendant requests a public defender
in a criminal matter.
Has the family court system failed you?
Without Honor is the true expose
of one man's journey in the Rancho Cucamonga,
California Family Law court system.
It chronicles the destruction of a man's
life at the hands of unethical attorneys
and judges, who carry out their operations
under the guise of equitable, established
law and the facade of respectability.
Without Honor by clicking
Dissident Domestic Violence Experts Form New Group to
Challenge DV Establishment
As I've noted on many occasions, the
domestic violence establishment is not telling us the
full truth about domestic violence, and many destructive
family law policies have been based on misleading information.
Research clearly establishes that women are frequently
the aggressors in domestic combat, often employing the
element of surprise and weapons to compensate for men's
strength. In my co-authored column
October's Domestic Violence Awareness Month Ignores
Many Victims (Omaha World Herald, 10/26/06,
Daytona Beach News-Journal, 10/20/06, Louisville
Courier-Journal, 10/4/06) I explained:
"Current DV policies are so at odds
with research and reality that many domestic violence
researchers and treatment providers are rebelling against
the DV establishment. Earlier this year over 50 of these
authorities signed a letter urging the California legislature
to stop the state's policy of excluding male victims
and their children from DV services.
"According to signatory John Hamel, LCSW, a court-certified
batterer treatment provider, research shows that children
who witness their mothers abusing their fathers are
just as likely to assault their intimate partners when
they are adults as those who saw their fathers assault
their mothers. Hamel, the author of Gender-Inclusive
Treatment of Intimate Partner Abuse: A Comprehensive
Approach, told legislators:
"'Men account for half of all DV victims and incur
a third of DV-related injuries. There is an overwhelming,
irrefutable body of research indicating that children
are adversely affected by witnessing interparental violence,
regardless of the perpetrator's gender. Ignoring female-on-male
violence inhibits our efforts to combat domestic violence.'"
The "rebellion" I mentioned
in the column just took a major step forward with the
formation of the National Family Violence Legislative
Resource Center. The
NFVLRC is a group of distinguished domestic violence
experts who have joined together to "advocate for non-discriminatory
and evidence-based policies" and correct the many damaging
laws and policies which have been based on misleading
claims. In a new statement
Hamel, one of the leaders of the
"The founding members of
NFVLRC have recognized for some time that current polices
are politically driven rather being based on scientifically
sound information, and are seeking to change them. As
a result of flawed policies, many children are being
denied the same range of services simply because of
their victimized parent's gender. Current policies have
in many instances also resulted in a loss of civil liberties,
and research indicates that they have sometimes resulted
in increased danger to victims...NFVLRC believes that
unless domestic and family violence policies are reformed,
victims, children and future generations will continue
to suffer from this social problem."
Founding members of the NFVLRC include: author and psychologist
Don Dutton, who served as a domestic violence expert
on the prosecution team in the OJ Simpson trial;
Carol Ensign, LCSW, former executive director of
the Antelope Valley Domestic Violence Council and Los
Angeles County "Woman of the Year" in 2000; author and
Kathleen Malley-Morrison; clinical psychologist
Jennifer Langhinrichsen-Rohling of the University
of South Alabama; forensic psychologist
Dr. Tonia Nicholls; Philip Cook, Executive Director
for Stop Abuse for Everyone and the author of Abused
Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence;
Patricia Jones, MS, of the Antelope Valley Domestic
Violence Council/Valley Oasis Shelter; batterer intervention
Lonnie Hazlewood, M.S.H.P., L.C.D.C., C.C.C.J.S.,
co-author of The Violent Couple; retired police
Richard L. Davis, author of Domestic Violence:
Facts and Fallacies;
Marlene Moretti, PhD, coauthor of the book, Girls
and Aggression: Contributing Factors and Intervention
John Hamel; and others.
To learn more about the National Family Violence
Legislative Resource Center, visit their website at
www.nfvlrc.org. To contact them, write to John Hamel
To learn more about problems with the domestic violence
Also, listen to the
His Side with Glenn Sacks shows:
My Hero Vindicated Yet Again...
fatherhood protester David Chick (aka "Spiderman") has
been acquitted yet again--it's been three strikes
you're out for the English legal system. In my column
In Defense of Spiderman (Cybercast News Service,
11/11/03) I wrote:
"The mayor of London compares him to Osama bin Laden.
He's been dubbed a 'menace' holding a city for 'ransom,'
as well as a lunatic and an extremist.
"What has 36 year-old David Chick done to arouse
such anger? He loves his little daughter, from whom
he's been forcibly separated, and he had the courage
to do something about it.
"The now world famous Englishman recently ended his
traffic stopping, six day, one man protest atop a 150
foot high crane near the Tower Bridge in London. Dressed
as Spiderman because he is his two year-old daughter's
favorite comic book character, Chick says his daughter's
mother has not allowed him to see his girl for eight
months and has tried to alienate her from him...
"According to Carol Plummer, Chick's sister, 'David
would never harm his daughter or Jo [the ex-girlfriend].
He doesn't want custody of his daughter, he just wants
to see her. But Jo is making him suffer by depriving
him of seeing his daughter, who is his life'...
"'[My daughter] is the most precious thing in my world.
I was there for the scans when she was still in the
womb, I was there for her birth. I fed her, bathed her,
got up in the night with her, cuddled her when she cried.'
"Now I'm just another statistic--another dad who has
no part in his daughter's life. For me, it is a living
"Today fathers in England, America and most of the Western
world stand upon a foundation of sand, knowing that
our loved ones can be ripped away from us and there
is often little we can do about it. We invest our lives
in the children we love and tell them that we will always
be there for them. But in the back of our minds we can't
help but think of a question which Spiderman no doubt
considered before he began his ascent up that crane
hanging over Tower Bridge: will we be allowed to?"
Chick's efforts captured the public's imagination,
and he came in second in the Evening Standard
London Personality of the Year contest, and was the
runner-up Political Personality of the Year on a major
English television station.
At his trial Chick showed that he had been to court
25 times and spent the equivalent of $30,000 in unsuccessful
attempts to get English courts to enforce his visitation
rights. He was acquitted by an English jury, some of
whom were reportedly moved to tears by his testimony.
In September 2004, Chick struck again, climbing the
London Eye, an enormous 450-foot-high ferris wheel
on the banks of the River Thames. Chick spent 18 hours
there--one hour for every month that had passed since
he had been able to see his little daughter. Nearly
20,000 people were prevented from visiting the attraction
because the police closed it down during the protest.
Popular still, a London jury again acquitted
Chick of causing a public nuisance. Strike two.
In 2004 Chick was convicted of harassment because
he and his ex-sister-in-law had some angry text mail
exchanges. Chick was angry that after the woman divorced
his brother she prevented his three nephews from contact
with him, even though they had been very close. I don't
blame David for being annoyed, but in the end it's always
the parents' decision, good or bad.
Chick says the charge was concocted by the police
as a way of preventing him from continuing his protests--the
bail conditions would have prevented Chick from protesting
at the Labour Party Conference of 2004. Chick's conviction
was just overturned on appeal. Strike three.
Read the full article on Chick from the U.K. newspaper
The Argus at
Fathers' rights protester cleared (11/2/06).
Chick's heroics won him something, though
not as much as they should have. Chick now sees his
daughter on regular visitation. That's progress, but
it's a sad indicator of how bad our system is. Chick
had to repeatedly risk his life and risk prison just
to get less than what every fit parent should have automatically
upon divorce or separation--substantially equal physical
time with one's child.
Earlier this year Chick sent me a "picture
of my little princess and I for you to see how we're
getting on." To see the picture,
click here. Chick's daughter looks very happy, and
she's almost as beautiful as mine...
To learn more about Chick, see his website
Lisa Scott Launches RealFamilyLaw.com
Shared Parenting Advocate/Family Law Attorney
Lisa Scott has launched
www.RealFamilyLaw.com to expose the truth
about what is happening in our family law system.
Lisa, the all-time leader in appearances on
His Side with Glenn Sacks, says that
she was "tired of having her stuff rejected
by elitist bar publications and politically-correct
newspapers" and decided to start her own website.
Help for Michigan Dads
Michigan family law attorney Mindy L. Hitchcock
has experience fighting for noncustodial parents
against Michigan's abusive FOC. Her
holistic approach to divorce gets results
for her clients while avoiding the scorched
earth approach to law that leaves families emotionally
and financially devastated.
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John Murtari Update
Thanks to efforts by shared parenting activists Jane
Spies and Teri Stoddard, the John Murtari story is being
covered by several New York State newspapers and television
statements. Murtari says he fell behind on his child
support because the court imputed an income to him based
on a job he no longer has, and he has had to absorb
the travel expenses to see his son, who was moved 2,000
miles away. A recent Associated Press article on Murtari
"An inmate who has been fasting for more than 100
days to protest his sentence for failing to pay child
support will be featured in a documentary.
"John Murtari, 50, is serving six months at the Justice
Center jail and has not eaten since he was incarcerated
July 31. On Thursday, Angelo Lobo, a San Diego-based
producer, interviewed Murtari for a documentary on people
who have been affected by family court decisions and
are advocating for reform.
"Murtari is given breakfast drinks through a feeding
tube inserted Aug. 10 and his weight is stable, Sgt.
Joe Powlina said.
"Murtari owes more than $60,000 to his ex-wife. He has
said he can't afford to pay because the support was
calculated using an income he no longer has. He is the
founder of AKidsRight.org, which criticizes the child
To watch a jailhouse interview with Murtari conducted
by News 10 in Syracuse, click
As I've noted before, I do have some disagreements
with Murtari; however, I tremendously respect his courage,
as well as his courteous manner and fighting spirit.
I wish we had many more John Murtaris.
In his TV interview Murtari says he hopes his son
will see that "Dad did that and people paid attention
and it was a good thing, right? You don't have to be
angry, you don't have to hurt somebody to get your point
Help for Seattle Fathers
The Law Offices of O. Yale Lewis III
is a one-person law firm that focuses
on customer care. Mr. Lewis can help
you identify and focus on the outcome
that you want and implement the steps
necessary to get there.
Help for California Divorced Dads
The Divorced Fathers Network helps dads
in Los Angeles, the Bay Area and Santa
Cruz. Local chapters sponsor free weekly
co-parenting classes, individual mentoring
for fathers and much more.
The Secrets of Happily Married Men
How can a man achieve a long and happy
marriage? If you've been checking out
advice columns or seeing a therapist,
you may have been looking in the wrong
place. Despite all the advances in brain
technology, and all of that we have
learned about developmental psychology--men
and women are given the same advice
about solving problems. But when we
ask men what works for them, we hear
a different story.
Child Support Enforcement Demands Man Pay Ex-Wife Child
Support for Child He Has with New Wife
occasions I've discussed problems with child support
enforcement and their errors--see my co-authored column
Memphis Commercial Appeal, Chest-Thumping Sheriff
Humiliate Hard Luck Noncustodial Parents (Tennessee
Tribune, 4/27/06), as well as my enewsletter entries
Boy Mistakenly Threatened With Jail For Being Deadbeat
I Couldn't Be Less Surprised.
According to the Detroit TV station WXYZ's news report
Friend of the Court (11/10/06):
"It's a system designed to protect children from
the hardships of divorce, but one family says Wayne
County Friend of the Court made life miserable instead.
"The Wayne County Friend of the Court is a place with
a history of botching simple cases and turning them
into a maddeningly confusing mess.
"No one knows that better than Ruth and Dale Akers,
who married 6 years ago and had a baby named Dale IV.
"But then they got a notice from Friend of the Court
saying their son wasn't theirs. Instead, it said, he
belonged to Dale's ex-wife and Dale owed child support.
"Bungling cases isn't anything new at Friend of the
Court. In recent years Action News has repeatedly showed
you how Friend of the Court has accused honest men of
being deadbeat dads even when they had proof they were
paying child support or didn't owe a penny.
"Terrance Hale said Friend of the Court misspelled his
name and had him paying support for a newborn named
Marjae to a stranger named Toni Etters.
"'All they could tell me is this is your kid because
the computer says it's your kid,' he said.
"Director of the state's office of child support Marilyn
Stephen says the program has improved but admits problems
linger with the state's million dollar computer system.
"The state has been making similar excuses since it
first installed the system 3 years ago.
"'Every time you go in and touch something in system,
extensive testing is required to make sure no ripple
effect and change other calculations resulting in problems,'
"But Ruth and Dale say there is no excuse for what Friend
of the Court has done to them.
"Records show Dale has faithfully paid his ex-wife child
support for three children they've had together. But
two years ago, the child support computer system started
making life miserable.
"This year alone in a four week stretch Dale got three
notices; the first said he owed about $700 a month,
the second said he owed $849, and the last one said
he owed more than $1,300.
"And then the most baffling mistake of all, asking Dale
to pay his ex-wife for a son he had with his current
"But the state and Friend of the Court haven't even
been able to fix that, instead saying what they've said
for years, 'we're working on it'."
If you're a California child support obligor with this
type of problem, write to me about it by clicking
here. Thanks to
Jane Spies of the
National Family Justice Association for the news
Experience the Book that Dares to Scream
the Inner Thoughts of Men
Drawing upon encounters with both foreign and
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The Rantings of a Single Male: Losing Patience
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in his handling of women's history, women's
spirituality, gender norming, implants, affirmative
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Feminist Blogger Needs to Check That One...
As I've mentioned
before, I'm a frequent target of feminist bloggers.
For a few examples, click
here. I ignore 99.9% of it, but occasionally there's
something of note. Recently one of my readers sent me
this blog post by blogger Red State Feminist. Red
State Feminist, who focuses on family law issues, writes:
Sacks and other Fathers Rights groups have aggressively
pushed 'shared-parenting' legislation, (mandatory joint
custody in all situations)."
I think she needs
to check that one. Even a cursory examination of my
columns on shared parenting quickly reveal that I do
not support "mandatory joint custody in all
situations." For example, in
HB 5267 Will Help Michigan's Children of Divorce
(Lansing State Journal, 5/28/06) I wrote:
"Both Domestic Violence Escape and NOW claim that
the bill will put abused women in harm's way. According
to DOVE, HB 5267 'sends a clear message to battered
women and children that the 'rights' of a batterer take
precedence over their safety and wellbeing.' Yet
under HB 5267 only fit parents are eligible for joint
custody--battered mothers should and would receive sole
A330 Would Help New York's Children of Divorce (Albany
Times Union, 3/28/06) I wrote:
"NY NOW and others are legitimately concerned about
protecting divorcing women who have been victims of
domestic violence. However, A330's presumption of
joint custody only applies to fit parents--abused women
would receive sole custody."
Louisiana's HB 315 Says One Parent is Better Than Two
(Shreveport Times, 5/20/06) I wrote:
"Current Louisiana law states 'To the extent it is
feasible and in the best interest of the child, physical
custody of the children should be shared equally.' This
is reasonable--it presumes that as long as both parents
are fit and there are no extenuating circumstances,
they should both share in parenting their children.
HB 315 weakens the law's wise preference for two parents
instead of one. Under the bill all that children receive
is a vaguely defined 'as frequent and continuing contact
as is feasible with each parent.' However, research
establishes that shared custody is what's best for kids."
I have a hard time seeing how anyone could honestly
state that I advocate "mandatory joint custody in all
Red State Feminist also writes that I am "notoriously
misogynist" in my "rhetoric." Many times I've challenged
critics to cite a single instance of this in my columns,
radio appearances and enewsletters, but no one ever
takes me up on it. When I've debated misguided women's
advocates on the radio and TV and they throw out the
"misogynist" label, I always smile inside, knowing that
they just surrendered. As I always say, "A misogynist
is a man who is winning an argument with a feminist."
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Legal Help for Fathers
If you live in Los Angeles, Riverside or Orange
counties and you're facing a divorce, separation,
or a child custody issue, the law firm of Oddenino
& Gaule can help.
Legal Help for Fathers in New Jersey
If you're a New Jersey father facing a divorce
or separation, the law firm of
Pitman, Pitman, Mindas, Grossman & Lee can
As supportive as Red State Feminist
is of my work, a recent letter writer was even more
helpful. Crystal writes:
"You are some piece of work...I am an unemployed mother
of 3 kids and one granddaughter. My issue however is
only with the father of one of my children. My other
kids have different fathers...my son who is 8 years
old has a father that has been to court with me so many
times I cannot even begin to count. He has disobeyed
every court order put upon him. He is over $14,000 in
arrears and he has once again, in less than 2 years,
after I spent a great deal of money for an attorney,
stop paying me. How many times am I suppose to allow
this? Well no more. He has not paid me since June and
he has been ordered to pay me $300 a month a drop in
the bucket compared to what he makes. I am out again
over $1,200 in June. Is this the kind of father you
advocated? Then you sir can and will by the grace of
God GO TO HELL.
"Your stories mean nothing to me as most fathers get
the children and either run, allowing the wife to never
see them again or they are child abusers. Wake up and
smell the devastation you have caused! May you rot in
hell for the work you do!
"P.S. I am a college educated mother who knows more
about raising children in my baby finger than you will
Interesting too how Crystal assumes that I have no idea
how to care for my children. Actually, I've been my
children's primary caregiver for the past 8+ years,
and was a stay-at-home dad for the first three years
of my daughter's life. I guess since I'm a man I can't
possibly know how to raise children...
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