The recent election glaringly reflected the weakness of our movement--our issues simply weren't a significant part of the dialogue on any level. No, opposing same sex marriage and immigrants doesn't speak to our issues, though some of my readers think it does. Our issues are, centrally, our family law system's failure to protect children's right to a relationship with both parents after a divorce or separation. They also include: anti-male domestic violence laws and policies, including our courts' rubber stamping of restraining orders; reform of our nightmarish child support system, particularly enforcement-related abuses; the denigration of fatherhood and the decline of the two-parent family; and numerous others. If anybody could find these issues on the radar screen in this election, you've got much sharper vision than I do.

North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative Defeated

As many of you know, the North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative was defeated 57-43. The American Coalition for Fathers and Children, which sponsored the Initiative, issued a statement in which ACFC Executive Director Mike McCormick makes several worthy points. Mitchell Sanderson of the North Dakota Coalition for Families and Children worked extremely hard for the Initiative, as did McCormick and many others.

From the beginning I have had some doubts and disagreements over this Initiative, centrally the decision to include child support reform. Several of you who read the two newspaper columns I co-authored on the issue, North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative Helps Women, Too (Grand Forks Herald, 9/24/06) and North Dakota Shared Parenting Initiative Will Help Children of Divorce (Grand Forks Herald, 7/18/06), have noted that I did not mention the NDSPI's child support provisions. One said "you write as if the child support reform in the NDSPI doesn't exist." Guilty as charged, probably because I wished it didn't exist. The central issue is protecting children's right to have a relationship with both parents after divorce or separation, so that's what I focused on. Also, others such as ACFC president Stephen Baskerville wrote columns on the child support issue--see Stephen's co-authored column How HHS Bullies North Dakota Citizens (Human Events, 8/17/06).

The child support provision muddied the issue and gave our opponents something to attack us with. Our opponents took this hole and ran a truck through it. The approach taken by Fathers & Families in Massachusetts in 2004 was better--their ballot question kept the issue narrowed to shared parenting, and they won a resounding victory.

(Some of you may have noticed that when I've done campaigns, such as our Campaign Against 'Boys are Stupid' Products, our Campaign Against Anti-Father Verizon Commercial and our Campaign Against PBS's Father-Bashing Breaking the Silence--all three of which were successful--I've been careful to keep our demands as simple and narrowly focused as possible. These are different than a ballot initiative, of course, but I believe the same principle applies).

There's another important question to ask about the NDSPI, a question to which our movement does not devote significant attention--if we had won in North Dakota, would we have been able to defend our victory? People often have the mentality that if we can get an initiative or law passed, that's it, we won, we can go home. This mentality was reflected in the attempts some made last year to get a California Shared Parenting Initiative on the ballot, and was one of the reasons why I did not support those attempts. If the NDSPI had passed, there would have been immediate attempts to whittle away at it, both from the judiciary and the legislature. Yes, the ballot initiatives remain law for a certain period of time, but there are many ways to undermine shared parenting. To defend the NDSPI we would have needed a well-funded organization in North Dakota with an effective lobbying arm and significant popular support and presence.

During this election the NDCFC/ACFC certainly angered the right people--a coalition of child support officials, bureaucrats, divorce attorneys and misguided women's advocates came together to form the North Dakota Concerned Citizens for Children's Rights Committee to ensure the measure's defeat. Stephen Baskerville often writes about what he sees as racketeering-type alliances within the divorce industry. I see these views as overdrawn and excessively conspiratorial, and I remain unrepentant. Nevertheless, I acknowledge that the NDCCRC is a good example of Stephen's views--the events surrounding the NDSPI are a Baskervillian dystopia come to life.

The NDCCRC launched a well-financed campaign against the Initiative. My readers know that I try to be polite, but to call the NDCCRC's claims "falsehoods" would be putting it very mildly--their ads were filled outrageous claims, claims which the NDCCRC's members themselves do not believe for a minute. This commercial was particularly outrageous. It read:

"Vote 'No' on Measure #3. This innocent-sounding proposal is not in the best interest of our children. It has never been adopted in any other state; we don't want to use our kids as guinea pigs. It will create chaos in the lives of children of divorce and separation, will dismantle the current child support system, and will coerce parents to split custody 50/50. With kids changing schools every six months, no sports, no friends, no consistency, no consideration in the best interest of the child. It's simple--vote 'No' on Measure #3. Sponsored by the Concerned Citizens for Children's Rights Committee."

A Friend of Our Movement Loses

Iowa state legislator Danny Carroll, the most articulate spokesman for shared parenting in Iowa, a state which has made substantial progress in protecting children's right to maintain a relationship with both parents after a divorce, lost Tuesday. In September Carroll appeared in PBS's film Kids & Divorce: For Better or Worse, which PBS commissioned as a result of our Campaign Against PBS's Father-Bashing Breaking the Silence (October 18, 2005 - December 20, 2005). In PBS Follows Through on Commitment to Air Balanced Program I wrote:

"In the film Iowa state legislator Danny Carroll said something we hear all too rarely. Carroll never knew his father. However, he did not make the standard assumption that because dad wasn't there he must be at fault or have 'abandoned' the family. Instead he explained that he didn't really know why his dad wasn't there, and speculated that if there had been a presumption for shared parenting when he was a child, perhaps he would have had his father in his life. He is one of the main legislative supporters of the Iowa shared parenting law, which the film discussed."

An Opponent of Our Movement Wins

Some of you may recall Kentucky judge D. Michael "Mickey'' Foellger, who in 2004 made headlines by telling men behind on their child support obligations that they had to either have vasectomies or go to jail. I slammed Foellger on several radio shows and in my co-authored column It's Child Support Guidelines that Need Surgery, Not 'Deadbeat Dads' (Kentucky Post, Cincinnati Post, 5/12/04). Family law attorney Jeff Leving and I wrote:

In May of 2006 Foellger was disciplined for his courtroom bullying (see the Associated Press'  Northern Kentucky judge suspended for lack of patience, temper, 5/30/06). According to the Kentucky Post:

"In judicial races, only Family Court Judge D. Michael 'Mickey' Foellger faced opposition. But Foellger - despite his suspension this summer by the Supreme Court - handily defeated challenger Rick Jarvis by a 2-to-1 margin."

A dad-bashing judge who was suspended for his conduct wins re-election handily anyway.

I received an interesting letter recently which speaks volumes to the way child support policies and collections are driven by federal incentive and reimbursement money. The mother, whom we'll call "Linda," apparently makes a good living and doesn't need financial support, and respects and protects her son's love and need for his father. She writes:

"I am divorced from my ex-husband and have custody of our seven year-old son.  Because I believe that there is a reasonable amount of child support and then there is an absurd amount, I must make a trip to the courthouse every single month and have a non-monetary receipt notarized so that the state will butt out of our business and not go after my ex for the absurd amount that they want him to pay. I have never asked for their assistance in ordering/collecting yet they butt in anyways. 

"I live in Omaha, Nebraska and every lawyer I've spoken to won't touch us as they say that no judge would revoke a child support order just because I want them to.

"I'm tired of my ex getting harassed and I'm tired of these trips to the courthouse. I don't give a damn about the support, as my ex's relationship with my son is what's most important to me, not money. I chose to have my son and I chose to have the divorce, therefore it is my responsibility to provide for him. Any suggestions on getting the state off our backs would be appreciated."

I discussed some of the problems with federal subsidies for child support enforcement in my co-authored column Federal Child Support Enforcement Cuts Will Hurt Bureaucrats, not Children (Las Vegas Review-Journal, Riverside Press-Enterprise, 12/16/05). We wrote:

"It is true that federal figures show that over $20 billion in child support is collected nationwide yearly, and that only $5 billion is spent on enforcement. However, the vast majority of the funds collected are not done through enforcement tactics--they're simply the payments already being made by law-abiding noncustodial parents. These payments will continue to be made regardless of the cuts. The myth that child support enforcement is a bargain was created by incorrectly counterposing total collections with expenditures on enforcement.

"In reality, much if not most child support enforcement funds are frittered away in misguided attempts to collect artificially inflated paper arrearages from low-income men who couldn't possibly pay them...

"Child support enforcement agencies are notorious for their abusive tactics towards such men, as well as their mind-numbing incompetence, waste, and the incessant computer errors which lead to the persecution of innocent citizens.

"For too long child support policies have been determined by politics instead of common sense; the mantra of 'help women and children' has allowed large-scale abuses and waste to go unchallenged. The proposed cuts won't interfere with efforts to collect legitimate child support, but they will save taxpayers $15.8 billion over the next decade. They will also force some discipline and restraint onto an area of government which sorely needs it."

Veterans' Day 2006 was the 98th anniversary of the end of one of the greatest tragedies in human history--World War I. My grandfather volunteered for the War, and was wounded in the decisive Battle of the Argonne Forest in 1918. He was awarded the Purple Heart and the French Croix de Guerre.

A couple years ago feminist Helen Caldicott, co-founder of Physicians for Social Responsibility, made a speech called "Men: Natural Born Killers." Caldicott told feminist antiwar demonstrators that the male of the human species has unbridled bloodlust, explaining that "young men rushed off to battle in the first World War. So eager were they to participate in the noble act of killing that they lied about their age."

Actually, my grandfather lied about his age so he could join the army, wanting to show his gratitude to the country which had allowed him to escape foreign tyranny. Caldicott is certainly correct that the war was a senseless slaughter, and the Russian revolutionary Lenin was correct that it was an imperialist war. But unlike Caldicott, I believe that men go to war out of a sense of duty and obligation, not bloodlust, as Caldicott maintains. I criticized Caldicott in my column Dr. Helen Caldicott Spits on My Grandfather (Cybercast News Service, 3/28/03), writing:

"According to Caldicott, societies dominated by 'male values' approve of violence and killing, and she criticizes women for being 'absolute wimps' who 'condone [male] psychotic behavior by their silence.' She ignores the fact that, rightly or wrongly, American women support this country's wars as much or nearly as much as men do. According to a Washington Post/ABC poll conducted on Sunday, March 23, 78 percent of men and 66 percent of women support the current war. When the United States went to war against Iraq in 1991, 87 percent of men and 78 percent of women approved.

"Caldicott also ignores the fact that women have always played a crucial role in ensuring that men serve in wars. As men's issues author Warren Farrell notes, during the Civil War Southern women 'hissed and groaned' at male civilians. According to historian Ken Burns, few Southern men tried to hire substitutes to fight for them because the Southern women 'wouldn't permit it.' During World War I women in the capitals of the warring cities of Europe would hand civilian men flowers to show that they viewed them as cowards for not enlisting.

"An excellent illustration of women's power to shame men into fighting can be seen in the Australian movie Gallipoli. The movie is the story of how two young men from the Australian outback come to enlist in the army and fight in one of history's bloodiest battles, the Battle of Gallipoli.

"Of the two main characters, one is determined to enlist, believing it is his patriotic duty. The other, played by Mel Gibson, has no desire to fight and says the war is 'an English war' which has nothing to do with Australia or its interests.

"However, while at a small dinner party where both Gibson and his friend interact with an attractive young woman, Gibson is shamed for his lack of martial spirit. Shortly afterwards, he tells his friend that he does not want to be treated like this the rest of his life and enlists.

"Similarly, several years ago an Israeli political analyst pointed to this phenomenon to support his assertion that support for militarism and hard-line policies had declined precipitously in Israel. His evidence? For the first time in his country's history a draft dodger could get a girlfriend, he explained."
 

Concerned about Financial Issues in Your Divorce?
If you're concerned about financial issues in your divorce, contact Jim DiGabriele of DiGabriele, McNulty & Co by email here or at 973-243-2600.

Los Angeles Dads--Free Legal Consultation on Your Case
If you are involved in a divorce, domestic violence, paternity, child custody or support case in the greater Los Angeles area, call Stephen A. Gershman to schedule your FREE initial one hour consultation at (888) 295-1756 or (818) 990-6505. Gershman is certified as a Specialist in Family Law by the Board of Legal Specialization of the State Bar of California. He is an experienced attorney, over 25 years, who will competently and aggressively defend you against unjust domestic violence restraining orders or unfair financial obligations. When Parental Alienation or custody is an issue, he will help you protect your relationship with your kids. www.losangelesfamilylawyer.com  

As I mentioned after my co-authored column America's Father Hunger (World Net Daily, 10/13/06) came out, a new feature on my enewsletter for the near future is going to be an excerpt from Wisdom of Our Fathers. This week's excerpt is "He loved his family too much to say good-bye," from Carole Harris Barton of Burke, VA, about her father, coal miner Samuel Sterling Harris (1911-1983).

"Daddy never said good-bye. I first noticed it the year I turned five, when he used to drive Mother, my brother John, and me from our shanty at the coal mine into Madisonville, the heart of the West Kentucky coalfields. 'Be good babies,' he would say to John and me before he left us to wait with Mother in the car when he went inside to night school, where he was earning a certificate in mining safety that would entitle him to a raise.

"He had gone to work in the mine when he was fourteen, three years after his father died and left the family destitute. When the foreman learned that Daddy was underage, he sent him home; Daddy waited two years and went back to the mine. He had been there ever since. He didn't complain about his lot, but he was determined that his children would have more education than he did. He worked days and studied nights to get a better job, so he could save enough money to move us away from the mine, where there was no high school, into town, where there was.

"He never said good-bye when he left for work. 'Be a good baby,' he would say, throwing me a wave. It wasn't what I wanted to hear. Other kids had dads who said good-bye. Why wouldn't mine?

"Finally, Mother explained. Daddy never said good-bye because he was afraid of a fatal mining accident. He thought if he never said good-bye, there'd never be one.

"It was an irrational response to a rational fear, but I didn't know it then. It would be years before I understood the hazards of Daddy's occupation, the risks he willingly assumed to support our family, and the fear that he and Mother looked squarely in the eye and stared down every morning when he stepped onto the 'cage'--an open platform--and descended into the belly of the earth.

"One day a coal-blackened man appeared at our front door at midday, a sight guaranteed to strike fear into the hearts of every miner's family. The roof, the overhead structure above the seam of coal in a mine's working area, had caved in on Daddy, the man said. An ambulance had already driven him to the hospital.

"The hospital stay was short, the recovery was not. Daddy lay in bed at home for weeks, his pelvis fractured. The only cure was keeping his weight off the bone until it knit back together.

"The summer heat was insufferable. Unrelenting humidity hung thickly in the air, plastering our damp clothes to our moist skin. It was an extra burden for an active man forced to lie in bed in a shanty with no air-conditioning, but Daddy's only complaint was that he couldn't go to the mine.

"As far as I know, he never considered not going back. Coal mining was all he knew; as risky as it was, it was how he fed his family, and it was how, ever so gradually, he accumulated the meager savings that allowed him, when John was twelve and I was eleven, to move our family into Madisonville. Living only a block from the high school, John and I earned diplomas. Daddy valued them for the education they represented; we valued them for the sacrifice he made that allowed us to attain them.

"Decades later, while installing playground equipment at a church, Daddy succumbed to a fatal heart attack--no symptoms, no warning, and no fatal mining accident. It was an appropriate passing. The man who never said good-bye never had to."

Samuel Sterling Harris' sacrifices, dignity and courage remind me of that of Terry Helms, one of the 12 miners killed in the Sago Mine disaster earlier this year. In my co-authored column Are American Husbands Slackers? (Tallahassee Democrat, 3/22/06) family law attorney Jeff Leving and I wrote:

"Terry's son Nick told the Associated Press that his father 'had endured numerous injuries in a 30-year career and hated mining because of the dangers.'

"'[My father] is very selfless,' Nick said. '[He] refused to quit because the job put food on the table...He gave his life in there so I could go to the movies'..."

"Feminists' persistent criticism of men has combined with women's traditional expectations of their husbands to place men in a double bind. A man may be a devoted caretaker of his children or a talented cook, but if he is unable to provide for his family, he is not respected. Yet when a man works long hours to fulfill the breadwinner role which he is still expected to perform, he is blamed for not contributing as much at home as his wife does.

"Feminists are right to complain that with long work weeks, the high cost of child care, scant union protections, and inflexible workplaces, working women often face a trying juggling act.  But they're wrong to place the blame on husbands, who do their fair share and often make great sacrifices to provide for their wives and children."
 

Help for Michigan Dads
Michigan family law attorney Mindy L. Hitchcock has experience fighting for noncustodial parents against Michigan's abusive FOC. Her holistic approach to divorce gets results for her clients while avoiding the scorched earth approach to law that leaves families emotionally and financially devastated. www.Lady4Justice.com

Save Money and Get Better Gas Mileage
Do you want to save money and get better gas mileage? Get more performance from your vehicle? Make your engine last longer? MPG-CAPS is a 100% organic engine conditioner that simultaneously improves fuel economy and power by creating a micro-thin coating on the combustion chamber in your engine allowing your fuel to burn more efficiently. MPG-CAPS are perfect for gasoline, diesel, biodiesel and gasoline-ethanol powered engines. To learn more, click here or contact FFI Independent Representative Ted Wacholtz here. FFI products come with a 100% money back guarantee.

Experience the Book that Dares to Scream the Inner Thoughts of Men
Drawing upon encounters with both foreign and domestic women, American writer Thomas Ellis offers up The Rantings of a Single Male: Losing Patience with Feminism, Political Correctness... and Basically Everything--a collection of incredible but true stories, satire, and social commentary. Running the gamut from hilarious to tragic, these rants employ dark humor to illuminate the many absurdities of our gender culture. Ellis is unapologetic and unrestrained in his handling of women's history, women's spirituality, gender norming, implants, affirmative action, rape hysteria, pornography, homophobia, and bad dates. Contains adult situations and language. Now in its third printing. On sale through the end of 2006 for $9.95 + shipping from Amazon via direct purchase.

The LaMusga Company
The LaMusga Company provides customized solutions to assist individuals and business owners in reaching their financial goals. The LaMusga Company is committed to helping you accomplish your long-term financial objectives. LaMusgaCo.com

File Taxes Online with  Professional Help
MENstax.com allows you to file your taxes, check your refund status, and have your return reviewed by an experienced tax professional--all online.

Legal Help for Fathers
If you live in Los Angeles, Riverside or Orange counties and you're facing a divorce, separation, or a child custody issue, the law firm of Oddenino & Gaule can help. www.OddLaw.net

Legal Help for Fathers in New Jersey
If you're a New Jersey father facing a divorce or separation, the law firm of Pitman, Pitman, Mindas, Grossman & Lee can help. PitmanLaw.com