1) A single father with primary or sole custody.
2) The father has been successful in his career.
3) The father has had to make career or financial sacrifices because he's the primary parent for his children.

If this is you, please send me your name, phone number, and a brief (100 words max) description of yourself by clicking here.

Miami Judge Gets It Right, Rules for Embattled Cuban Father in 'Elian Gonzalez II' Case

Background: I've previously covered the "Elian Gonzalez II" case in Miami--a battle over a 4-year-old Cuban immigrant girl which pits her Cuban father, Rafael Izquierdo (pictured), against wealthy Cuban-American foster parents Joe Cubas, a well-known sports agent, and his wife, Maria. Just as Elian's father Juan Gonzalez faced numerous unfair hurdles to get his son back, Izquierdo has been manhandled by the child welfare system, in part because of the system's anti-father bias.

In 2005, the girl's mother brought the girl to Miami from Cuba. The Florida Department of Children & Families removed the girl from her mother's custody in 2006, after an investigation found that the woman's mental illness rendered her an unfit parent. She was placed with a foster family, and Izquierdo came to the US to bring his daughter home.

Izquierdo has spent months in the US and has been denied custody of his daughter--an outrageous violation of fathers'

I recently learned that Dave Bruer of the Fathers Resource Center was killed in a motorcycle accident. Dave was a committed advocate who helped many, many fathers with their custody and family law problems.

The newspaper article about this tragedy is below.

Motorcyclist killed in crash ID'd as advocate for fathers
North County Times, 9/24/07

VISTA -- A man killed Sunday morning in a motorcycle crash on Highway 78 was identified by the county medical examiner's office today as the founder of the Fathers Resource Center, an Encinitas-based parenting organization.

David Cavan Bruer, 55, of Encinitas, was pronounced dead at the scene near Emerald Drive, an investigator for the office said.

Authorities said Bruer had been speeding when he tried to pass through a narrow gap in traffic and was clipped by a truck. He is survived by his son, John-David Bruer, the medical examiner's office reported.

Bruer began working as an advocate for fathers nearly 20 years ago. He brought the Fathers Resource Center -- which formed to help fathers with issues such as paternity to domestic abuse, to custody and visitation -- to Encinitas in 1997.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

The American Coalition for Fathers and Children The American Coalition for Fathers and Children is dedicated to creating a family law system which promotes equal rights for all parties affected by divorce. Contact the ACFC at 1-800-978-3237 or visit them on the web at www.acfc.org.

I'm quoted on the marriage movement and federal marriage programs in Mary Meehan's recent article Marriage as social medicine (Lexington Herald-Leader, 9/25/07). According to the article:

"[Sacks] said the pro-marriage movement has become 'kind of a mania' and is 'very dismissive of non-custodial fathers.' It makes the assumption, he said, 'that no man will take responsibility unless the government coerces them to do it' and puts responsible fathers on the defensive."

One of my criticisms of the marriage movement and its influential thinkers--including David Blankenhorn, author of Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem, and Elizabeth Marquardt (pictured), author of Between Two Worlds--is its view of divorced fathers.

In Fatherless America, Blankenhorn has many good things to say on the importance of fathers and of intact families. In one email exchange with David, I told him that I had been reading his book on a Sunday when my wife and kids had gone to see a movie, and that while reading it I kept looking out the window to see if they had come back yet--the book really made me want to be with my kids.

Yet Blankenhorn errs by placing almost all blame for family breakdown on fathers, who allegedly "abandon" their children. A couple years ago there was a little three-sided debate over this assertion between Blankenhorn, Stephen Baskerville and I at the Family Scholars blog here.

Marquardt does make a substantive effort to be gender-balanced in Between Two Worlds, and she makes a good case that what children need are married parents, though she overstates it a bit. Yet Marquardt is very opposed to shared parenting and has a low regard for the contributions of noncustodial parents after a divorce. To her credit, she acknowledged this issue at the Children's Rights Council conference last year, explaining that her previous analysis seemed to end at family breakdown, providing no answers for the millions of families which have already broken down.

The Herald-Leader article mostly deals with federal marriage programs. One is the "Bluegrass Healthy Marriage Initiative, one of the federally funded programs, [which operates] under a three-year, $1 million grant with the goal of promoting marriage and increasing the amount of money unwed fathers pay in child support."

I'm all for promoting marriage, but some of these federal programs seem to be more oriented towards fathers-as-wallets than serious attempts to create stable families.

We did a His Side with Glenn Sacks show on this a few years ago called "Bush's Marriage Initiative: A Step Forward for Families or a State Intrusion?" The show featured a debate between Stephen Baskerville, a critic of the Initiative, and Rozario Slack of First Things First, one of the most prominent advocates of the proposals. To learn more and to listen to the show, click here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

A Legal Advocate for Fathers in Los Angeles & Ventura Counties The Law Offices of Adam Michael Sacks, Esq., handles cases of all sizes with compassion, understanding, and a commitment to helping fathers protect themselves in a divorce. Don't assume anything and don't sign anything--call Adam Sacks, Esq. at 1-800-340-7320, or write him at adam@adamlawyer.com. www.adamlawyer.com (No relation)

Background: Mary Winkler--who shot her husband in the back and then refused to aid him or call 911 as he slowly bled to death for 20 minutes--walked away a free woman last month after serving a farcically brief "sentence" for her crimes. She is currently in a custody battle with Matthew Winkler's parents, who have been raising their three daughters for the last 18 months.

The Winklers seek to terminate Mary Winkler's parental rights and adopt the girls. I support their position. Last week, Mary Winkler was granted supervised visits with her daughters--an important step towards getting custody of them.

To learn more about this horrendous injustice, see my co-authored column No child custody for husband-killer Mary Winkler (World Net Daily, 9/14/07), or click here.

A Tennessee appeals court Friday blocked a supervised visit between Mary Winkler and her children, in response to an appeals by Dan and Diane Winkler, the children's grandparents. The Associated Press story is below.

Mary Winkler Visit With Children Blocked
Associated Press, 9/30/07

JACKSON, Tenn. (AP) -- An appeals court Friday blocked a supervised visit between a woman convicted of killing her minister-husband and their children.

The court issued a stay against the Saturday visit after a last-minute application from the children's paternal grandparents, who have had temporary custody of the three young girls since Mary Winkler went to jail after the March 2006 shotgun shooting.

Winkler, 33, was convicted of voluntary manslaughter in April for shooting Church of Christ minister Matthew Winkler at their residence in Selmer.

"It's very devastating to Mary and I'm sure to the children," said Winkler's attorney, Kay Farese Turner.

The stay is only temporary pending an investigation of Dan and Diane Winkler's accusations that the judge who originally granted the visit ruled erroneously, Turner said.

A call to the office of William R. Neese, Dan and Diane Winkler's custody attorney, late Friday was not immediately returned.

Winkler has said the grandparents will not let her see or talk to her children, who are now 10, 8 and 2 years old. They are seeking to terminate her parental rights and adopt the children while Winkler is attempting to regain custody.

Her former parents-in-law also have filed a $2 million wrongful death lawsuit against her.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Fathers & Families: Advocacy for the Child-Father Bond Fathers & Families is a non-profit organization advocating for the right of every child to have two parents. Called by some a "fathers' rights organization," Fathers & Families is made up of men and women who believe that fathers are an essential part of a child's life and that divorce or separation should not change this. www.FathersandFamilies.org  FALSELY ACCUSED IN TEXAS? Domestic Violence. Child Sexual Assault. Child Protective Services Defense. Contact the Law Office of Stuckle & Ferguson www.PaulStuckle.com / falseaccusations@stuckle-ferguson.com

I first noticed the article The Daddy Track (Boston Globe, 7/8/07) because there's a nice quote in it from Dan Hogan of Fathers & Families about the anti-father gender bias of our family courts. However, there are several other items of interest in it:

1) "Donna Booth, a Saugus divorce lawyer, says that...Even in divorces where a mother has been the family breadwinner and the father has stayed home, a lot of women who come into her office, Booth says, insist on fighting for sole custody."

And most of the time they get it. The feminists have abdicated all responsibility on this issue--for decades they've harangued men to put aside their careers so they can spend more time on child care and to support their wives' careers. Yet when a father who did exactly as the feminists wanted loses custody of his children, you'll not hear a peep from the National Organization for Women. In fact, they'll often support the mother.

2) "'Society is really changing,' says Rosanna Hertz, a Wellesley College professor of sociology and women's studies. 'What we're seeing is more and more men stepping up to the plate.' At the same time, those dads are discovering what single mothers have long known: Along with offering rewards, the job requires sacrifices."

I've criticized Hertz's work on numerous occasions--see my co-authored column Are Single Mothers the 'New American Family?' (World Net Daily, 9/28/06)--and I won't repeat the argument here. In the above quote, Hertz is trying to be nice, I suppose, and I guess I should appreciate that. However, I disagree with her premise--common among feminists--that the only parenting that counts is child care. Whatever it is that privileged men go off and do 60 hours a week that seems vaguely connected to the house, cars, necessities and luxuries the wife and children enjoy doesn't count. For thousands of years, Ms. Hertz, men have "stepped up to the plate" by working hard at dangerous, demanding jobs in order to support their families. (To hear me gripe about this more, see my column Hate My Father? No Ma'am!, World Net Daily, 4/8/02).

3) "When he divorced, [Jay] Portnow enjoyed something of a national reputation for his work in rehabilitative medicine and was routinely invited on the paid lecture circuit. After one son came to live with him full time and he gained half-time custody of the other, he started turning down out-of-town engagements because being home 'was the more important job to do.' Portnow says he is obligated to continue child support to his former wife for another four years. In addition, he is paying almost $100,000 a year for his sons to attend New York University and Yeshiva University in Manhattan.

"I consider it ransom," he says. "Twelve years ago, it was much harder for men who wanted to be a part of their children's lives." Indeed, Portnow says, to make it happen back then, he bought a house not far from the marital home, where his former wife still lives. His sons see and always have seen their mother. Of his relationship with his ex-spouse, however, he says, "I send the checks, and if I'm late, she calls. That's it."

This is very common. In my co-authored column Not the Era of the Deadbeat Dad but the Era of the Hero Father (Ft. Worth Star-Telegram, 6/19/05), I wrote:

"While divorced dads are unfairly stigmatized as stingy, some noncustodial fathers raise their children in their homes but still pay child support to the children's mothers. Many others never ask for child support. In the face of a family court system which usually grants mothers a monopoly of power over children, these fathers must buy or rent their children back. When mothers allow their children to live with their fathers--or send them there because they've become unruly or inconvenient--fathers often won't challenge custodial and financial arrangements because they fear doing so will mean they'll be pushed out of their children's lives."

4) I've often pointed out that while fathers are often slammed as "deadbeat dads," men actually have a far better record of paying child support than women do. When women do pay it, it's usually minimal. According to the article:

"With his children's mother living in Canada, [Keith] Mochida, too, is left mostly to do everything--shopping, cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring, chaperoning--'and that doesn't include the surprises.' His former wife, who has remarried and has a new son, pays him $300 a month in child support. She comes down every three months or so and takes their son and daughter to a hotel for a few days to visit, and the children go to Canada for a good part of the summer."

And I bet she complains about her bum ex-husband sucking $300 a month out of her...

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Parenting Plan Calendar Software Shared Ground (R) is an easy-to-use software program designed for divorced parents to track their parenting plan schedules over many years. Do-it-yourself or let us build your approved parenting plan into a multi-year calendar so that you can print, share, or modify the calendar later. Parents, attorneys, arbitrators and mediators can generate equitable parenting plans, which is especially useful for parents seeking fair division of their children's time. FREE ASSISTANCE TO OUR CLIENTS- $49.95 one-time charge, FREE TRIAL & MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE. Click here for more information. Jeff Leving's New Book--Divorce Wars Jeffery M. Leving, one of America's most prominent divorce lawyers, has written a new book on how to win any divorce fairly, even when your spouse brings out the heavy artillery. Divorce Wars: A Field Guide to the Winning Tactics, Preemptive Strikes, and Top Maneuvers When Divorce Gets Ugly provides essential advice on everything from picking the right lawyer and devising a winning settlement strategy to getting the most from your day in court and dealing with an ex-spouse. Divorce Wars is available here. Help, Resources for Dads The National Fathers' Resource Center is a division of Fathers For Equal Rights, Inc. (FER), located in Dallas, Texas, with offices in both Dallas and Houston. In existence for over three decades, it has services and resources for dads nationwide and is one of the largest and most active fathers' rights organizations in the U.S. www.fathers4kids.org

A reader recently reminded me of a story I told on His Side with Glenn Sacks a couple years ago, one of the saddest I've ever heard:

"The secretary at another radio station where I used to do the show told me a story about her son. The father and the mother broke up when the boy was about four or five, and the father soon disappeared from the boy's life.

"When the boy started school, he always worked very hard and did all his homework and got good grades, even though his mother never pushed him to do well in school or to do his homework. She didn't have to push him--he always did it on his own.

"One day when the boy was about nine the mother got curious about this. After all, most boys don't take to school so well, and aren't as conscientious about their studies. I know--I've lived it with my son for many, many years.

"So at one point the mom asked the boy, 'Why do you work so hard at school and do so well?'

"The boy looked at her and replied, 'Well, I think if I do really well in school, maybe my daddy will come back.'"

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Help for Midwest Fathers Cordell & Cordell is one of the largest domestic relations firms for men in the Midwest, representing fathers in Missouri, Illinois, Texas, Kansas, Indiana and Georgia. Men who come to Cordell & Cordell know that their interests and the interests of their children will be aggressively championed. www.cordellcordell.com Civil War - A Father's Guide to Winning Child Custody Joseph E. Cordell's Civil War - A Father's Guide to Winning Child Custody  gives fathers clear, easy-to-understand tips on how to achieve the best results possible in a divorce. Comprehensive chapters explain every step of the divorce process, the meaning of legal terms, how courts determine custody, and how to maximize chances of victory at every stage. Cordell is the founder of Cordell & Cordell.

The Kentucky Supreme Court recently heard oral arguments in a case involving hero father Ren Hinshaw, a "duped dad" fighting to retain custody of the 8-year-old boy he's raised since birth. Hinshaw didn't find out that he wasn't the boy's biological father until his divorce, when his ex-wife went to court to cut him out of the boy's life, claiming Hinshaw had no legal right to keep seeing what he thought was his kid. According to a Louisville Courier-Journal article earlier this year:

"'He is my son, and I am his dad,' Hinshaw said in an e-mail to the newspaper.

"The child's mother says Hinshaw should have no right to custody...

"Hinshaw was in the delivery room when the boy he thought was his son was born in 1999.

"He cut the umbilical cord and later changed the boy's diapers, taught him to talk and volunteered at his school, according to court records.

"Hinshaw, a technology consultant at the University of Louisville's Kornhauser Health Sciences Library, described the boy in court records as the most important thing in his life.

"But when the child's mother, Jacqueline, divorced Hinshaw in 2003, she disclosed he wasn't the biological father and asked Jefferson Family Court to deny him custody.

"Judge Virginia Whittinghill ordered a counselor to meet with the child. She concluded he had bonded with Hinshaw and that it would be 'very devastating to him if he was not in his life.' She described Hinshaw as the boy's 'psychological father.'

"Whittinghill not only granted Hinshaw's motion for joint custody, she also made his home the boy's primary residence and ordered his ex-wife to pay him $25,000 in attorney's fees.

"The Court of Appeals last September affirmed the decision, saying the case wasn't about paternity but 'the custody rights between a husband and wife as they relate to a child born and raised within the confines of the marriage.'

"Hinshaw's ex-wife, who has since remarried, is now asking the state Supreme Court to hear the case. She and her lawyer, Peter Ostermiller, declined comment, but in court papers they say that DNA should rule, even if the decision is not in the child's best interests.

"They also contend that Hinshaw had no standing to seek custody, just as the state Supreme Court held last year when it denied such rights to a lesbian partner who was not a child's legal parent.

"After two years as the boy's primary parent, Hinshaw said in court papers that his bond with the child has grown even stronger and that it would 'take a chunk' out of his heart if the child was taken away.

"'This is a bond that no person should put asunder,' he said."

The case is now being considered by the Kentucky Supreme Court, along with the James Rhoades case. To learn more, click here.

We rarely hear publicly about cases like Hinshaw's, but I see them often...

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.
 

My recent His Side with Glenn Sacks radio commentary for KLAA AM 830 in Los Angeles discusses gender bias and the female sentencing discount in the Brenda Nesselroad-Slaby case. To listen to the commentary, click here.

To learn more about the case, see my blog post Outrage--Woman Leaves Her Toddler in Car for 8 Hours on Hot Day While at Work, Child Dies, She's Not Charged.

His Side with Glenn Sacks radio commentaries are broadcast daily on KLAA AM 830, a 50,000 watt talk station in Los Angeles and Orange County. KLAA AM 830 is owned by Arte Moreno, owner of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. KLAA hosts include Glenn Beck and Michael Savage.

From 2003-2005, His Side with Glenn Sacks ran in a syndicated talk show format in Los Angeles, New York City, Boston, Seattle, and other cities. To listen to show archives, click here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Online Dating Rights Online Dating Rights opposes the new federal International Marriage Broker Regulation Act, which requires Americans who seek to meet foreigners via the internet to have a criminal background check and an intrusive report about intimate details of one's life BEFORE any communication--the first time in US history that such checks have been required. www.onlinedatingrights.com SAMSONLAW--Divorce Lawyers for Michigan Men & Fathers If you're a Michigan man faced with divorce, you need SAMSONLAW on your side--SAMSONLAW defends men. Smart Advocacy Means Stopping Oppression Now. INeedSamson.com My Sara My Sara--How the Adoption Assistance Agency stole a baby girl away from her loving family and put her up for adoption, for a nice profit. To learn more about this incredible story, go to www.my-sara.com

Below are some recent articles and items of interest from Fathers & Families' latest News Digest.

Ex-tended clans: Divorce often leaves some family ties intact (USA Today, 10/1/07)

DHS program helps noncustodial parents (Tulsa World, 10/1/07)

Helping hand for single dads (Rocky Mountain News, 10/1/07)

Child Support Payments More Accessible (North County Gazette, 10/1/07)

Divorced from Reality (New York Times, 9/29/07)

Duke Apologizes to Lacrosse Players (Associated Press, 9/29/07)

Proposal on domestic violence policy angers FOP (Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, 9/26/07)

San Mateo Co.: Governor Signs Child Support Bill into Law (CBS5.com, 9/26/07)

Judge grants father custody in state's longest divorce case (Boston Globe, 9/25/07)

Centers For Disease Control Finds Women Commit Half Of Domestic Violence, Reports National Coalition of Free Men (EWorldWire, 9/24/07)

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Happily Un-married! Living Together & Loving It! Living together is becoming widely accepted among all ages. Happily Un-married! is the first book to take a serious & non-judgmental look at helping these couples improve the fitness of their relationships. The rate of cohabitation is skyrocketing--10 million couples, 40% of whom have children. Happily Un-married! helps unmarried couples stabilize and strengthen their relationships. www.cohabitating.org Help for Georgia Dads Georgia attorney Edwin M. Saginar has 36 years of experience in family law and criminal defense, including domestic violence. He has seen many spouses falsely accuse their significant others of family violence, and knows how to defend your rights. www.edwinsaginar.com Need Affordable Help with Child Support and Custody Issues? Legal Services Centers of America provides fathers with affordable help in family law matters such as child support and child custody. Based in Colorado, they handle cases throughout the US. Call them at (719) 219-3561or write them at lscalegal@earthlink.net. www.legalservicecentersofamerica.com

In my recent blog post I've Never Seen My Son Move So Fast..., I explained how quickly my teenage son moves to get away from me whenever there are teenage girls around.

Afterwards, a reader pointed out a Toyota car commercial which captures the teenage "I'm ashamed of my parents" sentiment perfectly.

As for father-son ads, I also recommend Ford's new father-positive car commercial "We Know."

To watch, click here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Alicia M. Crowe's Real Dads Stand Up! Alicia M. Crowe's new book Real Dads Stand Up! explains what every single father should know about child support, rights and custody. Learn how to exercise your legal rights, avoid 'baby mama drama', navigate the child support system, gain and maintain access to your children, and settle issues without going to trial. www.realdadsstandup.com Fathers' Rights Legal Help If you need help with divorce, child custody, child support, alimony and visitation issues, The Law Offices of Jeffery M. Leving, Ltd. is one of the only law firms in the country focused almost exclusively on fathers' rights in divorce. Leving did heroic work on the Elian Gonzalez case, helping reunite Elian with his father. He also co-authored Illinois' Joint Custody Law, and was named one of "America's Best Lawyers" by Forbes Radio. Leving is the author of Fathers' Rights: Hard Hitting and Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute. Call today for an initial consultation (312) 807-3990 or visit us on the web at www.dadsrights.com.

Good Dad or Insensitive Dad? (Part I) The strict father has been the target of much criticism over the past four decades, which is one reason why we don't have very many strict fathers around any more. (Divorce is another reason). I'm not a particular advocate of strict/hard-line parenting, and it's certainly true that the old, tough dad had his drawbacks. The best parent is one who mixes affection and discipline, who loves and is lovable but at the same time is respected and, when necessary, feared. But not all parents can do all these things, and while we might have wished that the old dad were more sensitive, he was very important, and his virtues much underappreciated. Lately I've thought of some of my friends' fathers and the way they interacted with their sons. One of my friends in college was a man of Japanese ancestry whom we'll call Tim. Tim and his father often had conflicts--his father was hard-line, traditionally masculine, and conservative, whereas Tim was sensitive, unsure of himself, and liberal. Tim and I were both from Los Angeles and were both away at college in Northern California. I recall one time in Tim's sophomore year he was troubled by college and where he was heading in life, and called his father, telling him he wanted to quit school. What his father told him made quite an impression on me at the time. He said: "You're 21, right? Well, when I was 21 things were a bit different for me. "When I was 21, I had a wife and a kid to support, no job, no education, no money, no property, and I'd just spent three years in a concentration camp. You stay there and tough it out." Was he right or was he wrong? On one level, he was certainly correct to put his son's problems in perspective, and his son did go on to finish school and have a successful career. On the other hand, perhaps a more understanding approach would have been better--in part because of his father's hard-line attitude, he and his son remained in conflict to one degree or another for many years. Perhaps his experiences in Manzanar (pictured above) warped his perception of what a young person's life should be like. On balance, I would side with the father--sometimes kids need someone to stiffen their backs and push them forward. To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.   Help for Los Angeles/Ventura County Dads Certified Family Law Specialist Peter M. Walzer was one of the key figures in our successful legislative struggle to preserve the LaMusga move-away decision. As Chair of the State Bar of California Family Law Section Executive Committee, Walzer lobbied the state legislature to improve California laws on child support and child custody. He's an American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers Fellow who has authored numerous articles on custody issues, business valuation in marital dissolutions and spousal and child support.  www.California-Divorce.com The LaMusga Company The LaMusga Company provides customized solutions to assist individuals and business owners in reaching their financial goals. The LaMusga Company is committed to helping you accomplish your long-term financial objectives. LaMusgaCo.com   A Visit from the Ex  "Oh, and your ex stopped by..." From Tom Cheney, in the New Yorker. To discuss this issue on my blog, click here. Dr. Warren Farrell's Shared Parenting Evidence Kit--What You Need to Win Shared Physical Custody Dr. Warren Farrell, a top expert on children of divorce now offers a complete evidence kit to help you win shared custody.  The DVDs, audio CD and electronic files summarize the best scientific research available collected over decades.  Scientific research has proven that children do far better with near equal time with both parents with minimal conditions.  This video set was developed to educate parents, judges, lawyers, psychologists and other divorce professionals. Most judges are doing exactly what is worst for children with sole-custody.  Submitted as evidence this will maximize your chances. Divorce Reform groups call(508) 381-1450 to use as fundraiser. www.BestInterestofChildren.org   Help for Michigan Dads Michigan family law attorney Mindy L. Hitchcock has experience fighting for noncustodial parents against Michigan's abusive FOC. Her holistic approach to divorce gets results for her clients while avoiding the scorched earth approach to law that leaves families emotionally and financially devastated. Lady4Justice.com

Are the Streets Really More Dangerous Today, or Are We Just More Careful? I went to the wedding of a childhood friend the other day, and in reminiscing about the old days, it struck us how different things were back then. For example: 1) When I was six or seven years old, I would walk to school every day with Alice, a neighbor girl who was only a year older than me. The school wasn't that far away, but it was at least a half a mile, across a major street. Perhaps things are different in rural areas, but I can't imagine letting my daughter walk to school with only another kid her age, even now, and she's nine, not seven. 2) We used to play sports in the street for hours after school. At the wedding, my childhood friend Joe said, "We played until the street lights came on--that's when you knew it was time to go home and have dinner." How often does this happened anymore? I wouldn't let my kid, at age 6 or 7, go out of sight to play ball on some other kid's street for several hours. Even my soon-to-be 15-year-old son is on a constant cell phone leash. (One other reason why this couldn't happen today is that the schools pile so much goddamn homework on the kids that there's no time to spend hours running around and playing after school. Instead, it's come home, have a snack and then sit down to do homework. And if I sound bitter, that's because I am...) So what is it--are things really more dangerous today, or are we just more careful? I suspect it's the latter, but maybe I'm wrong. To discuss this issue on my blog, click here. The Diary of a Patient Man--How a Male DV Victim Fought the System and Fought for His Child William Stoneking's The Diary of a Patient Man is the compelling and inspirational true story of a father's fight for his child against a violent ex-wife and a biased court system that tried to drive him away. Get it online or order your copy here. Are you or someone you love being abused? The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women provides crisis intervention and support services to victims of domestic violence and their families in order to help survivors recover from the trauma of domestic violence. Contact them by clicking here. Carey Roberts--The International Marriage Broker Regulation Act of 2005 Is a 'Feminist Hoax' Background: Some, including former Fox News columnist Wendy McElroy, have criticized the International Marriage Broker Regulation Act of 2005 (IMBRA) for being anti-male. According to McElroy, "The IMBRA requires American men who wish to correspond with foreign women through private for-profit matchmaking agencies to first provide those businesses with their police records and other personal information to be turned over to the women. Corresponding with a foreigner is legal. Marrying a foreigner is legal....Now American men who wish to pursue a legal activity must release their government files to a foreign business and foreign individuals." A group has formed to protest the anti-male IMBRA--Online Dating Rights (ODR). The ODR criticizes the IMBRA, and notes "this is the first time in US history criminal background checks have been required for two people to communicate."  To learn more, click here. Men's rights columnist Carey Roberts has an interesting new column on the IMBRA--IMBRA: Anatomy of a Feminist Hoax (MensNewsDaily.com, 9/26/07). Roberts writes: "[IMBRA opponent] Senator Maria Cantwell of Washington...brandished the notion of "mail-order brides," casting foreign women as victims of predatory males. Then she dubbed international dating services as "marriage brokers," conjuring up the image of a rogue operation trading lives for dollars. "On July 13, 2004, the Senate Foreign Relations Committee scheduled a hearing to air the issue. No dating services or happily-betrothed foreign women were invited to testify -- their comments would not likely fit the script. "During her testimony, Cantwell made the startling claim that match-making services serve as a nefarious front for international human trafficking. She concluded, "there is a growing epidemic of domestic abuse among couples who meet via international marriage brokers." As proof of that "epidemic," she highlighted the cases of three abused women. "Cantwell's depiction of comely maidens being seduced into prostitution rings was more than Sen. Sam Brownback could resist, and before long he signed on as a leading co-sponsor of the International Marriage Broker Regulation Act. With liberals and conservatives now on board, IMBRA's political star was rising. "But it turns out that Senator Cantwell's supposition that dating services drag women into a life of sex slavery and indentured servitude was nothing more than a feminist tall-tale. "There was the U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service report that revealed, "less than 1 percent of the abuse cases now being brought to the attention of the INS can be attributed to the mail-order bride industry." "A second analysis soberly concluded that foreign brides are "dramatically less likely to be involved in domestic violence as calculated by the Intimate Partner Murder Rate." "And earlier this week the Washington Post reported that early estimates of up to 100,000 human trafficking victims being secreted into the United States each year were grossly exaggerated. Despite more than $150 million of taxpayer dollars diverted to a massive search and rescue effort, it turns out the actual number of trafficking victims is closer to 200 annually." Read Roberts' full column here. To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Are You the Target of Parental Alienation? Parental alienation cases are among the most difficult and complicated in family law. J. Michael Bone, Ph.D., is an expert on parental alienation. If you're a target parent, he can help you get back into your children's lives. Bone has worked as a custody evaluator and as a therapist and knows how to help the court find the truth. His services are available throughout the U.S. Dr. Bone can be reached by phone at (407) 645-0662 or by email by clicking here. www.jmbconsulting.org     Help for Colorado Dads As someone who has personally experienced the heartbreak of divorce and family breakup, Brett W. Martin, Esq. works to advance the interests and concerns of fathers in domestic and family law litigation. Personal attention is given to clients to help them through a very difficult time in their lives. www.brettwmartin.com

Amy J.L. Baker's book Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties that Bind details the stories of adult children of divorce--voices we need to hear much more often. One of the cases she details is that of David, whose parents divorced when he was six.

David's father worked long hours but he had positive, loving feelings towards him. He and his two siblings visited their father regularly and enjoyed and valued the experience.

However, as so often happens, after David's father remarried, his mother's attitude changed, and she began interfering with the visits. According to Baker, "The primary alienation strategy used by his mother was over-reacting to minor incidents that occurred at David's father's house, building a case for the fact that his father was careless and/or dangerous."

David explains:

"Something would happen at Dad's house like even the littlest thing like I remember one time we were at Grandma's house and my sister had some jacks and we were playing jacks and we went off to do something else and we came back into the room and we were kind of running around and she fell on one of the jacks and one of them kind of hit her thigh and went in a little bit. I remember it wasn't that big a deal but when we got home you would have thought someone had beat her. I was seven or eight at the time and my sister was five. I remember thinking at some point after this happened several times that...on my way home and it was about a 30-40 minute drive I remember just dreading it and thinking what will it be...what is going to be the thing that upsets her this time."

Baker says:

"David's mother had a way of finding out about what happened during visitation and then zeroing in on the most negative aspect of the visit to the exclusion of everything else. She would inquire about the visit until she heard something negative."

Another of the mother's alienation tactics was to invoke a rule that if any of the three children did not want to visit, then none could. When David's younger sister "decided" that she didn't want to visit her dad's house, this gave mom the pretext she needed to cut off all visitation.

A third tactic was to try to paint the father as stingy or financially selfish...

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

My Family Has Two Houses...and I'm Okay A workshop for children of separation or divorce in a workbook! In the privacy of your own home, you can provide your child with a safe way of looking at their thoughts and feelings and help to open discussion of relevant issues for them with you. This workbook can make the difference between your child surviving your divorce and thriving despite it! To learn more about My family has two houses ...and I'm Okay! and to order, click here. How to Win Shared Custody Here are the litigation secrets to winning shared physical & legal custody from Boston trial lawyer  Nick Palermo, Esquire  who has won these cases for 24 years.  It costs $5,000. or more in legal fees to gain the knowledge and guidance contained in this $10 handbook--The Ten Essential Elements to Winning Joint Shared Physical and Legal Custody. www.TenEssentialElements.com Think of Your Light Switch as an ATM Machine Wouldn't you like to get paid every time you turn on the power?  Find out how you can get paid on thousands of electric bills each month at www.jjsparks.igniteinc.biz

This gettin' up early, pulling double shifts / Gonna make an old man of me long before I ever get rich / But I'm tryin' / It's been two years since we've finalized / I still ain't used to puttin' ex in front of wife / But I'm tryin' / Send more money right away / is pretty much all she has to say when she calls these days / and don't you be late

Another good divorced dad song is Trace Adkins' I'm Tryin'--to watch the music video, click here. The lyrics are below.

In the picture, the father has just spent some nice time with his son, the ex-wife is coming to pick the son up, and she's ripping him away from his father and angrily criticizing her ex.

We'll put it in our divorced dad song collection, along with Toby Keith's Who's That Man?, Tim McGraw's Do You Want Fries With That?, and Sting's I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying, which was also later recorded by Toby Keith.

I'm Tryin'
Written by Chris Wallin, Jeffrey Steele and Anthony Smith
Sung by Trace Adkins

This gettin up early, pulling double shifts,
Gonna make an old man of me long before I ever get rich.
But I'm tryin
It's been two years since we've finalized,
I still ain't used to puttin ex in front of wife.
But I'm tryin.
Send more money right away, is pretty much all she has to say when she
Calls these days and don't you be late

But all I can do, is all I can do and I keep on tryin
And all I can be is all I can be and I keep on tryin
There's always a mountain in front of me,
Seems I'm always climbin and fallin and climbin
But I keep on tryin

I remember daddy sayin keep your eye on the ball, run like hell, play to win,
Get up when you fall
I'm tryin
Don't say nothin that you can't take back
Never do anything you might regret
No don't do that
Daddy I'm tryin
Know the difference between heaven and hell
Go easy on the bottle be hard on yourself
And I know he meant well

But all I can do, is all I can do and I keep on tryin
And all I can be is all I can be and I keep on tryin
There's always a mountain in front of me,
Seems I'm always climbin and fallin and climbin
But I keep on tryin

There's always a mountain in front of me
Seems I'm always climbin and stumblin
And then fallin'
And then climbin'
But I keep on tryin'

This gettin up early pullin double shifts
Gonna make an old man of me
Long before I ever get rich
But I'm tryin'

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Help for Los Angeles/Orange County Dads--Because They're Your Kids, Too If you're a dad facing a divorce or separation and you need quality legal representation in Los Angeles or Orange County, the Law Office of David Stone can help. Remember, they're your kids, too. www.help4dad.com Parental-Alienation-Awareness.com Stop Parental Alienation--a terrible form of Child Abuse. Eight states have now officially recognized Parental Alienation Awareness Day. To learn more, go to Parental-Alienation-Awareness.com.

High child support guidelines are popular among politicians because they make the candidate appear to be sensitive to women's and children's concerns. But there are other reasons why legislators support high child support guidelines, particularly for high-earners--matching federal funds.

States receive federal reimbursement funds for their child support collection efforts, based on numerous factors, including how much money they collect in child support. Originally these federal subsidies were for the purpose of rooting out "deadbeat dads" and forcing them to pay. In reality, states shoehorn as many noncustodial parents as possible into the state systems, so that when these dads pay their child support, the states can collect federal subsidies for these "collections." This is particularly true with high-earners--the states get subsidies for the sizable monies collected, without having to spend money on enforcement action.

In 2006, the then-Republican Congress reduced federal subsidies to state child support enforcement programs, as a budget-cutting measure. Currently several Democratic Party presidential candidates--including Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John Edwards--are pledging to restore these subsidies.

The newspaper column below explains the farce of federal matching funds for child support collections.

Federal Child Support Enforcement Cuts Will Hurt Bureaucrats, not Children
By Jeffery M. Leving and Glenn Sacks
Las Vegas Review-Journal, Riverside Press-Enterprise (12/17/05)

Democrats, women's advocates, the National Governors Association, and child support enforcement officials are sounding the alarm over proposed cuts in the federal funds that subsidize states' child support enforcement efforts. The cuts, which recently passed the House, will reduce federal reimbursement from 66% of the states' costs to 50% over five years.

According to the Congressional Budget Office, this will lead to $24 billion in child support going uncollected over the next 10 years. Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott and Los Angeles County Child Support Services Department Director Philip Browning are warning that the cuts will mean a drastic reduction in the amount of child support collected. A bipartisan group of senators has penned a letter opposing the cuts, explaining that "in 2004, more than $4 was collected in support for every dollar invested in the program." All of these claims, however, are based on false assumptions and misleading data.

To read more and to discuss this issue on my blog, click here.