Over the past two months, I've called your attention to the outrageous "Elian Gonzalez II" case in Miami, wherein Rafael Izquierdo, a fit, loving father, has faced numerous obstacles to reunite with his 5-year-old daughter. From day one of this case, the Florida Department of Children & Families has done everything in its power to separate Izquierdo from his little girl. Today, even though a Florida court has found that Izquierdo is a fit and committed father, DCF continues to fight to deny Izquierdo custody.

Fit parents have a fundamental right to raise their own children. I am partnering with Dr. Ned Holstein and Fathers & Families in a campaign to ask that Florida DCF allow Izquierdo to assume custody of his daughter and return home.

Please remember to always be polite, respectful, and to the point.

Our full campaign page is here.

What We Want

Unfortunately, the Izquierdo case is not unique. As the Urban Institute recently reported, when a mother and father are divorced or separated and a child welfare agency removes a child from a custodial parent's home because of neglect or abuse, rather than allowing the noncustodial parent to raise his or her own child, officials instead often place the child in the foster care system. This destructive practice often separates children from loving noncustodial parents.

We ask that Florida DCF contact Ned Holstein, MD, MS, president of Fathers & Families, to discuss how procedures can be changed to help ensure that in future cases, assiduous efforts are made to reunite children with their fit noncustodial parents. Moreover, such parents should be afforded the full benefit of the case plans and support services currently generally only available to custodial parents.

David E. Cook's article Deadbroke dads: The system makes Darryl Gay pay child support. But it's more than he can afford and his daughter doesn't get the money. Is this how it's supposed to work? (Sacramento News & Review, 10/11/07) is an excellent description of the way the current child support system wages a ruthless war against low-income and minority fathers.

Cook focuses on the story of Darryl Gay--a loving African-American father of modest means--and his struggle to survive in the child support system and be there for his six-year-old daughter. Cook writes:

"Six-year-old Tynea fidgeted at the dinner table, bored, counting a stack of crackers on her plate. A Warner Bros. cartoon murmured faintly from the living room of the Mack Road apartment where she was visiting her father, Darryl Gay, for the weekend.

"Tynea's parents never married and broke up soon after she was born. Gay, 41, continued to visit his daughter almost daily, and, though there was no child-support order, contributed to her upbringing by buying diapers, clothes, formula and other necessities.

"'I was buying my daughter whatever she needed because I was there every day,' Gay says. 'I knew what her needs were. I was buying what she needed.'

"But then, Gay says, Tynea's mother moved out of town without telling him, taking his daughter and her six other children from different relationships with her. Two years and two private investigators later, Gay finally found Tynea living in Oakland with her mother. He was eager to renew his relationship with his daughter and begin contributing what he could to her upbringing.

"That's when the welfare bureaucracy put its boot up Gay's backside.

"After Tynea's mother moved to Oakland, she applied for Temporary Assistance for Needy Families, otherwise known as welfare. Because of new regulations enacted in the 1990s, she was required to name Tynea's father to Alameda County welfare authorities. A court order was issued requiring Gay to begin providing child support and to reimburse any money paid to Tynea by the state.

"Because Gay's whereabouts were unknown at the time, he was unaware of the order. But when he tracked down his daughter on his own accord, Alameda County slapped him with a $227-per-month child-support payment. As an in-home health aide, Gay makes $830 per month. That leaves him with just $603 to make ends meet after paying child support. None of the money he paid on his own in the past counts. But here's the real rub: Most of the child support goes not to Tynea or her mother, but to Alameda County. Only $50 goes to Tynea.

"Welcome to welfare reform, American style.

"Thanks to a convoluted bureaucracy, flawed research and our country's never-ending war on the poor, Gay must now choose between providing care for his daughter or obeying the law and reimbursing the state for welfare paid to Tynea's mother over the years. He is not alone. Our national obsession with pursuing deadbeat dads is leaving many well-intentioned fathers destitute, and even homeless.

"Call them deadbroke dads...

"Unfortunately, the child-support system does not recognize the informal, undocumented assistance fathers like Gay provide their children. The only factor the system considers in measuring responsible fatherhood is the payment of formal child support. ...

"Child-support orders are usually retroactive to the day the child was born, and fathers are ordered to reimburse the state for any public assistance paid to the child. A father can owe back child support, or in the jargon of the system, 'arrearages,' even before the court issues a formal child-support order. Private arrangements between parents are now ignored, even with notarized documents.

"Glenn Sacks, host of His Side with Glenn Sacks, says even direct financial contributions go unacknowledged.

"'I get e-mails and letters by the hundreds from fathers who show canceled checks for child support paid directly to the mother,' Sacks recounts, 'and the state says, "That's a gift, and it doesn't count." It's like sending him a Visa card with a $20,000 balance already on it.'"

Read Cook's full article here. To learn more about the problems with the child support system, click here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.
 

The American Coalition for Fathers and Children The American Coalition for Fathers and Children is dedicated to creating a family law system which promotes equal rights for all parties affected by divorce. Contact the ACFC at 1-800-978-3237 or visit them on the web at www.acfc.org. Parenting Plan Calendar Software Shared Ground (R) is an easy-to-use software program designed for divorced parents to track their parenting plan schedules over many years. Do-it-yourself or let us build your approved parenting plan into a multi-year calendar so that you can print, share, or modify the calendar later. Parents, attorneys, arbitrators and mediators can generate equitable parenting plans, which is especially useful for parents seeking fair division of their children's time. FREE ASSISTANCE TO OUR CLIENTS- $49.95 one-time charge, FREE TRIAL & MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE. Click here for more information.

Background: I've discussed the backlash against me in the feminist blogosphere--particularly from Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon--since Pajamas Media advice columnist Dr. Helen Smith interviewed me recently on the subject of the Violence Against Women Act, the way our legal system handles domestic violence, and related issues. The interview is Fighting for Men's Rights (Pajamas Media, 10/8/07). To learn more about the debate, click here.

Ardent feminist blogger Jeff Fecke (pictured) Friday published yet another attack on me over my comments on the Violence Against Women Act, as well as an attack on the men's movement in general--click here to read it. Radical feminist blogger Amanda Marcotte picked up and praised the post here. Fecke's post is in the form of a Q & A with himself. Here's one section:

Q: So [men's activists] agitate for the right to rape and assault?

A: Not in so many words. But the MRAs do certainly seem preoccupied by the loss of that privilege. Look at the Glenn Sacks/Helen Smith interview we talked about early this week. It was all about how the Violence Against Women Act is a debacle for men, because, they say, men get sent to jail unfairly in domestic disputes. VAWA is a traditional hobby-horse for the MRA set...

Q: So are MRAs concerned about anything other than raping and beating women?

A: Oh, sure -- they also don't want to pay child support. There's a huge segment of MRAdom that's fed by divorced men angry that their ex got custody of the kids, and now they have to fork over money to support them.
 

Once again, Fecke and Marcotte are accusing me of being sympathetic to men's "right" to abuse, batter and rape women. Seeing the vitriol and hysteria in the various posts over the past week, I asked myself, "What the hell did I say that was so terrible?" and I went back and looked at the interview. The full interview can be seen here, but the part that the feminist bloggers have been so angry about is the first part of my answer to Helen Smith's question, "The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) passed in the 1990's under President Clinton. How is that working out?" I replied:

"It's done some good, in that it has helped ensure funding for domestic violence programs and shelters for battered women, but it has also helped create many problems, particularly for fathers and their children.

"To pick one example, the restraining order issue is a nightmare. The father is booted out of the marital home and pushed to the margins of his children's lives. The orders are often based on false accusations, and are used as custody maneuvers or as punitive measures by angry soon-to-be-ex-wives.

"Some judges simply rubber stamp protection order requests. One example is the David Letterman case from a couple years ago, where a judge granted a lunatic woman a restraining order against Letterman because she said he was sending her harassing messages through his TV broadcasts. District Judge Daniel Sanchez, who issued the order, explained, 'If [applicants] make a proper pleading, then I grant it.' As if what matters is not the accused's guilt or innocence, but instead whether the accuser knows how to fill out a form properly.

"Other judges may doubt the veracity of the charges but nevertheless decide to 'err on the side of caution' by granting them. VAWA and VAWA-funded DV service providers have contributed greatly to the restraining order problem."

In re-reading it, I can't say I'd change a word. Funny how none of my critics leave in the part where I praised VAWA for having "done some good, in that it has helped ensure funding for domestic violence programs and shelters for battered women." Nor do they include my later comment in the interview where I called the battered women's shelter movement of the 1970s a "very heroic movement."

The feminists have made much of my Letterman example, saying it doesn't apply because the woman was not an intimate partner of Letterman's. This is a valid point, but it wasn't where I was going with it. My point was that restraining orders are passed out with so little judicial review that even this lunatic could get one. I pointed to the judge's comment, "If [applicants] make a proper pleading, then I grant it" as another example of the lack of judicial review. The lack of judicial review over restraining orders has been criticized by many family law professionals, including the Family Law Section of the State Bar of California--to learn more, click here.

The feminists have also been saying that I'm in favor of "banning" restraining orders. Not so, and I'm on the record on numerous occasions saying that restraining orders can be a helpful tool to protect battered women--to learn more, click here. My criticism is not that they exist, but that they are being misused.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

A Legal Advocate for Fathers in Los Angeles & Ventura Counties The Law Offices of Adam Michael Sacks, Esq., handles cases of all sizes with compassion, understanding, and a commitment to helping fathers protect themselves in a divorce. Don't assume anything and don't sign anything--call Adam Sacks, Esq. at 1-800-340-7320, or write him at adam@adamlawyer.com. www.adamlawyer.com (No relation)

In my post Two Heroic Wives Remained Loyal to Their Husbands as They Served Three Decades in Prison for a Crime They Didn't Commit, I commended the heroism of two women who remained loyal to their husbands for three decades as the men were incarcerated for crimes the FBI knew they didn't commit. Both women raised their children, and kept up theirs and their children's relationships with their husbands as best they could.

Here's another wonderful example of a loyal wife--Peggy Polinsky:

Wife's kidney donation saves husband's life
By Emanuel Parker
Pasadena Star-News, (10/7/07)  

PASADENA - For two years, Joel Polinsky's stomach was so big, children would ask if he was pregnant.

"Yes," he'd tell them. "I'm going to have triplets."

But far from being funny, the Pasadena resident's condition was deadly. What saved his life was a kidney donation in June from his wife, Peggy, 63.

"You only need one kidney, but you have two," she said. "If you know someone who has none, give them one."

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Fathers & Families: Advocacy for the Child-Father Bond Fathers & Families is a non-profit organization advocating for the right of every child to have two parents. Called by some a "fathers' rights organization," Fathers & Families is made up of men and women who believe that fathers are an essential part of a child's life and that divorce or separation should not change this. www.FathersandFamilies.org  FALSELY ACCUSED IN TEXAS? Domestic Violence. Child Sexual Assault. Child Protective Services Defense. Contact the Law Office of Stuckle & Ferguson www.PaulStuckle.com / falseaccusations@stuckle-ferguson.com

"In the American family, the mother comes first, then the kids, then the dog, then the cat, and then the father."--Tomas, my Cuban immigrant father-in-law

I guess we can now add the family hamster and goldfish in there before the father, too. Recently California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger took strong measures to protect goldfish, hamsters, bunny rabbits, cats, and dogs who are caught in abusive relationships by signing SB 353. Schwarzenegger joins Connecticut Governor M. Jodi Rell and others who have focused on this scourge, and realized the threat domestic violence poses to hamsters like little Cinnamon (pictured).

Earlier this year, Rell signed a bill to protect pet victims of domestic violence. She explained:

"Pets are too often the silent victims of domestic violence. They cannot fight back, and they are presently afforded no protection under our current legal system."

No, the above is not an Onion parody, it's real. To Rell's credit, however, she has declined to sign on to the ridiculous feminist charade that only men commit domestic violence. Earlier this year she commented, "Domestic violence cuts across all races, all income brackets, all levels of education -- and both sexes." To learn more, see my blog post Good News--Pro Feminist Governor Acknowledges Women Also Commit Domestic Violence.

Earlier this year I co-authored a column on SB 353--CA Legislators Vote to Protect Pets from Domestic Violence but Deny Services to Male DV Victims (Long Beach Press-Telegram, 4/21/07).

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Goldberg & Associates--the Parental Alienation Specialists If you're the target of Parental Alienation, the Parental Alienation specialists at Goldberg & Associates can help. They operate throughout the U.S. and Canada and assist family law attorneys and targeted parents needing medical-legal consulting services related to Parental Alienation. Call them at 905.481.0367 or visit their website www.parentalalienation.ca. Jeff Leving's New Book--Divorce Wars Jeffery M. Leving, one of America's most prominent divorce lawyers, has written a new book on how to win any divorce fairly, even when your spouse brings out the heavy artillery. Divorce Wars: A Field Guide to the Winning Tactics, Preemptive Strikes, and Top Maneuvers When Divorce Gets Ugly provides essential advice on everything from picking the right lawyer and devising a winning settlement strategy to getting the most from your day in court and dealing with an ex-spouse. Divorce Wars is available here. Help, Resources for Dads The National Fathers' Resource Center is a division of Fathers For Equal Rights, Inc. (FER), located in Dallas, Texas, with offices in both Dallas and Houston. In existence for over three decades, it has services and resources for dads nationwide and is one of the largest and most active fathers' rights organizations in the U.S. www.fathers4kids.org

While writing my blog post The 'sexism' was that the boys didn't believe that a girl could do dangerous skateboard stunts...' , I was reminded of another revealing incident. My son and I were at the skateboard park on a Saturday morning, and this little kid--looked like he was only five or six years old--climbed to the top of this huge skateboard ramp. The little kid had all of his protective gear on, etc., but when he got to the top of the ramp he didn't go down.

His father, who was standing 10 or 20 feet from the ramp, told him, "C'mon, you can do it, get going!" The kid hesitated, says he's scared, so dad says it again, and again the kid hesitates.

I'm standing there watching this and thinking this guy is a psycho sports dad pushing his kid too hard. The standoff continued, and I started to wonder if I should intervene.

Finally the kid says, "Oh, ok," and starts to push off. I hold my breath, expecting a crash and some broken bones.

Instead, the boy zips down the huge ramp, makes one jump, then another, then another, then spins his board around and heads back, all the while looking as concerned as he would on a casual stroll in the park.

There are few times in my life when I was happier to feel like a jackass...

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Help for Midwest Fathers Cordell & Cordell is one of the largest domestic relations firms for men in the Midwest, representing fathers in Missouri, Illinois, Texas, Kansas, Indiana and Georgia. Men who come to Cordell & Cordell know that their interests and the interests of their children will be aggressively championed. www.cordellcordell.com Civil War - A Father's Guide to Winning Child Custody Joseph E. Cordell's Civil War - A Father's Guide to Winning Child Custody  gives fathers clear, easy-to-understand tips on how to achieve the best results possible in a divorce. Comprehensive chapters explain every step of the divorce process, the meaning of legal terms, how courts determine custody, and how to maximize chances of victory at every stage. Cordell is the founder of Cordell & Cordell.

Background: I've discussed the backlash against me in the feminist blogosphere--particularly from Amanda Marcotte of Pandagon--since Pajamas Media advice columnist Dr. Helen Smith interviewed me recently on the subject of the Violence Against Women Act, the way our legal system handles domestic violence, and related issues. The interview is Fighting for Men's Rights (Pajamas Media, 10/8/07). To learn more about the debate, click here.

More amazing stuff from both sides of the aisle regarding the controversy over my comments in the interview. This afternoon Amanda Marcotte let loose another absolutely insane tirade, writing:

"Look, I know you supporters of wife beating will never admit that you actually think that--well, in public. Between friends and certainly to intimates is a different story. We are well aware of this tactic. The anti-choicer claims to love babies in public while acting as if he's mainly interested in punishing women for sex. The racist swears up and down that he's not a racist even while privately believing that black people are stupid and using the word 'nigger' behind closed doors. And the battering advocates claim to oppose wife-beating while organizing to make sure that battered wives get thrown in jail or are deprived of escape routes.

"I judge you by your policy ideas. You want to throw women in jail for saving themselves. You want to deprive women of basic safety measures to escape wife beaters. You used coded language that reflects the 'bitch had it coming' mentality. Others might not see through you, especially if you say, 'But I'm a liberal', as if self-proclaimed liberals can't have blind spots. But by focusing steel-like on your actual ideas instead of your bullshit justifications, I can see right through you."

Just as my disgust and disappointment with Marcotte reaches its peak, some hate-filled lunatic from "our" side goes so over the top that I find myself feeling sympathy for Amanda. On Amanda's blog, "Benjamin" writes:

"Amanda, why are you so angry that you are hideously unattractive? What? Nothing to say about the innocence of the Duke athletes? Well, being a cunt and misinformed suits you well. Edwards was right to fire you. At least now I can support him. Your boyfriend is quite a pathetic man, if you can call him a man. What do you do, cuckhold him? Beat him while he is tied up with a rubber ball in his mouth? Or do you like ass to mouth sex? Just checking."

What a lunatic. For the record, Amanda is not unattractive, it wouldn't matter if she were, and she deserves to have her arguments judged on their merits. I frankly get sick and tired of misogynistic men insulting women's looks simply because they disagree with them.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Being committed to a movement which has not yet come into its prime--the fatherhood movement--I'm sometimes interested in the stories of the unlikely successes of other social movements.

One of the biggest underdog movements in history to succeed, though we don't talk about it much, is the industrial labor movement.

Most of the big industrial unions were built during the 1930s, under conditions which, in retrospect, seem mind-boggling. It was done amid massive unemployment and widespread poverty. Unionists had to face off against unscrupulous, lawless bosses and their violent hired thugs, as well as hostile and sometimes violent police. Workers utilized strikes, sit-downs and other methods to build strong, vibrant labor unions. I think one could fairly say that, given what these men achieved, it is impossible to ever claim that any reasonable movement cannot succeed.

One of the key battles in the rise of the labor movement is the famous Teamsters strike in Minneapolis in 1934 (pictured). There striking workers and their supporters squared off against police and company-hired thugs in what's known as the "Battle of Deputies Run." At the time, truck drivers worked a six day, 60 hour week for less than $75 a month. They had little or no pensions, benefits or workplace safety protections. According to the New Deal Network:

"In Minneapolis and St. Paul, the traditional open shop [anti-union] labor principle was militantly maintained until 1934. Then, in May of that year, Local 574 of the Teamsters' Union ordered a strike and promptly paralyzed the trucking industry in Minneapolis.

"The highlight of the strike was the battle in the market district, where between 20,000 and 30,000 people watched or participated in what became known as the 'Battle of Deputies Run.'

"Pickets, police, and deputized businessmen joined the conflict in which two of the citizens' army were killed and scores of strikers wounded. Complaining that no settlement of the larger issues had been attained, truckers struck again in the following July. This time the killing of two pickets and the wounding of 48 brought martial law. Well organized and supported by several farmers' organizations, the union finally achieved a substantial advantage."

The victory secured Minneapolis as a union town and brought great benefits to working class families. And no, the subsequent degeneration and corruption of the Teamsters does not diminish what the 1934 strikers accomplished.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Online Dating Rights Online Dating Rights opposes the new federal International Marriage Broker Regulation Act, which requires Americans who seek to meet foreigners via the internet to have a criminal background check and an intrusive report about intimate details of one's life BEFORE any communication--the first time in US history that such checks have been required. www.onlinedatingrights.com SAMSONLAW--Divorce Lawyers for Michigan Men & Fathers If you're a Michigan man faced with divorce, you need SAMSONLAW on your side--SAMSONLAW defends men. Smart Advocacy Means Stopping Oppression Now. INeedSamson.com My Sara My Sara--How the Adoption Assistance Agency stole a baby girl away from her loving family and put her up for adoption, for a nice profit. To learn more about this incredible story, go to www.my-sara.com

Dear Mr. Sacks:

I have been a fan of your site and cause for several years now as I am a remarried stepmom of two wonderful teenage girls. Though my husband's work causes us to move around the country (and currently to live in Toronto, Canada), he makes sure he talks to his girls several times a week, emails with them, IM's, visits them in their home state at least twice a year, they visit us at least 4 times a year and most of all, he has ALWAYS paid his child support every month without fail. And he is able to do all of this against some pretty tough battles with his ex-wife. But....he refuses to let his relationship with his children be taken from him.

My husband is also a wonderful stepfather to my 3 teenage children. He attends their school events, their sports meets, pays for their clothes, gives them an allowance...he does everything a true father would do. And why does he do this? First and foremost, because he loves them. But second, because they need him. Their own biological father has abandoned them financially, physically, and emotionally.

At one time, we all lived just outside of Chicago. My ex had asked for only once a month visitation, every other Christmas, his birthday, Father's Day, and the kids on their birthday, every other year. He also asked for two weeks of consecutive visitation to be taken anytime during the year (summer break). He rarely took the once a month visitation, preferring to attend a soccer game and then go back home. He has never had them on Christmas, never had them for summer break, has had them on his birthday and Father's Day a couple of times, and has had only one child, once, on her birthday.

And then.....as if he wasn't uninvolved enough, he and his girlfriend packed up and moved to Mississippi. He quit his $100,000/year job to start his own business (where everything is in the girlfriend's name, including their house, their cars, their bank accounts) and be paid as an independent contractor at the rate of about $25,000/year. He is clearly underpaid for his education and experience, but this way he can avoid paying child support should the enforcement agency ever catch up with him. The last time he exercised his visitation was January 2004 and he hasn't paid support since November 2002.

To make matters even worse is the fact that my 20-year-old, though too old to technically qualify for child support, has been ill and unable to work or attend school for nearly a year. She is under doctors orders to remain at home until fully recovered. And my oldest son has just been checked into an inpatient facility for his emerging mental illness at a cost of $11,000/month. Insurance only covers 25%. But my ex-husband contributes nothing to these costs.

While I live with a man who should never be called a "deadbeat", I also have children whose father can be called nothing but "DEADBEAT." I am all for your cause and read your site regularly, but please remember, there ARE men out there whose face should appear on the Wikipedia page when you search for "deadbeat dad." My ex-husband is one of them.

Regards,
Sheila

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Happily Un-married! Living Together & Loving It! Living together is becoming widely accepted among all ages. Happily Un-married! is the first book to take a serious & non-judgmental look at helping these couples improve the fitness of their relationships. The rate of cohabitation is skyrocketing--10 million couples, 40% of whom have children. Happily Un-married! helps unmarried couples stabilize and strengthen their relationships. www.cohabitating.org Help for Georgia Dads Georgia attorney Edwin M. Saginar has 36 years of experience in family law and criminal defense, including domestic violence. He has seen many spouses falsely accuse their significant others of family violence, and knows how to defend your rights. www.edwinsaginar.com Need Affordable Help with Child Support and Custody Issues? Legal Services Centers of America provides fathers with affordable help in family law matters such as child support and child custody. Based in Colorado, they handle cases throughout the US. Call them at (719) 219-3561or write them at lscalegal@earthlink.net. www.legalservicecentersofamerica.com

"Men, don't argue--you cannot win. You cannot beat a woman in an argument--it's impossible. You will not win. Because men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing, because we have a need to make sense. Women aren't going to let a little thing like sense screw-up their argument."--Chris Rock

Chris Rock has some amusing thoughts on marriage in this comedy clip. He covers money, arguing, how to keep a woman happy, jobs, sex, and other issues. (Warning--much of this monologue is obscene.)

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Alicia M. Crowe's Real Dads Stand Up! Alicia M. Crowe's new book Real Dads Stand Up! explains what every single father should know about child support, rights and custody. Learn how to exercise your legal rights, avoid 'baby mama drama', navigate the child support system, gain and maintain access to your children, and settle issues without going to trial. www.realdadsstandup.com Fathers' Rights Legal Help If you need help with divorce, child custody, child support, alimony and visitation issues, The Law Offices of Jeffery M. Leving, Ltd. is one of the only law firms in the country focused almost exclusively on fathers' rights in divorce. Leving did heroic work on the Elian Gonzalez case, helping reunite Elian with his father. He also co-authored Illinois' Joint Custody Law, and was named one of "America's Best Lawyers" by Forbes Radio. Leving is the author of Fathers' Rights: Hard Hitting and Fair Advice for Every Father Involved in a Custody Dispute. Call today for an initial consultation (312) 807-3990 or visit us on the web at www.dadsrights.com.

Daddy's Bedtime Story #1: Racism and Little Joe Morgan Background: I'm starting a blog-based collection of bedtime stories for children, both stories I've told my kids and stories that other parents (and grandparents) tell their kids. If you've got a good bedtime story, please send it to me for consideration in this collection. The core of these stories will be those I tell my 9-year-old daughter. She's pretty demanding--some weeks I pretty much have to come up with a bedtime story every night, which isn't easy. My daughter is very interested in racism (which she's studied in school), baseball, and daddy's childhood, so many of the stories reflect those. She's only 9, but she enjoys learning about adult issues. Sometimes if I tell her a story she thinks isn't sufficiently adult, she'll say, "C'mon dad, that's just a baby story." The stories I tell are usually just things that I remembered, sometimes recent but often from 20 or 30 years ago. Some of them are stories my father told me when I was a kid.  I write these down as I told them, and they are NOT up to my usual standards of journalistic accuracy--given the limits of human memory, many (if not most) probably have at least one factual error in them, sometimes far more. They are also simplistic. I'm not going back and fixing them to make them more accurate or nuanced--they are here as I told them. If you have a bedtime story you'd like to add to my collection, please send it to me at glenn@glennsacks.com. With your submission, please let me know how you want to be identified, if at all. Racism and Little Joe Morgan One of the things that happens sometimes that's bad is racial profiling. That's when police judge somebody by their race instead of who they are as a person. And sometimes they do bad things to black people because of it. One example is what happened to Joe Morgan. When I was a kid, the best baseball player in all of baseball was Joe Morgan. He was a great second baseman for the Cincinnati Reds, who were the Dodgers' main rival. I was a big Dodger fan as a kid, but the Reds usually beat us. Anyway, one amazing thing about Joe Morgan was that he was so small--only 5'7". No bigger than your big brother or your mother. I remember one time outside your brother's school there was a little kid sitting with a baseball glove sitting all alone, looking very, very sad. I asked him why he wasn't playing with the other boys, and he told me they said he was too small. I told him the story of "Little Joe Morgan"--the small baseball player, the National League Most Valuable Player of 1975 and 1976. Anyway, one time long after Joe's career was over, he flew in on a plane to Los Angeles. He got off the plane and was making a phone call when a cop came up to him, grabbed him from behind, threw him on the floor, and handcuffed him behind his back. Imagine how humiliated he was lying on the floor of the airport with his hands behind his back, all the passengers staring at him. The cops were rather dense--people were coming up to them and telling them that this was Joe Morgan, the famous baseball player, and they still wouldn't let him go. They arrested him because he fit the profile of a black drug dealer they were waiting to arrest. Eventually they let him go. Morgan demanded an apology, and when they didn't give it to him, he sued. He won, and his lawsuit helped limit racial profiling. To discuss this issue on my blog, click here. Help for Los Angeles/Ventura County Dads Certified Family Law Specialist Peter M. Walzer was one of the key figures in our successful legislative struggle to preserve the LaMusga move-away decision. As Chair of the State Bar of California Family Law Section Executive Committee, Walzer lobbied the state legislature to improve California laws on child support and child custody. He's an American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers Fellow who has authored numerous articles on custody issues, business valuation in marital dissolutions and spousal and child support.  www.California-Divorce.com The LaMusga Company The LaMusga Company provides customized solutions to assist individuals and business owners in reaching their financial goals. The LaMusga Company is committed to helping you accomplish your long-term financial objectives. LaMusgaCo.com The Danes Have Some Clever Ideas... Amy Alkon, the Advice Goddess, points out that Denmark has come up with a clever new way to stop people from speeding. I'd describe it, but it's better that you see it yourselves. To watch, click here. The Danes have some clever ideas. I had a Danish college roommate in the mid-80s who told me about a Danish politician who could accurately be described as one of the world's truest Libertarians. He opposed all government spending and taxes. He said Denmark should abolish all government social programs as well as the military, and replace the entire Danish Army with a telephone answering machine that said, "We Surrender" in Russian. Funny guy... To discuss this issue on my blog, click here. Dr. Warren Farrell's Shared Parenting Evidence Kit--What You Need to Win Shared Physical Custody Dr. Warren Farrell, a top expert on children of divorce now offers a complete evidence kit to help you win shared custody.  The DVDs, audio CD and electronic files summarize the best scientific research available collected over decades.  Scientific research has proven that children do far better with near equal time with both parents with minimal conditions.  This video set was developed to educate parents, judges, lawyers, psychologists and other divorce professionals. Most judges are doing exactly what is worst for children with sole-custody.  Submitted as evidence this will maximize your chances. Divorce Reform groups call(508) 381-1450 to use as fundraiser. www.BestInterestofChildren.org   Help for Michigan Dads Michigan family law attorney Mindy L. Hitchcock has experience fighting for noncustodial parents against Michigan's abusive FOC. Her holistic approach to divorce gets results for her clients while avoiding the scorched earth approach to law that leaves families emotionally and financially devastated. Lady4Justice.com

More on Frivolous Domestic Violence Prosecutions Background: Since the mid-90s, many states have adopted aggressive arrest procedures on domestic violence calls. Police officers are often encouraged to make arrests in petty incidents, often where the abuse is mutual or it is unclear who the aggressor was. They also are under political pressure to arrest men, not women. Moreover, many prosecutors follow "No Drop" policies in domestic violence cases, pursuing marginal cases which ordinarily would be dropped for lack of evidence. To learn more, see my co-authored column Texas bill to create domestic violence offender registry will harm innocent men (Austin American-Statesman, 4/11/07) or click here or here. In a letter to the Marin Independent Journal ("Exploiting Marin jurors," 6/28/07), Suzanne Gassner Weatherford, a Marin, California juror, blasted "politically correct" prosecutors for wasting jurors' time with a ludicrous, politically motivated, evidence-free domestic violence prosecution. She wrote: "It is an injustice to our justice system to bring frivolous criminal prosecutions to the courtroom. Last week, I spent three days as a juror in a case in which it seemed obvious early on that no conviction could possibly result. "A woman had called 911 complaining her fiance had been drinking and pushed her onto their bed. The defendant claimed he held her arms to keep her from hitting him with a phone. The next day, the woman phoned police and the district attorney's office asking that her fiance not be prosecuted. She stated that she had overreacted, and that she would do anything she could to stop the prosecution. True to her word, she came to court with an attorney and refused to answer any questions, claiming that to do so would be self-incriminating. Nonetheless, the case proceeded. "The only other witness the prosecution had was a policeman who had heard the woman's original complaint. Part of his testimony was contradicted by facts that could be ascertained from the 911 recording. To convict required the jury to find that there was no reasonable doubt that the man had pushed the woman onto their bed. Ten of the jurors heard the woman's call as a manipulative expression of anger. Two jurors agreed with the prosecutor that they heard fear in her voice. The outcome of the case rested on this subjective factor. In the jury room, some of us speculated about why this case had ever been brought to court." John Hamel, LCSW, of the National Family Violence Legislative Resource Center, wrote a response to the paper, in which he criticizes mandatory arrest policies: Domestic violence problems I am a licensed clinical social worker who has, since 1992, led and supervised batterer intervention programs in three Bay Area counties (including Marin) for individuals convicted of domestic violence. My clients have included numerous offenders, male and female, who had engaged in serious, repeat violence, both physical and emotional, upon their victims. However, other clients have engaged in far less serious abuse. In many cases, they were merely defending themselves or retaliating following a physical attack upon them. In my experience, the domestic violence case that Suzanne Weatherford discussed in her letter (IJ, June 30, "Exploiting Marin jurors") is not at all unusual. Domestic violence is a serious social problem, and a large body of research evidence has demonstrated the positive effects of arrest, perpetrator treatment and victim services in reducing domestic violence in our cities. However, a number of researchers, including such respected national figures as Eve Buzawa and Linda Mills, have questioned the value of mandatory arrest policies such as those in effect in California. Under these policies, too many individuals are arrested, even against the wishes of their partners, and compelled to attend batterer treatment when alternatives, such as diversion, family counseling or restorative justice, would have been far more appropriate. The time has come for all of us involved in the prevention and treatment of domestic violence to re-examine our policies. We can protect victims without adversely harming families. It can be done. John Hamel, San Rafael To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.   The Diary of a Patient Man--How a Male DV Victim Fought the System and Fought for His Child William Stoneking's The Diary of a Patient Man is the compelling and inspirational true story of a father's fight for his child against a violent ex-wife and a biased court system that tried to drive him away. Get it online or order your copy here. Are you or someone you love being abused? The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women provides crisis intervention and support services to victims of domestic violence and their families in order to help survivors recover from the trauma of domestic violence. Contact them by clicking here. The Sacrifices Men Make to Support Their Families--Bruce Springsteen's 'Factory' (Video) Bruce Springsteen says he wrote the song "Factory" for his father, a New Jersey factory worker. Many of Springsteen's songs chronicle the ways his father and other working class men struggle to support their families. Springsteen originally performed the song as a piano ballad on his 1978 album Darkness at the Edge of Town, but performs it here almost as a Country Western song. He's accompanied by the Seeger Sessions Band. Springsteen sings: "Early in the morning factory whistle blows, Man rises from bed and puts on his clothes, Man takes his lunch, walks out in the morning light, It's the working, the working, just the working life. "Through the mansions of fear, through the mansions of pain, I see my daddy walking through them factory gates in the rain, Factory takes his hearing, factory gives him life, The working, the working, just the working life." To watch the video, click here or see below. To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Are You the Target of Parental Alienation? Parental alienation cases are among the most difficult and complicated in family law. J. Michael Bone, Ph.D., is an expert on parental alienation. If you're a target parent, he can help you get back into your children's lives. Bone has worked as a custody evaluator and as a therapist and knows how to help the court find the truth. His services are available throughout the U.S. Dr. Bone can be reached by phone at (407) 645-0662 or by email by clicking here. www.jmbconsulting.org     Help for Colorado Dads As someone who has personally experienced the heartbreak of divorce and family breakup, Brett W. Martin, Esq. works to advance the interests and concerns of fathers in domestic and family law litigation. Personal attention is given to clients to help them through a very difficult time in their lives. www.brettwmartin.com

Ned Holstein of Fathers & Families first pointed out the "Man Mom" advertising campaign to me. The campaign is for Combos Snacks, and is another example of the common TV theme of men as irresponsible, uncaring parents.

In the ads, whatever the problem (illness, stress, whatever) the only solution the male parent can come up with is Combos Snacks--"What your mom would feed you if your mom were a man."

To watch the ad, click here.

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.
 

My Family Has Two Houses...and I'm Okay A workshop for children of separation or divorce in a workbook! In the privacy of your own home, you can provide your child with a safe way of looking at their thoughts and feelings and help to open discussion of relevant issues for them with you. This workbook can make the difference between your child surviving your divorce and thriving despite it! To learn more about My family has two houses ...and I'm Okay! and to order, click here. How to Win Shared Custody Here are the litigation secrets to winning shared physical & legal custody from Boston trial lawyer  Nick Palermo, Esquire  who has won these cases for 24 years.  It costs $5,000. or more in legal fees to gain the knowledge and guidance contained in this $10 handbook--The Ten Essential Elements to Winning Joint Shared Physical and Legal Custody. www.TenEssentialElements.com Think of Your Light Switch as an ATM Machine Wouldn't you like to get paid every time you turn on the power?  Find out how you can get paid on thousands of electric bills each month at www.jjsparks.igniteinc.biz

During my youth, Jim Palmer (pictured) was pretty much the best pitcher in baseball, with the possible exception of Tom Seaver. He was usually the first starting pitcher we'd draft whenever I played Strat-O-Matic table baseball with my friends. From 1970 to 1978, Palmer went 176-97, and was voted into the Hall of Fame in 1990.

Soon after Palmer was born he had been adopted by Moe and Polly Wiesen. Moe died when he was nine, and the following year his mother married Max Palmer. Jim Palmer tells the following story about his dad in his autobiography, Palmer and Weaver:

"My father loves to tell this story. It was the Little League banquet in California. When it came time to announce the awards that night, I was going to get three trophies, one for the championship we'd won, one for the batting title, and one for the homerun leader.

"But I wasn't Jim Palmer, I was still Jim Wiesen. My mom had married Max Palmer but I had kept my name. Until that night. I asked the coaches who handed out the awards to announce me by what I decided was my  new name, 'James Alvin Palmer.'

"On his 87th birthday, Max said, 'Through all these years, that night was the highlight of my life.'

"[Eighteen years later] that was the name that went on my first Cy Young Award. Palmer. My dad Max loved it."

To discuss this issue on my blog, click here.

Help for Los Angeles/Orange County Dads--Because They're Your Kids, Too If you're a dad facing a divorce or separation and you need quality legal representation in Los Angeles or Orange County, the Law Office of David Stone can help. Remember, they're your kids, too. www.help4dad.com Parental-Alienation-Awareness.com Stop Parental Alienation--a terrible form of Child Abuse. Eight states have now officially recognized Parental Alienation Awareness Day. To learn more, go to Parental-Alienation-Awareness.com.

Background: The California Judicial Council's Domestic Violence Practice and Procedures Task Force invited comments on its Draft Guidelines and Recommended Practices for Improving the Administration of Justice in Domestic Violence Cases. There's a big problem with the Draft Guidelines--they don't deal with the false allegations issue.

In June, I urged my readers to write to the Task Force and urge them to consider the massive problem false allegations represent in their report. Several hundred of you wrote letters. I have asked for and received permission from several of those who wrote the Task Force to include their letters in my blog. All letters are published anonymously. To learn more, see my original call to action Act Now: Major New Report on Domestic Violence, Family Law, Restraining Orders Doesn't Even Mention False Allegations! or click here.

From "Don," a reader:

"Dear Task Force:

Five years ago, I was dating a woman. At the time we had been seeing each other for a couple of years. She had turned 38, and I noticed a big change in her but wasn't really interested in talking with her about it. She had stopped taking birth control pills, became pregnant, and had our child. She immediately began a full blown attempt to destroy me, and stated that I would never see our child.
 
"A series of Family Court dates began to follow where one false allegation followed another. At this time, I think I have been to court 24 or 25 times. I was able to demonstrate to the court each time that the allegations were in fact, not legitimate. At the hearing before last, Judge Angela Jewell stated to the mother that she was concerned about the lack of support of the mother for our daughter's relationship with me.
 
"Later, the allegations turned into those of a sexual nature, and now I'm facing a trial, with the only evidence being a statement my daughter made, to a therapist, hired by the mother.
 
"If the family court system would have one time punished the other party for false allegations, maybe my business,