Top Stories |
New Column: ‘McNair Was a Victim of Domestic Violence’
 Ned Holstein, MD and I co-authored pieces on the Steve McNair domestic violence murder for the Baltimore Sun and the Washington Times this week.
 To write a letter to the Editor of the Washington Times concerning A domestic violence victim (Washington Times, 7/14/09), click here. To comment on the piece, click here.
To write a letter to the Editor of the Baltimore Sun concerning The violence we ignore (Baltimore Sun, 7/16/09), click here. To comment on the piece, click here.
McNair Was a Victim of Domestic Violence
By Ned Holstein, MD & Glenn Sacks, MA
Police recently concluded that former NFL star Steve McNair was shot dead in his sleep by girlfriend Sahel Kazemi in a murder-suicide. Yet while there are over 10,000 media entries on Google News for “Steve McNair,” only a few of them even mention the phrase “domestic violence.”
Violence by women against their male partners is often ignored or not recognized as domestic violence. Law enforcement, the judicial system, the media, and the DV establishment are still stuck in the outdated “man as perpetrator/woman as victim” conception of DV. Yet over 200 studies have found that women initiate at least as much violence against their male partners as vice versa. Men comprise about a third of domestic violence injuries and deaths. Research shows that women often compensate for their lack of physical strength by employing weapons and the element of surprise—just as Kazemi did...
There are solutions to protect all parties affected by domestic violence. For one, just as we’ve properly stigmatized men who hit women, we need to encourage women not to attack their men. Deborah Capaldi, Ph.D believes the best way for women to be safe is to not initiate violence against their male partners, adding “The question of initiation of violence is a crucial one… much DV is mutual, and initiations — even that seem minor — may lead to escalation.” Dr. Capaldi’s research found that a young woman’s DV was just as predictive of her male partner’s future DV as the man’s own past DV.
Second, when safe, the DV system needs to treat violent couples as violent couples, instead of shoe-horning them into the “man as perp/woman as victim” model. Counseling services for violent couples are rare. DV author and authority Lonnie R. Hazelwood says that the misguided DV establishment “has been very effective in passing laws to prohibit couples counseling and eliminate programs which use gender-inclusive strategies.”
Third, establish services and help for male DV victims. Denise Hines, Ph.D. of Clark University found that when an abused man calls the police, the police were more likely to arrest him than to arrest his abusive female partner. This is partly the result of primary aggressor laws, which encourage police to discount who initiated and committed the violence, but instead look at other factors which make them more likely to arrest men. When the men in Hines’ study tried calling DV hotlines, 64% were told that they only helped women, and over half were referred to programs for male DV perpetrators.
Fourth, work to ensure that male DV victims will not lose their children in child custody proceedings. Dr. Hines found that the biggest reason male DV victims hesitate to leave their wives/girlfriends is concern for their children. If they leave, their children are left unprotected in the hands of a violent mother. If they take their children, when they’re found, the children will be taken away and given to the mother. Moreover, the men would probably lose custody of their children in the divorce/custody proceeding anyway, again leaving their children in harm’s way.
Perhaps none of these policies would have saved Steve McNair. But domestic violence by women isn’t rare, it isn’t trivial, and ignoring it harms couples and their children.
Does This Celebrity Divorce Indicate an Important Cultural Shift?
 Does the Kaczmarek-Whitford divorce indicate an important cultural shift?
I’ve always believed that the best custody battle is the one you don’t have. Changing our culture to support 50-50 post-divorce parenting and condemn women (and men) who claim sole custody of kids is one of the best ways to create a society where parenting is shared after divorce or separation. It’s one of the reasons I’ve written so many newspaper columns and done so much radio/TV on this issue.
A recent article supports the idea that the culture war shared parenting advocates have waged in favor of shared parenting is having some effect. From the San Francisco Chronicle (7/15/09):
Former “Malcolm in the Middle” star Jane Kaczmarek has blasted rumors she’s fighting for full custody of her kids with her estranged husband, former “West Wing” actor Bradley Whitford.
After the couple ended its 16-year marriage earlier this year, it was reported the 53-year-old actress wanted their three children to live with her full time.
The gossip prompted Kaczmarek to speak out and insist the break-up was amicable and custody will be split 50-50.
Her lawyer tells Us Weekly magazine, “We’re gearing towards a 50-50 time share with the children. I don’t anticipate any fighting.”
Get it? Kaczmarek (pictured) evidently believes that people will think poorly of her if she claims sole custody and refuses to parent 50-50. And if that’s the case, it’s good news.
|
|
| Join Fathers & Families |
 Fathers and Families is a family court reform organization with a comprehensive strategy, an impressive history of fundraising success, and the largest reach of any advocacy group of its kind:
|
|
|
Fathers & Families in the News
|
|
Action Alert |
Action Alert—Pro-Father Advice Columnist Needs Our Help
Short version: Click here. Yes. that’s all–just click here.
Longer version: Nationally-syndicated advice columnist Amy Alkon has often gone to bat for fathers in her columns, and has supported many of our protest campaigns. In her advice column she often defends men and fathers.
Alkon was in danger of having her column dropped from the Orange County Register [a Top 25 newspaper] earlier this year. Fathers & Families did Action Alerts urging our supporters to write in support of Alkon’s column, and Alkon credited us with helping to save her column.
Now Amy needs our help again. Please help by checking out her column every week by clicking here. |
|
|
 |
I was blessed to have a wonderful father. My dad made it look so easy. He was wise, he was kind, he was patient, and he was always there for me. It wasn't until I was a father that I realized that what he made look so easy was actually quite a labor of love.
--Tony Dungy, the first African-American head coach to win the Super Bowl |
 |
|
|
|
Author Jill Brooke helped craft a CBS Early Show segment and wrote an article on the issue of fathering after divorce. Two Fathers & Families supporters and I are 
quoted in the article. I helped Brooke with some research and briefly appeared in the CBS segment.
Fathers and Families‘ Ned Holstein, MD discussed the murder of former NFL star Steve McNair at the hands of his 20-year-old girlfriend on the BJ Shea Morning Experience on 99.9 KISW in Seattle (7/16/09). To listen to the audio of his appearance, click