American fathers get a bad rap. Unfairly stereotyped by critics
left and right, male and female, at best the American father is
generally portrayed as a second class parent. Worse still are
the common images of fathers as deadbeats, philanderers, and
abusers. However, research indicates that the overwhelming
majority of American fathers are none of these.
Bad Rap #1: Men often desert their wives and children.
Actually, two-thirds or more of all divorces involving couples
with children are initiated by mothers, not fathers.
A
randomized study of 46,000 divorce cases published in the
American Journal of Law and Economics found that in only 6% of
cases women claimed to be divorcing abusive husbands, and that
adultery was cited by women as a cause of divorce only slightly
more than by men. Surveys of divorced couples show that the
reasons for their divorces are generally a lack of closeness or
of "not feeling loved and appreciated." It is usually women, not
men, who are abandoning their spouses.
Bad Rap #2: Many, if not most, divorced and unwed fathers are
"deadbeat dads."
Studies show that the overwhelming majority of steadily employed
divorced fathers pay their child support. According to a US
Government Accounting Office report, two-thirds of those fathers
who do not pay their child support fail to do so because they
are financially unable to do so, a figure verified by single
mothers' explanations of why their exes were not paying child
support. Most "dead beat dads" are either poor, unemployed,
disabled, or in prison. Overall, 75% of the nearly $15 billion
in child support owed annually is paid.
Bad Rap #3 Men, but not women, are often unfaithful to their
spouses.
This popular misconception is belied by a large body research,
including the 1990 Kinsey Institute of Sex Research report, the
work of psychologist Anthony Thompson and licensed clinical
social worker Paul Wulkan, and researchers such as Shirley
Glass, Thomas Wright, Gilbert Nass, Roger Libby, and M. P.
Fisher. This research estimates that for every five unfaithful
husbands, there are four unfaithful wives.
Bad Rap #4 Almost all domestic violence and murder of spouses
and intimates is committed by men.
Domestic violence research overwhelmingly shows that women are
just as likely as men to initiate and engage in domestic
violence, and that only a small percentage of women's domestic
violence is committed in self-defense. Studies show that women
often compensate for their smaller size by their significantly
greater use of weapons and the element of surprise.
Official Department of Justice statistics show that men commit
70% of all murder of intimates. However, when other factors are
accounted for, including unsolved murders, poisonings mistakenly
classified as heart attacks, and contract killings classified as
"multiple offender killings," women have been shown to be at
least as likely as men to murder their current or former spouses
or intimates.
Bad Rap #5 Most child abuse is committed by abusive fathers.
According to the U.S. Department of Justice, nearly two-thirds
of confirmed cases of child abuse and of parental murders of
children are committed by mothers, not fathers. A 1999 report by
the US Department of Health and Human Services revealed that,
adjusting for the greater number of single mothers, a child is
five times more likely to be murdered by a single mother than by
a single father, and that children are 88% more likely to be
seriously injured from abuse or neglect by their mothers than by
their fathers.
Bad #6 Men don't do their share in the household, thus saddling
mothers with a "second shift" of household labor.
For three decades independent studies, including the study
released this spring by the University of Michigan Institute for
Social Research (ISR), have shown that men do their share of
household labor.
The ISR study shows that women do an average of 27 hours of
housework a week, compared to 16 hours a week for men. Balanced
against this, however, is the study's less-publicized finding
that the average man spends 14 hours a week more on the job than
the average woman. Thus men's overall contribution to the
household is actually slightly higher than women's. In addition,
working class men often do physically strenuous and dangerous
jobs--a factor the survey does not consider.
The unfair stereotypes American fathers endure are more than an
annoyance. They have had real and damaging consequences, such
as the discrimination fathers often face in child custody
matters. While there are bad apples in any group, the average
American father does right by his children, and deserves to be
spoken of accordingly.
